My parents want me to date women with at least a college degree

[KJS]

My parents have said the same, indirectly. They weren’t totally thrilled with my last girlfriend, as she didn’t have a college education. For some reason, they are of the mind that I need a wife who is “on my level” - and to them, that equals college educated. Both are college grads, my grandparents on my dad’s side were college grads - so I think it might be ingrained in the familial “psyche” if you will.

The req. that the woman has a degree shouldn’t be used as a hard/fast one - as prev. posters have noted, many women who do not have a formal tertiary education are quite smart and capable (and I’ve known many women with a degree who aren’t). I think the focus should be on maturity/responsibility/faith when looking for my - a piece of sheepskin should not be a reason to judge someone.

 

[KJS]

I personally think it is very beneficial for the wife to have something to fall back on in case something happens where the husband can’t work or (God forbid) passes away unexpectedly. It doesn’t make a woman any less of a wife/mother if she doesn’t have a college degree. But I think it is a wise thing to plan ahead especially if children are involved. It wouldn’t even have to be a prestigious degree either. These days people can go to trade schools and get certified for jobs that pay pretty decently. There are a lot of options.

But speaking of options, like everyone else, I agree that you should take your parent’s advice as simply, advice. God knows exactly the kind of woman He wants you with, just remember to pray for her!

Quoted for truth - there are many community college/vocational options that can provide good skills. Two of my cousins are skilled trades (HVAC and Plumbing) and one is a medical assistant and they do well for themselves.

Slightly off-topic - here in the USA, we have pushed the “MUST GO TO COLLEGE” idea, which isn’t right for everyone’s life plan/God-given talents. There needs to be more focus on supporting these types of programs.

 

[Rascalking]

If you got a BA and felt you learned nothing then you went to a bad college. I went to a private school that was decently rated. If you compare my freshman English to that of the community college I work for now its laughable. In three weeks we covered more material than they cover all semester. (15 weeks)

I suppose someone could go to Harvard and “get nothing” out of it but that’d be their own fault. College is far more than the classes

I graduated from UNH. No, it’s not the ivy league, but it’s not a charm school either. I went to a private school first, and then transferred.

The English program at UNH has produced two of the last three poet laureates of the US. I studied under them. Did I learn nothing? No, not at all. But the majority of knowledge I learned could have been learned at my home, reading in the light…which, given my current social life, is what I’ve been doing lately. Anyone single here?

And, the bigger issue here? Don’t let your parents tell you who to date!

 

[dulcissima]

I think your parents are giving you good advice. There is a benefit to being educated that goes beyond being employable, and that is why there is a big difference between a university degree and trade school certification. Much of your time at a university is spent taking courses for general education. By studying a wide variety of subjects, you gain a lot of reference points for understanding just about everything that goes on around you. There is definitely a value in having a wife and a mother to your children who is quick, intelligent, and who understands the big picture.

I wouldn’t underestimate the value of an education. If you decide that a woman who has not yet been to college is the woman for you, I hope that you will make it a goal to see that she receives her education after she is married.

 

[purplesunshine]

I graduated from UNH. No, it’s not the ivy league, but it’s not a charm school either. I went to a private school first, and then transferred.

The English program at UNH has produced two of the last three poet laureates of the US. I studied under them. Did I learn nothing? No, not at all. But the majority of knowledge I learned could have been learned at my home, reading in the light…which, given my current social life, is what I’ve been doing lately. Anyone single here?

And, the bigger issue here? Don’t let your parents tell you who to date!

Rascalling you’re in NH??? If you’re in southern NH then I have a few ideas of venues. Diocese of Manchester holds a TOT, usually in Nashua, sometimes in concord…they just did a field trip to the Jaffery fire works.

Burlington, MA in the Boston Diocses has a church, St. Malachy’s with an awesome young adult program. Next Mass.Young adult event is at 7pm on Sept 6. Tends to end between 9 or 10pm

West Boylston, MA, Worcester Diocses, Our Lady of Good Council has a readings study and social night every friday starting at 7pm and typically lasts until well after 11pm depending on the crowd and the topic

Wakefield, MA, Boston Diocses, St. Josephs has a really cool healing/P&W mass first wednesdays at 7pm, goes to around 9:30ish

Boston, MA, Boston Diocses…just look at their website for young adults…

PM me if you’re interested in coming to any of these events and have questions

 

[Bluegoat]

I think that is a silly idea. Why not a woman who has her welders ticket? She would be more employable than I am with a Classics degree.

A university education can be a beauiful thing. It can really educate someone, and open them to possibilities they didn’t know about. Pure knowledge is the best reason for university - closest to its purpose in society. But it isn’t a calling for everyone, and university isn’t the only way to have an intellectual life.

Job skills? It is a good idea for everyone to have some basic job skills. There are many ways to get them - university, vocational training, the military, self-learning.

To show ambition? Well, lots of people go to university because that is what is expected of them, or because it means they don’t need to find a job. So it is no guarentee of that.

So, I think it is a good idea to look for a spouse who is interested in the world around, and whose intelligence you respect. Who is prepared to make her own way if that is required of her. Who respects herself enough to do something with herself and accomplish something. If she wants to have a family, it might be nice if she had some skills that could contribute to a job that would help the family in whatever way might be required. There are other things that are important too of course, like kindness, etc.

But a university degree does not always represent all that, and other paths can also do so just as well.

 

[Catholic90]

Education is never wasted.

My SIL never went to college. She graduated from HS, got a job, found BIL (who did graduate from college), got married, and had kids.

Her eldest child (elementary age) is very bright and does very well at school. Her teachers have suggested she be placed in more challenging classes. Dad (BIL) thinks it is great, but Mom (SIL) thinks it will be “too hard” and just does not see the value in pushing her child to challenge herself. She also does not see the value in visiting museums or art galleries to broaden her children’s horizons regarding history, art, and natural history… Education is something that just wasn’t valued in her family…and she is depriving a seemingly bright child from excelling by keeping her in “middle” classes and not offering extra resources…I find that very sad, but SIL is drawing from her own experiences of not having had a college education.

 

[chevalier]

I LOVE these discussions.

1. Your parents’ advice is very valuable. It’s often more likely to be true than your own judgement. Regardless, it doesn’t bind you as a command. Firstly because you’re adult, secondly because it concerns matters over which parents don’t have that much dominion (apart from locking kids away from undesirable company).
2. I agree with what Liberanos says, but at the same time “education” is the keyword here. University degree doesn’t always mean university education. On ther other hand, a highschool graduate with access to a library and a genuine interest will at some point surpass a graduate that doesn’t care too much.
3. Universities tend to imprint something, as in condition people, create some habits, do some formation. Some people don’t feel right if they can’t share it. This doesn’t translate to knowledge levels.
4. Picking a partner for marriage is not about who’s the better person, but who better matches you. Often similar backgrounds and sharing some traits help this. Having mutual respect for each other’s backgrounds helps a lot too.
5. Your parents probably didn’t mean college degree as mere postnominals anyway.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Rayne, I didn’t mean to insult. And I know the military provides lots of opportunities for education that go far beyond a classroom. And the spouses who follow don’t often get to use their educations in the way they had planned. BuffaloNickels, while what you can do is amazing, 95 percent of the country does not farm and your skills won’t necessarily translate to them.

I think Dulcissima and Catholic90 kind of got what I was saying. As I said, I am in a state where a large number of people aim for a HS diploma and then that’s it. They’re content to spend the rest of their lives working at jobs? They see no need to branch out and broaden their horizons? That is NOT the same as saying you don’t learn anything out of college.

I got 2 degrees. Then I stayed home and followed husband’s career. My education helped a LOT with that. In ways I won’t say here. But at some point he didn’t want to be a family man and I was left with 3 small children. Thank GOD I did not marry straight out of high school and think I could depend on anyone else for my livelihood.

My degrees were 10 years old by the time I started needing them, but they fit in with what I do very nicely.

I’ve seen the attitude here of “I did fine without college. My kid doesn’t need to go. Does he think he’s better than me?” No, they didn’t all do fine without college. I’ve seen people with GED’s who couldn’t support kids they had and had to give some up for adoption. I’ve seen people sit on welfare or unable to provide for their children. I’ve bought clothes for someone whose own parents didn’t have college degrees and didn’t want to afford to take care of the kid.

That same mentality doesn’t look for ways to open up a child’s horizons and make a stimulating environment.

NO, I’m not saying anyone here is like that. Those of you without college degrees whose lives took them in another direction are here because your faith is very important to you and you are intellectually curious.

Can the OP say that about all the non-college girls he’s dating. Sometimes it’s as much as being a test of whether someone can motivate themselves to getting up every day for class. I’m now at the age where I am comparing my children and their peers and the huge difference between the mentalities of those who are going to college and those who are drifting nowhere after high school. Some of those kids have parents who didn’t put a priority on education.

As many said here, there is a difference between not going because you don’t want it, and not going because you are an orphan and can’t afford it. If the OP plans to get advanced degrees and is in an environment where most people have had post-secondary degrees, he may want to make sure if he marries someone without a degree that she gets it on his dime.

And for those with daughters… when my xh was spitting at me and being abusive and telling me how stupid I was all the time, the one thing he couldn’t take away from me was my degrees. There is no price on that.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Education is never wasted.

My SIL never went to college. She graduated from HS, got a job, found BIL (who did graduate from college), got married, and had kids.

Her eldest child (elementary age) is very bright and does very well at school. Her teachers have suggested she be placed in more challenging classes. Dad (BIL) thinks it is great, but Mom (SIL) thinks it will be “too hard” and just does not see the value in pushing her child to challenge herself. She also does not see the value in visiting museums or art galleries to broaden her children’s horizons regarding history, art, and natural history… Education is something that just wasn’t valued in her family…and she is depriving a seemingly bright child from excelling by keeping her in “middle” classes and not offering extra resources…I find that very sad, but SIL is drawing from her own experiences of not having had a college education.

I know people with college degrees that don’t see the value in going to a museum or art galleries, or broadening horizons regarding history, art, natural history, etc… On the other hand I know people without college degrees that do, one of the most talented artists I know personally doesn’t have a degree, and she is a bright woman with an extensive vocabulary, a quick wit, and very appreciative of the value of education and the broadening of horizons. Her only daughter has a college degree, her son was part of the “gifted” kids program, etc.

I am not saying there isn’t a great value in getting a college degree, because I believe there is, and I plan to encourage all my children to get one. I really think one should get one if one can. I am just saying I don’t think a college degree is essential enough to a good and holy marriage and family to eliminate considering a person for that reason alone. I do see value in the “piece of paper” even though I know people without college degrees that without a doubt have a higher IQ, and more “knowledge”, than some I know with college degrees. I especially think college degrees are important for men seeking to be providers of a family. Nevertheless, I personally think that the person’s disposition to work, their compatibility from an intellectual point of view, is very important too. Honestly, in my family, every woman, from my 2 grandmas, to my mom and her sisters, my dad’s sisters, and my sisters all have at least a bachelor’s degree. Even my 10 out of my 12 female cousins are either studying for a degree or have at least one already, and the 2 that don’t are still in high school. I do believe in encouraging it, and I can see how beneficial it can be, and I would do whatever I can to help my daughters (and sons) get a degree, but if my son met a girl that I could see had the right heart (faith etc), and had virtues and talents that would make her a good wife and mother, I would never discourage the relationship regardless of her having a degree or not.

 

[CountrySinger]

When I was dating (I’m now discerning religious life), I always ended up dating men with no education beyond high school. And I always got bored (MAXIM is NOT literature). It probably didn’t help that I have an IQ that qualifies me for MENSA. Guys tell me I’m too smart, lol So, to them, I’m not wife/girlfriend material. OUCH. I think it is because I would be aware of the crud they like to pull.
If I were dating, I would not date anyone who doesn’t have at least a master’s degree. I would want him to value education and want a educated woman by his side.

 

[flyingfish]

Is this a reasonable thing to expect? I’m of two minds about it. I see where they’re coming from, but I don’t want to exclude someone based just on that.

It’s a good general guideline. It’s probably never a good idea for a person to marry too far above or below their level. If you’re an intelligent, educated man and you marry a woman who isn’t you will not have that much in common.

Also, in modern times it’s expected of a person to go to college. If they don’t, they better have a very good reason for it. Otherwise you have to wonder if they are lazy or something like that. Plus, if she is uneducated chances are she will not be working. Maybe your parents feel it would be too stressful for you to be responsible for the whole family.

Your parents are just trying to protect you.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Do you have a college degree? Do you parents? It may be that they are just trying to ensure that your bride will come from a similar background and have similar goals for your dc.

I have a friend whose dh has a degree but no one else in his family does. His family is perfectly nice and have all been successful in their work lives. However, they were not strict with their children about school. The cousins focused more on their sports and hobbies than their school-work. My friend’s children picked up on this and have also not wanted to focus on their school-work or select acedemic courses for their electives. This has been very difficult for her as she feels that a college education is an imperative in the world today.

 

[rayne89]

Education is never wasted.

My SIL never went to college. She graduated from HS, got a job, found BIL (who did graduate from college), got married, and had kids.

Her eldest child (elementary age) is very bright and does very well at school. Her teachers have suggested she be placed in more challenging classes. Dad (BIL) thinks it is great, but Mom (SIL) thinks it will be “too hard” and just does not see the value in pushing her child to challenge herself. She also does not see the value in visiting museums or art galleries to broaden her children’s horizons regarding history, art, and natural history… Education is something that just wasn’t valued in her family…and she is depriving a seemingly bright child from excelling by keeping her in “middle” classes and not offering extra resources…I find that very sad, but SIL is drawing from her own experiences of not having had a college education.

Well you do not need to have a college degree to appreciate museums or art galleries. There is some stereotyping going on here, or maybe just snobbishness. (Sorry but it comes across that way.) One does not have to have a college degree to appreciate art, history, music or broadening ones horizons. My mother never attended college and loves all of that even more so than my dad who does have a degree. Growing up we traveled within the US and also to Europe, attended musicals, plays, concerts, went to museums, took dance lessons, music lessons, art lessons etc. I do not have a college degree and I would never discourage broadening my child’s horizons.

I’d say in my close group of friends half have degrees and half don’t. There is very little difference on how we view the education of our children other than only one other mom homeschool’s (she also has does not have a degree.) I don’t believe in pushing a child educational to the point where its no longer enjoyable to learn and I do believe in a mix of work and play but I certainly wouldn’t hold my child back.

 

[BadTurkey]

Wow, didn’t expect this many people have so strong opinions about this. Maybe I shouldn’t mention that they expect it to be a 4-year college degree?

Do you have a college degree? Do you parents? It may be that they are just trying to ensure that your bride will come from a similar background and have similar goals for your dc.

Yes, both me and my dad have a Master’s degree.

 

[shannyk]

Wow, didn’t expect this many people have so strong opinions about this. Maybe I shouldn’t mention that they expect it to be a 4-year college degree?

Yes, both me and my dad have a Master’s degree.

so Bad Turkey, what are your parents reasons for insisting she have a bachelor’s degree? Do you know? We’re curious, or at least I am.

 

[whatevergirl]

*It probably stems from that, BT…that you have your masters. I’m guessing, but that might be where they are coming from. They value higher education, you obviously do, and they want to see you choose a woman who values the same, I’m imagining where this is coming from. It’s not bad that they put that suggestion out there to you, so long as they are not making your dating decisions for you. It is ultimately up to you.

Marrying someone with a degree won’t guarantee marital bliss…we wouldn’t see so many divorces if that were the case! My nephew has his BA and so does his wife, they are divorcing…it’s really the content of someone’s character that matters most. I’m sure you know that already!

I don’t know if you answered this already, but did you parents say why? Are they adamant on this relating to your dating?*

 

[SamH]

Do you have a college degree? Do you parents? It may be that they are just trying to ensure that your bride will come from a similar background and have similar goals for your dc.

I have a friend whose dh has a degree but no one else in his family does. His family is perfectly nice and have all been successful in their work lives. However, they were not strict with their children about school. .

That doesn’t count as much as you might think.

My father dropped out of school in 8th grade to farm full time, my mom graduated from high school, got married and started having babies. They had 12 children and 8 have college degrees, 4 of them have master’s degrees in business and education. Of their 19 college age grandchildren - all have gone to college thus far (9 are children of my brothers that never went to college).

Ron White has a line about “You can’t fix stupid”. All the education in the world will not change a person’s level of intelligence. I know several people whose parents sent them to college and they got their degrees but were still only qualified to sweep a floor (under supervision).

 

[whatevergirl]

*and it also doesn’t ensure that the person will have a strong work ethic…many young people are graduating …getting into firms like the one I work for…and walk around waiting for someone to tell them the next move to make. TAKE SOME INIATIVE. A degree shows an employer, ok, you were commited…and stuck with your studies to the end, and got a degree. It opens doors, that’s about it. What you do when the door is opened…is then up to you, and your work ethic is a large driving factor in today’s business world.

I am grateful for my degree, but to tell you the truth, I don’t use it for what I’m doing now…lol I majored in elem education, with a minor in english…and now, I’m in sales/marketing for an insurance firm. :hypno:

But…I’m still glad I had the experience. A degree is never a waste, in my eyes.
*

 

[Mrs_Sally]

That doesn’t count as much as you might think.

My father dropped out of school in 8th grade to farm full time, my mom graduated from high school, got married and started having babies. They had 12 children and 8 have college degrees, 4 of them have master’s degrees in business and education. Of their 19 college age grandchildren - all have gone to college thus far (9 are children of my brothers that never went to college).

Certianly there are people who value education for their children, even if they don’t have a collge (or high school) degree themselves. However, I have often seen the situation I described, and almost never seen a college-educatied person say that education was not valuable.

Ron White has a line about “You can’t fix stupid”. All the education in the world will not change a person’s level of intelligence. I know several people whose parents sent them to college and they got their degrees but were still only qualified to sweep a floor (under supervision

Being stupid is not the point. If someone does have a learning disability or is simply just not very smart, they may not be able to complete college prepartory work, let alone college. But being stupid and not applying yourself to your schoolwork are two different things.