My son, husband, and football....I need some advice, please

[CatholicSam]

If your DH keeps calling your son a quitter for making this thoughtful decision, I would ask him this: If you’re driving down the road and you realize it’s not taking you to your destination, do you just keep driving in the wrong direction? No, you “quit” and turn around so that you can get to your goal. Sigh. Good grief.

Your son has had this experience and if he wants to try something else and spend more time on his studies, then for him! I think it takes MORE courage to realize what you’ve been doing for **6 years **is not what you want to be doing anymore.

 

[whatevergirl]

Wow…that’s crazy. It’s his life, it’s not like it’s a bad thing he’s doing, what’s the issue? Your husband wants him to be a man, correct?, isn’t part of being a man making decisions for yourself? doing what you believe is right for you(and god and your family of course, but this situation truly doesn’t effect them) It’s his choice, not his dad’s.

*excellent points! thank you. *

 

[kage_ar]

And football coaches DO taunt the boys. It is somehow considered part of the “training”. DS heard it from the coach for a long time after he stopped playing football -

 

[whatevergirl]

If your DH keeps calling your son a quitter for making this thoughtful decision, I would ask him this: If you’re driving down the road and you realize it’s not taking you to your destination, do you just keep driving in the wrong direction? No, you “quit” and turn around so that you can get to your goal. Sigh. Good grief.

Your son has had this experience and if he wants to try something else and spend more time on his studies, then for him! I think it takes MORE courage to realize what you’ve been doing for **6 years **is not what you want to be doing anymore.

*Sadly, my husband keeps driving when we’re lost!

I agree…I’m going to sit down with him tonight, my husband separately…and explain to him that it’s our son’s choice. My husband isn’t making the choice for him, but certainly isn’t helping him to make his own choice. It’s not like going to mass or not…that is mandatory. This is football. I’m so tired of the over emphasis of sports in this country.

I think my son would like to get a pt job…and to play baseball. He also mentioned track, but the football coach oversees track. Can’t escape this man! The truth is, he seems like a really good man…I think the kids are afraid of him, because he pushes them to their limits…he tells them they are lazy …he isn’t soft on them. I don’t know what he says behond closed doors…*

 

[Teen4Christ]

And football coaches DO taunt the boys. It is somehow considered part of the “training”. DS heard it from the coach for a long time after he stopped playing football -

Yes, they do. But this coach sounds like a total…I won’t say, but not a good coach.

 

[whatevergirl]

And football coaches DO taunt the boys. It is somehow considered part of the “training”. DS heard it from the coach for a long time after he stopped playing football -

what does this benefit them??? (the coaches)

 

[Teen4Christ]

what does this benefit them??? (the coaches)

Males them feel all manly or big perhaps.

 

[msugeotech]

It’s what they believe motivates them to try harder, and in return, become better players. No one wants to be called a (insert derrogatory term here), so they step it up a notch. Not saying it’s right, or the best way, but it is a common coaching style.

 

[whatevergirl]

Yes, they do. But this coach sounds like a total…I won’t say, but not a good coach.

*You’re only hearing my side. lol He seems to me like a ‘good coach,’ just very old fashioned and tough. But my son is terrified of this man…I have never seen my son like this. I said, did this man ever hit you or one of the kids? He said, no…it’s just his tone–like you’re a total disappointment when you don’t give it your all…



I’m just hoping my husband doesn’t say another word about this, in a negative way. My husband is very competitive…he played football…wrestled…baseball…not everyone wants to do all that, though. I think my husband just enjoyed it. What saddens him is that our son he feels, has more ‘raw’ talent than he did…to give that up, is such a shame.

But, the mind and the body have to be in sync.

My son also expressed an interest in archery and fencing. I think he enjoys competition, just not football.

 

[kage_ar]

what does this benefit them??? (the coaches)

Same as with bosses who use “the beatings will continue until morale improves” method of motivation.

 

[whatevergirl]

It’s what they believe motivates them to try harder, and in return, become better players. No one wants to be called a (insert derrogatory term here), so they step it up a notch. Not saying it’s right, or the best way, but it is a common coaching style.

*I would find this tactic demotivating for me. Like intimidation in business doesn’t work either. Look at Hitler…it works for a short time, and then it backfires. Half of the good kids have left, my son thinking about it now.

Praying that my son finds some peace of mind with his decision. *

 

[Teen4Christ]

If he’s "terrified’ of the coach, he should quit for sure. Speaking as one, that’s no situation for a HS student to be in.


Fencing is very competitive and takes far more athletic skill than football, tell your husband that.

 

[redtech]

If the coach is taunting the kids, and he is in fact a teacher, this needs to be brought to the attention of the principal. I’m serious. Nobody should be “afraid” of an authority figure that way, that’s kind of scary. Good for your kid.

I agree. If he calls your son the “p” word, I would make sure the principal knew about it.

I can understand being strict on a kid but it sounds like this is just too much.

 

[kage_ar]

I would find this tactic demotivating for me. Like intimidation in business doesn’t work either. Look at Hitler…it works for a short time, and then it backfires. Half of the good kids have left, my son thinking about it now.

*Praying that my son finds some peace of mind with his decision. *

Of the kids that stick with it, a few of them will go to college and play football. One of them will become a highschool football coach. Guess how HE will treat his team…

 

[ohioszo]

Doesn’t anyone agree with his Father? If his son is in the right, wouldn’t he be able to talk to his Father about it and come to an agreement? I don’t know why Mom is involved.

The reason that his Father may be calling him a quitter, is because he only has his Junior and Senior year left, and, he is always starting which means he is very good at Football. The reason that the coach may be asking more of him and trying to teach them other things, may be because he realized that young men get bored easily now-a-days.

I think that he should stay with football, unless, his attitude is putting him in physical danger:
Perhaps he needs a medical checkup to make sure that he is fit.

High School years are important, but, he has his whole life to simply study. He may very well be counting on a scholarship, his Father … perhaps they discussed it. You don’t know everything that they discussed.

Team playing and taking a group blame are a part of life, and I am surprised that the interviewer suggested that they were not.

I think that the coach needs to no longer be the scapegoat in this situation. Discuss it with the Principal, perhaps, and find out where this really is. Obviously, a student can switch schools, perhaps to a Private Catholic School. Not because your son may be called to the Priesthood, but, if he does want to spend his time in Theological ways, then, he has my permission and certainly convince his Father. If not, then he should listen to his Father. You cannot get back your high school years and Father knows best. Pray to Saint Joseph. Saint Joseph is often ignored: See the youtube video where Saint Joseph is trying to give advice and at the end the (girl in this case) says that she will ask advice from Dr. so & so.

youtube.com/watch?v=-FiGedRJjxI&feature=channel_page

 

[msugeotech]

Be careful about getting the principal involved. There’s sort of an unwritten code that what happens on the field stays on the field. It could make it worse for your son if the principal has to have a discussion with the coach. My guess is that it will come back on him somehow. Again, I know it’s not right, it’s just how it is.

I agree. If he calls your son the “p” word, I would make sure the principal knew about it.

I can understand being strict on a kid but it sounds like this is just too much.

 

[KathyA]

I think a lot of good can come from participating in team sports, but as others have said, the only commitment one is bound to is the current season, when teammates are counting on each other to be there.

Here is a different perspective. My son aspires to attend the Naval Academy. He is a “good”, but not “great” athlete. Because we live in a small town, this means he will always have a place on the football team and baseball team. He’s not the star, but a part of a group working together.

His freshman year of football was hell. He was harrassed by older kids and put down continually by one of the coaches (no longer here). When baseball rolled around, he got more of the same due to many of the same obnoxious kids being on the baseball team too. We went around and around about this with him. He wanted to “quit” football and baseball (not turn out for either of them his sophomore year) because these other people made the experience miserable. It was a very difficult time. He’d say, “I’m only taking football because you want me to.” And I would say, “I don’t care one way or the other if you play football or not. I just want you to realize a couple of things. First, these boys have your number. Knowing that you get upset only fuels the fire. Don’t let their behavior cause you to drop out of something you otherwise enjoy doing. Second, don’t lose sight of your longterm goal. The Naval Academy wants recruits who are leaders, scholars and athletes. If you don’t want to play, that’s fine, but you need to consider how that decision will impact your goal.” This was difficult to get through his head sometimes. He wanted the end result, but didn’t want to do the things required to get him there. BUT, I’m happy to report that he persevered through these challenges and was recently accepted to attend the Naval Academy Summer Seminar this June. It’s not an appointment, but it’s a foot in the door.

It doesn’t appear that your son is in the same situation, where he really NEEDS to be participating in order to reach his goals. I’d say he’s getting his act together and looking toward the future.

Kathy

 

[GratefulDad]

Oh, those Football Dad’s. Or any hardcore sports Dad for that matter. I fully agreed with Em, that shifting gears to academics or another physical activity is fine if that is what your DS wants to do.

I can speak from real experience, spending more time with Honors or AP or IB classes will be far more beneficial to your DS for the rest of his life than Highschool football. But getting PenguinsFan to fully appreciate that in the next week or two or even next Fall may be easier said than done, and I know he is a reasonable guy and a great Dad.

As for Highschool coaches intimidating or playing mind games with the children. That is what really irritated DW and I about Highschool sports is the minds games the coaches would play on the kids.

 

[takers]

My brother played baseball from T-ball age through his Junior year of high school. His Senior year he told my parents he wasn’t going out for baseball and wanted to try different sports. So that year he took Track, Tennis, and Cross Country. My Dad, at first, was really disappointed in the no baseball decision but once he saw how much fun David was having (and how good he was at running!) everyone realized that David should have quit baseball much sooner and gone out for other sports. David kept doing baseball because it was the sport he knew, knew my dad enjoyed coaching the sport with David, and did enjoy it at one time.

Tell your son to try out for whatever sport he wants. Tell your husband to get involved with the new sport and your son. If he has a problem with it, it’s his problem as he’s not the one actually doing the sport. Tough love!

 

[whatevergirl]

*ohio–you hit the nail on the head with his dad/my husband. He said last night…‘all this work over the years, has gotten you to varsity…this is what you worked hard for.’

My son said ‘i know but i don’t think i’ll start…’

then it went back and forth…and my husband is a pretty calm man, but gets fired up over football. you should see him at his games. i actually pretend i’m not with him some games haha then he gets other dads going…oh my…it’s a sight.

My dh grew up in a different era…he is 50 yrs old. It was different back then. Coaches were like family…like a surrogate dad. My dh’s dad was very strict…and so my husband’s coach being so strict, was like an extension of his dad…if that makes sense. It’s not like that nowadays. Kids are very disrespectful, it takes a lot to get the team moving in the right direction. My son is a shy kid, and sometimes, in need of pushing. But, he does put forth the effort…as athletic as he is, he is not passionate about the game, like my husband. That is where the rub lies. I told my husband today, you are two different people…you can’t make him think like you…be like you were.

He agreed…he said that he won’t force him, but he just would hate to see him throw away all his hard work over the years. He said…and he is so talented. It just saddens my husband. As if someone is dying. It’s really strange to witness. *