My priest yelled at a parishioner in front of others

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SacredHeartBassist said:
He kept telling her it wasn’t right to say that when Jesus is exposed and then asked other parishioners to vote on whether or not she was wrong.
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Horrible way to handle a situation like this. And the fact that he decided to have his parishioners vote on whether or not she was wrong (not sure if that mean “by a show of hands”), very immature of him.

I would absolutely say something to him and even bring in his superior about this.
 
I have to think there is something else going on here. Maybe Father and this parishioner have ongoing “discussions” about the temperature. Who knows? I’m guessing there is some back story here.
 
Loud-living-dogma said:
I have to think there is something else going on here. Maybe Father and this parishioner have ongoing “discussions” about the temperature. Who knows? I’m guessing there is some back story here.
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It may be as simple as “Father really needs a vacation.”
He shouldn’t have yelled, but he’s human and humans make mistakes. Those in positions of trust are held to a very strict account, but they are still humans and need the support of those they serve, just as parents need children who are old enough to understand to develop an acceptance of their parents’ failings.
In this priest’s case, of course he should not yell at a parishioner, let alone in front of an audience, but perhaps she has a habit of acting as if she “can’t hear” what she doesn’t want to know, or he’s associating her unfairly with some other parishioner who drove him crazy doing that, and he just lost it. He should never lose it, it isn’t OK, but it happens and it can be passed over if it isn’t a habit, just because he is a human in a position of trust but still just a man.
 
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SacredHeartBassist said:
People were rolling their eyes. He was telling her over and over again it’s not okay to blurt our you’re cold in front of Jesus in the sacrament. “If you’re cold grab a sweater.” And she said she said it so that he would turn the ac down. He said “no!! You don’t say I’m cold in front of Jesus when people are trying to pray.” Me and the music director rolled our eyes and were like woah, why is he yelling and walked away
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Time to get over it. Don’t let it diminish your love and respect for the priest.

No more eye rolling. Furtive glancing may be acceptable.

Do not participate in any gossip about this or other things like this.

Sounds like Father was having a bad day. What can you do to help him?

Also look after and console the woman who complained. How can you help her?
 
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RandomAlias said:
No more eye rolling. Furtive glancing may be acceptable…

Also look after and console the woman who complained. How can you help her?
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No…I mean, not if you mean the behavior going on about this incident. No furtive glancing. That is just covert aggression. Either talk to him about what upset you or don’t, but do not let the sun go down on a grudge. If this kind of thing were to happen again, I’d suggest just making yourself scarce, just as you would if you came around the corner on someone having a private cell phone conversation. Try to avoid hearing what it is better not shared with you and try to avoid being used as a pawn in anyone’s petty public disputes. Just leave.

If the woman is not demented, he did have the authority and duty to correct her. He did it in a poor way, but his refusal to accept her excuses for violating the sacred silence of adoration when there wasn’t a fire or threat to life but only a matter of her personal comfort was not out of line in and of itself. She was the one who was out of line by making excuses for why she needed to violate the sacred silence in order to lodge a complaint that could have waited for a more suitable time.

In other words, they were both wrong. It is reasonable to pass over the faults of both of them and it would be a work of mercy to console either one of them if they are beating themselves up about their lapses, but it would be out of place to help them make excuses for themselves based on the lapse of the other one.

If the woman has enough going on mentally to be at adoration at all, she needs to accept that her hearing is not what it was and that she should not speak out during adoration, but find another way to communicate. She should accept this correction, not argue with it. She should also accept that there is no perfect temperature for the adoration chapel, and someone is going to have to live with a temperature that they don’t like. (At least if it is too cold, people can put on more clothing. Those who are too hot hardly have that option, do they, LOL?)

As for the priest, of course he shouldn’t have loudly corrected an adult in front of everyone if he could avoid it at all, but the thread has been well over that. Just as he has the greater position of trust and is rightly held to a higher standard of behavior than other adults by virtue of his pastoral office, just so he has a greater authority and the woman owes it to him to accept the temperature he set with obedience, rather than quibbling with him–also in public, I might add, which is not how someone in a position of authority ought to be treated, either.
 
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If you want to discuss it with him then do. But be very careful when getting involved in other people’s business. You may think you know the story and think someone was wronged when that isn’t the case at all. If you do choose to involve yourself go in with an attitude of first trying to understand rather than passing judgment.
 
exnihilo said:
If you want to discuss it with him then do. But be very careful when getting involved in other people’s business. You may think you know the story and think someone was wronged when that isn’t the case at all. If you do choose to involve yourself go in with an attitude of first trying to understand rather than passing judgment.
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Also, by this time it is wise to go in with the knowledge that you may be the tenth person to approach him about it. It is your first time of saying something, but it is very likely not the first time he’s gotten feedback, some of which may have been as ham-handed as the woman’s refusal to accept correction in the first place. Use that knowledge to tread lightly.
 
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I’d say the priest did the wrong thing. If you do know the woman, and speak to her outside of church services, I might let her decide whether to tell the priest. If you do not see the woman outside of church, wait about a week, then bring it up,. Give it time, and see if others aren’t also offended.
 
Priests are human too. I am sure he’ll go to confession on that one. Hopefully he will apologise to her too at some stage. We expect priests to be perfect and they try but they do sometimes slip up. Pray for him and the lady and move on. I wouldn’t say anything if I was you unless it happens again, it’s likely he has realised by now and it has been dealt with. If you didnt do something at the time there is not much to be done, save embarrassing him and her in the future. Pray for guidance and if it happens again then step in and ask for a word privately with him and see if he is ok and what can be done about the issue. Don’t judge him, just the behaviour. It was wrong for sure, but no one knows what motivated him taking it out on the woman and how he feels about it now. God bless him and her. My previous parish priest had a huff once and apologised to the lady and I only know of the apology as I was e mailing him about something else and he apologised to me too in a very humble way. I learnt good lessons from him in that humble apology, that I still use now.
 
Yelling isn’t great but it happens, its the getting other parishioners to vote that stood out to me more.
 
Adoration is silent. The Priest is just as guilty as the lady. Actually, more so, because he completely disrupted a silent devotion for a few minutes knowing the adoration is silent.

I am sure there is more to the story. I’d imagine it wasn’t the first time this lady interrupted adoraton.

I’d suggest praying for the priest. He has a difficult job, and he is human. Stress is real, and Priests do not have much downtime.

I’d also pray for the lady.

By doing this you could turn a negative into a positive.
 
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HolySpirit said:
Adoration is silent. The Priest is just as guilty as the lady. Actually, more so, because he completely disrupted a silent devotion for a few minutes knowing the adoration is silent.
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You read the original post incorrectly. The correction came after Mass, not during Adoration (boldface mine)
SacredHeartBassist said:
Um, today my priest yelled at a parishioner in front of others for something extremely minor. The old woman apparently blurted out “im cold” at adoration yesterday and father thought It was a good idea to yell at her about it after mass.
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On the other hand, having had overnight to think the matter over, I’d say Father is pretty tired if he thought this was the best method to correct the problem. It sounds like the reaction of someone who “has just had it,” and didn’t have the energy to cope with a defensive reaction rather than immediate repentance and obedience.
 
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Wow. I’ve only seen it happen once after Mass. Two parishioners started arguing and it was getting heated. The Priest yelled at them to stop it reminding them they were in the house of God.

It worked.
 
Do you think it’s possible the priest was joking around rather than seriously reprimanding her?
 
I’m not mad he corrected her. It was the way he did it
 
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