My sister is gay, I'm heartbroken & in dire need of advice

[Cardinalsong]

Actually, I’ve known this for a year and a half but just got news that my sister & her girlfriend are in the process of adopting. That just pushed me over the edge!

First and foremost, prayers are definitely needed.

After that, I’m at a loss. She lives clear across the country from me & we haven’t spoken much since she revealed her so called “lifestyle”. She knows I don’t approve but at the same time she also knows I love her very much. I just don’t know what to say. We were so close at one time.

She is a Christian living a deceived life & is a member of an “inclusive” type of church. I don’t know. I include her & her friend in my prayers daily, asking God to forgive both of them.

“Lord forgive them, for they know not what they do”. In a sense they don’t. They are thouroughly convinced that God is OK with the way they are living, after all, aren’t we all sinners?

Yes we are, but we surely don’t want to intentionally commit a mortal sin on a daily basis. :nope:

Any suggestions on how to approach this without destroying our relationship?

 

[mikew262]

Cardinalsong:

Actually, I’ve known this for a year and a half but just got news that my sister & her girlfriend are in the process of adopting. That just pushed me over the edge!

First and foremost, prayers are definitely needed.

After that, I’m at a loss. She lives clear across the country from me & we haven’t spoken much since she revealed her so called “lifestyle”. She knows I don’t approve but at the same time she also knows I love her very much. I just don’t know what to say. We were so close at one time.

She is a Christian living a deceived life & is a member of an “inclusive” type of church. I don’t know. I include her & her friend in my prayers daily, asking God to forgive both of them.

“Lord forgive them, for they know not what they do”. In a sense they don’t. They are thouroughly convinced that God is OK with the way they are living, after all, aren’t we all sinners?

Yes we are, but we surely don’t want to intentionally commit a mortal sin on a daily basis. :nope:

Any suggestions on how to approach this without destroying our relationship?

Love her, accept her decision even though you disagree, and pray for her. Don’t start preaching to her about her lifestyle choice, this will just cause a rift.

If she is truly wrong in her choice, she’ll eventually have to answer to God.

 

[mrs_abbott]

mikew262:

Love her, accept her decision even though you disagree, and pray for her. Don’t start preaching to her about her lifestyle choice, this will just cause a rift.

If she is truly wrong in her choice, she’ll eventually have to answer to God.

I agree. As a parent, I would be heart-broken if my child would announce that he/she is gay but I love my children with all my heart and still would continue to do so.
Keep praying to God to keep you sane and for your sister. Hang in there and don’t let it get you down, I know though that it’s easier said than done.

 

[Island_Oak]

If you believe the promise that God still loves your sister and desires to bring her into the fullness of relationship with Him, as He loves each of us in the midst of our own form of sin, then isn’t she also worthy of your love, affection and in need of your very devoted daily prayers for her and the woman with whom she is involved? Always remember how lovingly and gently our dear Lord treated the sinners whom He encountered and use Him as your guide whenever you doubt yourself.

 

[1ke]

Contact the Catholic organization Courage. They may have support for family members.

 

[Seatuck]

www.couragerc.net

Join the listserve for Encourage

There is a reading list with some helpful material and a list of links etc.

 

[Katie1723]

The love you have for her as your sister should be stronger than anything else.
~ Kathy~

 

[Jennifer123]

I have a brother who is in a “committed” gay relationship, he raises his partner’s child as his own, and they are considering adopting a girl together. It’s a heartbreaking situation but so far my brother is doing a great job being a “father”. That doesn’t mean I condone this choice but I tolerate it.

My brother knows how I feel and that certainly puts a damper on our relationship, but that’s more his choice as I’ve never been anything less than accomodating, welcoming, and hopeful for him and his partner. He believes what he’s been told by his other gay friends about what they think the Church teaches.

My advice is to be as loving as you can, assure her that you still love her and want to have a relationship, and ask that you put differences aside. Be mindful that you may be the only true Christian witness she will have, and remember that we are called to love the sinner but hate the sin. IMHO I don’t think that this has to tear you apart, but I’m sure you won’t be as close as you maybe once were.

Jesus said “Do not think that I have come to bring peace on earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s foes will be those of his own household.” Mt. 10:34-36

Remember to pray constantly for your sister and her partner, and that He will grant you wisdom with your relationship. God bless!!

 

[Cardinalsong]

Thank you everyone for you’re encouragement. I have heard of the “Courage” website on EWTN.

I do contiinue to pray for her & her friend on a daily basis.

God Bless all of you!

 

[Marauder]

Continue to support your sister in the same way you would always support your sister but not in a way that supports her lifestyle.

You can tell her you don’t agree with what she is doing and why, but that you will still love her.

Also do not blame the child for the actions of the parents in any way.

Continue to pray for her and as others suggested research the group Encourage.

 

[estesbob]

mikew262:

Love her, accept her decision even though you disagree, and pray for her. Don’t start preaching to her about her lifestyle choice, this will just cause a rift.

If she is truly wrong in her choice, she’ll eventually have to answer to God.

She is truly wrong in her choice-there are no ifs and or buts about it.
I have a close family member who is also in a homoseuxal relationship. We have made it clear we disaporve of her lifestyle but have not cut her off and continue to treat her with love and respect. I am fortuante that my children are full grown. If i had minor chidren living at home she would not be welcome in my home with her partner.

 

[Seatuck]

Cardinalsong:

Thank you everyone for you’re encouragement. I have heard of the “Courage” website on EWTN.

I do contiinue to pray for her & her friend on a daily basis.

God Bless all of you!

From the Courage sit you can get to the email list of Encourage which is family members and friends of Homosexuals giving each other support to handle all the situations that come up. You want to have a balance between loving the person and disapproving the sinful lifestyle if they are living it. Takes practice. And prayer. And Christ.

 

[Urf]

Cardinalsong:

Actually, I’ve known this for a year and a half but just got news that my sister & her girlfriend are in the process of adopting. That just pushed me over the edge!

First and foremost, prayers are definitely needed.

After that, I’m at a loss. She lives clear across the country from me & we haven’t spoken much since she revealed her so called “lifestyle”. She knows I don’t approve but at the same time she also knows I love her very much. I just don’t know what to say. We were so close at one time.

She is a Christian living a deceived life & is a member of an “inclusive” type of church. I don’t know. I include her & her friend in my prayers daily, asking God to forgive both of them.

“Lord forgive them, for they know not what they do”. In a sense they don’t. They are thouroughly convinced that God is OK with the way they are living, after all, aren’t we all sinners?

Yes we are, but we surely don’t want to intentionally commit a mortal sin on a daily basis. :nope:

Any suggestions on how to approach this without destroying our relationship?

It’s amazing to me how many people on this board that call themselves christian miss the basic message of Christ.

LOVE! Is it really so hard? You clearly arent loving here, you’re disapproving, and no, loving doesnt mean telling yourself and other that you love them but making it impossible to spend time around them because of your disapproval. That doesnt mean you shouldnt be disapproving, but I will tell you clearly that YOU are the one that is making it hard to keep in touch with her and have a relationship. She isnt the one distancing herself from you because she doesnt agree with YOUR beliefs.

If i had minor chidren living at home she would not be welcome in my home with her partner.

Yeah I think Christ would have probably done the same thing, good job THUMBS UP

(that was sarcasm in case you couldnt tell)

 

[Potato1]

Urf:

It’s amazing to me how many people on this board that call themselves christian miss the basic message of Christ.

LOVE! Is it really so hard? You clearly arent loving here, you’re disapproving, and no, loving doesnt mean telling yourself and other that you love them but making it impossible to spend time around them because of your disapproval. That doesnt mean you shouldnt be disapproving, but I will tell you clearly that YOU are the one that is making it hard to keep in touch with her and have a relationship. She isnt the one distancing herself from you because she doesnt agree with YOUR beliefs.

Yeah I think Christ would have probably done the same thing, good job THUMBS UP

(that was sarcasm in case you couldnt tell)

Practice what you preach. You are pretty critical of this persons view just as they are critical of someone elses "view. The message of Christ that you offered is your opinion. Others differ. Would you feel the same about a shackup relationship, or a man with 3 wives or a woman dating a horse. No there are lines to be crossed as to what is acceptible and what isn’t some people just have different lines. Try a little love in understanding what this person is going through and the validity of thier resentment twords thier family member. REMEMBER that Christ was very loving of sinners just as we are to be but He did not accept sin, so, in this situation Christ would have had the person and thier partner over only if they abandoned thier sin. IMO

 

[pira114]

Here’s my take. It’s none of your business to say anything to her unless she asks. If you can’t handle it, that’s too bad. Work on controlling your own emotions.

If you just really can’t stand homosexuals, that’s fine too. Take a stand and write her off.

If you love your sister, then love her completely. Not just the parts you like.

You need to pick a side and stick with your convictions.

 

[Urf]

Potato1:

Practice what you preach. You are pretty critical of this persons view just as they are critical of someone elses "view.

Not in the slightest, but sorry if I didnt make that clear. I am not critical of her view at all, I am critical of her approach to the situation. I did not say anything about the correctness or validity of the topic starters beliefs or views, only the idea of basing disapproval on Christs teaching but not following through with action.

The message of Christ that you offered is your opinion. Others differ.

I could have sworn that the teachings of Catholicism go against personal interpretation of scripture.

Would you feel the same about a shackup relationship, or a man with 3 wives or a woman dating a horse. No there are lines to be crossed as to what is acceptible and what isn’t some people just have different lines.

I never said it wasnt ok to have beliefs and “lines,” I just pointed out that if you put a line down, put it down. Dont put the line down and then blame the people who cant come across that barrier.

Try a little love in understanding what this person is going through and the validity of thier resentment twords thier family member.

The validity of resentment based in the following of a man who preached unconditional love?

REMEMBER that Christ was very loving of sinners just as we are to be but He did not accept sin, so, in this situation Christ would have had the person and thier partner over only if they abandoned thier sin. IMO

Christ hung out with prostitutes and the like. He did not say “Ok I’ll come spend some time with you but only if you stop selling yourself.”

 

[Potato1]

Urf:

Not in the slightest, but sorry if I didnt make that clear. I am not critical of her view at all, I am critical of her approach to the situation. I did not say anything about the correctness or validity of the topic starters beliefs or views, only the idea of basing disapproval on Christs teaching but not following through with action

.

Ok so you are crtical of her approach to the situation you are still not following your own advice by the tone you used and the beratement and disaproval.

I could have sworn that the teachings of Catholicism go against personal interpretation of scripture.

Please point to that teaching, I don’t adhere to it so I don’t want to go against Church teaching so I would love for you to cite this teaching. I am sure every student in every theology class that is reqired to write a paper on scripture would love this “teaching” you speak of and if that teaching exists then I would love for you to point to Church teaching that supports YOUR view of Jesus being tollerent to sin in LOVE as you call it.
Please cite teaching on this preferably from the CCC

I never said it wasnt ok to have beliefs and “lines,” I just pointed out that if you put a line down, put it down. Dont put the line down and then blame the people who cant come across that barrier.

Actually that is exactly what Christ does.

The validity of resentment based in the following of a man who preached unconditional love?
He also preached repentance and noarrow door and to follow him in PURITY maybe homosexuals should be held to the same standard since we are all Gods Childre nad Christ is God.

Christ hung out with prostitutes and the like. He did not say “Ok I’ll come spend some time with you but only if you stop selling yourself.”

OHHH the citations that there are here. but lets start with the most obvious. John 8 You know the story of the Adulteress. Jn 8,10-11 “Woman, Where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She replied, “No one ,sir.” Then Jesus said “neither do I condemn you. GO AND FROM NOW ON DO NOT SIN ANY MORE.” (emphasis mine)
Check out Matt 18 Matt 21 Mark 18,42, Luke 17,3-4 and basically all the examples that reqire some conversion of heart and turning from sin and how to deal with people around you that sin. we are called to change our lives. and we all are called to that, homosexuals too.The apostles are called as we are to follow his teachings. If you cant tell homosexuals not to sin, then you also can’t tell people to love and not to hate because that is a sin too. You can’t pick which teachings of Jesus to follow you must adhere to His comandments, that includes love but it also includes a life free from sin and helping others to be Holy.

 

[Seatuck]

Urf:

Not in the slightest, but sorry if I didnt make that clear. I am not critical of her view at all, I am critical of her approach to the situation. I did not say anything about the correctness or validity of the topic starters beliefs or views, only the idea of basing disapproval on Christs teaching but not following through with action.

I could have sworn that the teachings of Catholicism go against personal interpretation of scripture.

I never said it wasnt ok to have beliefs and “lines,” I just pointed out that if you put a line down, put it down. Dont put the line down and then blame the people who cant come across that barrier.

The validity of resentment based in the following of a man who preached unconditional love?

Christ hung out with prostitutes and the like. He did not say “Ok I’ll come spend some time with you but only if you stop selling yourself.”

Please illustrate using scripture where Christ hangs out with anyone who is sinning and sits there while they are doing it and does not tell them to stop.

It doesn’t happen. He tells people to go and sin no more.

When you truly love someone you want the best for them and that best is heaven. You cannot validate the homosexual lifestyle. You can be loving of someone without doing that. You must protect children from the scandal of the lifestyle as well.You really do need to read some of the books and articles on the Courage and Narth websites.
Start with Father Harvey’s The Truth about Homosexuality -The Cry of the Faithful.

 

[Potato1]

Sorry this may be easier to read.

Not in the slightest, but sorry if I didnt make that clear. I am not critical of her view at all, I am critical of her approach to the situation. I did not say anything about the correctness or validity of the topic starters beliefs or views, only the idea of basing disapproval on Christs teaching but not following through with action

.

Ok so you are crtical of her approach to the situation you are still not following your own advice by the tone you used and the beratement and disaproval.

I could have sworn that the teachings of Catholicism go against personal interpretation of scripture.

Please point to that teaching, I don’t adhere to it so I don’t want to go against Church teaching so I would love for you to cite this teaching. I am sure every student in every theology class that is reqired to write a paper on scripture would love this “teaching” you speak of and if that teaching exists then I would love for you to point to Church teaching that supports YOUR view of Jesus being tollerent to sin in LOVE as you call it.
Please cite teaching on this preferably from the CCC

I never said it wasnt ok to have beliefs and “lines,” I just pointed out that if you put a line down, put it down. Dont put the line down and then blame the people who cant come across that barrier.

Actually that is exactly what Christ does.

The validity of resentment based in the following of a man who preached unconditional love?

He also preached repentance and noarrow door and to follow him in PURITY maybe homosexuals should be held to the same standard since we are all Gods Childre nad Christ is God.

Christ hung out with prostitutes and the like. He did not say “Ok I’ll come spend some time with you but only if you stop selling yourself.”

OHHH the citations that there are here. but lets start with the most obvious. John 8 You know the story of the Adulteress. Jn 8,10-11 “Woman, Where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She replied, “No one ,sir.” Then Jesus said “neither do I condemn you. GO AND FROM NOW ON DO NOT SIN ANY MORE.” (emphasis mine)
Check out Matt 18 Matt 21 Mark 18,42, Luke 17,3-4 and basically all the examples that reqire some conversion of heart and turning from sin and how to deal with people around you that sin. we are called to change our lives. and we all are called to that, homosexuals too.The apostles are called as we are to follow his teachings. If you cant tell homosexuals not to sin, then you also can’t tell people to love and not to hate because that is a sin too. You can’t pick which teachings of Jesus to follow you must adhere to His comandments, that includes love but it also includes a life free from sin and helping others to be Holy.

 

[Urf]

Potato1:

OHHH the citations that there are here. but lets start with the most obvious. John 8 You know the story of the Adulteress. Jn 8,10-11 “Woman, Where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She replied, “No one ,sir.” Then Jesus said “neither do I condemn you. GO AND FROM NOW ON DO NOT SIN ANY MORE.” (emphasis mine)
Check out Matt 18 Matt 21 Mark 18,42, Luke 17,3-4 and basically all the examples that reqire some conversion of heart and turning from sin and how to deal with people around you that sin. we are called to change our lives. and we all are called to that, homosexuals too.The apostles are called as we are to follow his teachings. If you cant tell homosexuals not to sin, then you also can’t tell people to love and not to hate because that is a sin too. You can’t pick which teachings of Jesus to follow you must adhere to His comandments, that includes love but it also includes a life free from sin and helping others to be Holy.

That is far from saying “stay away from me and out of my home until you can stop sinning”

He also preached repentance and noarrow door and to follow him in PURITY maybe homosexuals should be held to the same standard since we are all Gods Childre nad Christ is God.

And that has what to do with resentment?

Please point to that teaching, I don’t adhere to it so I don’t want to go against Church teaching so I would love for you to cite this teaching. I am sure every student in every theology class that is reqired to write a paper on scripture would love this “teaching” you speak of and if that teaching exists then I would love for you to point to Church teaching that supports YOUR view of Jesus being tollerent to sin in LOVE as you call it.
Please cite teaching on this preferably from the CCC

I believe “sola scriptura” is the term I’m thinking of

Please illustrate using scripture where Christ hangs out with anyone who is sinning and sits there while they are doing it and does not tell them to stop.

It doesn’t happen. He tells people to go and sin no more.

I didnt say that he didnt tell them to stop. I said he didnt tell them to stay away from him and out of his home until they stopped sinning.