Naked pictures to spouse

[clem456]

Hi.

No worries about personally offending me, I know you’re just looking out.

Obviously I can’t speak for what’s going on in your head, but I totally disagree with your blanket statements and one size fits all statements. Perhaps that’s how things are to you, and maybe in your particular case it wouldn’t be a good idea for your wife to send such photos. But it doesn’t mean it’s the same way for every man in every situation.

Thank you for sharing. I’ll spare you my thoughts, mainly because I’d be repeating myself yet again at this point, lol.

Well, there’s nothing going on in my head. It’s your thread, not mine.
I’m not giving you my statements. I just quoted you from TOB. That’s not mine. Not my opinion.

I would not expect my wife to send me nude photos. And she would not feel confortable doing it. We just don’t need that to have a great sex life.
Thanks for the discussion.

 

[Debora123]

This is about purpose. What is the purpose in a situation?

What is the end?

In this area, I included some words.

Then what is the point of sending them? Why not send a clothed photo and a loving message? It seems like teasing or flaunting… without a way to morally act on what the pix suggest.

Hey guys. I’ve actually already answered that earlier in this thread. Sorry if y’all missed it, but here it is:

To be fun, romantic, and give him a reason to want to hurry home. And to please him.

I’ll admit that we’ve already exchanged some photos of this nature before I even wrote this thread. It brings some fun into the situation we’re in of being away from each other, and helps relieve stress and keep a positive attitude in our relationship. Makes the separation a little more bearable for the both of us too, and helps us have some fun with it. :

And yeah, I do send him loved notes too of course, and send him plenty of pictures of what I’ve been doing the whole time here… like pictures of me cooking with my mom or hanging with friends. It doesn’t have to be either one or the other.

I’m actually quite surprised at the number of people who seem to have no clue as to why a husband and wife would want to share photos like that while they’re temporarily apart. It just seems kind of like a given to me that spouses would enjoy that.

 

[Debora123]

Well, there’s nothing going on in my head. It’s your thread, not mine.
I’m not giving you my statements. I just quoted you from TOB. That’s not mine. Not my opinion.

I would not expect my wife to send me nude photos. And she would not feel confortable doing it. We just don’t need that to have a great sex life.
Thanks for the discussion.

Hey Clem, sorry for the misunderstanding. I wasn’t referring to your quote from the TOB. I was referring to your personal account here:

Don’t take this discussion too personally please, I am not directing it at you.
In my life…small selfish pleasures can lead to huge problems. In anybody’s life really, they can. What seems like innocent one-off pleasures for some people awaken in others a willfullnes and disobedience that develops into a real issue. Basically, if I’m aware of a pleasure I should not be indulging in, and I choose to cater to it anywaym,that is trouble. Do my wife and I engage in good fun in privacy? Sure we do. But as I have gotten older and been burnt by lust, I do not go where I shouldn’t. My wife in the flesh is enough for me. I don’t introduce outside influences into the bedroom, I don’t expect sexual talk over the phone from her when I am gone on a trip. It just gets me revved up at a time when I don’t want to be. It has no point when I am not with her.

 

[sstrider]

**Hey guys. I’ve actually already answered that earlier in this thread. Sorry if y’all missed it, but here it is: **

And yeah, I do send him loved notes too of course, and send him plenty of pictures of what I’ve been doing the whole time here… like pictures of me cooking with my mom or hanging with friends. It doesn’t have to be either one or the other.

I’m actually quite surprised at the number of people who seem to have no clue as to why a husband and wife would want to share photos like that while they’re temporarily apart. It just seems kind of like a given to me that spouses would enjoy that.

Hi

Maybe I was being general with my questions. I wrote “What is the purpose in a situation?” instead of “What is the purpose in this situation?” Maybe I thought it was a way to lead to the Pope Pius XII part.

 

[Debora123]

Hi

Maybe I was being general with my questions. I wrote “What is the purpose in a situation?” instead of “What is the purpose in this situation?” Maybe I thought it was a way to lead to the Pope Pius XII part.

Oh, haha sorry. I thought you were directly asking me.

 

[sstrider]

o k

Oh, haha sorry. I thought you were directly asking me.

 

[oneofmany]

I would say no, no and no.

My hubby sometimes wants to talk me into letting him take a pic of me and I have always said no, you have a memory, use it. With the internet now who knows where pics may turn up. Even without the internet my hubby says he found a pic of his mother taken by his father. Right there I said----ewwwwww. I would think that would have taught my hubby a lesson not to venture into the area.

I’m not a prude but no one gets to go there except my hubby and pics floating around are too chancy. Gives me the creeps.

 

[Debora123]

I would say no, no and no.

My hubby sometimes wants to talk me into letting him take a pic of me and I have always said no, you have a memory, use it. With the internet now who knows where pics may turn up. ** Even without the internet my hubby says he found a pic of his mother taken by his father. Right there I said----ewwwwww.** I would think that would have taught my hubby a lesson not to venture into the area.

I’m not a prude but no one gets to go there except my hubby and pics floating around are too chancy. Gives me the creeps.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

This thread reminds me of the classic song:

Jimmy Soul - If You Wanna be Happy

 

[Greg_N]

To be fun, romantic, and give him a reason to want to hurry home. And to please him.

a husband won’t automatically objectify his wife when he sees a naked picture of her.

Are you for real?

 

[PatriceA]

Hey guys. I’ve actually already answered that earlier in this thread. Sorry if y’all missed it, but here it is:

And yeah, I do send him loved notes too of course, and send him plenty of pictures of what I’ve been doing the whole time here… like pictures of me cooking with my mom or hanging with friends. It doesn’t have to be either one or the other.

I’m actually quite surprised at the number of people who seem to have no clue as to why a husband and wife would want to share photos like that while they’re temporarily apart. It just seems kind of like a given to me that spouses would enjoy that.

I absolutely wanted and did share photos with my husband while he was deployed or away training when I was a military spouse. But not naked ones. I did “have a clue” what exactly those kind of photos could lead to during those times we were separated. I"m not sure that you “have a clue” that these photos are a slippery slope during times of separation when you are a military couple, even for the couple that thinks they will never ever have any problems with lust or objectifying each other.

 

[Debora123]

Are you for real?

Greg, I am fo real, yes!

 

[bmaj]

I think that some of the confusion and disagreement within this thread comes from a bit of naivety regarding not understanding how difficult it can be for a young, healthy male that enjoys sex to remain pure and chaste in our world in both body and (here’s the hard one) mind! We are hit in the face with it every time we turn on the tv, listen to the radio, drive past a billboard, stand in the checkout line, etc… And it isn’t always easy to keep our minds off of things we shouldn’t think about. It doesn’t matter how devout we are or how much we love our wives.

Debora, please don’t take any offense to any of this… But please don’t discount the advice you have received from so many males on this thread that have told you that, even though it would be appreciated, it might not be a good idea. Your husband might be the most perfect guy in the world, but he is still susceptible to great temptation. He isn’t Jesus. And if you think the devil won’t attempt to use your time apart to try and wiggle his way in, then you are sadly mistaken.

This seems to be very appropriate advice. Why chance it - for so many of the reasons already mentioned in this thread? Satan would likely love the opportunity to have your husband begin to objectify you by looking at your photo while he’s away, which of course could lead to any number of possible sinful actions. We’d all love to think our husbands are above all of that, but unfortunately, every one of us is all too human and prone to many temptations each day, so why give satan a foot in the door, so to speak?

 

[Debora123]

I absolutely wanted and did share photos with my husband while he was deployed or away training when I was a military spouse. But not naked ones. I did “have a clue” what exactly those kind of photos could lead to during those times we were separated.

Hi Pat.

What I meant by that was that I don’t understand why so many people have been like “what’s the point of sending nude photos to your husband, just send clothed ones!” I’m just like, really? You can’t think of a single reason why a married couple would enjoy that unless it were being put to sinful use?? I just thought it was weird.

I"m not sure that you “have a clue” that these photos are a slippery slope during times of separation when you are a military couple, even for the couple that thinks they will never ever have any problems with lust or objectifying each other.

Some people here have told me it will absolutely be a problem, others have told me it could be a problem, while others have said it probably won’t be.

I know my relationship and my spouse and the situation he’s in better than anyone else, so I still think I’m the best judge of whether or not it would lead to sin. Yes, I do think it’s silly to believe that just because I’m in a picture and not in person that he’ll automatically see me as an object to be used and abused. I can see how that might be the case for someone who has had a history of porn use/impurity and has been conditioned in the past to use women… in that case a picture might make it* more difficult *for that man to not objectify, than it would be if she were in person. But both or neither could still happen at any given time to someone who has impurity issues.

As for the masturbation thing, that’s kind of a joke when he’s going through the training he’s in. The only free time he gets is a couple hours on Sunday morning, at which time he goes to Church and then hurries back and hopes he has some time left to study for the million things he has to memorize and be tested on. And even then, he has a roommate so it’s not like he has any privacy even if he did have the time or energy to as much as entertain the thought. Officer training is no joke.

 

[PatriceA]

Hi Pat.

What I meant by that was that I don’t understand why so many people have been like “what’s the point of sending nude photos to your husband, just send clothed ones!” I’m just like, really? You can’t think of a single reason why a married couple would enjoy that unless it were being put to sinful use?? I just thought it was weird.

Some people here have told me it will absolutely be a problem, others have told me it could be a problem, while others have said it probably won’t be.

I know my relationship and my spouse and the situation he’s in better than anyone else, so I still think I’m the best judge of whether or not it would lead to sin. Yes, I do think it’s silly to believe that just because I’m in a picture and not in person that he’ll automatically see me as an object to be used and abused. I can see how that might be the case for someone who has had a history of porn use/impurity and has been conditioned in the past to use women… in that case a picture might make it* more difficult *for that man to not objectify, than it would be if she were in person. But both or neither could still happen at any given time to someone who has impurity issues.

As for the masturbation thing, that’s kind of a joke when he’s going through the training he’s in. The only free time he gets is a couple hours on Sunday morning, at which time he goes to Church and then hurries back and hopes he has some time left to study for the million things he has to memorize and be tested on. And even then, he has a roommate so it’s not like he has any privacy even if he did have the time or energy to as much as entertain the thought. Officer training is no joke.

Please do not call me “Pat”, its PatriceA. Thank you.

You can dismiss my advice if you choose. But I went through all the training as an officer’s spouse and though my husband and I didn’t experience the problems that these kind of pictures can cause, we did see many many good marriages go through very troubling times because a spouse easily dismissed naked photos as they weren’t a problem. Couples that never had a problem with porn in their marriages, couples that were good Catholic families. I’ve been where you are, I’m not speaking from a place that I don’t have any experience with this kind of situation.

And let’s be clear, it doesn’t matter if you are an officer’s wife or an enlisted wife, or if its officer training or regularly scheduled training, you will be separated throughout his military career at one time or another and this situation will present itself over and over again. Officers training was actually the easiest part of our time as a military family, other separations, casued by training exercises or deployments, won’t be the same as what you are going through now.

 

[clem456]

Another practical way to come at this issue is to ask yourself this question:

When you are 70 years, will you send your husband nude photos of yourself? If not, why not?
If your answer is no, what does that say about the enduring substance of marriage? Does respecting that substance apply at a younger age also, or not?

If we are fortunate, we will live to the point where no one cares to see our bodies, other than our spouses, in the proper context. The body ceases to be a sexual object as might be defined by our culture. But isn’t It amazing how an elderly person can still look at his wife and his love is not diminished one bit by her wrinkles?

How is it that she can still be found attractive to her spouse when by any other standard she is “old”? I would say that they have held love in it’s full context for a lifetime, respecting purity and modesty (very conducive to romance), and respecting the fullness of their spouse, a unity of body, mind, soul. In the end, that is what is attractive. Isn’t that true at any age? And anything that detracts from that full understanding is worth what exactly?

 

[Debora123]

Please do not call me “Pat”, its PatriceA. Thank you.

Sorry…

You can dismiss my advice if you choose. But I went through all the training as an officer’s spouse and though my husband and I didn’t experience the problems that these kind of pictures can cause, we did see many many good marriages go through very troubling times because a spouse easily dismissed naked photos as they weren’t a problem. Couples that never had a problem with porn in their marriages, couples that were good Catholic families. I’ve been where you are, I’m not speaking from a place that I don’t have any experience with this kind of situation.

And let’s be clear, it doesn’t matter if you are an officer’s wife or an enlisted wife, or if its officer training or regularly scheduled training, you will be separated throughout his military career at one time or another and this situation will present itself over and over again. Officers training was actually the easiest part of our time as a military family, other separations, casued by training exercises or deployments, won’t be the same as what you are going through now.

I appreciate the advice, and the discussion has been interesting… so thank you for the (name removed by moderator)ut. I just don’t agree that it’ll be a problem for the reasons I’ve given, that’s all. You may have gone through some similar circumstances with your husband being gone, but that doesn’t mean we’re all the same people and will automatically react to circumstances exactly the same.

Thank you for being a military family!

 

[Debora123]

Another practical way to come at this issue is to ask yourself this question:

When you are 70 years, will you send your husband nude photos of yourself? If not, why not?
If your answer is no, what does that say about the enduring substance of marriage? Does respecting that substance apply at a younger age also, or not?

If we are fortunate, we will live to the point where no one cares to see our bodies, other than our spouses, in the proper context. The body ceases to be a sexual object as might be defined by our culture. But isn’t It amazing how an elderly person can still look at his wife and his love is not diminished one bit by her wrinkles?

How is it that she can still be found attractive to her spouse when by any other standard she is “old”? I would say that they have held love in it’s full context for a lifetime, respecting purity and modesty (very conducive to romance), and respecting the fullness of their spouse, a unity of body, mind, soul. In the end, that is what is attractive. Isn’t that true at any age? And anything that detracts from that full understanding is worth what exactly?

Haha, if the opportunity presents itself, sure! You’re absolutely right, a woman is always beautiful and pleasing to the eyes of her loving spouse, regardless of age. I think that would actually make it all the more meaningful and special. Though I can’t see many instances of being apart in the same circumstances at the age of 70…

 

[The_Bucket]

At a certain point I think the subject becomes a bit of a dead horse, doesn’t it? There are all kinds of potential dangers lurking out there that could give one pause, but if debora decides the positives outweigh the negatives, the worst anyone could say is that the decision was “imprudent” because it’s decidedly not sinful.

It’s like the thread some time ago about making love with a mirror nearby or something to that affect. With some people that might be uncomfortable or even lead to objectification issues. With others, it’s not. And the same goes for threads on certain sexual acts where some people are cool with it and others are not. It’s not a case where the Church has authoritative doctrine written down.

The rules for sexuality are thus: Sexual contact is for marriage. Acts involving sexuality must be ordered towards both procreation and unity. No other people involved be they real or on video/pictures. The end. Your mileage may vary when it comes to the rest of it, including video/pictures involving the spouses themselves.

Prudence is another matter and one that’s been hammered into the ground at this point. The summary is “Be careful with this kind of thing because X, Y and/or Z could happen. But it’s not inherently immoral.” I don’t know what else you can say.

 

[Debora123]

You can dismiss my advice if you choose. But I went through all the training as an officer’s spouse and though my husband and I didn’t experience the problems that these kind of pictures can cause, we did see many many good marriages go through very troubling times because a spouse easily dismissed naked photos as they weren’t a problem. Couples that never had a problem with porn in their marriages, couples that were good Catholic families. I’ve been where you are, I’m not speaking from a place that I don’t have any experience with this kind of situation.

Honestly, if I had to guess, I’d probably say it was the separation and stress itself that caused all these marital problems and led to porn use… not necessarily a nude picture of your spouse.

Being separated from your spouse for so long can definitely lead to infidelity, porn use, and ultimately cause marital problems… so I highly doubt some naked pics of wives were the source of the trouble. And besides, why would any man be going around telling their buddies “hey dude, I just got a naked picture from my wife!!” That right there already shows that he doesn’t respect her to begin with. No one is supposed to know you’re getting them.