My wife ignores one child, but spoils the other

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Anglewannabe said:
I TOTALLY understand the point you are making and I would have probably replied something similar had the OP said ‘My son is always complaining that his mom treats his sister better.’ But that is NOT what I got from the OP. I got that it bugs the OP that the daughter is being treated better. It appears the son’s only complaint was that he was going to be late for his activity and didn’t care if mom was going to watch
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If the son’s issue was only one event, I don’t think he’d have told his mom two or three times that she needed to get him to practice. He doesn’t trust her to put him on her schedule and remember him.

He might not care if Mom isn’t there. Honestly, he might even rather she’s not there, because the “involvement” of some parents has more cons than pros for their child. That’s why I’d make this about what the children tell the parents they need and want. If the children are both satisfied and the husband and wife are not feeling burdened with too much of the responsibility of getting things done, then I’d say let it be, and not worry about which child’s activities demand more time from which parent.

For all we know, the OP has issues with working too much and putting all the activity errands on his wife. This is something for the family to talk over, so the whole situation can be looked at and addressed, rather than making it about one person being the failure and one person picking up all the consequences of that person’s failure. That, if is true, is a situation that has to be proven by ruling out less simplistic possibilities.
 
styrgwillidar said:
**Sorry, you don’t go to recitals, sports matches, dance competitions, class field trips, science fairs, choir performances, karate lessons and tournaments, school festivals etc. based on how interesting you’ll find them. You don’t go for your own entertainment.

You go to support your kids and show them you love them. Even if you don’t understand or share their passions.**

You want your kids to stop talking to you? Stop showing interest in their activities, the things that they enjoy and want to talk about. They don’t see this as a one way thing, they won’t talk about other parts of their lives if you don’t want to hear about what’s important to them.

Kids understand that time is valuable, they treasure time with their parents. And they understand the message when they aren’t important enough for your time. They understand that you make time for the things that are important to you. If you don’t make time for them, they’ll know they are not one of those things.

Can your son get a driver’s license? If he can, it sounds like its time to get a car for him to drive. I know the teams I played for either cut or benched kids who couldn’t get to practises on time. No excuses.

If he can’t count on/rely on his mother, than he needs transportation he can count on. If his mom sees this as something they’d share, or both each have, the answer is no. This isn’t a reward, or a favoritism tit-for-tat privilege. Its a simple solution, if you can afford it, to a practical problem- meeting his committments to his team.
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👍
 
To the OP:

How does your son feel about this? I know it seems like a stupid question but it seems like perhaps you’re the one who’s upset, not really him. Reading the post it seems like you were talking about your own feelings (which are valid by the way) rather than his.
 
scorpio1990 said:
To the OP:

How does your son feel about this? I know it seems like a stupid question but it seems like perhaps you’re the one who’s upset, not really him. Reading the post it seems like you were talking about your own feelings (which are valid by the way) rather than his.
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He always seems a little angered when my wife spends $110 dollars for shoes on my daughter without a tiny complaint, and she just buys them because my daughter wants them, and complains about having to buy sports gear. He seems upset, when she takes our daughter out to Six Flags, but doesn’t invite him to go.
 
I also apologize to you all for taking such a long break, I’ve been busy with work and family.
 
This is what my husband grew up with between him and his mother. Honestly he is so fed up, he refuses to speak with her or his sister.

There isn’t anything you can do. 😦

My husband has spoken with his mom several time, the most recent one ended up with his mom and sister ganging up on him and he hasn’t spoken with them since.

In these cases the parent is in so much denial nothing is going to shake them from it. 😦
 
OldTrad said:
He always seems a little angered when my wife spends $110 dollars for shoes on my daughter without a tiny complaint, and she just buys them because my daughter wants them, and complains about having to buy sports gear. He seems upset, when she takes our daughter out to Six Flags, but doesn’t invite him to go.
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OldTrad, have you spoken with your wife about your observations of your son? You said your son looked bothered when your daughter got something. I can understand that. However, do you think your son is bothered by the lack of attendance at sports practice? I know that I didn’t always attend my children’s practices, but I did attend the games.

Like some others have said, your wife could have issues from her childhood. The Six Flags incident makes me wonder if your wife doesn’t regard your daughter as her best friend…? I do hope that the two of you can sort this out, especially if it’s bothering your son.
 
and the more we hear, the stronger my case for getting your family into counseling and getting you and your wife into marriage counseling as I suggested a dozen posts ago.

:banghead:
 
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