My wife wants out - help needed

[Leap_of_Faith_1]

Hello Serap,

Thank you for the words from your Priest, tell him thank you for me as well.

My joint living arrangement proposal I gave to her last night wasn’t received well, and I feel she dismissed the idea before even reading page number one. When I mentioned not giving up for the children’s sake if not for us, this didn’t go over well at all.

She is dead set on this divorce and wanting to separate herself from me in every little way, but for the time being is willing to remain nice. She still wants to take her time with the divorce to make sure she has all her upcoming family & friends gifts and all her long overdue dental work paid for by me first before filing.

I believe it may be time for me to seek legal advice. I don’t want to take the kids away from her, but I feel there is no way she will be able to provide for our children, having no income in the past 10 years, no car (the one I just bought her has a $335 per month payment) and no place to live (can’t stay with her folks, they are both unemployed). Because I am Base plus Commission, I don’t think she will get much for alimony (I don’t know how it all works though).

I guess is is time to find out what my rights are! My poor children…this really sucks for all of us, but especially for them!

May God continue to bless you and your family always.

 

[happymommy]

Thank you for the words from your Priest, tell him thank you for me as well.

My joint living arrangement proposal I gave to her last night wasn’t received well, and I feel she dismissed the idea before even reading page number one. When I mentioned not giving up for the children’s sake if not for us, this didn’t go over well at all.

She is dead set on this divorce and wanting to separate herself from me in every little way, but for the time being is willing to remain nice. She still wants to take her time with the divorce to make sure she has all her upcoming family & friends gifts and all her long overdue dental work paid for by me first before filing.

I believe it may be time for me to seek legal advice. I don’t want to take the kids away from her, but I feel there is no way she will be able to provide for our children, having no income in the past 10 years, no car (the one I just bought her has a $335 per month payment) and no place to live (can’t stay with her folks, they are both unemployed). Because I am Base plus Commission, I don’t think she will get much for alimony (I don’t know how it all works though).

I guess is is time to find out what my rights are! My poor children…this really sucks for all of us, but especially for them!

May God continue to bless you and your family always.

I’m sorry you and your family are going through this. Prayers for all of you!

 

[Serap]

Hello Serap,

Thank you for the words from your Priest, tell him thank you for me as well.

My joint living arrangement proposal I gave to her last night wasn’t received well, and I feel she dismissed the idea before even reading page number one. When I mentioned not giving up for the children’s sake if not for us, this didn’t go over well at all.

She is dead set on this divorce and wanting to separate herself from me in every little way, but for the time being is willing to remain nice. She still wants to take her time with the divorce to make sure she has all her upcoming family & friends gifts and all her long overdue dental work paid for by me first before filing.

I believe it may be time for me to seek legal advice. I don’t want to take the kids away from her, but I feel there is no way she will be able to provide for our children, having no income in the past 10 years, no car (the one I just bought her has a $335 per month payment) and no place to live (can’t stay with her folks, they are both unemployed). Because I am Base plus Commission, I don’t think she will get much for alimony (I don’t know how it all works though).

I guess is is time to find out what my rights are! My poor children…this really sucks for all of us, but especially for them!

May God continue to bless you and your family always.

boy oh boy…i’m so sorry.

 

[savemymarr]

Hello Serap,

Thank you for the words from your Priest, tell him thank you for me as well.

My joint living arrangement proposal I gave to her last night wasn’t received well, and I feel she dismissed the idea before even reading page number one. When I mentioned not giving up for the children’s sake if not for us, this didn’t go over well at all.

Of course it wasnt well received LOF. it is not what she wants. she wants it all, the trappings of the marriage, the home, etc but she just doesnt want you. she wants to party but there is the small problem of 4 little kids and a husband.

She is dead set on this divorce and wanting to separate herself from me in every little way, but for the time being is willing to remain nice. She still wants to take her time with the divorce to make sure she has all her upcoming family & friends gifts and all her long overdue dental work paid for by me first before filing.

of course she is dead set. she has her heart w/ someone else. your instincts tell you so. and of course she wants to separate herself from you so she can spend time with the OM without you around. go out and buy the book Surviving an Affair by Willard Harley. your story reminds me of Jon and Sue’s in the book. she too wanted her H out of the picture so she could pursue her fantasy but still needed her H Jon to pay the bills. don’t be the frog in the pot of water. she is slowly turning up the heat. you wont know it’s too late until the water boils.

she wants her cake and to eat it too. she is in an affair. you need to find out for yourself. she is in “love.” your instincts have told you so. do not be fooled. and she wants you to go along w/ all of it. do you plan to? i sense anger. of course you are disappointed, sad and frustrated. but there is nothing wrong w/ anger either. you are human being so you should not be faulted for feeling angry. but feeling angry is one thing and acting on it is another. your W is probably like mine. she doesnt respect you right now. fine. i don’t need her respect. i am disappointed she feels that way, but you need to stand up for yourself. earn that respect back or show her that you are not a doormat. women respect a strong man. be that man.

I believe it may be time for me to seek legal advice. I don’t want to take the kids away from her, but I feel there is no way she will be able to provide for our children, having no income in the past 10 years, no car (the one I just bought her has a $335 per month payment) and no place to live (can’t stay with her folks, they are both unemployed). Because I am Base plus Commission, I don’t think she will get much for alimony (I don’t know how it all works though).

absolutely it is time. and you need to confirm that she is in an A. it will help you with custody. you should go for full custody no doubt. you are the stable parent. your W? give her the rope to hang herself. open the cage door. there is a chance she may come back to you. she will NOT if you do not give her the chance to swim and sink. if you coddle her then she will win and you will lose. your children will lose the mother they knew (which they already are) and your will lose the W she was (which you already have sorta). don’t worry about how your W will fend for herself. let go. detach. she will have to figure THAT out for herself. you need to protect yourself and your children before you allow her to drag you down.

i love my W as much as you love yours. i feel that God does not favor divorce. divorce is wrong. i don’t want a divorce but my W does. she is he__bent on it. i cannot stop her. i have decided i will not try. call me crazy but maybe i will have a chance at reconciliation w/ her later on. maybe you are destined to do the same.

importantly though, you need to find out if your W is in an A. if so, then expose it and her. expose to the other man’s family and friends. you cannot draw her back without driving him away. it is an addiction. go to MB. you need to plan A then plan B in that order. you have let her push you to plan D. don’t. please, i implore you to post your story on the forum there LOF. you are not alone. there are lots of experienced members whose advice you really need.

I guess is is time to find out what my rights are! My poor children…this really sucks for all of us, but especially for them!

agreed. stand up and be strong. your W will respect you for that in time.

May God continue to bless you and your family always.

i know that was meant for Serap, but the same to you. i have kept you, your W and your children in my prayers.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Hello Serap,

Thank you for the words from your Priest, tell him thank you for me as well.

My joint living arrangement proposal I gave to her last night wasn’t received well, and I feel she dismissed the idea before even reading page number one. When I mentioned not giving up for the children’s sake if not for us, this didn’t go over well at all.

She is dead set on this divorce and wanting to separate herself from me in every little way, but for the time being is willing to remain nice. She still wants to take her time with the divorce to make sure she has all her upcoming family & friends gifts and all her long overdue dental work paid for by me first before filing.

I believe it may be time for me to seek legal advice. I don’t want to take the kids away from her, but I feel there is no way she will be able to provide for our children, having no income in the past 10 years, no car (the one I just bought her has a $335 per month payment) and no place to live (can’t stay with her folks, they are both unemployed). Because I am Base plus Commission, I don’t think she will get much for alimony (I don’t know how it all works though).

I guess is is time to find out what my rights are! My poor children…this really sucks for all of us, but especially for them!

May God continue to bless you and your family always.

I think you should hire a detective and have her followed/surveiled.

You need to know the law in your state. In Texas, the wife is entitled to a settlement of 50% of all assets gained during the marriage. If one of the spouses has an inheritance, that is not part of the joint assets. There is usually no alimony paid, or very little, but the 50% rule is usually followed. That can mean that the family home needs to be sold and both parties have to move into an apartment or a smaller home. Or, the spouse who wants to keep the home will have to buy the other spouse’s part from him/her.

Yes, go to a lawyer right away. I think savemymarr is right, your wife wants to keep her living situation and still have fun on the side. She needs a wake-up call, that life is going to change and not for the better. Too bad the kids will suffer from her selfishness. But you need to start acting on your own behalf as well. Hire a detective and see a lawyer.

 

[savemymarr]

I think you should hire a detective and have her followed/surveiled.

Agreed 100%. and broken record that i am, go to the MB site. there is a thread there called gathering intel. it will give you an idea of all the things you should consider to figure out this situation. of the top of my head, think VAR or voice activated recorder. place it in her car. she might have a secret cell phone. she might do things in it. think GPS tracker and track her movements. will pay off in spades. what kind of cellphone does she have? you can put something called “mobile spy” which will let you keep track, literally and verbatim, of all texts. lastly install “keyloggers” on your computers which will keep track of every key typed. it will reveal secret passwords, email exchanges (albeit one sided, your W’s) and other things. a great one is Aobo Eblaster. helpful. private eye will help w/ all of the above but you can save yourself big coin by doing it yourself.

You need to know the law in your state. In Texas, the wife is entitled to a settlement of 50% of all assets gained during the marriage. If one of the spouses has an inheritance, that is not part of the joint assets. There is usually no alimony paid, or very little, but the 50% rule is usually followed. That can mean that the family home needs to be sold and both parties have to move into an apartment or a smaller home. Or, the spouse who wants to keep the home will have to buy the other spouse’s part from him/her.

this is where a L can be key though ultimately beware any attorney. if you have one attorney in your town, they’ll starve. you have two attorneys, and they’ll have work and money to last a lifetime.

Yes, go to a lawyer right away. I think savemymarr is right, your wife wants to keep her living situation and still have fun on the side. She needs a wake-up call, that life is going to change and not for the better. Too bad the kids will suffer from her selfishness. But you need to start acting on your own behalf as well. Hire a detective and see a lawyer.

absolutely. girls, and our wives, just wanna have fun. oh did i say that you should go to MB too? start acting not reacting. your W has the initiative. you are just letting her call the shots. you need to take it away from her. you have 4 small children and yourself you are fighting for. worst case? you divorce. best case? you say your M and your W in the same bargain. that will NOT happen without action, especially if you allow her to dictate what happens. that would be an error. letting the drunken person rather than the designated driver operate the motor vehicle is just asking for trouble.

 

[Samson01]

Don’t get a PI and don’t start stalking her. If anything “disconnect” some from the situation a bit and rationalize a legal approach.This is the advice I got from some pretty quaulified folks, Priests’, counselors… It you start planting GPS’s, recording phone calls, kiss your arse goodbye in court…even if she is messing around, what is going to change with evidence? Is she going to melt in your arms facing the truth or harden her heart more cause you acted “controling”. Courts don’t really care about adultery, sad but true. It can be twisted around quickly if you aren’t careful…I don’t want to hear about you being outside the house in a gillie suite either…

 

[cviolette]

Agreed 100%. and broken record that i am, go to the MB site. there is a thread there called gathering intel. it will give you an idea of all the things you should consider to figure out this situation. of the top of my head, think VAR or voice activated recorder. place it in her car. she might have a secret cell phone. she might do things in it. think GPS tracker and track her movements. will pay off in spades. what kind of cellphone does she have? you can put something called “mobile spy” which will let you keep track, literally and verbatim, of all texts. lastly install “keyloggers” on your computers which will keep track of every key typed. it will reveal secret passwords, email exchanges (albeit one sided, your W’s) and other things. a great one is Aobo Eblaster. helpful. private eye will help w/ all of the above but you can save yourself big coin by doing it yourself.

.

That’s kind of scary. Is there information on finding out if someone is tracking you?

 

[whatevergirl]

haven’t been on here in a while. wow. people go to great lengths just to stay married. if you need to hire detectives, and install tracking devices in cars…might be time to move on. just sayin.

spare me the Bible lecture. I know what Jesus said. But, doubtful He had ^^^^ that above in mind, when He spoke of marriage. Sometimes, you have to let someone go.

 

[SoulSurvivorJMJ]

You and your “wife” never took vows, ie, you were never married in the Church (or any place else for that matter). She left for other reasons (crazy) AND YOU KNOW IT! Had nothing to do with her being “unfaithful.” She had no legal or moral obligations to you. Stop calling her your wife, she doesn’t like it.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

That’s kind of scary. Is there information on finding out if someone is tracking you?

There are all kinds of stealth things that someone can do. I have a program on my son’s computer that is undetectable that will take screen shots every 2 seconds and save them all. I can see all of his chats including on FB. He doesn’t know how powerful the program really is, and I will never tell him.

Are you worried that your husband would install something on your computer or phone? You can lock everything with a password so no one can install anything without your knowledge.

 

[Leap_of_Faith_1]

Hello All,

Interesting comments about the spy stuff. I believe it is time to start finding out what I can to protect myself and the children. I did purchase a GPS Auto Tracker a couple weeks ago, time will tell should she be meeting someone regularly. I am still on the fence on the on the Computer Tracking Device, I will probably get is if the GPS Tracker finds something interesting. BTW, I found out tracking the car is totally legal since the car is my name also.

Something strange happened last night while I was sleeping. As I have stated in earlier posts, my wife has moved out of the bedroom 2 months ago now…I sleep alone. This morning I got up for work and went to tidy up the bed sheets as normal and noticed the blankets pulled back a foot or so on her side of our King Size bed, and the sheets were all wrinkled where an adult appeared to have been sitting for some time…very odd. I don’t recall the blankets that way when I went to bed at midnight, and my wife came home sometime after I went to sleep. Could she have been sitting in my bed watching me sleep??? If so, why??? It kinda freaks me out a bit.

My wife is still insistent on the divorce at any cost. I did speak with a lawyer and was told I don’t make enough money to afford alimony after the divorce settlement, house payment and child support for 4 children. She believes my wife will get no alimony! The value of my house was only determined today just barely above what I purchased it for 12 years ago. With my down and the loan from my folks, she would be lucky to get between $20K & $30K in the settlement. As the lawyer said, we simply don’t have enough money for her to afford a divorce. My wife is still pondering the duplex idea for my house, it looks like this will be her only way to divorce me.

Time will tell, it is in Gods hands now.

I beg all of you to continue to pray for her to find her way back home before she destroys everything left.

God Bless you all.

 

[cviolette]

There are all kinds of stealth things that someone can do. I have a program on my son’s computer that is undetectable that will take screen shots every 2 seconds and save them all. I can see all of his chats including on FB. He doesn’t know how powerful the program really is, and I will never tell him.

Are you worried that your husband would install something on your computer or phone? You can lock everything with a password so no one can install anything without your knowledge.

I can’t password protect it because he gave me one of his work laptops when my laptop died. He has a program installed so that his IT guy can log on to my computer remotely and install updated software. He did buy me an IPAD 2 recently. I should probably be using that but haven’t really grown attached to it.

Plus, adding passwords now would seem odd to him.

I am just being paranoid. He has never shown any interest in what I do unless it interferes with his plans, wants or needs. Tracking my movements would not be a problem. I only go to church, shopping, planned parenthood, the gym, therapy or out for coffee. Not much to report back about. But tracking my emails or internet use would be a problem. Not because I am cheating but just because I am so angry at him.