My Son told me he is Gay

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onmyknees said:
Anyone helping to move their son and his partner to move IS a loving act of charity. It is not condoning the homosexual act. It is definitely NOT a sin. We are called to love everyone right? Well, love is not just an emotion or feeling it is a loving act to do good.

When my priest said that helping my son to move in with his boyfriend was fraternal charity he was by no means condoning the homosexual acts, rather he was telling me that it is right and good to help my son and his partner to move into their apartment. Love is what everyone needs.

I do not believe my son was born gay. My dad, my siblings and I, as well as my husband, his siblings, and his mom were all EXTREMELY shy growing up. Besides being bullied at grade school, his father is a man who does not show very much emotion. He is a police officer and had to work in the evenings and weekends. My son did not get much time with him. So he would come to me when he needed to talk. We were very close. I have heard on EWTN about a theory about same sex attracted men being more attached to the opposite sex parent in the early years of their life. They have not found a gay gene.
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At this point and time i can’t agree with you on the Fraternal Charity. There is no way I"m going to encourage my son to live in a homosexual lifestyle by moving in with his Gay friend. It was very interesting that last night I heard a Cardinal talking about homosexuality and the fact that some behaviour is learnt.
 
" One thing I would say is that whether he wanted a girlfriend or a boyfriend to sleep over the answer is still the same - NO.

Treat him with love and keep praying. You are in such a difficult position that, frankly, could happen to any of us. " end quote.

I would agree, you must be tolerant and remember that at the end of the day he is still your child but that dosen’t mean you have to abandon your beliefs either.
 
Petersmate, I think you are doing the right thing not helping him move in with his boyfriend. Please don’t become discouraged and compromise your principles. True love means doing what is best for someone, even when they can’t see it, and aiding him in a homosexual lifestyle is not what is best for him.

If I were you I would contact this counselor for a consultation and just see if he has any advice for you josephnicolosi.com

He also has many interesting articles on his website about father-son dynamics and how this can lead to same-sex attraction in sons. There may be hope yet that there are some things you can fix in your relationship, and by extension help you son come back to a more healthy way of relating to other men.
 
I will agree that helping him move in with his partner is accepting his sin. I would not help my daughter move in with her boyfriend unless she knew exactly where I stood and why I will only help her, not him.

However I know what I said is easy to type, but to practice is harder to do. May God help guide you and your son. :signofcross:
 
ricofall said:
I will agree that helping him move in with his partner is accepting his sin. I would not help my daughter move in with her boyfriend unless she knew exactly where I stood and why I will only help her, not him.

However I know what I said is easy to type, but to practice is harder to do. May God help guide you and your son. :signofcross:
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There is a difference between helping his son move and moving his son in to the other lad’s house/apartment/flat/etc.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
That’s why they need to go to counseling. Just like you would cut off contact with your parents if they wouldn’t recognize your husband, her gay son will too. If he falls in love and commits that man will come first and be his new family. This goes extra if they adopt a child or hire a surrogate. This is a situation that they need to have an agreement worked out for before it happens.
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if I were you first off all unmarried couples need to respect house rules no partners sleeping over. if they get married and you have other children that are married you could request everyone get hotel rooms but please do come visit. you both need to come to agreement on how to respect each other’s boundaries without compromising each other’s beliefs. that might be really hard to do. If he shows to much affection with his partner in front of the family explain nicely in private that he doesn’t need to do that because we (your parents) understand you love him (your gay partner) you don’t have to show it. It doesn’t mean you accept him being gay. Then you may have to request everyone not to be too affectionate in front of the family. I bet there are better ways to say it but these are just some ideas. I’ll pray for you.
 
Petersmate,

I am a gay male who grew up as an extremely devote Catholic (my later de-conversion had nothing to do with homosexuality). As such, I believe I can uniquely contribute to this important discussion.

As a Catholic attending Franciscan University (a conservative Catholic college), I decided to attend a local chapter of Courage, a support group run by the Catholic Church for those Catholics who are gay, but strive to obey the Catholic Church’s teaching on sexual behavior. The Catholic Church also runs a support group for family and friends of homosexual persons called Encourage.

I eventually decided to take advantage of the mental health counseling offered by my university. When the subject of my homosexual orientation came up, the counselor, a priest, had told me that there was no evidence that a person’s sexual orientation can change. I had decided to do some research on it, and found that psychologists of all religious persuasions are generally in agreement that a person’s sexual orientation cannot be changed. I reviewed all the evidence (from all ‘sides’) and ended up agreeing. I would encourage you to look at this document, which, among other things, explains why the consensus opinion of experts that homosexuality cannot be changed, and attempting to change one’s sexual orientation may cause harm, especially when shame is involved.

Assuming that he understands your position on the morality of homosexual sexual activity, I recommend that you continue to love him as a parent, ask him to respect your rules while he is living under your roof, and refrain from bringing up the issue of homosexuality (let him bring the subject up if it needs to be discussed further).
 
Yeah, I would definately agree that helping him move in with his “friend” shows “acceptance” of his sin.

I hold the unorthodox (nowadays) view that people can be completely set free from this “lifestyle” not just celibacy but a total change of heart/attraction. Don’t give up hope!

Pray pray pray!!

I’m one of those old fashioned types that would not allow the significant other over for a meal either. While heterosexual fornication is a sin and evil, homosexuality is in my opinion on a whole nother level. :eek: While I would tell any one of my fornicating hetero children they are in sin I might still have their significant other over in the hopes they straighten up. Homosexuality on the other hand no way.

That’s just me, yeah I know I’m a bigot, oh well.
DoT
 
ricofall said:
I will agree that helping him move in with his partner is accepting his sin. I would not help my daughter move in with her boyfriend unless she knew exactly where I stood and why I will only help her, not him.

However I know what I said is easy to type, but to practice is harder to do. May God help guide you and your son. :signofcross:
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defenderoftruth and ricofall,
When my dh and I helped move my son into their apartment we definitely were NOT accepting his sin.

When my son first came to me and told me he was gay (I being the only Catholic in our family) told him that I loved him unconditionally but that I could not condone the practice of homosexual acts. He was very understanding of my beliefs.

I love him and pray for him!
 
defenderoftruth> Quote

I’m one of those old fashioned types that would not allow the significant other over for a meal either. While heterosexual fornication is a sin and evil, homosexuality is in my opinion on a whole nother level. While I would tell any one of my fornicating hetero children they are in sin I might still have their significant other over in the hopes they straighten up. Homosexuality on the other hand no way.

That’s just me, yeah I know I’m a bigot, oh well.
DoT

defenderoftruth, We are called to love sinners, saints and everyone in between. Did not Jesus eat with sinners? There is a huge difference between being charitable and loving to someone and condoning their sin. If you allow the significant other over for a meal you may be the one who converts him. Are we not all sinners?
 
Petersmate said:
OK. I am a very traditional Catholic come from a large Catholic family and these days am a single dad due to Divorce. I simply not sure what to do with my eldest son who told me last Christmas day that he is Gay. From enquiries I’ve made so far some say I have to change him and others say let him be what he is he is born that way just let him be. Then i have the issue of him bringing his boyfriend over and him wanting his boyfriend to sleepover. At the same time I’m trying to make a Catholic home the best way I can and have this moral dilema going on of you know prayer and him refusing to join in him getting very upset when I watch EWTN and the topic of homosexuality is quite often talked about on various programs. I try to keep around the home crucifixes and holy cards holy pictures and holy water. Yet somehow I have to accept his homosexual life and way. What does one do?
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You obviously love your son very much and have spoken very respectfully of him and the fact that he is gay. Its seems as though you have reacted better to it than alot of secular dads I know would have done; ie. “never darken my door way again” or, '“its just a phaze” etc. Its true, he is who he is, and you love him for it and he’s still the same son he always has been. I understand him getting upset with ewtn sometimes as some people are less compassionate about homosexuality than others on ewtn. (BTW I love ewtn lol). The only thing is you could probably say to him that you disaprove of his boyfriend sleeping over and it will not be allowed, just as if you had a daughter and her boyfriend would not be allowed to sleep over either. Nothing to do with him being gay. Its your roof and your rules and your children must abide by them. And certainly keep your crucifixes and holy pictures up. Again, its your roof and your rules.
 
onmyknees said:
defenderoftruth and ricofall,
When my dh and I helped move my son into their apartment we definitely were NOT accepting his sin.

When my son first came to me and told me he was gay (I being the only Catholic in our family) told him that I loved him unconditionally but that I could not condone the practice of homosexual acts. He was very understanding of my beliefs.

I love him and pray for him!
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Yeah but there is a difference in helping a child move into an apartment where they will live by themselves and helping a child move in with their “friend” who they fornicate with. I hope it was the former. Because you helping your son move in with a boyfriend says “I accept your lifestyle and fornication as normal”. I wouldn’t move my straight kids in with someone of the opposite sex either.
 
defenderoftruth said:
Yeah but there is a difference in helping a child move into an apartment where they will live by themselves and helping a child move in with their “friend” who they fornicate with. I hope it was the former. Because you helping your son move in with a boyfriend says “I accept your lifestyle and fornication as normal”. I wouldn’t move my straight kids in with someone of the opposite sex either.
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I said that there is a huge difference in being charitable(helping them move and using our truck) and condoning their sin. I will say it again. I told my son that we did not condone the practice of homosexual acts. Do you see the difference? We are called to love everyone which means doing acts of charity for one another.
 
Hi Petersmate,

I am a young male with same sex attraction struggling to live a celibate life, I’ve been spending time on here a lot looking for help/answers/direction.

You sound like an awesome Dad. I am not out to my family but if I had a Dad who would just support me in prayer and love me for who I am and acknowledge the sacrifices I’m making to live a holy life I know it would be a lot easier. You sound like you are that Dad.

I will pray for you and your son. I think you need to love him and be firm in your beliefs. I wouldn’t give up on trying to get him to pray with you.

God bless
 
Petersmate said:
OK. I am a very traditional Catholic come from a large Catholic family and these days am a single dad due to Divorce. I simply not sure what to do with my eldest son who told me last Christmas day that he is Gay. From enquiries I’ve made so far some say I have to change him and others say let him be what he is he is born that way just let him be. Then i have the issue of him bringing his boyfriend over and him wanting his boyfriend to sleepover. At the same time I’m trying to make a Catholic home the best way I can and have this moral dilema going on of you know prayer and him refusing to join in him getting very upset when I watch EWTN and the topic of homosexuality is quite often talked about on various programs. I try to keep around the home crucifixes and holy cards holy pictures and holy water. Yet somehow I have to accept his homosexual life and way. What does one do?
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well all you can really do is love him and pray!

try to change him and you will most likely push him away,
 
REJOICE! You have raised a wonderful son. Be proud of him for sharing who he is with you. Many Gay people end up living in fear of their parents, They hide from their family and are afraid to share their lives. Your love for him and his for you shows.

Yes it will be hard for you to get to know his partner, and perhaps should they visit separate rooms would be in order.

Your son is a creation of God. Your son and God will work things out. Your role will be to be there for your son and not judge (we all know what Christ has said about judging). Be the Father from The Prodigal Son, welcome him, do not worry about what he had done… welcome him with open arms. God will take care of the rest.

Please let us know how well things go for your family.
 
Petersmate said:
Id like to know what peoples thoughts are on this man on these videos.

youtube.com/watch?v=7sTNVcRpixI

youtube.com/watch?v=wD5mFQkenqI
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What a sad life that man has been living… he is searching to belong to something… he tried gay, realized he was not. He tried drugs and he realized the harm that they do. Perhaps he may now find peace in his life… at least for a while.

Here is another video that might shed some light about what God truly feel about those that he created as Gay.

youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ezQjNJUSraY
 
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