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BadTurkey
Guest
Is this a reasonable thing to expect? I’m of two minds about it. I see where they’re coming from, but I don’t want to exclude someone based just on that.
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BuffaloNickels
Guest
Maybe I’m just old fashioned, but WHY does a woman need a college education to be a good wife, mother, housekeeper, companion, mate, etc… ? You say you can see where they are coming from, could you tell ME where they’re coming from?
I’m a little smart alecky though, I’d probably have told them Mary didn’t have a college education. LOL
I’m a little smart alecky though, I’d probably have told them Mary didn’t have a college education. LOL
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rayne89
Guest
How old are you? I’m assuming you are at least 18. While you can certainly take your parents advice under consideration unless this is something you feel is important to you, then I wouldn’t exclude women who do not have a degree from your choices.
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Em_in_FL
Guest
I’d ask the real reason why they’ve given you this advice. Maybe the motivation is to protect you (at some level) from something that could potentially be a burden to your life.
If that’s the case, you could argue that a college degree doesn’t always filter that or create independence. Yes, those with college degrees *normally *have the ability to independently care for themselves, make wise decisions, have the capacity to make intelligent decisions, etc, etc… but I’ve seen plenty of people without higher educations who have had those qualities, as well as plenty of college graduates who have none of those qualities… so a college education is just not a good filter.
Filters always let in some noise.
Ask the *motivation *for their advice… and pursue that.
If that’s the case, you could argue that a college degree doesn’t always filter that or create independence. Yes, those with college degrees *normally *have the ability to independently care for themselves, make wise decisions, have the capacity to make intelligent decisions, etc, etc… but I’ve seen plenty of people without higher educations who have had those qualities, as well as plenty of college graduates who have none of those qualities… so a college education is just not a good filter.
Filters always let in some noise.
Ask the *motivation *for their advice… and pursue that.
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Liberanosamalo
Guest
As the mother of daughters, I want them to have college degrees. I’ve seen too many women abandoned/widowed/divorced who would have been able to earn more money to take care of children if they have a degree.
The ability to also attend classes responsibly for 4 years and fulfill requirements, think, write papers, take tests, show up where you’re supposed to be and the things you learn in college also help.
It does separate out people with more focus and more ambition and self discipline. And it can make a huge difference (exceptions prove the rule) in earning power.
Yes, there are people who graduate from high school with those abilities. But again, your parents seem to be very forward looking and you need to give them credit for that.
Now, your choice, if you find that wonderful woman with no degree who is mature, balanced and faith filled and organized and responsible (and has no degree through no fault of her own, missed opportunities, rebellion, laziness, irresponsibility, etc.) is to maybe marry her and as a great act of love on your part, help her attend classes and fund her degree after marriage. There’s always that option.
So that if something happened to you, she would have more to fall back on than a GED or high school diploma when competing in a very difficult job market.
After all, she would be trying to feed your children.
Your parents sound like very practical people. You really can’t live on love these days.
(Yeah, all you people who live in big houses with high school diplomas and your wives never went to college and you’re happy as clams… I know you’re out there. But I’m just saying… yes, I know there also are people with doctorates who are miserable. But in the long run, there is a lot of difference in the education level of a high school graduate and a college graduate. Long ago our high schools taught what they now learn in colleges in some places. I’ve seen my grandmother’s high school history book from 1919 and it puts our modern ones to shame. Having said that… statistics also matter. And statistically having no college degree is a stumbling block in many places.)
The ability to also attend classes responsibly for 4 years and fulfill requirements, think, write papers, take tests, show up where you’re supposed to be and the things you learn in college also help.
It does separate out people with more focus and more ambition and self discipline. And it can make a huge difference (exceptions prove the rule) in earning power.
Yes, there are people who graduate from high school with those abilities. But again, your parents seem to be very forward looking and you need to give them credit for that.
Now, your choice, if you find that wonderful woman with no degree who is mature, balanced and faith filled and organized and responsible (and has no degree through no fault of her own, missed opportunities, rebellion, laziness, irresponsibility, etc.) is to maybe marry her and as a great act of love on your part, help her attend classes and fund her degree after marriage. There’s always that option.
So that if something happened to you, she would have more to fall back on than a GED or high school diploma when competing in a very difficult job market.
After all, she would be trying to feed your children.
Your parents sound like very practical people. You really can’t live on love these days.
(Yeah, all you people who live in big houses with high school diplomas and your wives never went to college and you’re happy as clams… I know you’re out there. But I’m just saying… yes, I know there also are people with doctorates who are miserable. But in the long run, there is a lot of difference in the education level of a high school graduate and a college graduate. Long ago our high schools taught what they now learn in colleges in some places. I’ve seen my grandmother’s high school history book from 1919 and it puts our modern ones to shame. Having said that… statistics also matter. And statistically having no college degree is a stumbling block in many places.)
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MercyMia
Guest
Sounds a bit stuck up if you ask me (I have a college degree, so this is not bitterness or anything talking). If she loves you, and loves God - she has all the knowledge she needs to be a good wife. Besides, what if you fall in love with a billionaire entrepreneur who forewent college to start her own business? Would your parents not find her worthy?
Obviously if a woman has no ambition of her own is just looking to jump on some guy’s back like a flea and be carried through life, that is not a good catch. But even some women with an education see life that way. It comes down to character, not education level.
BTW - Why are your parents making decisions on your dating life? I would put an end to it before they nitpick your girlfriend/fiance/wife until she runs away. I have see it happen. Take the apron strings and say le snip!
Obviously if a woman has no ambition of her own is just looking to jump on some guy’s back like a flea and be carried through life, that is not a good catch. But even some women with an education see life that way. It comes down to character, not education level.
BTW - Why are your parents making decisions on your dating life? I would put an end to it before they nitpick your girlfriend/fiance/wife until she runs away. I have see it happen. Take the apron strings and say le snip!
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BuffaloNickels
Guest
A heafty life insurance policy would acheive the same goal though. My husband has a large enough policy that I could stay home with my children until they are all in school themselves, THEN pay for me to finish my education.
A college degree won’t be worth the paper it’s written on if she doesn’t use it for 20 years while staying home with her children and tending to the family & home.
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Liberanosamalo
Guest
I think his parents have every right to advise their son on his dating life. He said they want him to do that. He didn’t say they chose his girlfriends.
At this stage in life there is the tendency to think that 19 years or so one has learned everything they need to know and people who are twice as old know nothing. Just because someone is 18 doesn’t mean their parents still don’t have a responsibility to impart values to them. Educational values are important too. And maybe they also don’t want someone raising their grandchildren who put little value on a higher education.
The days are over when young women were expected to be married by 20 or they were an old maid. And while to some it may sound snobbish… I live in a state with a lot of people who don’t have college degrees. And it DOES have consequences. For the whole family. And that attitude trickles down to children. And you having a degree and your wife not could lead to an imbalance in the relationship in years to come.
If that appeals to you, you may want to reexamine what kind of person you are.
And quite frankly, a young woman who really loved God would want to use all His gifts to her to their highest potential. She statistically will live till about 88. Why would anyone want to stop their education at 18 and think to coast the next 70 years on what they ignored/slept through, avoided during high school. (Admit it… not all of us were as diligent in learning as we could be in high school. How much of your high school Algebra do you remember now? The brain you learn with in college is much different than the one you learn with in high school. You absorb nuances and information differently. You can take the same history class at 17 and again at 21 and come away with completely different knowlege.)
Please, want the best for yourself, your future wife and your future family. If the woman you are madly in love with doesn’t have a college degree, then see to it she gets one. The sooner the better. It’s really hard to go back to school and do all that when you have kids’ dance recitals, soccer games and PTA functions to attend and Johnny needs help on long division and YOU have homework. I’ve seen too many women in their 30s go back and have to spend MORE time and MORE money to get the degree they wish they had gotten 12 years before.
At this stage in life there is the tendency to think that 19 years or so one has learned everything they need to know and people who are twice as old know nothing. Just because someone is 18 doesn’t mean their parents still don’t have a responsibility to impart values to them. Educational values are important too. And maybe they also don’t want someone raising their grandchildren who put little value on a higher education.
The days are over when young women were expected to be married by 20 or they were an old maid. And while to some it may sound snobbish… I live in a state with a lot of people who don’t have college degrees. And it DOES have consequences. For the whole family. And that attitude trickles down to children. And you having a degree and your wife not could lead to an imbalance in the relationship in years to come.
If that appeals to you, you may want to reexamine what kind of person you are.
And quite frankly, a young woman who really loved God would want to use all His gifts to her to their highest potential. She statistically will live till about 88. Why would anyone want to stop their education at 18 and think to coast the next 70 years on what they ignored/slept through, avoided during high school. (Admit it… not all of us were as diligent in learning as we could be in high school. How much of your high school Algebra do you remember now? The brain you learn with in college is much different than the one you learn with in high school. You absorb nuances and information differently. You can take the same history class at 17 and again at 21 and come away with completely different knowlege.)
Please, want the best for yourself, your future wife and your future family. If the woman you are madly in love with doesn’t have a college degree, then see to it she gets one. The sooner the better. It’s really hard to go back to school and do all that when you have kids’ dance recitals, soccer games and PTA functions to attend and Johnny needs help on long division and YOU have homework. I’ve seen too many women in their 30s go back and have to spend MORE time and MORE money to get the degree they wish they had gotten 12 years before.
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Liberanosamalo
Guest
Unless it’s in a technical field that changes every few years, I completely disagree with this.
Many employers give recognition to what it takes to raise children for 20 years. Given that and two applicants, one with a GED and one with a 20-year-old college degree, which one would YOU hire, all else being equal?
And yes, you DO use that degree. Because everything you observe and see and read is built on top of that educational foundation you received in college. It DOES matter.
One course I took as part of my degree in college was about the structure and foundation of the English language. What I learned in that course in college enabled me to do speech theraphy at home and correct a rather pronounced speech defect in one of my children while she was young enough that it didn’t stigmatize her. I was later able to use the same techniques on a niece/nephew.
College is good. Don’t underestimate the benefits it can bring to a family. And as the teacher of your children… would you put them in a school where all the teachers had high school diplomas and that was it?
Wouldn’t you rather the woman educating your children in their young years have the benefits of education you would insist on in teachers in the school?
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shannyk
Guest
Liberanos as much as I see where you’re coming from (widowed single mom here and glad for my education) it’s not so much a question as why should the woman get a degree, but why should his parents require that he ONLY date women with degrees.
I have a bachelors and masters degree now, but i did not have those before I was married or even before I had my first child. I’m very fortunate to have those because it does enable me to care for my family. However, if you’re going to go so far as to say women should have degrees for this reason, you’d better go one step further and specify what type of degree, because not every degree is a job ticket. Many types of degrees are all but useless without either advanced degrees to boot and/or years of job experience. I have nursing degrees so I’m in demand, but with say a business degree, education degree or poli sci degree, you’re going to be one of zillions who despite degrees don’t have any real skills.
There is also the aspect of the financial burden of higher education, and on a single mom that is considerable. I will be paying loans for another 5 years, and I’m 33 yrs old.
Honestly it sounds more like these parents are thinking about saving their son’s erm…rear…should he end up divorced etc. (I"m guessing) Better that they should be worried about him having a good Catholic marriage.
OP, I would ask your parents motivation behind this requirement of theirs. Assuming you are old enough to date and marry, their advice is just that, advice. Take it or leave it. Parents do have some wisdom though, occasionally.
I have a bachelors and masters degree now, but i did not have those before I was married or even before I had my first child. I’m very fortunate to have those because it does enable me to care for my family. However, if you’re going to go so far as to say women should have degrees for this reason, you’d better go one step further and specify what type of degree, because not every degree is a job ticket. Many types of degrees are all but useless without either advanced degrees to boot and/or years of job experience. I have nursing degrees so I’m in demand, but with say a business degree, education degree or poli sci degree, you’re going to be one of zillions who despite degrees don’t have any real skills.
There is also the aspect of the financial burden of higher education, and on a single mom that is considerable. I will be paying loans for another 5 years, and I’m 33 yrs old.
Honestly it sounds more like these parents are thinking about saving their son’s erm…rear…should he end up divorced etc. (I"m guessing) Better that they should be worried about him having a good Catholic marriage.
OP, I would ask your parents motivation behind this requirement of theirs. Assuming you are old enough to date and marry, their advice is just that, advice. Take it or leave it. Parents do have some wisdom though, occasionally
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BuffaloNickels
Guest
I just don’t see the value in spending tens of thousands of dollars on an education that you don’t plan to use. Mothers should be the primary caregivers of their children. Statistics prove time and time again that children thrive better when cared for by their mothers vs daycare settings.
If a woman has the heart to be a mother and wife foremost, I don’t find it prudent to spend her parent’s or husband’s hard earned money for an education that will be outdated by time she’s ready to enter the work force. Even if a couple only has 4 children, averaged 2 years apart, and she doesn’t go back to work until the youngest is in kindergarten… that’s 11-12 years.
Choosing to postpone her education until she’s ready to use it, is prudent, not blasphemy. And if there is an “unbalance” in the marriage because one spouse has an education, and the other doesn’t that’s just a shame. My husband has a degree, has worked for the gov’t for 25 years, and gone more places, and done more things that I can ever dream of doing. But our marriage is not “unbalanced” our marriage is pure bliss. I don’t think I could be any happier.
I LIKE taking charge of the house, the children, the meals, the shopping. If I didn’t do what I do, my husband could not do the things he does. It’s a partnership. And while we do different things, the see saw of life is still balanced.
I think the real shame in life is the people who treat women like limbuciles because they don’t have a diploma. I have plenty of knowledge. I know how many rows of carrots, tomatoes, peas, beans, potatoes, strawberries, squash, peppers, broccoli, cauliflower I need to plant each year in order to feed my family through the winter.
I know how to prune and tend the trees and grape vines in our orchard. I know how to tend the chickens, milk the cows and goats. I know how to slaughter and pluck the chickens when they no longer lay. I know how to make cheese and soap from the milk we get.
I know how to pull a stuck calf or kid.
I know how to preserve all that food either by canning, freezing, or drying.
I know how to sew and mend clothing, how to clean, how to budget. I know how to be frugal with the money my husband brings into the home.
But I didn’t learn a LICK of that from any college! Some I learned from my grandmother, who also did not have a college education. Most I learned by asking people who already did, or doing my own reserach in the public library. I didn’t have to pay $150 for a textbook and $900 for a class to have the teacher tell me how to go to the library and look up the information myself.
To the OP, you must decide what you want in a spouse, and then YOU must decide what qualifications a woman must have in order to meet your expectations. If YOU want a wife who helps bring hoe the bacon, they yes, a college education WOULD be a good quality when looking for a potential spouse. But that’s something YOU need to pray about and think about, not your parents. Parents can give you good ideas, tell you what they’ve learned from experience. Must you must take to heart what it is that YOU really want in life. If your parents are doctors or lawyers and live in an itty bitty condo in NYC, they wouldn’t be the ones to best direct you on how to choose a spouse who knows how to take care of the family farm
If a woman has the heart to be a mother and wife foremost, I don’t find it prudent to spend her parent’s or husband’s hard earned money for an education that will be outdated by time she’s ready to enter the work force. Even if a couple only has 4 children, averaged 2 years apart, and she doesn’t go back to work until the youngest is in kindergarten… that’s 11-12 years.
Choosing to postpone her education until she’s ready to use it, is prudent, not blasphemy. And if there is an “unbalance” in the marriage because one spouse has an education, and the other doesn’t that’s just a shame. My husband has a degree, has worked for the gov’t for 25 years, and gone more places, and done more things that I can ever dream of doing. But our marriage is not “unbalanced” our marriage is pure bliss. I don’t think I could be any happier.
I LIKE taking charge of the house, the children, the meals, the shopping. If I didn’t do what I do, my husband could not do the things he does. It’s a partnership. And while we do different things, the see saw of life is still balanced.
I think the real shame in life is the people who treat women like limbuciles because they don’t have a diploma. I have plenty of knowledge. I know how many rows of carrots, tomatoes, peas, beans, potatoes, strawberries, squash, peppers, broccoli, cauliflower I need to plant each year in order to feed my family through the winter.
I know how to prune and tend the trees and grape vines in our orchard. I know how to tend the chickens, milk the cows and goats. I know how to slaughter and pluck the chickens when they no longer lay. I know how to make cheese and soap from the milk we get.
I know how to pull a stuck calf or kid.
I know how to preserve all that food either by canning, freezing, or drying.
I know how to sew and mend clothing, how to clean, how to budget. I know how to be frugal with the money my husband brings into the home.
But I didn’t learn a LICK of that from any college! Some I learned from my grandmother, who also did not have a college education. Most I learned by asking people who already did, or doing my own reserach in the public library. I didn’t have to pay $150 for a textbook and $900 for a class to have the teacher tell me how to go to the library and look up the information myself.
To the OP, you must decide what you want in a spouse, and then YOU must decide what qualifications a woman must have in order to meet your expectations. If YOU want a wife who helps bring hoe the bacon, they yes, a college education WOULD be a good quality when looking for a potential spouse. But that’s something YOU need to pray about and think about, not your parents. Parents can give you good ideas, tell you what they’ve learned from experience. Must you must take to heart what it is that YOU really want in life. If your parents are doctors or lawyers and live in an itty bitty condo in NYC, they wouldn’t be the ones to best direct you on how to choose a spouse who knows how to take care of the family farm
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whatevergirl
Guest
*I echo the others…what’s the motivation behind your parents wishing you to date women that have degrees? I don’t believe a woman with a degree causes her to be a better ‘catch,’ than a woman without one…but that said…
A college education is never a waste, in my opinion, for either gender. Doesn’t matter if the wife stays home raising the kids…and never works. To me, a degree is never a waste of time or money. *
A college education is never a waste, in my opinion, for either gender. Doesn’t matter if the wife stays home raising the kids…and never works. To me, a degree is never a waste of time or money. *
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BuffaloNickels
Guest
I AM the educator of my children, and I do NOT have a college education. I know how to go out and find the information I need in life, I don’t have to pay someone else to feed it to me. I got absolutely NOTHING out of my two years in college that I couldn’t have learned on my own outside of a college setting.
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Rascalking
Guest
Your right. I have a BA and am looking at getting either a Masters or going to Law School. Virtually all the rubbish I learned for my BA could have been attained by two years of reading the same books.
I’d tell you parents that you’ll date women who you are interested in, regardless of their education level, thank you.
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rayne89
Guest
Well that was rude. You can learn plenty of things outside of a classroom. Things that interest me I research in depth at the public library. I married at 18, I did go to college briefly while hubby was away at sea in the Navy (mainly because I was bored) which I enjoyed but then life happened and I had other priorities. I’ve never thought of myself as coasting. I’ve homeschooled our daughter and relearned (quite easily) Algebra and many other things that I haven’t had to use for a while. I guess I was lazy and didn’t really love God enough to use all my gifts to my highest potential.
Really that statement is pretty out of character for you. What a judgmental thing to say.
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lifeisbeautiful
Guest
I wouldn’t eliminate anyone based on whether or not they have a college degree. There is a difference between a woman that drops out of college out of laziness/irresponsibility/partying attitude and a woman that never finishes (or maybe never even begins college) because of other reasons that do not reflect any problems of character or maturity. I think it would be more important to get to know her and see how this decision, either way (college or no college) came about. You might learn a lot about her through this. My plans were to get a degree and then an advanced degree and/or work until I met the right man and then until we were blessed with a child. I was doing premed along with my degree. I met dh during college and married him less than 3 months after graduating. I worked in internships and doing research while in college, but have never worked after graduating since we found out we were blessed with a little honeymoon baby 
and decided it would be better I stay at home with our little one. I worked and got scholarships while I studied and hardly had any debt when I graduated and it was totally worth it for me. I would do it again even knowing I haven’t “used” my degree yet. My degree is in a technological field (Mechanical Engineering) and I know it gets outdated fast, but it can still open doors for me if needed, and for example, I can take some courses here or there to open other doors too. I like having that just in case. My mom became a widow with 4 kids at age 30, after 9 years of marriage. She finished her Masters the month her first baby, a honeymoon baby, was born. Her degree was very useful as it allowed her to become a teacher. Now, there are also women with college degrees with certain ambitions who might give their careers more importance than their family. I am definitely not saying women who work do this, but I met some in college that weer very clear that that was their way of thinking, at least at the moment, and in that case you might be better off with a woman who may not have a degree, but is looking to be the best wife and mother she can be. Liberanosmalo, I agree with the idea that a person who really loves God will want to use his/her full potential to glorify him, but this does not mean that everyone has to go out and get a PhD… We can do the best with whatever circumstances we are in, work hard to be the best (parent, spouse, professional, etc) we can, trying to choose what is best for our family and society as a whole.
and decided it would be better I stay at home with our little one. I worked and got scholarships while I studied and hardly had any debt when I graduated and it was totally worth it for me. I would do it again even knowing I haven’t “used” my degree yet. My degree is in a technological field (Mechanical Engineering) and I know it gets outdated fast, but it can still open doors for me if needed, and for example, I can take some courses here or there to open other doors too. I like having that just in case. My mom became a widow with 4 kids at age 30, after 9 years of marriage. She finished her Masters the month her first baby, a honeymoon baby, was born. Her degree was very useful as it allowed her to become a teacher. Now, there are also women with college degrees with certain ambitions who might give their careers more importance than their family. I am definitely not saying women who work do this, but I met some in college that weer very clear that that was their way of thinking, at least at the moment, and in that case you might be better off with a woman who may not have a degree, but is looking to be the best wife and mother she can be. Liberanosmalo, I agree with the idea that a person who really loves God will want to use his/her full potential to glorify him, but this does not mean that everyone has to go out and get a PhD… We can do the best with whatever circumstances we are in, work hard to be the best (parent, spouse, professional, etc) we can, trying to choose what is best for our family and society as a whole.
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SamH
Guest
Take it as advice worth every penny you paid for it.
That being said my father advised me that the biggest financial decision of your life is made on your wedding day. Even with an education a partner that is unwilling to curb spending, work (at home or in the workforce), place excessive value on material possessions, etc… can still leave a marriage in financial ruin.
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sanctamaria17
Guest
I would never not date someone without a degree but I definitely see where Lib is coming from.
As for why mothers should have an education, it’s NOT a guarantee that a woman can stay at home, it’s not even a guarantee that she’ll have babies. Those come from God. What if He blesses her with only one or two or even none? And even if women do stay at home, the education can only help them.
My mother wanted me to go to school so I’d have choices and man, am I glad she made me. I’m nearly done and I’m much more independent, much stronger in my faith, and I have more clarity and direction than I ever did at 18.
Also, not all women marry young…a lot of times, through no fault of their own but because it’s hard to find good Catholic men who like you as more than a friend!!!
As for why mothers should have an education, it’s NOT a guarantee that a woman can stay at home, it’s not even a guarantee that she’ll have babies. Those come from God. What if He blesses her with only one or two or even none? And even if women do stay at home, the education can only help them.
My mother wanted me to go to school so I’d have choices and man, am I glad she made me. I’m nearly done and I’m much more independent, much stronger in my faith, and I have more clarity and direction than I ever did at 18.
Also, not all women marry young…a lot of times, through no fault of their own but because it’s hard to find good Catholic men who like you as more than a friend!!!
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purplesunshine
Guest
If you got a BA and felt you learned nothing then you went to a bad college. I went to a private school that was decently rated. If you compare my freshman English to that of the community college I work for now its laughable. In three weeks we covered more material than they cover all semester. (15 weeks)
I suppose someone could go to Harvard and “get nothing” out of it but that’d be their own fault. College is far more than the classes
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jenlovesyu
Guest
I personally think it is very beneficial for the wife to have something to fall back on in case something happens where the husband can’t work or (God forbid) passes away unexpectedly. It doesn’t make a woman any less of a wife/mother if she doesn’t have a college degree. But I think it is a wise thing to plan ahead especially if children are involved. It wouldn’t even have to be a prestigious degree either. These days people can go to trade schools and get certified for jobs that pay pretty decently. There are a lot of options.
But speaking of options, like everyone else, I agree that you should take your parent’s advice as simply, advice. God knows exactly the kind of woman He wants you with, just remember to pray for her!
But speaking of options, like everyone else, I agree that you should take your parent’s advice as simply, advice. God knows exactly the kind of woman He wants you with, just remember to pray for her!
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