Need God's Help and Guidance from this addiction

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needguidance99 said:
So, I left today – and I am feeling SOOOOOO scared about this. I miss him and I know that sounds insane to many of you.

What do you miss about an abuser?
I keep thinking of him crying and walking around the house wondering what happened
Really? If that is actually what he is doing, he really is messed up. Perhaps he will miss you because he has no one to blame or abuse.

God doesn’t speak to me – I hate the feeling of being so alone…
Feel free to speak to God. He’s been waiting for you all along. You have not mentioned much about him…

He was so kind to me last night and was even talking out loud about trying to get my annulment finsihed up so we could get married.

What would it matter that your annulment is “finished up” if he has been married twice before with no annulment? Neither of you are free to marry.

He seemed like he wanted to make it work and was even crying that it was so painful being away from me whenever we were apart. Sorry, not buying it. Manipulative.

The fact that I left is like an out of body experience to me right now. I don’t have the anger toward him that I should to feel no attachment or less attachment.
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It is amazing that you feel so much for this guy who is clearly bad news, but you have nothing to say about your son. I know no mother that cares more for her abusive boyfriend than her own child. It’s bizarre, and frankly one of the things that makes your whole story unbelievable to me.
 
It is very sad on the day I leave and need the most support, that this happens. I have never said a lie. And I def need help and prayers.
 
Here’s the thing.

Ultimately, your life is yours. Even if anyone wanted to help you, it’s up to you. People have asked you things, offered ideas and made suggestions. Only you can take control of your life.

I will say again that it is odd you never mention your son.

And you never mention going to mass, confession or even praying. 😊
 
Continuing to pray for you needsguidance. 🙂 Your story doesn’t sound unlikely to me.

If you have left him I recommend you very quickly try and find some activities to keep you distracted from your thoughts, your main job now is to stop thinking of him, or you’ll end up back where you started or worse - is there a hobby you used to love? Reading fiction? Non-fiction? TV shows? Knitting? Find some activity that takes your full attention so that you don’t keep thinking about this person. Perhaps join an exercise class. I really recommend finding some activity/task to focus on. For instance is there some activity that you enjoy that you haven’t done lately because he didn’t like it?
 
needguidance99 said:
It is very sad on the day I leave and need the most support, that this happens. I have never said a lie. And I def need help and prayers.
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It can be very difficult to understand, or even begin to understand emotions related to domestic violence. You knew this guy 3 years. That’s long enough for the learned helplessness etc to kick in. And the doubt, self questioning, isolation from friends and family.’

What’s your plan now? Do you have support? Please go sit in church , talk to God.

What help do you have
 
pianistclare said:
Isn’t the shelter open today?
It’s Tuesday. GO.
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Well, it’s hard to believe a shelter is only open on Tuesdays. “Oh, you’re being abused? Come back next week.” No. Not believable. **But even if it were true, ** there are other places to go, other ways to get help. And most likely they would have referred her to a place that could help immediately. And if there were no help, would get in the car and drive away.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Well, it’s hard to believe a shelter is only open on Tuesdays. “Oh, you’re being abused? Come back next week.” No. Not believable. **But even if it were true, ** there are other places to go, other ways to get help. And most likely they would have referred her to a place that could help immediately. And if there were no help, would get in the car and drive away.
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right.
I was just hoping there might be something to go on…🤷
 
needguidance99 said:
It is very sad on the day I leave and need the most support, that this happens. I have never said a lie. And I def need help and prayers.
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You keep revealing things your boyfriend does like an onion…peeling a little more information off as time goes on. And your story sounds a bit sensational compared to abusive women I have known, including close family members.

I will pray, but I have no other alive or support to lend.
 
Every. Single. Part. of my story is true.

I am not being dramatic. I am telling the truth. I thank those who have prayed for me and believed me.

The reason I don’t mention my son as often as I probably should is because he doesn’t live with me full time.

In my previous job and marriage, I was the breadwinner. My ex worked from home. Since I was the one who was traveling for work and out of the home, I didn’t get full custody. I got 40 percent.

During this drama, I have done my very best to keep him away from it. I love him dearly and sometimes I feel like giving up and telling my ex that my son should spend more time without me.

Clearly, I am a disaster. I feel like I am a problem for everyone. And right now I feel very sad.

Please continue to encourage me. I’m doing my best. I’ve been at work today and broken down several times. I have been having panic attacks. I am going back to therapy this afternoon. I’m trying so hard!
 
needguidance99 said:
Every. Single. Part. of my story is true.

I am not being dramatic. I am telling the truth. I thank those who have prayed for me and believed me.

The reason I don’t mention my son as often as I probably should is because he doesn’t live with me full time.

In my previous job and marriage, I was the breadwinner. My ex worked from home. Since I was the one who was traveling for work and out of the home, I didn’t get full custody. I got 40 percent.

During this drama, I have done my very best to keep him away from it. I love him dearly and sometimes I feel like giving up and telling my ex that my son should spend more time without me.

Clearly, I am a disaster. I feel like I am a problem for everyone. And right now I feel very sad.

Please continue to encourage me. I’m doing my best. I’ve been at work today and broken down several times. I have been having panic attacks. I am going back to therapy this afternoon. I’m trying so hard!
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You stated in your OP – that the court gave you 20 and your ex-husband 80.
Now you have it that you have 40%. The story does keep “evolving”.
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needguidance99:
When the divorce happened - he was seen as the stay at home parent and** the courts gave me 20** and him 80 custody. I was always working (like typical fathers).
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yes because my ex has allowed me to do this now --despite what is in the decree. Because he knows I quit my career to also spend more time with my son.

The decree says 80/20
 
needguidance99 said:
yes because my ex has allowed me to do this now --despite what is in the decree. ** Because he knows I quit my career to also spend more time with my son.**

The decree says 80/20
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That doesn’t wash. Through out this this thread – what you have said --quitting your job, moving etc. etc. – it all about being with your doctor “boyfriend”.
 
Yes but my current job allows me to do much more time with my son! I work from home quite a bit when necessary – and I have a lot more availability for him.

It’s true my fiance was the driving force – to leave because when I was married – my ex was comfortable with the more predominant parental role and i was more career driven. The pressure was on me to support our family and I did that all along.
 
needguidance99 said:
Yes but my current job allows me to do much more time with my son! I work from home quite a bit when necessary – and I have a lot more availability for him.

It’s true my fiance was the driving force – to leave because when I was married – my ex was comfortable with the more predominant parental role and i was more career driven. The pressure was on me to support our family and I did that all along.
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From what you have said – your “boyfriend” controls/monopolizes your time/you – walks out of surgery to track you down, drives 3 hrs to get to you, has cameras all over the house to keep watch etc. etc. Your “availability” is geared toward your “boyfriend” not your son.
 
Sadly - you are correct. 100 percent.

I’m trying to change that. I feel like an addict though – I can’t even think straight. no more texts every few minutes – no more contact from him. No more – anything. It’s bizarre but I feel like i’m a fish out of water.
Walking_Home said:
From what you have said – your “boyfriend” controls/monopolizes your time/you – walks out of surgery to track you down, drives 3 hrs to get to you, has cameras all over the house to keep watch etc. etc. Your “availability” is geared toward your “boyfriend” not your son.
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Walking_Home said:
From what you have said – your “boyfriend” controls/monopolizes your time/you – walks out of surgery to track you down, drives 3 hrs to get to you, has cameras all over the house to keep watch etc. etc. Your “availability” is geared toward your “boyfriend” not your son.
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A boyfriend that controlling will track down internet and phone usage and location…

How’s that women’s shelter working out?
Good wifi over there?
 
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