My siter hardly ever spends time with me

[EasterJoy]

I have a great many older brothers. I considered us very close. If they needed to leave in the time it took to take a shower, I’d drop what I was doing and make them a sandwich to eat on their way to where they were going. I’d wrap their Christmas presents for them. They’d do stuff for me, too. We shared the TV well.

When I started high school, I wanted some independence from them. Had there been a movie that one of them knew I wanted to see and no one else wanted to see with me, that would have been sweet, but they didn’t try to interest me in their hobbies and I didn’t try to interest them in mine. We didn’t make any particular effort to find “quality” time, which we did do for things the entire family was doing together. I would have thought it odd for them to pursue me to fill out their social life instead of finding friends of their own, to be blunt.

I had brothers who teased me and brothers who didn’t. I wouldn’t have felt particularly inclined to talk to either about things that were not already mutual interests. I wouldn’t have had a lot of patience from “pestering” from any of them. Frankly, I would’ve dug my heels in and avoided whatever they had in mind they could wear me down into doing.

As for this quote: What on earth is she thinking, that those few minutes are going to satisfy me?, my answer to my brother would have been this: “Whereever did you get the idea that it is my job to satisfy you? Where did you get the idea that you are entitled to some portion of my time? You are not, so get over that. We have what we mutually agree to have. You may demand nothing.”

My suggestion is that you make these efforts with one or both of your parents, instead. Leave your little sister alone, or else approach her with your hat in hand, lest she develop a dread of seeing you coming. It takes roughly 20 years to get over that.

 

[MrSylvester]

I have a great many older brothers. I considered us very close. If they needed to leave in the time it took to take a shower, I’d drop what I was doing and make them a sandwich to eat on their way to where they were going. I’d wrap their Christmas presents for them. They’d do stuff for me, too. We shared the TV well.

When I started high school, I wanted some independence from them. Had there been a movie that one of them knew I wanted to see and no one else wanted to see with me, that would have been sweet, but they didn’t try to interest me in their hobbies and I didn’t try to interest them in mine. We didn’t make any particular effort to find “quality” time, which we did do for things the entire family was doing together. I would have thought it odd for them to pursue me to fill out their social life instead of finding friends of their own, to be blunt.

I had brothers who teased me and brothers who didn’t. I wouldn’t have felt particularly inclined to talk to either about things that were not already mutual interests. I wouldn’t have had a lot of patience from “pestering” from any of them. Frankly, I would’ve dug my heels in and avoided whatever they had in mind they could wear me down into doing.

As for this quote: What on earth is she thinking, that those few minutes are going to satisfy me?, my answer to my brother would have been this: “Whereever did you get the idea that it is my job to satisfy you? Where did you get the idea that you are entitled to some portion of my time? You are not, so get over that. We have what we mutually agree to have. You may demand nothing.”

My suggestion is that you make these efforts with one or both of your parents, instead. Leave your little sister alone, or else approach her with your hat in hand, lest she develop a dread of seeing you coming. It takes roughly 20 years to get over that.

You’re right, I don’t have the right to ask my sister to spend time with me. But what should I do if I happen to have a friend who never spends time with me but spends time with everyone else? I’m not asking this as rhetorical question, I’m asking this as advice. What should I do? Who is right and wrong? Would said friend be right because he has no obligation to talk to me in the end or would I be right becuase I’d be expecting something like quality time with a friend?

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I think it could be the age gap. When I was 19 (I’m a woman) and my brother was 15 we never spent time together. It was me that was not interested, while he may have even been. Things changed later on, just a few years later. So give her time to grow up a little and nurture your relationship. Be there for her but don’t push. She is probably taking you for granted right now, but trust me, there will come a time when she will truly appreciate you.

 

[Crescentinus]

I think it could be the age gap. When I was 19 (I’m a woman) and my brother was 15 we never spent time together. It was me that was not interested, while he may have even been. Things changed later on, just a few years later. So give her time to grow up a little and nurture your relationship. Be there for her but don’t push. She is probably taking you for granted right now, but trust me, there will come a time when she will truly appreciate you.

:clapping:

 

[EasterJoy]

You’re right, I don’t have the right to ask my sister to spend time with me. But what should I do if I happen to have a friend who never spends time with me but spends time with everyone else? I’m not asking this as rhetorical question, I’m asking this as advice. What should I do? Who is right and wrong? Would said friend be right because he has no obligation to talk to me in the end or would I be right becuase I’d be expecting something like quality time with a friend?

I’m assuming you’re talking about someone other than your sister.

If your other friendships seem to be stalling out, I suspect you need to go looking for someone else to socialize with. I had a friend in high school who was miserable because no one wanted to spend as much time with her as she wanted to spend with them. I didn’t dislike her so much as I found her exhausting and not always as tactful as I would hope for and I had extracurricular commitments that she didn’t have. She was exhausting because she’d had a falling out with a lot of the people in our class while they were still in gradeschool, so her friendship circle was too limited for her. Anyway, she transferred to a different high school, found some new friends, and she just bloomed, because she had enough friends to “spread the wealth”. Look for people who share your obessessions; you’re less likely to wear them out.

You’re at a time in life when you and your friends are all changing in different ways and at vastly different rates. It is rare NOT to drift away from some long-time friends. The good news is that many of the friends you make from here on out will be friends for life. Don’t expect best-friends-for-life (marriage and the arrival of children changes everything), but many of the people I know who are in their 70s and 80s still socialize with the friends they made after high school, even college friends. Still, they were friends through a common ordeal, usually school or a first job or even a war. Find something worth your time, and make friends around that. (I think “friends about nothing” is pretty rare")

What if you are talking about your sister? Well, she can wander off, but she can’t go far unless she’s driven away. Still, unless you marry people who like each other, have children close in age, and live close enough for extended family get-togethers, you’re probably not going to be each other’s main social contact ever again. You can arrange with her to have you on the calendar every other month or so for a casual lunch or brunch or dinner or a hike out together, though. That’s well worth doing, and every minute will be “quality”.

 

[EasterJoy]

I think it could be the age gap. When I was 19 (I’m a woman) and my brother was 15 we never spent time together. It was me that was not interested, while he may have even been. Things changed later on, just a few years later. So give her time to grow up a little and nurture your relationship. Be there for her but don’t push. She is probably taking you for granted right now, but trust me, there will come a time when she will truly appreciate you.

Yep…although I wouldn’t be surprised if she isn’t under a lot of family and job obligations when that happens. I don’t know many adult brothers and sisters who have the social ties I think he may be looking for. She’ll grow to be the one with whom he exchanges the big news, but other friends will probably get more casual social time (of what little there may be).

 

[exoflare]

“Whereever did you get the idea that it is my job to satisfy you? Where did you get the idea that you are entitled to some portion of my time? You are not, so get over that. We have what we mutually agree to have. You may demand nothing.”

I have an annoying insecure brother who used to pester me in a similar way and my response ended up being kind of like this, but your version is a lot more succinct.

 

[MrSylvester]

I’m assuming you’re talking about someone other than your sister.

If your other friendships seem to be stalling out, I suspect you need to go looking for someone else to socialize with. I had a friend in high school who was miserable because no one wanted to spend as much time with her as she wanted to spend with them. I didn’t dislike her so much as I found her exhausting and not always as tactful as I would hope for and I had extracurricular commitments that she didn’t have. She was exhausting because she’d had a falling out with a lot of the people in our class while they were still in gradeschool, so her friendship circle was too limited for her. Anyway, she transferred to a different high school, found some new friends, and she just bloomed, because she had enough friends to “spread the wealth”. Look for people who share your obessessions; you’re less likely to wear them out.

You’re at a time in life when you and your friends are all changing in different ways and at vastly different rates. It is rare NOT to drift away from some long-time friends. The good news is that many of the friends you make from here on out will be friends for life. Don’t expect best-friends-for-life (marriage and the arrival of children changes everything), but many of the people I know who are in their 70s and 80s still socialize with the friends they made after high school, even college friends. Still, they were friends through a common ordeal, usually school or a first job or even a war. Find something worth your time, and make friends around that. (I think “friends about nothing” is pretty rare")

What if you are talking about your sister? Well, she can wander off, but she can’t go far unless she’s driven away. Still, unless you marry people who like each other, have children close in age, and live close enough for extended family get-togethers, you’re probably not going to be each other’s main social contact ever again. You can arrange with her to have you on the calendar every other month or so for a casual lunch or brunch or dinner or a hike out together, though. That’s well worth doing, and every minute will be “quality”.

I was actualy talking about other people but thanks.

 

[MrSylvester]

OK guys so I stopped pestering my sister all together to watch a movie with me or to even spend time with me. Thing is, I want to make friends now but I still don’t know how to approach people correctlly. Taking the fact I need to fix my flaws aside, theres also the fact that well, I sort of want to foster a friendship with someone I can be really close to. I want someone who I can open up to and who will understand me. In a way, you could say I am looking for a girlfriend. I used to say I wanted to become a Priest bit with all respect to the Priesthood, I don’t know how I could live it faithfully with all these conflicting feelings I have. For the record, I’m 100% pro-life and that incldues medical and rape cases, agaisnt contraception, absolutely utterly against gay marriage, etc… still, I don’t think I’d make a good role model for children with the stories I want to right. I have something against cencorship and honestly, I don’t my stories would be the same if I didn’t include all the mature themes I want to explore.

 

[peacoat]

OK guys so I stopped pestering my sister all together to watch a movie with me or to even spend time with me. Thing is, I want to make friends now but I still don’t know how to approach people correctlly. Taking the fact I need to fix my flaws aside, theres also the fact that well, I sort of want to foster a friendship with someone I can be really close to. I want someone who I can open up to and who will understand me. In a way, you could say I am looking for a girlfriend. I used to say I wanted to become a Priest bit with all respect to the Priesthood, I don’t know how I could live it faithfully with all these conflicting feelings I have. For the record, I’m 100% pro-life and that incldues medical and rape cases, agaisnt contraception, absolutely utterly against gay marriage, etc… still, I don’t think I’d make a good role model for children with the stories I want to right. I have something against cencorship and honestly, I don’t my stories would be the same if I didn’t include all the mature themes I want to explore.

Quite frankly, your desire for relationship that you want is so completely fantiful that you’re never going to find what you want.

You don’t need to “fix your flaws” to be a friend. And you do need to be a friend. Seek out the lost and the lonley.

I am introverted and always wanted people to make friends with me, but I learned life isn’t about me or my needs. By the end of college my friends were.
-the blind guy
-the girl in the wheelchair
-the girl with a severe heart disease
-the obnoxious mouthy preachy christian
-the reverent guy who was 1/2 taller of the requierements for a dwarf
-the guy with the weird gotee who sang funny
-the girl who liked to play in the woods
-the theater kids
-the athiest chick who was famous for giving “it” away

Right now, as an adult on my own I’m friends with many different people. I just hosted a party. The 4 extroverts invited didn’t make it. So it was me, mostly introverted but understanding that life isn’t about me, with 6 introverts from the age of 28-60. I did alot of “giving” and didn’t get a whole lot back…atleast that night. But it’s life. It’s not about you.

 

[MrSylvester]

Quite frankly, your desire for relationship that you want is so completely fantiful that you’re never going to find what you want.

You don’t need to “fix your flaws” to be a friend. And you do need to be a friend. Seek out the lost and the lonley.

I am introverted and always wanted people to make friends with me, but I learned life isn’t about me or my needs. By the end of college my friends were.
-the blind guy
-the girl in the wheelchair
-the girl with a severe heart disease
-the obnoxious mouthy preachy christian
-the reverent guy who was 1/2 taller of the requierements for a dwarf
-the guy with the weird gotee who sang funny
-the girl who liked to play in the woods
-the theater kids
-the athiest chick who was famous for giving “it” away

Right now, as an adult on my own I’m friends with many different people. I just hosted a party. The 4 extroverts invited didn’t make it. So it was me, mostly introverted but understanding that life isn’t about me, with 6 introverts from the age of 28-60. I did alot of “giving” and didn’t get a whole lot back…atleast that night. But it’s life. It’s not about you.

I don’t know whether your serious or not with that friends list but regardless, you’re right its not about me. But at the same time people should recognize that life isn’t merely about them either. If people really all were all give and no recieve, it’d ruin the point of giving. Theres a diffirence between expecting people to think of you as a good eprson and expecting to be loved back. All I want is to be friends with people and to be able to open my heart because I’m really extremely depressed and I seriously need help. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to help people back. In fact, I want to become the sort of person people would come to for advice and maybe even look up to not as some ace marty stu but as a friend. I don’t want to be the type of person who locks up all his emotions inside just to not push his problems on other people. If someone seems your help and you don’t help them at all, that makes you a selfish person. I know this because I was guilty of not helping others back in school so yeah, I know what I’m talking about.

For Petes sake, what kind of moron in this world has such an inflated sense of superiority that thinks he can live without God, Mary or friendship? Someone who is utterly anti-social like 1/4 of the people on troper tales. Humans are social creatures, they’re supposed to love each other. Helping the sick and making friends with people who don’t share your viewpoints on life is good and all but whats so wrong with making friends with people who you can relate to? Is it possible that there really doesn’t exist someone who at least would listen to your problems? I’m sorry peacock but I’m actually trying to find people who share my interests and who I may help with their emotional problems. I’m not a selfish bastard like I was in school nor am I anti-social like how I used to be.

So please, sorry for being so utterly rude but don’t, just don’t distract me from this new development OK? I will never give up on making friends who actually like me for who I am and who I can share my life with. Never find what I want, what do you know?

 

[peacoat]

I don’t know whether your serious or not with that friends list but regardless, you’re right its not about me. But at the same time people should recognize that life isn’t merely about them either. If people really all were all give and no recieve, it’d ruin the point of giving.

I am serious. And no, I wasn’t wholly giving all the time, my friends gave to me. The blind man gave me a sence of beauty and that he knew I was always smiling. In-fact, he could tell a fake smile. My friend in the wheelchair opened my mind to how sometimes the struggle is a joy. My friend with the heart condition introduced me to hysterical maccob plays. The list goes on. I got alot but I went in just thinking I was going to have a lunch, learn to be a roomate, walk across campus, sit next to in class, hold a door open. I did not set out to make any of these people my friends. I was just friendly

Theres a diffirence between expecting people to think of you as a good eprson and expecting to be loved back. All I want is to be friends with people and to be able to open my heart because I’m really extremely depressed and I seriously need help.

No, there isn’t. If people think of you as good, they will want to be your friend. I can’t think of one good person that I know that I wouldn’t invite over to my house, or go eat out with, or go to a concert with, etc. Or otherwise be a friend.

Secondly. friends will NOT and will NEVER improve serious depression. EVER. You need medical help, something which cannot be given by a friend. Once this is attended to you can begin to heal and to reach out to others.

It doesn’t mean I don’t want to help people back. In fact, I want to become the sort of person people would come to for advice and maybe even look up to not as some ace marty stu but as a friend. I don’t want to be the type of person who locks up all his emotions inside just to not push his problems on other people. If someone seems your help and you don’t help them at all, that makes you a selfish person. I know this because I was guilty of not helping others back in school so yeah, I know what I’m talking about.

You need to do for others first, period. (that is after you find psycological help). Why should someone hold ANY respect for a person who does nothing for others. What sort of advice can you offer when you can’t even take care of yourself? Fix yourself, do for others and those friendships (sort of) will come.

For Petes sake, what kind of moron in this world has such an inflated sense of superiority that thinks he can live without God, Mary or friendship? Someone who is utterly anti-social like 1/4 of the people on troper tales.

I’m not sure where the rant comes in. I didn’t mention not needing God. Infact, you need him more than ever (see below)

Humans are social creatures, they’re supposed to love each other. Helping the sick and making friends with people who don’t share your viewpoints on life is good and all but whats so wrong with making friends with people who you can relate to? Is it possible that there really doesn’t exist someone who at least would listen to your problems? I’m sorry peacock but I’m actually trying to find people who share my interests and who I may help with their emotional problems. I’m not a selfish bastard like I was in school nor am I anti-social like how I used to be.

My point is that helping the sick and people who don’t share your viewpoints WILL help you find people you relate to. I deeply care for my pushy chrsitian, wiccan, and athiest friends. They are very good people. I can’t talk to them about everything, but I can trust them with my life.

The only person who will listen to your problems in the way you describe is a psycologist or priest. This is not friend territory.

You can’t help others with their emotional issues until you handle your own. Again, your deep depression needs professional help, not a busom buddy. EVERYONE is broken, and quite frankly, 99% of people are just like you. They cannot handle the problems you have and you could not handle theres.

So please, sorry for being so utterly rude but don’t, just don’t distract me from this new development OK? I will never give up on making friends who actually like me for who I am and who I can share my life with. Never find what I want, what do you know?

Friends who like you for who you are? Sure. Friends who you can share your life with? Maybe. But I think you’re very caught up in a disney idea of friendship, insted of one reflected in the lives of saints. Friendship is HARD work and is aways self giving. You cannot walk into a friendship with the idea you’re going to recieve. Sorry. You will fail if you do this.

 

[EasterJoy]

OK guys so I stopped pestering my sister all together to watch a movie with me or to even spend time with me. Thing is, I want to make friends now but I still don’t know how to approach people correctlly. Taking the fact I need to fix my flaws aside, theres also the fact that well, I sort of want to foster a friendship with someone I can be really close to. I want someone who I can open up to and who will understand me. In a way, you could say I am looking for a girlfriend. I used to say I wanted to become a Priest bit with all respect to the Priesthood, I don’t know how I could live it faithfully with all these conflicting feelings I have. For the record, I’m 100% pro-life and that incldues medical and rape cases, agaisnt contraception, absolutely utterly against gay marriage, etc… still, I don’t think I’d make a good role model for children with the stories I want to right. I have something against cencorship and honestly, I don’t my stories would be the same if I didn’t include all the mature themes I want to explore.

No, you are not looking for a friend, not even a girlfriend. You’re not even looking for a confessor or a spiritual director. You are either looking for a therapist or you are looking for a prayer life, only you don’t know that is what you are thirsting for. A therapist (amateur or professional) is the only person who is going to want you to open up so they can understand you in less than the normal course of ten or twenty years’ time. A lifelong prayer life is probably the only place it is ever really going to come close to happening.

I am not speaking tongue-in-cheek. As one priest put it, “Our problems are very often psychological, yes, but the answer is almost always spiritual.” I do not know why; I guess we live in times when we all have this idea that we aren’t going to be whole until someone has looked into our depths and found us “OK”. We live in times where we expect ourselves to be friends who can solve our friends emotional problems. Maybe it is because we live in times in which we have been stripped of the appreciation of privacy, maybe in other times people were more miserable but didn’t talk about it…I don’t know. Maybe in previous times people didn’t take it personally to know they had temptations, who took conflicting emotions as part and parcel of carrying around their share of vices and not quite enough virtue yet. Maybe in previous times, no one expected that anyone, themselves included and excepting God himself, was ever going to really know another human being as a human being wants to be known. Maybe in previous times, before there was TV and the internet and before Sigmund Freud had been born, people either had no concept that someone out there would ever want to listen to them unload themselves or else they spent a lot more time praying. I don’t know. I just know that nothing in the readings of spiritual writers in the past indicates that anyone had the expectations that we have now that there was a person who would “understand” them. Excepting talk about being disclosed to God and understood by God, it just doesn’t seem to be there.

 

[Flame4]

To make friends you have to be in situations where you can meet people. Its pretty much impossible if you’re in your house by yourself all the time. Are you in school right now? Maybe you can join a club. If your aren’t in school, what are you doing with your time? Are you working? Volunteering might be a good option. That way you can both help the community and meet new people.

My basic point is that friends aren’t going to come to you. You have to put youself out there, both physically (actually going to social gatherings) and emotionally (conversing with people, willing to try new things, etc.) Normally people who are shy have trouble making friends because, to others, they seem as if they don’t want to make friends. That’s not usually true, but it comes across that way to other people. Personally, I try and speak with people who seem lonely at group gatherings. Sometimes they respond well, and that is encouraging to me. At other times, they don’t respond and I leave them alone because I assume they don’t want to be bothered. Perhaps they are actually just really shy, but its hard to tell.

Most people won’t even approach a person who isn’t making an effort to begin with. Yes its unfair, but that’s just the way people are. People want to be friends with those who appear friendly. Nobody knows what’s going on inside your head, and if you don’t make an effort to socialize, some will assume you just don’t want to speak with them. You’re right that as humans we need love and good relationships. However while we are to love each other, no one is required to be another’s friend. So, you can’t change others, you can only change yourself.

I want to add that friendships take time to develop. Often years. I know that my closest friends and I didn’t have the deepest of friendships right away. It took time, sharing joys, and sharing stress together for that to develop.

If you’re fearful of social situations, perhaps you have a social phobia. I would advise you to seek help with a therapist who can help you. As well, seek some guidance from your priest.

God bless and take care

 

[MrSylvester]

I am serious. And no, I wasn’t wholly giving all the time, my friends gave to me. The blind man gave me a sence of beauty and that he knew I was always smiling. In-fact, he could tell a fake smile. My friend in the wheelchair opened my mind to how sometimes the struggle is a joy. My friend with the heart condition introduced me to hysterical maccob plays. The list goes on. I got alot but I went in just thinking I was going to have a lunch, learn to be a roomate, walk across campus, sit next to in class, hold a door open. I did not set out to make any of these people my friends. I was just friendly

No, there isn’t. If people think of you as good, they will want to be your friend. I can’t think of one good person that I know that I wouldn’t invite over to my house, or go eat out with, or go to a concert with, etc. Or otherwise be a friend.

Secondly. friends will NOT and will NEVER improve serious depression. EVER. You need medical help, something which cannot be given by a friend. Once this is attended to you can begin to heal and to reach out to others.

You need to do for others first, period. (that is after you find psycological help). Why should someone hold ANY respect for a person who does nothing for others. What sort of advice can you offer when you can’t even take care of yourself? Fix yourself, do for others and those friendships (sort of) will come.

I’m not sure where the rant comes in. I didn’t mention not needing God. Infact, you need him more than ever (see below)

My point is that helping the sick and people who don’t share your viewpoints WILL help you find people you relate to. I deeply care for my pushy chrsitian, wiccan, and athiest friends. They are very good people. I can’t talk to them about everything, but I can trust them with my life.

The only person who will listen to your problems in the way you describe is a psycologist or priest. This is not friend territory.

You can’t help others with their emotional issues until you handle your own. Again, your deep depression needs professional help, not a busom buddy. EVERYONE is broken, and quite frankly, 99% of people are just like you. They cannot handle the problems you have and you could not handle theres.

Friends who like you for who you are? Sure. Friends who you can share your life with? Maybe. But I think you’re very caught up in a disney idea of friendship, insted of one reflected in the lives of saints. Friendship is HARD work and is aways self giving. You cannot walk into a friendship with the idea you’re going to recieve. Sorry. You will fail if you do this.

A therapist eh? Let me tell you when I did go to one a few years ago. After a session of literally 5 minutes and grabbing 40 euro out of my dads pocket, he recommended some pills. Said pills did nothing to fix my personality because instead of calming me down or anything, they amde me incredibly sleepy, didn’t make me think and after two days of these symptoms going on, my mum called the family doctor and he flew into a rage saying that I’m too young to be taking such pills.

Pills aside, I learned a lot of stuff after that and trust me when I say there were times where I did think I was going mad. I didn’t need a psychologist to heal me, I healed myself and became more mature because I got help form praying to Mary and meditating and also because as of recent there actually was a Priest who opened my eyes to everything thatw as troubling me. So no, I’m not crazy and I’m not mad. It’s true I have sleeping problems and lack of sleep makes me cranky but doesn’t everyone have that happen to him now and then?

As for me being loved for who I am, I’m not saying I shouldn’t do stuff and just expect people to fawn over me. I just want to be accepted and udnerstood thats all. And to clear a possible misunderstanding, if they do like me I’d love to make friends with people who have disabilities and who can’t take care of themselves. If possible, I’d love to have anyone be my best friend. I just don’t want to live life being alone, only being friendly to people and not going anywhere in relationships.

 

[MrSylvester]

No, you are not looking for a friend, not even a girlfriend. You’re not even looking for a confessor or a spiritual director. You are either looking for a therapist or you are looking for a prayer life, only you don’t know that is what you are thirsting for. A therapist (amateur or professional) is the only person who is going to want you to open up so they can understand you in less than the normal course of ten or twenty years’ time. A lifelong prayer life is probably the only place it is ever really going to come close to happening.

I am not speaking tongue-in-cheek. As one priest put it, “Our problems are very often psychological, yes, but the answer is almost always spiritual.” I do not know why; I guess we live in times when we all have this idea that we aren’t going to be whole until someone has looked into our depths and found us “OK”. We live in times where we expect ourselves to be friends who can solve our friends emotional problems. Maybe it is because we live in times in which we have been stripped of the appreciation of privacy, maybe in other times people were more miserable but didn’t talk about it…I don’t know. Maybe in previous times people didn’t take it personally to know they had temptations, who took conflicting emotions as part and parcel of carrying around their share of vices and not quite enough virtue yet. Maybe in previous times, no one expected that anyone, themselves included and excepting God himself, was ever going to really know another human being as a human being wants to be known. Maybe in previous times, before there was TV and the internet and before Sigmund Freud had been born, people either had no concept that someone out there would ever want to listen to them unload themselves or else they spent a lot more time praying. I don’t know. I just know that nothing in the readings of spiritual writers in the past indicates that anyone had the expectations that we have now that there was a person who would “understand” them. Excepting talk about being disclosed to God and understood by God, it just doesn’t seem to be there.

Oh no? What about Francis de Sales and his talks on friendship in Introduction to the devout life? What about particular friendships? Is it possible that people before were so religious that they were anti-social? Of course not. I’m sorry but your misguided in what you just said. You can love God and Mary whilst loving other people at the same time. Else, if we could only love God and Mary and not other people, there’s be no love in marriage or family nor would religious orders have such a strong sense of community.

 

[peacoat]

A therapist eh? Let me tell you when I did go to one a few years ago. After a session of literally 5 minutes and grabbing 40 euro out of my dads pocket, he recommended some pills. Said pills did nothing to fix my personality because instead of calming me down or anything, they amde me incredibly sleepy, didn’t make me think and after two days of these symptoms going on, my mum called the family doctor and he flew into a rage saying that I’m too young to be taking such pills.

So you went to one dr when you were 15? And you know everything about theripists? Pills don’t fix personalities but they may fix brain chemicals that cause anxiety and depression. Not every pill works for every person. 15 is young for pills and a good theripist would work with your GP before assigning any medication. Still one appointment wouldn’t give you ANYTHING. Sorry.

Pills aside, I learned a lot of stuff after that and trust me when I say there were times where I did think I was going mad. I didn’t need a psychologist to heal me, I healed myself and became more mature because I got help form praying to Mary and meditating and also because as of recent there actually was a Priest who opened my eyes to everything thatw as troubling me. So no, I’m not crazy and I’m not mad. It’s true I have sleeping problems and lack of sleep makes me cranky but doesn’t everyone have that happen to him now and then?

Severe, dibiliting depression which causes you huge social problems isn’t what happens to everyone. It sounds like you are working with a Priest. And the idea that only mad or crazy people go to therepy is just so old fasioned I can hardly comment. Therepy is for people who need help facing the complicated world we live in. Even priests must go through several “therepy” sessions before being allowed to join the priesthood to both make sure they are ready and to work on any problems that wouldn’t serve them well. Some continue during their postunsaly in order to grow and develop on all fields

As for me being loved for who I am, I’m not saying I shouldn’t do stuff and just expect people to fawn over me. I just want to be accepted and udnerstood thats all. And to clear a possible misunderstanding, if they do like me I’d love to make friends with people who have disabilities and who can’t take care of themselves. If possible, I’d love to have anyone be my best friend. I just don’t want to live life being alone, only being friendly to people and not going anywhere in relationships.

Best friends, honestly, is a lie. You don’t have best friends as adults that you do as children. What your asking of people will enviably lead to only disappointments and you being alone. You don’t NEED to have directions in relationships. They come and go and are an ever changing blend of good and bad. There are days when NONE of my friends are behaving in a decent way, and there are days when I am a bit frustrated with life and unintentionally take it out on them.

 

[MrSylvester]

Friends who like you for who you are? Sure. Friends who you can share your life with? Maybe. But I think you’re very caught up in a disney idea of friendship, insted of one reflected in the lives of saints. Friendship is HARD work and is aways self giving. You cannot walk into a friendship with the idea you’re going to recieve. Sorry. You will fail if you do this.

I never said friendship was going to be easy or that I look at it that way. I think I will enter a voluntary group though. Do something good for a change.

 

[peacoat]

Oh no? What about Francis de Sales and his talks on friendship in Introduction to the devout life? What about particular friendships? Is it possible that people before were so religious that they were anti-social? Of course not. I’m sorry but your misguided in what you just said. You can love God and Mary whilst loving other people at the same time. Else, if we could only love God and Mary and not other people, there’s be no love in marriage or family nor would religious orders have such a strong sense of community.

Ummmm…Easter said nothing about not being able to love God and Mary. Sometimes saints were able to have God as their all. That’s it. But we live in a far more complicated world.

 

[MrSylvester]

So you went to one dr when you were 15? And you know everything about theripists? Pills don’t fix personalities but they may fix brain chemicals that cause anxiety and depression. Not every pill works for every person. 15 is young for pills and a good theripist would work with your GP before assigning any medication. Still one appointment wouldn’t give you ANYTHING. Sorry.

Severe, dibiliting depression which causes you huge social problems isn’t what happens to everyone. It sounds like you are working with a Priest. And the idea that only mad or crazy people go to therepy is just so old fasioned I can hardly comment. Therepy is for people who need help facing the complicated world we live in. Even priests must go through several “therepy” sessions before being allowed to join the priesthood to both make sure they are ready and to work on any problems that wouldn’t serve them well. Some continue during their postunsaly in order to grow and develop on all fields

Best friends, honestly, is a lie. You don’t have best friends as adults that you do as children. What your asking of people will enviably lead to only disappointments and you being alone. You don’t NEED to have directions in relationships. They come and go and are an ever changing blend of good and bad. There are days when NONE of my friends are behaving in a decent way, and there are days when I am a bit frustrated with life and unintentionally take it out on them.

You’re right with the first two paragraphs, I totally agree. I just don’t want to visit a therapist when I can go to a Priest who’ll understand me better.

You’re mixing up having flaws with the substance of friendship. Not everyone is going to be calm all the time. It’s called commitment. I wouldn’t cut ties off with someone simply for being a bit irritable for a day.