Need Advice with tough decisions

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Sometimes you really have to be your own advocate. If one door is closed to you…look for another until you find one that is open. If you never find one…there’s your answer. You weren’t suppose to. Sometimes I think God puts little roadblocks in our way to test how much we want something, how determined we are. Can’t have everything fall into our laps.

Though I do have to remember that some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

One more thing about your children. Yes, they are your children. But working mothers are often necessary to the financial well being of the family. I don’t think there is anything wrong in having someone help care for them while you are doing what needs to be done for the well being of the family. It’s not like you’re turning them over to be raised by someone else or having someone care for them so you can go out and get your hair done. You need someone on a very limited basis to cover the gap between your husband’s coaching and your arrival home from work.

I think you’re feelings might be a tad bit clouded by how hard you worked to have them in the first place. Just remember you are not neglecting them or pawning them off…you are seeking a temporary solution until you can finish your degree, get a teaching position and be on the same schedule they are. Ultimately for the good of your family.

I have to agree again with Kindness, having a savings account that can protect you, your children and your home in an emergency is a smart plan. So many live pay check to pay check and the smallest extra need throws them off track and puts them on the slippery slope toward financial ruin. I’ve known too many who have lost their jobs and found themselves losing their homes, their cars, etc. If I were Betty I’d keep my hands off that savings account as long as possible.

Good luck. I’m sure the answer to your dilemma is out there. It may not look like you wish it did but if it is a solution that is safe and secure for your children and allows you and your husband to do what you need to do to achieve your future goals…grab it.
 
I can ask her if she has some thoughts and ideas…it may take a couple of days as we are on different continents 😃

From the few things I know, make sure if you talk to anyone else about loans they don’t keep pulling up your credit record as having your credit pulled too many times is seen as a negative.

Generally you are always going to get a better rate if you go directly to a bank and cut out the brokers. Have you checked out rates at your local banks? A strong local credit union or long-standing local bank is a good bet. Maybe shop around for rates at banks in your area by checking out their websites and talk to them to see if they might be interested. If you have a decent sized local newspaper with a website they often have all the current bank interest rates on their website so it’s very easy to compare.

Do you understand what kind of loan you currently have and the interest rate? Sometimes you can talk to your current lender and tell them you’re shopping around for a new loan and they will lower your rate to keep you or figure something out - just make sure you don’t take out a dodgy loan like an ARM if you can possibly avoid it.
 
Thank you all so very much for your thoughts. You are a tremendous help during such a difficult time. I know this may seem like something trivial, but this is a life-changing time for my family.

LemonPoppy:

You said, “Sometimes you really have to be your own advocate. If one door is closed to you…look for another until you find one that is open. If you never find one…there’s your answer. You weren’t suppose to. Sometimes I think God puts little roadblocks in our way to test how much we want something, how determined we are. Can’t have everything fall into our laps.” I may be having a “blonde moment” but I’m not quite sure what you mean.
 
homerunbetty said:
Flyingfish:

Our twins just turned 7. We do not live close enough for them to walk home. Even if we did, I would not let them. There are too many things that could happen to them on a walk home from school. There is a bus that could bring them home, but there is not anybody at home for them. I work about 30 minutes away from home.
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Is it a school bus that would bring them home? If so, that would be pretty safe, they would watch them go into the house and all that.

Is 7 years old too young to be home alone? I don’t have kids, and I don’t remember myself at 7 that well. I do remember walking to and from school in 2nd grade by myself, as well as walking still further to stores, and being alone in the house.
 
Let me see if I can explain it better.
By being your own advocate I mean you have to fight for yourself. You keep moving forward, learning, searching until you get the answers you need or the help you need. Nothing is going to fall into your lap. You have to go out there and get it. So if it is a part time job that would make your current situation work…go find one. If it is reliable, loving child care…go find it. Often I think we get caught up in thinking about things and we don’t take the actions necessary to achieve our goals.

By the same token I know of people who really want something in their life and they try and try and try to get it and no matter what they do it does not work out. To me that means they weren’t suppose to have it so God threw insurmountable roadblocks in their path. Other times we have to do a lot of finagling but we make it work. To me that is showing how much you want it.

I hope that clears up the waters I muddied 🙂 And I totally understand what a struggle this is for you. I see nothing trivial at all about the situation.

And flyingfish…a seven year old is way too young to be home alone. I don’t think the average 7 yr. old has the maturity necessary to handle an emergency at home. A fire, an injury, etc. I also don’t think they’d fully appreciate how careful they must be. (not opening the door to strangers. Not answering the phone etc. My friend was trying to determine if her 10 yr. old was mature enough to stay home alone. She left him at home and went to the neighbor carry out. She gave him strict orders not to answer the phone or door. She had her neighbor go over and knock on the door…he opened it without checking to see who it was. She called him (they don’t have caller ID) and he immediately answered the phone. LOL. So yeah, fail. He’s 13 now and she’s just recently began to allow him to take the bus home and stay there alone for 45 minutes until she leaves work and picks up his siblings from daycare.
 
LemonPoppy said:
And flyingfish…a seven year old is way too young to be home alone. I don’t think the average 7 yr. old has the maturity necessary to handle an emergency at home. A fire, an injury, etc. I also don’t think they’d fully appreciate how careful they must be. (not opening the door to strangers. Not answering the phone etc. My friend was trying to determine if her 10 yr. old was mature enough to stay home alone. She left him at home and went to the neighbor carry out. She gave him strict orders not to answer the phone or door. She had her neighbor go over and knock on the door…he opened it without checking to see who it was. She called him (they don’t have caller ID) and he immediately answered the phone. LOL. So yeah, fail. He’s 13 now and she’s just recently began to allow him to take the bus home and stay there alone for 45 minutes until she leaves work and picks up his siblings from daycare.
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You know, I find this extremely surprising. I just remember myself as a child, I did a lot of things alone. I was one of those kids who’d be out of the house for an entire day playing with friends and only running into the house to eat and then back out.

We went pretty far from the house too, different areas, different playgrounds. We knew not to talk to strangers, not to open doors unless you knew who it was and things like that.

It wasn’t unusual, everyone around me was raised that way. Just a different time I guess.
 
LemonPoppy:

Thank you very much for your words of wisdom.

Thank you everyone. You have been such a great help.

Flyingfish:

Oh yes, it is most definitely a different time. I am 38 years old and it is so very different from when I grew up. We used to be able to play outside in the front yard by ourselves without our parents having to worry about a kidnapper snatching us up. Now you cannot let your children play in the front yard alone, let alone walk home from school.
 
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