My siter hardly ever spends time with me

[Flame4]

I’m sorry you had a bad experience with a therapist, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try again. I speak from experience. I’ve suffered from anxiety (although not social) and therapy has helped me, but it took time (5 mins?? Not enough time at all). My best friend suffered from social anxiety, but with the help of a therapist she is doing much better! So there are success stories. Now it is up to you how you want to handle this. I just want to point out that one bad experience with therapy doesn’t mean you shouldn’t consider it again.

Also it is highly offensive to me that you suggest only “crazy people” seek help from therapists. I don’t think I’m crazy (although others may see it differently ) But seeking help from a therapist does not mean you are crazy!

Speaking with a priest may help. He may himself direct you to a therapist though. But yes, speak with him about this.

God Bless

 

[Chantal25]

Sweet heart, sorry that you are feeling worry about your sister. I would turn to God now and know that you aren’t alone anyway because Jesus is right there for you if you ask him.

I pray for you to feel at peace, to forgive yourself and her for not moving on.

Our family can be the one that hurt us the most but if me manage to focus on unconditional love anyway, it polishes our soul and please the lord. Plus someday, we may be very harsh with God unconsciously and he will forgive us as we forgive others.

Hugs and love!

p.s May i kindly suggest that your offer your pain to God. No matter what you think of you, you are always worthy to be loved and you are so precious to the Holy Trinity and Mother Mary. Mother Teresa said that when we want love, we need to give love. Any opportunities around you to help the poor or the one in needs? I find that giving is so healing.

 

[Flame4]

I also would advise you to let your parents know that you are feeling this way. Surely they would want to know what is happening with you. I would want to know if my son was feeling this way. I know you are seeking friends, but our families are often our greatest support systems.

God Bless

 

[MrSylvester]

Sweet heart, sorry that you are feeling worry about your sister. I would turn to God now and know that you aren’t alone anyway because Jesus is right there for you if you ask him.

I pray for you to feel at peace, to forgive yourself and her for not moving on.

Our family can be the one that hurt us the most but if me manage to focus on unconditional love anyway, it polishes our soul and please the lord. Plus someday, we may be very harsh with God unconsciously and he will forgive us as we forgive others.

Hugs and love!

p.s May i kindly suggest that your offer your pain to God. No matter what you think of you, you are always worthy to be loved and you are so precious to the Holy Trinity and Mother Mary. Mother Teresa said that when we want love, we need to give love. Any opportunities around you to help the poor or the one in needs? I find that giving is so healing.

Thanks Chantal and thanks Flame.

 

[EasterJoy]

Oh no? What about Francis de Sales and his talks on friendship in Introduction to the devout life? What about particular friendships? Is it possible that people before were so religious that they were anti-social? Of course not. I’m sorry but your misguided in what you just said. You can love God and Mary whilst loving other people at the same time. Else, if we could only love God and Mary and not other people, there’s be no love in marriage or family nor would religious orders have such a strong sense of community.

I’m sorry, but why are you lecturing me? Do you think that after 20 years of marriage I am an antisocial who doesn’t understand the benefits of particular friendship? As for religious orders with the strong sense of community, well, there is a reason there Benedictines and other monasteries imposed so much silence.

Did I say antisocial? No. Far from it. Did I say you ought not want to be understood? No, I did not. I said a “person who is going to want you to open up so they can understand you in less than the normal course of ten or twenty years’ time.” People unload more now in the first three dates than they used to in the first three years of marriage!! It is too much!! Yet in these times, some of us need to unload faster than the normal evolution of friendship allows. Those particular some of us are not bad people, but they need to either learn patience or else get professional help. There is no shame in needing professional help, either.

Listen to what you wrote!! “I sort of want to foster a friendship with someone I can be really close to. I want someone who I can open up to and who will understand me. In a way, you could say I am looking for a girlfriend. I used to say I wanted to become a Priest bit with all respect to the Priesthood, I don’t know how I could live it faithfully with all these conflicting feelings I have…I have something against censorship and honestly, I don’t my stories would be the same if I didn’t include all the mature themes I want to explore.”

How about just looking for someone you can hang out with, that you can enjoy your hobbies with? Can we start with that? The rest comes in time, but you have to be patient. If you really need someone to understand you right now, then do yourself and everyone you want to be friends with a favor and find a professional to help you out. Otherwise, if you are one of these guys who can’t take a chilly pill in jumping into emotional intimacy, I foresee more hurt feelings of the sort you took away from your sister. Nobody wants that for you.

 

[MrSylvester]

I’m sorry, but why are you lecturing me? Do you think that after 20 years of marriage I am an antisocial who doesn’t understand the benefits of particular friendship? As for religious orders with the strong sense of community, well, there is a reason there Benedictines and other monasteries imposed so much silence.

Did I say antisocial? No. Far from it. Did I say you ought not want to be understood? No, I did not. I said a “person who is going to want you to open up so they can understand you in less than the normal course of ten or twenty years’ time.” People unload more now in the first three dates than they used to in the first three years of marriage!! It is too much!! Yet in these times, some of us need to unload faster than the normal evolution of friendship allows. Those particular some of us are not bad people, but they need to either learn patience or else get professional help. There is no shame in needing professional help, either.

Listen to what you wrote!! “I sort of want to foster a friendship with someone I can be really close to. I want someone who I can open up to and who will understand me. In a way, you could say I am looking for a girlfriend. I used to say I wanted to become a Priest bit with all respect to the Priesthood, I don’t know how I could live it faithfully with all these conflicting feelings I have…I have something against censorship and honestly, I don’t my stories would be the same if I didn’t include all the mature themes I want to explore.”

How about just looking for someone you can hang out with, that you can enjoy your hobbies with? Can we start with that? The rest comes in time, but you have to be patient. If you really need someone to understand you right now, then do yourself and everyone you want to be friends with a favor and find a professional to help you out. Otherwise, if you are one of these guys who can’t take a chilly pill in jumping into emotional intimacy, I foresee more hurt feelings of the sort you took away from your sister. Nobody wants that for you.

You know you’re right, I’m really sorry if I offended or hurt you in any way. With all sincerity I have absolutely no right to lecture you, least of all me who had so many unhealthy ideas about relationships. Please don’t take my words to heart at all. Right now I’ll find someone I can hang out with. Thing is, I learned that if you impose your feelings on someone, it’s not being kind or open, it’s just being selfish and thats whats I’ve been doing both with me trying to foster a deeper bond with my sister or searching out for a friend I can be more close to.

Also, to go a bit off topic, these past two years or so, I was thinking that God and Mary didn’t love me that much becuase growing up, I really wasn’t a model of virtue at all. Three years ago I converted to the catholic faith but quickly got stupid sedevecantist tendencies (don’t ask). Recently, I got over them for good but I also realized something. Despite my breaking away from the faith and my current utter lukewarmness in prayer, God and Mary still gave me a lot of opportunities to become a better person. See the truth that is right in front of you. I saw it right now and frankly, I’ve elarnt more because of them and my misconceptions about Them and Their mercy than I ever learnt from the writings of the saints.

 

[MrSylvester]

Theres another thing. My words to peacot were really, really immature, as if he was some bad guy when in fact he only pointed out the truth. I take back everything I said about finding the ‘perfect’ relationship and to peacot, I’m really really sorry for being so immature and maybe even offending you. I really am.

 

[mommamaree]

I see you are 19. And that you say you are depressed and say you seriously need help. You say you want to develop deep friendships. Yet you are struggling to express yourself to others and to make connections with people.

Dear, here is my advice to you.

1. Talk to your parents about your struggles. Listen carefully to their wisdom.
2. Go to a counselour if your depression is getting the best of you.
3. Start exercising 15-30 minutes everyday. This produces endorphins that can help your moods and wellbeing.
4. Start reading classic literature and watching superb films. Get a subscription to a good quality newspaper or magazine or two. This helps to expand your awareness and interests and gives you excellent conversation-starters to use with people.
5. Focus on paying attention to other people. Become more concerned with who you would like to be a friend to and spend time with, rather than worried about who will be a friend to you. Your interest in others makes you appear more sociable than hanging back waiting for someone to notice you.
6. If you haven’t already done so, find a club or group or two to join so that you are getting out with others a couple of times a week. Fitness clubs, church choirs, book clubs, etc. it doesn’t matter if the people are not all your same age. In fact, a wide variety of ages in a club or group can be very helpful for increasing your social skills.

With regards to your sister, I would say that you might just be expecting too much out of her. Let her blossom into adulthood. Be a good big brother for her when she needs you. Encourage her. But since you are the elder child, you may not look to your younger sibling to meet your needs socially or spiritually or emotionally. The natural order of things is elder to younger, not younger to elder. I know this to be true, because I am the eldest in my family, and I married an eldest child, too.

As you blossom socially and she reaches adulthood, it is likely for you to “rediscover” a more grownup form of sibling friendship when you are both in your 20s. It is normal to miss her company now, but this is all just part of growing up and expanding socially.

I hope you are able to find some happiness and fun in your social life. Get yourself out there. Practice. Be a friend to others and you will win a friend in the process.

 

[MrSylvester]

I see you are 19. And that you say you are depressed and say you seriously need help. You say you want to develop deep friendships. Yet you are struggling to express yourself to others and to make connections with people.

Dear, here is my advice to you.

1. Talk to your parents about your struggles. Listen carefully to their wisdom.
2. Go to a counselour if your depression is getting the best of you.
3. Start exercising 15-30 minutes everyday. This produces endorphins that can help your moods and wellbeing.
4. Start reading classic literature and watching superb films. Get a subscription to a good quality newspaper or magazine or two. This helps to expand your awareness and interests and gives you excellent conversation-starters to use with people.
5. Focus on paying attention to other people. Become more concerned with who you would like to be a friend to and spend time with, rather than worried about who will be a friend to you. Your interest in others makes you appear more sociable than hanging back waiting for someone to notice you.
6. If you haven’t already done so, find a club or group or two to join so that you are getting out with others a couple of times a week. Fitness clubs, church choirs, book clubs, etc. it doesn’t matter if the people are not all your same age. In fact, a wide variety of ages in a club or group can be very helpful for increasing your social skills.

With regards to your sister, I would say that you might just be expecting too much out of her. Let her blossom into adulthood. Be a good big brother for her when she needs you. Encourage her. But since you are the elder child, you may not look to your younger sibling to meet your needs socially or spiritually or emotionally. The natural order of things is elder to younger, not younger to elder. I know this to be true, because I am the eldest in my family, and I married an eldest child, too.

As you blossom socially and she reaches adulthood, it is likely for you to “rediscover” a more grownup form of sibling friendship when you are both in your 20s. It is normal to miss her company now, but this is all just part of growing up and expanding socially.

I hope you are able to find some happiness and fun in your social life. Get yourself out there. Practice. Be a friend to others and you will win a friend in the process.

Actually I got over my sister problems thanks to this thread but thanks anway. As for my other problems, I actually did join a kendo club some time ago and yeah, even my dad says I changed a lot. tHANKS FOR THE ADVICE!