Nasty Note from Coworker

[novaslasher]

This is what seals it for me - it sounds like this guy thought he was becoming a friend as well and thought he had this level of familiarity with you. Well - it backfired.

My suggestion when he says - DUDE, WHY DID YOU TAKE THIS SO SERIOUSLY??!! IT WAS A JOKE!!!

I would just say - I could not imagine you doing such a thing, it really freaked me out! I had no idea who did it, you were not here to show it to you and see if you knew who did it, so I had to take care of it as best I could! It’s not like I’m trying to get you in trouble, I just didn’t know it was a joke!

~Liza

Ding! Ding! Ding! We have the right answer.

He came in this morning and sat down at his desk. I was drinking soda and dropped the can in my trash can with a loud thunk. He got up, looked at the can, looked at me and looked at the can again. I asked him if anything was bothering him. He responds with “oh absolutely nothing” and proceeds to stare into my trash can again. I said, “you know, this brings up a funny coincidence…” and told him about the letter on my desk. We then had this whole mock argument about whether I was blaming him or not until he started cracking up laughing.

The laughter stopped fast after I told him what I had done the previous day. When I told him about e-mailing the CEO, he closed his eyes and said “oh ****!”. I told him about HR and he blushed and then laughed it off. He apologized and said he doesn’t care what I do in regards to recycling and would tell me face to face if we ever had a problem. He said not to worry about it and that he would talk to HR and explain the situation. He said he took the joke too far, and that he would just have to take the heat for it.

Ugh, what a mess.

 

[Sina]

Yikes… I don’t know if he will get fired for this, but I am surprised he acted this way in times where anyone is lucky to just have a job! Do you feel bad for him at all? I sort of do now… but I am still shocked at his age that he behaved this way.

 

[whatevergirl]

Ding! Ding! Ding! We have the right answer.

He came in this morning and sat down at his desk. I was drinking soda and dropped the can in my trash can with a loud thunk. He got up, looked at the can, looked at me and looked at the can again. I asked him if anything was bothering him. He responds with “oh absolutely nothing” and proceeds to stare into my trash can again. I said, “you know, this brings up a funny coincidence…” and told him about the letter on my desk. We then had this whole mock argument about whether I was blaming him or not until he started cracking up laughing.

The laughter stopped fast after I told him what I had done the previous day. When I told him about e-mailing the CEO, he closed his eyes and said “oh ****!”. I told him about HR and he blushed and then laughed it off. He apologized and said he doesn’t care what I do in regards to recycling and would tell me face to face if we ever had a problem. He said not to worry about it and that he would talk to HR and explain the situation. He said he took the joke too far, and that he would just have to take the heat for it.

Ugh, what a mess.

*This is so bizarre…it’s getting more bizarre as the story continues! lol

You did the right thing, and if he does end up losing his job, he could always go work at a recycling plant. I think that the other problem is signing the CEO’s name…I guess he figured you would ASSUME it was him, and laugh along with him. *

 

[novaslasher]

Yikes… I don’t know if he will get fired for this, but I am surprised he acted this way in times where anyone is lucky to just have a job! Do you feel bad for him at all? I sort of do now… but I am still shocked at his age that he behaved this way.

Yes, I do feel bad for him. I felt like a humorless idiot when I found out it was a joke. But still, it was rather immature of him. He likes to joke around a lot, but I’ve never seen him play a practical joke on anyone so this sort of thing just seemed out of character. I think he made the misstep of acting the way he would at home in an office environment. I guess this is a lesson for him not to take things too far at the office no matter how friendly you are, and a lesson for me to lighten up and talk things out personally before involving others.

I’ll help him defuse the situation, but he’s apparently stepped on HR’s toes before so I don’t know how far this will go.

 

[whatevergirl]

Yes, I do feel bad for him. I felt like a humorless idiot when I found out it was a joke. But still, it was rather immature of him. He likes to joke around a lot, but I’ve never seen him play a practical joke on anyone so this sort of thing just seemed out of character. I think he made the misstep of acting the way he would at home in an office environment. I guess this is a lesson for him not to take things too far at the office no matter how friendly you are, and a lesson for me to lighten up and talk things out personally before involving others.

I’ll help him defuse the situation, but he’s apparently stepped on HR’s toes before so I don’t know how far this will go.

Wait, you are** not ***humorless. Taking someone’s trash can, dumping the contents all over a coworker’s desk, writing a scathing note, and pretending it came from the CEO…that is a very offbeat sense of humor. You probably can take a joke like the next person, that wasn’t a joke, it was a MESSAGE to you about throwing away things you ‘‘shouldn’t’’ be throwing away, and he is passing it off ***now ***as a joke. Jokes are when BOTH people are laughing, and you weren’t. So, while he seems like a fun guy and all, he needs to not do this to his fellow coworkers…and while I understand you rethinking your steps into talking with HR, don’t worry about it…you did the right thing, and apparently, he has had issues before. So…it’s not you, really. It’s him. I feel badly for him in the sense that he might be in trouble now, I wouldn’t want to see anyone lose his/her job…it really shouldn’t come to that if he explains himself. But, this isn’t his personal playspace…it’s a place of business.

Plus, the standing over your trash can staring at what you dropped into it…I mean, does he have enough to do or what? haha Maybe he needs more work. People who joke around a lot like him, I have seen this happen before albeit with different ‘jokes’ with coworkers, can often times turn a playful situation into a hostile work environment. I hope that he stops, and you both can maintain a friendship. Please keep us posted. *

 

[SamH]

Yes, I do feel bad for him. I felt like a humorless idiot when I found out it was a joke. But still, it was rather immature of him. He likes to joke around a lot, but I’ve never seen him play a practical joke on anyone so this sort of thing just seemed out of character. I think he made the misstep of acting the way he would at home in an office environment. .

Throwing trash on a desk and writing threatening notes is about as funny as a bully pushing a child down and asking if they have trouble walking. The guy is a moron. Let him explain how funny the “joke” was to HR and the CEO. Unless he’s something special I would think today would be his last day.

 

[novaslasher]

You could be right WG, but there’s nothing I can do other than see what happens. He told me not to bother getting involved in this and that he would explain himself. I will definitely be more cautious around him just in case he was truly being passive-aggressive. The office manager was in here today and said I had an open invitation to move offices at any time if I change my mind about staying. So if things get worse, I can move.

He talked to HR, and they did not formally discipline him. They did use this opportunity to strong-arm him into removing a de-motivational poster he has on his wall. The directer had previously told him the poster could be offensive but had not forced its removal: demotivateus.com/retards-we-all-know-one-demotivater/

Right now, my top priority is to protect my job and keep a positive work environment. If he was sincere, then this will blow over (unless the CEO steps in). If not, I’ll move offices and talk with HR again.

 

[whatevergirl]

*novaslasher;

One more thing, and I will get off my soapbox about this. The main thing to note here, is how this is now affecting YOU. You are having to second guess yourself…you had to take time out of YOUR day to go see HR…you are wondering if you are the one with the problem…see, what he did created an entirely unncessary situation. You are now going to feel bad if he loses his job, etc. That is why companies take harassment and ‘‘jokes’’ like this so seriously, because they have the POTENTIAL to create an unwelcoming, hostile environment for coworkers. Number one rule in the workplace…don’t invade someone else’s space. If he was joking, he took it WAY beyond what he should have, leaving you feeling that it wasn’t a joke. I also know some who share ‘‘innocent’’ sexual jokes at work…or racist jokes, etc…jokes like that don’t belong in the workplace. Just like this one doesn’t.

In a nutshell, don’t feel badly about this …you did the right thing. He did the wrong thing, and is now backpeddaling. It happens, and it’s unfortunate…but truthfully, he has wasted his time, your time, the CEO’s time, and now HR’s time with his ‘‘joke.’’

Anywho…I pray he doesn’t lose his job, and learns a lesson from it all. If he does lose his job, it doesn’t sound like this was his first incident. The company has to do the best thing for itself, and to make the workarea free from hostility. *

 

[novaslasher]

*novaslasher;

One more thing, and I will get off my soapbox about this. The main thing to note here, is how this is now affecting YOU. You are having to second guess yourself…you had to take time out of YOUR day to go see HR…you are wondering if you are the one with the problem…see, what he did created an entirely unncessary situation. You are now going to feel bad if he loses his job, etc. That is why companies take harassment and ‘‘jokes’’ like this so seriously, because they have the POTENTIAL to create an unwelcoming, hostile environment for coworkers. Number one rule in the workplace…don’t invade someone else’s space. If he was joking, he took it WAY beyond what he should have, leaving you feeling that it wasn’t a joke. I also know some who share ‘‘innocent’’ sexual jokes at work…or racist jokes, etc…jokes like that don’t belong in the workplace. Just like this one doesn’t.

In a nutshell, don’t feel badly about this …you did the right thing. He did the wrong thing, and is now backpeddaling. It happens, and it’s unfortunate…but truthfully, he has wasted his time, your time, the CEO’s time, and now HR’s time with his ‘‘joke.’’

Anywho…I pray he doesn’t lose his job, and learns a lesson from it all. If he does lose his job, it doesn’t sound like this was his first incident. The company has to do the best thing for itself, and to make the workarea free from hostility. *

Thank you for the support. It sounds like good advice. I guess being a young engineer, I’m not experienced in dealing with an unprofessional coworker. I hope things can go back to normal after the wrist slap.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I agree with WG… there are ways to have good humor in the office, and that crossed the line.
A logical environmentalist would proactively start a campaign to have recycling bins in convenient locations… or would quietly pick the cans out of coworkers bins and carry them out himself. This guy obviously has some issues.

I’m a fan of humor in the workplace - otherwise we’d all just bang our heads against the wall - it makes the day tolerable. But my personal campaigns and beliefs aren’t used against my coworkers “in good humor”… that’s just dumb and mean.

I think you did the right thing. In the meantime, just keep a friendly distance (despite your proximity) - allow him to think this isn’t a big deal to you… even laugh with the guy whenever you can… but use caution.

 

[newf]

I hope things can go back to normal after the wrist slap.

novaslasher, don’t count on it. This guy didn’t just start being like this. He is aggressive and he was bullying you. And you are probably not the first person he has made feel uncomfortable with is so called ‘humor’. You did an outstanding job of handling this, especially considering how young you are. Good job.

I think you should maintain a polite demeanor with this guy but stay away from him out of work. I know someone like this, and he behaved badly in the office, too. He was written up several times and finally HR had to let him go. He thought what he did was just ‘joking around’. It’s not a joke if it’s not funny to you. It is harrassment. And this is just passive aggressive behavior.

 

[Sierrah]

Take the letter to HR or to your supervisor.

This is harassment plain and simple. An unprofessional, rude and immature bully did this and you should address it with the HR department. Let them handle this. There is no excuse for that sort of behavior in the work place.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I am still stuck on the demotivational poster!!!

Great googly moogly!

I’ve met real jerks who “hide” a mountain of hostility behind “humor.”

NOTHING is funny about this episode except the image of his face when you told him you reported the garbage dumping.

Now he knows you are not to be trifled with.

Stay away from him. Not knowing more about him, I won’t label him a narcissist. (Unless he’s the kind who does very little at work, takes all the credit, steals other people’s work, gossips behind people’s backs and makes coworkers distrust each other, only shows respect to the bosses or those who can make him look good or do something for him, appears busier than he really is, and hides nastiness behind a thin veneer of so-called humor. And then plays the victim and accuses YOU of being the problem when you call him on it.)

That poster alone has my attention because he obviously thinks he’s smarter than the world. I’m sure he didn’t have an arrow pointing at his chair from the picture on the poster. But HE is the moron.

Me, I’d have taken a picture of him and pasted it over the owl’s face.

And then told him I was “just joking.”

 

[dulcissima]

Good grief, what an offensive poster.

It sounds like you are handling it well though. Being direct is always the best way to be.

Now that you have made the point with your soda can though, why not recycle?

 

[jmcrae]

I’ll help him defuse the situation,

Actually, no - stay out of it and let him take his lumps. Don’t be one of those women who changes her mind and drops the charges. Don’t buy into the “it was only a joke” routine, and don’t feel bad about this guy. He’s getting what’s coming to him. You don’t want to be “the boy who cried wolf.”

but he’s apparently stepped on HR’s toes before so I don’t know how far this will go.

Again, just stay out of it. Let HR deal with it as they see fit.

 

[dulcissima]

Actually, no - stay out of it and let him take his lumps. Don’t be one of those women who changes her mind and drops the charges. Don’t buy into the “it was only a joke” routine, and don’t feel bad about this guy. He’s getting what’s coming to him. You don’t want to be “the boy who cried wolf.”

Again, just stay out of it. Let HR deal with it as they see fit.

Not that it totally matters, but I had pictured the OP as being a man. I mean I guess it matters a little because the “joke”, in my opinion, would be a lot less acceptable if it was being played on a woman, not that it is acceptable with a man, just that the playing field is a little more level.

I do agree though to not cover for him though. He got into this mess himself, and he can sort it out.

 

[dixieagle]

What a total and complete “maroon”, as my husband says.

You were absolutely right going to HR, and I would have loved to see his face when you told him. Serves him right. It sounds as if he is thoroughly immature and doesn’t have a clue with regard to acceptable boundaries and appropriate workplace humor.

Simply keep on doing your job well, and let him stew in his own juices. I imagine he is now on very thin ice. Harassment in the workplace is serious business, and he has put himself in a very bad position in a lousy employment climate.

Don’t feel bad for a minute, and don’t ever trust him.

 

[novaslasher]

Yes, I’m a man. I didn’t talk to HR or the CEO to help him dig his way out. After thinking about what whatevergirl and the other posters said, I agree with that he should be left to deal with the fallout on his own. I don’t think this is over, but we’ll see what happens.

 

[MtnDwellar]

I The worst part of this is that I feel “betrayed” by a friend. Maybe betrayed is the wrong word, but I definitely feel insulted. This guy is really funny, an office clown, and has helped me out in the past with rides after work. He has asked me and my gf to hang out after work with his wife and friends. I thought we were becoming friends.

It just goes to show what I always say:

EVERYONE IS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

 

[Sierrah]

Yes, I’m a man. I didn’t talk to HR or the CEO to help him dig his way out. After thinking about what whatevergirl and the other posters said, I agree with that he should be left to deal with the fallout on his own. I don’t think this is over, but we’ll see what happens.

Sadly I have experience with people acting like a friend then sticking a knife in your back. Good for you on turn him in and letting him learn that he can’t expect to just walk away from behavior like that in the work place. Most places I know would fire someone for behavior like that. I mean the harrassment park. Thank God harrassment is finally taken seriously in the work place and not just ignored.