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whatevergirl
Guest
*I told my husband last night in a flippant way…‘why don’t you try out for the team?’ haha
He said…I wish I could!
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He said…I wish I could!
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allhers
Guest
Maybe your son just wants to explore what else he is good at. If his heart isn’t in what he is doing, he won’t shine, so to speak.
When my sons were much younger (me too), they enjoyed football, basketball, baseball and bowling and one of them excelled in bowling and basketball (and still plays basketball and bowls to this day in his early thirties.) The other excelled in football and baseball and still enjoys those in his late twenties (although with his work schedule, he mostly enjoys them on t.v. and with a WI (I think thats what they are called, he doesn’t live here or I’d go and check.)
I always let them choose which they were going to do and they always stayed with it for at least a year, to me that was fine. One of them was an all star, but the football pretty much ruined his knees. (but he loved it and stayed with it as long as he could.)
They both loved swimming also, and still both are in and stay in great shape, they are very athletic and competitive and do it for fun. When it isn’t fun, whats the point?
Another thing to consider, for a guy his age is the competition he will be facing in the higher grades, the higher you go the more competition there is, maybe he just wants to excell in something that will make his father proud. (just another point of view.)
When my sons were much younger (me too), they enjoyed football, basketball, baseball and bowling and one of them excelled in bowling and basketball (and still plays basketball and bowls to this day in his early thirties.) The other excelled in football and baseball and still enjoys those in his late twenties (although with his work schedule, he mostly enjoys them on t.v. and with a WI (I think thats what they are called, he doesn’t live here or I’d go and check.)
I always let them choose which they were going to do and they always stayed with it for at least a year, to me that was fine. One of them was an all star, but the football pretty much ruined his knees. (but he loved it and stayed with it as long as he could.)
They both loved swimming also, and still both are in and stay in great shape, they are very athletic and competitive and do it for fun. When it isn’t fun, whats the point?
Another thing to consider, for a guy his age is the competition he will be facing in the higher grades, the higher you go the more competition there is, maybe he just wants to excell in something that will make his father proud. (just another point of view.)
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msugeotech
Guest
I can understand where hubby is coming from. I don’t necessarily disagree with what he’s saying. I just don’t want to see him push your son to continue to play when he doesn’t want to - and, really, I don’t think he will. He doesn’t seem like that type of man from what I read. I know to him, it seems like he’s “throwing it all away”. But if he’s not into it, he could be “throwing away” an opportunity to pursue something that could be more rewarding to him. He’s a dad who is proud of his son and his hard work on the football field. There’s no questioning that. He can still be proud of him of making a mature decision to pursue something greater, whatever that may turn out to be. He’ll find it - he seems like a bright kid. Give him some room, the authority to make the decision he needs to make, and my guess is, he’ll continue to make y’all proud.
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whatevergirl
Guest
*Thanks Shane…I feel like I’m going to cry reading what you posted. ((hugs)) *
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kage_ar
Guest
What exactly does your husband think that your son is throwing away?
A chance to play college football?
Does he think your son is in the top 6% of all high school players? That is the percentage of high school seniors who go on to play at an NCAA member institution.
Professional? Then you son has to be in the top 0.08% of the high school seniors in the USA
Sure, we all think our child is the cutest, most talented, smartest, fastest, tallest and smells the best. Reality is, almost all of us are average (that is why they call it average). We walk a fine line between encouraging our kids and setting them up to be disappointed.
Oh, if your husband wants to verify my stats, I found them here
ncaa.org/wps/ncaa?ContentID=2335
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whatevergirl
Guest
*Something that just dawned on me…
My dh’s dad had a drinking problem, and was very strict on the boys (my dh is one of nine kids) but when he played football or wrestled…his dad was at every game, and always told him how proud he was of him. My dh shared that with me recently…and perhaps football is a way to keep the memory of that side of his dad, alive. (his dad passed away years ago) I bet there is something to that.*
My dh’s dad had a drinking problem, and was very strict on the boys (my dh is one of nine kids) but when he played football or wrestled…his dad was at every game, and always told him how proud he was of him. My dh shared that with me recently…and perhaps football is a way to keep the memory of that side of his dad, alive. (his dad passed away years ago) I bet there is something to that.
*While I am all for your son leaving football if that is his intention… I just want to say a word to the Moms here.
Stop applying women’s rules to a guy thing. The coach doing all that taunting is a guy thing. Using certain words may not be correct but it’s a guy thing. This is a teenage boy who is going to be junior in high school. He’s not a baby who needs to be shielded from this kind of thing by Mommy. Unless Dad is jumping in and saying, “Enough!” then it’s probably not too much.
The guy taunting stuff alone is not reason enough for the son to leave football IMO. That could be considered quitting (in they guy world.) But leaving football in order to pursue some (reasonable) other thing that is more meaningful to the son is a part of life. Trying out for baseball is certainly reasonable.
Stop applying women’s rules to a guy thing. The coach doing all that taunting is a guy thing. Using certain words may not be correct but it’s a guy thing. This is a teenage boy who is going to be junior in high school. He’s not a baby who needs to be shielded from this kind of thing by Mommy. Unless Dad is jumping in and saying, “Enough!” then it’s probably not too much.
The guy taunting stuff alone is not reason enough for the son to leave football IMO. That could be considered quitting (in they guy world.) But leaving football in order to pursue some (reasonable) other thing that is more meaningful to the son is a part of life. Trying out for baseball is certainly reasonable.
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Teen4Christ
Guest
Joking around is a guy thing, a little bit of taunting is a guy thing, being a jerk is not. It’s not quitting, it’s doing what’s best for you.
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Havard
Guest
I’d like to share my experience, which was very different, but I feel it is worth mentioning, because hopefully it will give a glimpse of how much effect a man can have as a high school football coach:
When it came to discipline, only one coach handled it, and it wasn’t the head coach. That coach, Johnny, was our conditioning coach. He was also our most beloved coach.
Johnny always had conditioning drills for us to do after practice, and the amount of conditioning was a direct result of how hard we worked during the practice: essentially, if we were slacking off, we’d end up paying for it. The crucial difference with Johnny was that Johnny ran with us, every single time. He was accepting the punishment, because HE was part of our “family”.
Johnny knew us. He knew when we were happy, and he took part in our merriment. He knew when we were down, and he lifted us up. He knew when we were overconfident, and he took us down a couple notches. He knee when we were afraid, and he reminded us of what mettle we were made. He laughed with us, he cried with us, and there can be no doubt that he loved each one of us.
When we didn’t try our best, it was difficult to look him in the eye… we knew he always did his best for us. He wanted us to become men, to be responsible for ourselves and to pick each other up when some of us got down.
Johnny died of a heart attack during the summer before my senior year. He was in his early forties, and in amazing physical shape for a man of any age, especially his. When it happened, he was in a tree, helping a neighbor trim some of his branches. Typical Johnny, always doing for others.
I probably would have played high school football for all four years even if I had never met Johnny, but I can’t imagine what it would have been like. Even after his death, those of us who had had the privilege of being coached by him kept playing with all our hearts. Johnny preached the Gospel at all times. Very rarely did he need to use words.
When it came to discipline, only one coach handled it, and it wasn’t the head coach. That coach, Johnny, was our conditioning coach. He was also our most beloved coach.
Johnny always had conditioning drills for us to do after practice, and the amount of conditioning was a direct result of how hard we worked during the practice: essentially, if we were slacking off, we’d end up paying for it. The crucial difference with Johnny was that Johnny ran with us, every single time. He was accepting the punishment, because HE was part of our “family”.
Johnny knew us. He knew when we were happy, and he took part in our merriment. He knew when we were down, and he lifted us up. He knew when we were overconfident, and he took us down a couple notches. He knee when we were afraid, and he reminded us of what mettle we were made. He laughed with us, he cried with us, and there can be no doubt that he loved each one of us.
When we didn’t try our best, it was difficult to look him in the eye… we knew he always did his best for us. He wanted us to become men, to be responsible for ourselves and to pick each other up when some of us got down.
Johnny died of a heart attack during the summer before my senior year. He was in his early forties, and in amazing physical shape for a man of any age, especially his. When it happened, he was in a tree, helping a neighbor trim some of his branches. Typical Johnny, always doing for others.
I probably would have played high school football for all four years even if I had never met Johnny, but I can’t imagine what it would have been like. Even after his death, those of us who had had the privilege of being coached by him kept playing with all our hearts. Johnny preached the Gospel at all times. Very rarely did he need to use words.
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msugeotech
Guest
And that’s what a coach should be. God rest his soul.
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msugeotech
Guest
Very true. It is a guy thing. It’s a rite of passage for young boys. I believe I was blessed to have played team sports, and was better for it. On the same note, I don’t regret leaving it either. Like Sharon’s son, I reached a crossroads. I decided to turn instead of continuing. I quit because it wasn’t fun for me anymore. I also needed to get a job, since we were poor. I spent my senior year, and every year until I graduated college, working. That has also made me a better person. That’s why I believe that he won’t hang up the cleats to pursue video games or some other junk. He’s just trying to find something greater in his life that means more to him than football.
Well said.
Well said.
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allhers
Guest
Amen, Johnny sounds like a rare jewel. How incredible to have had a person like that in your life, what a gift and blessing he had to have been to all.
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whatevergirl
Guest
*So…I just called home…leaving shortly from work…and hubby (who has off today) picked the kids up from school, and our son told him…‘well, I saw the coach today, and he told me that spring ball starts on monday, and to be ready, and I said okay.’
:banghead:
My husband laughed…and said, that he feels badly that he seemed like he was pressuring him last night, he doesn’t want him to play if it’s for the wrong reasons…just like he doesn’t want him to quit if it’s for the wrong reasons.
And men think women speak another language? :whacky:
I’m going to talk to our son tonight. My dh couldn’t believe that he didn’t say something to his coach. I said…he’s not going to talk to him in the middle of the hallway at school.
My head hurts. *
:banghead:
My husband laughed…and said, that he feels badly that he seemed like he was pressuring him last night, he doesn’t want him to play if it’s for the wrong reasons…just like he doesn’t want him to quit if it’s for the wrong reasons.
And men think women speak another language? :whacky:
I’m going to talk to our son tonight. My dh couldn’t believe that he didn’t say something to his coach. I said…he’s not going to talk to him in the middle of the hallway at school.
My head hurts. *
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Teen4Christ
Guest
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GratefulDad
Guest
WG, If your son can add an Honors Class or two(or AP Class) that may be a graceful way to move on. It’s tough for football coaches or sports Dad’s to argue against that.
Men, can’t live with them, can’t live without em.
Men, can’t live with them, can’t live without em.
J
Jay82
Guest
Whatevergirl – Have you ever seen ‘The Last Lecture’ by Randy Pausch? It has really spread all over the internet. It is the final lecture of a former Carnegie Mellon Professor that died of cancer recently. The theme is: achieving childhood dreams.
Randy Pausch grew up playing football, but wasn’t a good athlete, but he specifically relates how things learned in football helped him get to where he was in life.
The link to the lecture is here:
video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5700431505846055184
It is 44 minutes. The football specific part starts at minute 16:30 and ends around minute 20. I think it that it greatly applies to your son’s feeling on how football ‘will not get him anywhere or help him’.
The entire 44 minute lecture is extremely moving and absolutely wonderful. I highly recommend it for anyone.
To relate my personal experience with HS sports:
I personally have an old school approach to sports and other aspects of life, just like your DH. I also played sports in HS for all four years. However, their were times where I reached a crossroad and found myself in a position just like your son is in now. After careful consideration, I always decided to continue on playing the sport. I hated double sessions (two-a-days) that I would have to endure. I also had some very very tough coaches, who like your son’s coach always punished the team and even used derogatory language to put down/motivate the players. Upon graduating high school I remember how happy I was not to be playing soccer the following summer/fall and having to report to tryouts/double sessions. However, after a few weeks passed by and I heard how my former team was doing, I really missed it. I thought back to all the good times I had playing, and even some of the bad times, but the overall feeling I got was – I really missed playing and being part of the team. That being said, I think your son will experience similar sentiments when the actual season comes around, because that is what the hard work is for, and that is when it pays off. He may be relieved and happy he isn’t playing for a while, but after some time passes, he will miss football tremendously.
I also think that you should emphasize that football or any team sports for that matter is not for nothing. It will get him somewhere. Sure he may not play in college or the NFL, but the benefits of team sports indirectly affect many things in your life. Team sports, especially high level (varsity) team sports, benefit the player by teaching them: Perseverance, Team work, how to lead, how to follow direction/orders, how to handle losing, how to set goals, how to develop strategy, how to handle criticism and give criticism, as well as, teach others. (I am sure there are more things here too).
Like the others have said, it sounds like he has thought a lot about it and if he truly doesn’t want to continue, I don’t think it is fair to force him to play on and make him unhappy. If he stops football and pursues other valuable activities, that will also benefit him in the long run….but I think it should be clear he has to stick it out with the new activities that he chooses to replace football so he doesn’t have a void in his life that will eventually get filled with video games, tv, etc.
I wish you the best.
Randy Pausch grew up playing football, but wasn’t a good athlete, but he specifically relates how things learned in football helped him get to where he was in life.
The link to the lecture is here:
video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5700431505846055184
It is 44 minutes. The football specific part starts at minute 16:30 and ends around minute 20. I think it that it greatly applies to your son’s feeling on how football ‘will not get him anywhere or help him’.
The entire 44 minute lecture is extremely moving and absolutely wonderful. I highly recommend it for anyone.
To relate my personal experience with HS sports:
I personally have an old school approach to sports and other aspects of life, just like your DH. I also played sports in HS for all four years. However, their were times where I reached a crossroad and found myself in a position just like your son is in now. After careful consideration, I always decided to continue on playing the sport. I hated double sessions (two-a-days) that I would have to endure. I also had some very very tough coaches, who like your son’s coach always punished the team and even used derogatory language to put down/motivate the players. Upon graduating high school I remember how happy I was not to be playing soccer the following summer/fall and having to report to tryouts/double sessions. However, after a few weeks passed by and I heard how my former team was doing, I really missed it. I thought back to all the good times I had playing, and even some of the bad times, but the overall feeling I got was – I really missed playing and being part of the team. That being said, I think your son will experience similar sentiments when the actual season comes around, because that is what the hard work is for, and that is when it pays off. He may be relieved and happy he isn’t playing for a while, but after some time passes, he will miss football tremendously.
I also think that you should emphasize that football or any team sports for that matter is not for nothing. It will get him somewhere. Sure he may not play in college or the NFL, but the benefits of team sports indirectly affect many things in your life. Team sports, especially high level (varsity) team sports, benefit the player by teaching them: Perseverance, Team work, how to lead, how to follow direction/orders, how to handle losing, how to set goals, how to develop strategy, how to handle criticism and give criticism, as well as, teach others. (I am sure there are more things here too).
Like the others have said, it sounds like he has thought a lot about it and if he truly doesn’t want to continue, I don’t think it is fair to force him to play on and make him unhappy. If he stops football and pursues other valuable activities, that will also benefit him in the long run….but I think it should be clear he has to stick it out with the new activities that he chooses to replace football so he doesn’t have a void in his life that will eventually get filled with video games, tv, etc.
I wish you the best.
S
sonofourlady
Guest
I can appreciate what you are saying but it concerns me that this Coach is more than just an “from the old school”. Calling kids the P word (not sure which P word as I can think of a few possibilities) is crude and unacceptable. Making the team suffer for the actions of a few is wrong as HS Football is not boot camp.
Here’s a suggestion Sharon: Could your DH coach the football team?
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Galnextdoor
Guest
This probably way out there, but it is something to consider. I think that letting your son quit football should be based on whether he has well-adjusted, decent friends who don’t play football. I’ve seen kids quit a sport and try to get into a new one. Sometimes the transition doesn’t happen because the coach already has in mind who he is going to play. The kids who are playing the new sport have been playing for years and aren’t willing to make friends with someone new. If he manages to do well, there could be resentment from the other people on the team, because he might be taking someone else’s coveted spot on the roster.
Another thing to consider if he doesn’t make the baseball team, he could end up with a giant vacuum in his life where football used to be. If all of his friends are playing or practicing football, what will he be doing? Your son sounds well-grounded, but some kids go looking for new friends and the friends that they find aren’t the type you would like for them to have.
I’m a worrier…, but these things can happen.
Another thing to consider if he doesn’t make the baseball team, he could end up with a giant vacuum in his life where football used to be. If all of his friends are playing or practicing football, what will he be doing? Your son sounds well-grounded, but some kids go looking for new friends and the friends that they find aren’t the type you would like for them to have.
I’m a worrier…, but these things can happen.
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whatevergirl
Guest
He is in honors…except for math. He just struggled with algebra 2, too much. I read through everyone’s comments…you are all so great to reply…I’m going to respond to all…WG, If your son can add an Honors Class or two(or AP Class) that may be a graceful way to move on. It’s tough for football coaches or sports Dad’s to argue against that.
Men, can’t live with them, can’t live without em.
DH and I talked about things at dinner…and he denies what he said last night? haha Oh my gosh. I said…you’re kidding, right? He said, he didn’t mean to pressure our son, and I said that I’m going to start taping our conversations on the webcam…
I don’t know what to make of things…our son said he needs to think about it and pray about it.
Would God direct a guy one way or another to play football??
*
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whatevergirl
Guest
I think that’s an excellent idea, although, he works a lot of nights, the nights he has off…he could? I am going to ask him this. I am not sure if ‘anyone’ can coach…I just told my son what you posted, and he just looked at me like I was crazy. (but I like your idea) :yup:
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