My wife dresses terribly

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“The way to a woman’s heart is through the door of a nice restaurant”. Make a reservation, the dress will follow.
 
Debora123 said:
Whoa!

Your husband being excited by the site of your body is NOT lust. What a depressing thought! :nope:

It seems like you should be happy that he still has that much passion for you and still finds your body beautiful after all these years… 🤷 I hope my husband is still able to feel the same way about my body 30 years from now.
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Well Debora, I’m 41 years old with 2 small kids…I dress nice and always take pride in my appearance. My husband lusts after me a lot 😃 I had to turn him down last weekend and he was upset with me…it’s like “got off of me!!!”. 😛 I want to be desirable to my husband, but my husband also shows me that he loves me in non-sexual ways.

Julianne’s hubby (from what I’ve read) rarely ever talks to her and he is always away for work. I think Julianne feels no connection with her husband mentally. Although hubby probably loves her very much, he isn’t good at showing it. His way of showing affection is through sex.

A lot of men are like that. They really love their wives, but are unable to express it in non-sexual ways.
 
clem456 said:
“The way to a woman’s heart is through the door of a nice restaurant”. Make a reservation, the dress will follow.
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I’d much rather prefer to go and see a movie or go for a hike than a sit down dinner. that’s just me.
 
Serap said:
Well Debora, I’m 41 years old with 2 small kids…I dress nice and always take pride in my appearance. My husband lusts after me a lot 😃 I had to turn him down last weekend and he was upset with me…it’s like “got off of me!!!”. 😛 I want to be desirable to my husband, but my husband also shows me that he loves me in non-sexual ways.
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Lol I guess it would depend on your definition of “lust.” I always go by the Church’s definition of lust, which is a very very unloving, selfish thing., and not just attraction/desire (which are good things).
Julianne’s hubby (from what I’ve read) rarely ever talks to her and he is always away for work. I think Julianne feels no connection with her husband mentally. Although hubby probably loves her very much, he isn’t good at showing it. His way of showing affection is through sex.
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A lot of men are like that. They really love their wives, but are unable to express it in non-sexual ways.
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True true. But unless we hear both sides of the story, we can’t really make any judgements on who’s to blame for the lack of love in a marriage.

I thought the post about her husband “lusting after her” and acting like a “teenage boy” was kind of harsh, and all I know is that my husband would be very hurt if I ever even thought of him in that way. Much less wrote about it on the internet.

Perhaps it is all his fault, perhaps it’s a little of both. Some counseling would probably be a good thing, IMHO.
 
Debora123 said:
Lol I guess it would depend on your definition of “lust.” I always go by the Church’s definition of lust, which is a very very unloving, selfish thing., and not just attraction/desire (which are good things).

True true. But unless we hear both sides of the story, we can’t really make any judgements on who’s to blame for the lack of love in a marriage.

I thought the post about her husband “lusting after her” and acting like a “teenage boy” was kind of harsh, and all I know is that my husband would be very hurt if I ever even thought of him in that way. Much less wrote about it on the internet.

Perhaps it is all his fault, perhaps it’s a little of both. Some counseling would probably be a good thing, IMHO.
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We can’t judge either. We are in different life stages than Julianne. I don’t see anything wrong with her anonimously blogging about it if it helps her sort things out.

When I had Postpartum Depression, I blogged on here about my husband and it was BAD. We were going through a very difficult time. Right or wrong, it helped me a lot.
 
Serap said:
We can’t judge either. We are in different life stages than Julianne. I don’t see anything wrong with her anonimously blogging about it if it helps her sort things out.

When I had Postpartum Depression, I blogged on here about my husband and it was BAD. We were going through a very difficult time. Right or wrong, it helped me a lot.
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Well then hopefully writing such posts will help her too.
 
I’m late to this convo… but the best idea I can think of is to tell her WHY you like her to dress up! COMPLIMENT her on how nice she looks when she leaves for work, or ENCOURAGE her to “wear that cute skirt and that glitzy necklace because it makes you look so hot!” 😉 When she does walk out looking really fabulous give her a huge hug and kiss and say “OMG I can’t take my eyes off of you!”… or “You look stunning!” followed by a passionate kiss.

Let me tell you… it’ll work. 😉
 
And… after reading all these thoughts on the “lustful” husband… I don’t think that reaction is NORMAL. Sure, obviously that can be taken to an extreme or go overboard… which is sad. 😦
But it is NORMAL and HEALTHY to want to be ATTRACTIVE and ATTRACTED to your spouse. 👍
 
Em_in_FL said:
And… after reading all these thoughts on the “lustful” husband… I don’t think that reaction is NORMAL. Sure, obviously that can be taken to an extreme or go overboard… which is sad. 😦
But it is NORMAL and HEALTHY to want to be ATTRACTIVE and ATTRACTED to your spouse. 👍
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My thoughts exactly.
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
…Edited to add - we have been married for 3 years, and she hasn’t been pregnant so it’s nothing to do with age or pregnancy.
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Has she always dressed this way or did she stop dressing up once you were married?
 
28562 said:
But probably not if your spouse’s attraction causes him to treat you as an object…
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I don’t mind if my husband sees me in a tight dress and wants to go back to the bedroom before we leave for the party.

I must be a huge sinner 😃
 
Debora123 said:
And if that’s the case then the marriage has some serious issues.
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And Julianne knows that her marriage has serious issues. But this thread is about the OP.

A couple of pages back, I suggested that the OP simply be honest with her, and this suggestion was ignored. Now a few more people have said the same thing. OP, you said you are not great at communication. Well let me be the bearer of the news - if you want to have a good marriage, you’re going to have to get better at communication. You’re not going to get by on hints and ulterior motives. Figure out how to talk to her without insulting her and then COMMUNICATE with her. Let her know you find her beautiful and attractive, tell her straight out that you really love it when she dresses nicely for you, and ask her about how she feels.
 
ThyKingdomCome said:
And Julianne knows that her marriage has serious issues. But this thread is about the OP.

A couple of pages back, I suggested that the OP simply be honest with her, and this suggestion was ignored. Now a few more people have said the same thing. OP, you said you are not great at communication. Well let me be the bearer of the news - if you want to have a good marriage, you’re going to have to get better at communication. You’re not going to get by on hints and ulterior motives. Figure out how to talk to her without insulting her and then COMMUNICATE with her. Let her know you find her beautiful and attractive, tell her straight out that you really love it when she dresses nicely for you, and ask her about how she feels.
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yep
 
Debora123 said:
And if that’s the case then the marriage has some serious issues.
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I didn’t mean to make this thread about my marriage. We’ve been in counseling a couple of times, and haven’t gotten much benefit from it. Will we return to counseling? Not sure. Do I blame my husband for everything? Of course not! We are both the products of our lives. I have just as much responsibility for our relationship as he does.

🤷
 
TheRealJuliane said:
I didn’t mean to make this thread about my marriage. We’ve been in counseling a couple of times, and haven’t gotten much benefit from it. Will we return to counseling? Not sure. Do I blame my husband for everything? Of course not! We are both the products of our lives. I have just as much responsibility for our relationship as he does.

🤷
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I’m sorry. I wasn’t referring to your marriage specifically when I made that comment, but to any marriage in general where the husband sees his wife as nothing but an object. I have no idea if that’s the case for you or not because I don’t know you, but I hope it’s not.

I hope things get better, and God bless.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
I didn’t mean to make this thread about my marriage. We’ve been in counseling a couple of times, and haven’t gotten much benefit from it. Will we return to counseling? Not sure. Do I blame my husband for everything? Of course not! We are both the products of our lives. I have just as much responsibility for our relationship as he does.

🤷
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Julianne, you are not alone. We all have our problems.
 
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