Need advice regarding NFP

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I’m absolutely devastated, we talked and talked, and talked.

The short of it is that DH doesn’t want more babies because he’s “being selfish” his words, not mine. He wants to spend time with me, and if we have more kids, that means that we’re setting ourselves back by 3-4 years before our kids are out of the house. I can’t have more babies because he’s too selfish.

Another argument he came up with is that our oldest child (who is actually only mine biologically… long story, we met, and married after I had a child with someone else, and converted to Catholicism 2 years after we married) So anyway, MY child has behavioral issues, and I admit, can be a HUGE handful somedays, he has a short fuse, quick tempered, Oppositional Defiant Dissorder, and has on occasion, had physical outburts, where he’s lost his temper and broken things, hit one of his siblings a couple of times.

But If you knew the “sperm donor”, you would see EXACTLY where he gets it from. DH said he’s afraid to get “another one” like my son.

On top of all of this, when I pointed out that I’m almost 11 years younger, and only in my ealry 30s… that men don’t go through menopause… that we could potentialy have an “ooops” for the next 15 years… he decided that he’ll get a vasectomy when he turns 50 - less than 7 years from now!

oh, we need prayers. Lots and lots of prayers. This has been one of the hardest things we’ve gone through as a couple. I’d rather sell our house again than go through all of this. I don’t think I’ve prayed this much our whole marriage.
 
((((HUG)))) and prayers for you. I’m so sorry. 😦

Maybe contact your parish for some marital counseling… I’ve heard people mention Retrouvaille is a really good program!
 
There is one in our city, I’ll have to keep that in mind, thanks. The next one is this coming weekend, I doubt we’d be able to get in on that one, the next one isn’t until Jan. But I bookmarked it. Thanks.
 
BuffaloNickels said:
I’m absolutely devastated, we talked and talked, and talked.

The short of it is that DH doesn’t want more babies because he’s “being selfish” his words, not mine. He wants to spend time with me, and if we have more kids, that means that we’re setting ourselves back by 3-4 years before our kids are out of the house. I can’t have more babies because he’s too selfish.

Another argument he came up with is that our oldest child (who is actually only mine biologically… long story, we met, and married after I had a child with someone else, and converted to Catholicism 2 years after we married) So anyway, MY child has behavioral issues, and I admit, can be a HUGE handful somedays, he has a short fuse, quick tempered, Oppositional Defiant Dissorder, and has on occasion, had physical outburts, where he’s lost his temper and broken things, hit one of his siblings a couple of times.

But If you knew the “sperm donor”, you would see EXACTLY where he gets it from. DH said he’s afraid to get “another one” like my son.

On top of all of this, when I pointed out that I’m almost 11 years younger, and only in my ealry 30s… that men don’t go through menopause… that we could potentialy have an “ooops” for the next 15 years… he decided that he’ll get a vasectomy when he turns 50 - less than 7 years from now!

oh, we need prayers. Lots and lots of prayers. This has been one of the hardest things we’ve gone through as a couple. I’d rather sell our house again than go through all of this. I don’t think I’ve prayed this much our whole marriage.
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Raising kids is an act of generosity. He is being honest about it. Please try to forgive him. I know its easier said than done.

My own wife doesn’t want any more kids and this has caused all sorts of strains in our marriage. But one thing I try to keep in mind is that she is free not to want kids. The Catholic Church doesn’t force people to have kids. So I have to accept that my wife doesn’t want more. For her, it has become a veritable fear, and I don’t want her to suffer. Sometimes I get angry and think that she is being selfish, but my spiritual director said this is the wrong attitude to have. I should just try to love her as she is, and not let this divide us. He also suggested that my desire to have children despite her fear could be a sign that I am being selfish and unloving towards her. I have to admit that he has a point. My bouts of resentment and anger are certainly not loving…

As they say, Love covers a multitude of sins. I am hopeful that one day, she may have the courage to want more. But until then, I have to accept. For better or for worse. 🙂 A lot of things can change over the years, so there is still time for him to have a change of heart.

God bless,
Praying for you.
Ut
 
You’re right. I’ll try harder to keep that in mind.

Thank you.

ETA, I haven’t been praying for my husband to change, I just pray for understanding, and that we can communicate and work everything out so that we come to a mutual understanding. I pray that we can come to a place where we at least both understand what the other wants, and accept each other’s desires, even if we can’t have what we bot want. Which obiously, we can’t both have it our way, no such thing as a half a kid, or a temporary kid. lol

I do pray that he’ll change his mind about the vasectomy though. That’s scares me for his soul.
 
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