Nasty Note from Coworker

[Sina]

I usually think demotivational posters are funny and I usually hang out with the clowns of the office - but that poster is totally offensive! Even more than the note he put on your desk!

 

[jmcrae]

Yes, I’m a man.

Even so, the advice still stands.

I didn’t talk to HR or the CEO to help him dig his way out. After thinking about what whatevergirl and the other posters said, I agree with that he should be left to deal with the fallout on his own. I don’t think this is over, but we’ll see what happens.

And by not running to his rescue after the fact, you have more solid ground to stand on, if he does something similar to you in the near future - you can still say, “Look, I didn’t think it was funny the first time, and I still don’t.”

 

[Ankabaranka_87]

Is he a ‘Professional Engineer’ (like, on his signature, his name follows with P.Eng)?

If so, didn’t he have to go through an ethics examination to get his title? And given that he is a P.Eng shouldn’t he know that this style of humour is not acceptable?

 

[novaslasher]

Is he a ‘Professional Engineer’ (like, on his signature, his name follows with P.Eng)?

If so, didn’t he have to go through an ethics examination to get his title? And given that he is a P.Eng shouldn’t he know that this style of humour is not acceptable?

I’ve never seen him use the title. We are an aerospace engineering firm, so most of the employees don’t have the certification (it’s not required of most aerospace work unless you own the company I think). I’ve taken the first part of the general exam in college, and yes it does cover ethics. People can learn ethics, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that they follow it.

 

[Sabda]

In the school system this is bullying pure and simple. I’m surprised that this guy hasn’t been fired yet (shocked actually), especially since this wasn’t his first incident. You do NOT forge a ceo’s name on a note regardless of the content. :nope: I would give serious consideration to taking HR up on their offer of a new office. People like this don’t stop. He’ll keep at. Most likely it will be more subtle next time. Real friends do not do stuff like this. This man is not your friend.

 

[novaslasher]

In the school system this is bullying pure and simple. I’m surprised that this guy hasn’t been fired yet (shocked actually), especially since this wasn’t his first incident. You do NOT forge a ceo’s name on a note regardless of the content. :nope: I would give serious consideration to taking HR up on their offer of a new office. People like this don’t stop. He’ll keep at. Most likely it will be more subtle next time. Real friends do not do stuff like this. This man is not your friend.

He’s not fired but I don’t really know what happened. He may have been written up and just pretended that everything was cool to cover his ego. It was crazy to do this right now because even if there was no write-up, we are all in the process of completing our work performance evaluations and HR is assigning raises for the new year. Even if he didn’t lose his job, he could have forfeited all the merits for the work he did this year. He is generally a pretty hard worker (objectively speaking), but he placed all that at risk.

It is sort of scary, because I could still get harassed in very subtle ways that look ridiculous when reported to HR but still cause discomfort to me.

 

[jmcrae]

He’s not fired but I don’t really know what happened. He may have been written up and just pretended that everything was cool to cover his ego. It was crazy to do this right now because even if there was no write-up, we are all in the process of completing our work performance evaluations and HR is assigning raises for the new year. Even if he didn’t lose his job, he could have forfeited all the merits for the work he did this year. He is generally a pretty hard worker (objectively speaking), but he placed all that at risk.

It is sort of scary, because I could still get harassed in very subtle ways that look ridiculous when reported to HR but still cause discomfort to me.

Yeah, I agree with the previous poster - take them up on the offer of a new office space. Tell them you’ve thought about it, and you really don’t see yourself putting up with that sort of practical joking in the future.

 

[whatevergirl]

He’s not fired but I don’t really know what happened. He may have been written up and just pretended that everything was cool to cover his ego. It was crazy to do this right now because even if there was no write-up, we are all in the process of completing our work performance evaluations and HR is assigning raises for the new year. Even if he didn’t lose his job, he could have forfeited all the merits for the work he did this year. He is generally a pretty hard worker (objectively speaking), but he placed all that at risk.

It is sort of scary, because I could still get harassed in very subtle ways that look ridiculous when reported to HR but still cause discomfort to me.

Here’s the thing about harrassment, if it continues, you have to keep reporting it. Hopefully, this guy realizes what he did was out of line. If he retaliates, that too is considered harrassment. You have a RIGHT to go to work, harrassment free. People who continuously harrass others at work are walking lawsuits. Companies can’t afford to have you quit down the road, and sue. Not saying you would, but you know what I mean?

I hope that he doesn’t choose to retaliate, but should he choose to…and continue harrassing you in other more subtle ways, and you are finding it hard to be productive, please don’t hesitate to go back to hr with that complaint.

I hope he stops though, it would be a shame if this continues. God bless, and I’ll keep you in my prayers for an end to your worries. *

 

[Sabda]

He’s not fired but I don’t really know what happened. He may have been written up and just pretended that everything was cool to cover his ego. It was crazy to do this right now because even if there was no write-up, we are all in the process of completing our work performance evaluations and HR is assigning raises for the new year. Even if he didn’t lose his job, he could have forfeited all the merits for the work he did this year. He is generally a pretty hard worker (objectively speaking), but he placed all that at risk.

It is sort of scary, because I could still get harassed in very subtle ways that look ridiculous when reported to HR but still cause discomfort to me.

This is why I would seriously consider moving to a different office.

 

[flyingfish]

You should move to a different office.

To be honest I don’t buy the line that it was a joke on his part. I think it wasn’t a joke, and frankly it sounds a little bit like something someone mentally unstable would do, but when he got in trouble for it he found that the best way to save himself is to pretend it was a joke.

Maybe I don’t have a sense of humor, but how is this supposed to be funny? Maybe this is something best friends rooming together do to each other (when it’s understood that it’s okay to do), but coworkers in a professional setting?

In the event that he really is this good natured practical joker who just doesn’t have an understanding of what’s appropriate, you don’t lose much by moving offices. If he is unstable though, it’s much better that you move away from the uncertainty and tension.

 

[Prodigal_40s]

It is sort of scary, because I could still get harassed in very subtle ways that look ridiculous when reported to HR but still cause discomfort to me.

I recommend that you schedule a meeting with HR outlining your concerns about future harassment because from what you’ve said I think they’ll be understanding and will support you. Trust them and if you do get hassle, go to them again. Any worries that you have will effect your work and they know that. Good luck and God bless

 

[novaslasher]

Thank you for the prayers and advice. I’ve decided to stay put for now, in the chance that this was just a case of really bad judgment. The office manager assured me I can move at any time and for any reason if I change my mind. He had a look of disgust on his face when he glanced over at my coworker’s desk while telling me this.

I don’t buy it either that the incident was entirely a joke. I think he got annoyed when he saw my trash can after I left, and decided to turn his “message” into a practical joke. This may have been joking with latent hostility (which isn’t funny to me). He got a wrist slap and may have been punished; I hope it is enough but will take action if it is not.

So far things are going well, and my coworker is behaving for now. I’ll post again if things go down hill.

 

[Vanny]

Novaslasher- I also think you did the right thing by reporting this to HR. YOu were’nt “humorless”.
As an above poster said, how were you to know this was a “joke”? How were you to know that it wasn’t the CO leaving that letter.? And the guy didn’t show up the next day to let you know that it was a “joke” so you had to stew in your juices for a whole day-wondering what was going on!
Your reaction to this was completely normal and what I would have certainly done.
This guys “joke” was very bizarre. This is bullying plain and simple and I’m glad you called him on it. Hopefully he’ll think twice about doing anything else. And from what you’ve said it sounds like it isn’t his first run-in with HR.
And don’t feel guilty if he does get let go or gets in trouble for it. He brought this on himself. I mean I hope he doesn’t get let go- but what was he thinking doing something that dumb in today’s job market? This isn’t middle school!
I especially agree with Whatever girl’s last 2 posts, he’s making you feel guilty and second guess yourself for something HE started. That’s not right.
I think I would take HR up on moving to a new office- but I understand that you want to put it behind you. I hope he has learned his lesson.

 

[Melissa]

And for the lesser harassment if that should happen, just document date/time/event with HR and treat each incident as part of the larger whole. “I know it may sound petty, but taken together with …”

We had an incident awhile back with a neighbor who I believe was dealing drugs. They had an unregistered car (no plates) that got red-tagged when code enforcement came through the neighborhood. So they decided (without any evidence other than my husband works for the city) that my husband had “snitched” on their unregistered car. In retaliation, they put a brick through his car window and bounced another one off the windshield (which didn’t break). So we called the police and filed a report. While we were out there, the neighbor came out ranting and raving and did everything except give the cop probable cause for an arrest (along the lines of ‘yes, I know he did it or knows who did … unfortunately, I don’t have enough for court’). After that, we started getting the petty harassment–bottles thrown in our yard and up against our house, eggs thrown … I logged 5 separate incidents of petty harassment over the following 10 days. I called the cops again. They listened, agreed that while each incident wasn’t complaint-worthy, it did add up to a pattern of harassment that could be traced to the first incident and our reporting of it. While I was talking to the cops this time, the neighbor came out with someone else, I pointed out which one was the neighbor, they went and talked to the neighbor and neighbor decided by the end of the month (at that point, only 4 days away). So, it can work to treat multiple “minor events” as a single event.

That said, I’d still change offices if I felt even the slightest bit uncomfortable with the guy, even if I couldn’t articulate a reason.