My sister is the other woman, why am I supposed to be happy?

[anna1978]

Well, we have this situation wil my brother-in-law, who after 12 years of marriage left his wife to set up home and have a baby with his mistress, fast forward 2 years and after a civil divorce (but no attempts at an annulment) he’s now marrying her this Saturday. We were invited and I wrote him a very pleasant letter saying ‘As you’ll understand we can’t come, …for us a vow once made is valid until proven otherwise, have a nice day on Saturday’. We’ve seen his girlfriend (who left her husband for him) 3 times in these 2 years, and when we do see her we talk, and are friendly to her. But, she knows how we feel and that for us this is what we believe in! I wouldn’t phone her, but if she phones me I talk to her, I wouldn’t invite them here, but if we see her at a family gathering I don’t avoid her. What I won’t do, is pretend that it’s alright to break up two marriages so you can be ‘happy together’…

 

[whatevergirl]

If I were her, I would want to maintain a friendly relationship with the sister, without becoming friends with the boyfriend. I might say, “You know, we need some time just to have some girl talk,” or something like that. And I’d say, “You know my feelings about that guy. How’s the rest of your life going? How is [her child] doing?”

*This is what I did with my sister, guess we agree afterall. lol I don’t think becoming ‘friends’ with the guy is appropriate, either…people who put themselves into situations, need to understand that not everyone will be ‘happy’ for them.

What would you do for the holidays? Tell the sister she is welcome, but not the bf? I think that would be appropriate …and it’s also appropriate to have both of them over, but explain to the sister that they are to behave as two friends, and that they will be introduced as such. If she felt offended, then she doesn’t have to come.

Sadly, the man in question here should be spending the time with his kids, not another woman. It reminds me eerily (this thread) of my sister’s situation of a few years ago.*

 

[MercyMia]

This thread really reminds me that I need to spend more time in prayer for the vocations of others, especially marriage.

 

[montanaman]

I don’t know if I have any helpful words of encouragement other than this: if you stick to your guns, it’s going to get lonely, particularly around the holidays, but it IS bearable. I know. Long story short, my family now thinks my wife and I are Catholic fundamentalists because we didn’t go with the flow, etc., blah, blah, blah, and just pretend my brother and sister’s live-in significant others were “just as good as” married. We were uninvited from their respective weddings (which just occurred – it was tough), and I don’t see anything changing before Thanksgiving.

It hurts like hell. But somewhere in there you find peace. Don’t darken your intellect and your soul by compromising. It’s relatively hard to make a big decision to change everything you believe to get along with loved ones. But after a thousand little compromises, you can find yourself embracing all of their errors.