Need help about my past...

[TheMadBomber]

When I was a kid, I sexually experimented with my cousins and siblings. I have always been uneasy about this past, I am deeply ashamed of it, but at the time, I was assured by some friends that this was normal. Child “sex play” is, apparently, common to everyone. Nevertheless, when I had a conversion to Christ, I confessed what I did in my youth to a priest. I felt free and forgiven at the time.

Now, though, I still get real big bouts of guilt, and I wonder if I did them wrong. [EDIT: Of course I did them wrong, but I am wondering now what I should do with my guilt.]

 

[DexUK]

Well first of all, your confession and absolution ‘cleaned the slate’ so you’re fine now in respect of those actions.

Regarding your residual feelings of guilt, well that’s only natural. You feel ashamed of the things you did that you know now were wrong. But don’t beat yourself up unduly about it, especially if you were a child at the time. For that reason alone, your culpability is lessened.

What should you do now? Well, as far as your standing in the Church goes, you need do nothing. You’ve been absolved and provided there are no other impediments to receiving Communion, you may do so in the normal way.

Personally though, if you feel that the actions you carried out as a child still cause you problems then you might want to seek counselling. It sounds like there’s a lot going on in your head about actions that were quite possibly a long time ago. I can’t make any suppositions for the others involved in your ‘games’, but it seems they’ve now left you damaged. It might be that approaching those you were carrying out such actions with now might upset them by bringing things best left forgotten to the surface, so my instinct is to advise against that, but you certainly need to work out your own feelings and if they are so serious then a professional counsellor or spiritual advisor might well help you. It might be your priest if you have a good ‘connection’ with him or it might be someone he can recommend.

 

[TheMadBomber]

Well first of all, your confession and absolution ‘cleaned the slate’ so you’re fine now in respect of those actions.

Regarding your residual feelings of guilt, well that’s only natural. You feel ashamed of the things you did that you know now were wrong. But don’t beat yourself up unduly about it, especially if you were a child at the time. For that reason alone, your culpability is lessened.

What should you do now? Well, as far as your standing in the Church goes, you need do nothing. You’ve been absolved and provided there are no other impediments to receiving Communion, you may do so in the normal way.

Personally though, if you feel that the actions you carried out as a child still cause you problems then you might want to seek counselling. It sounds like there’s a lot going on in your head about actions that were quite possibly a long time ago. I can’t make any suppositions for the others involved in your ‘games’, but it seems they’ve now left you damaged. It might be that approaching those you were carrying out such actions with now might upset them by bringing things best left forgotten to the surface, so my instinct is to advise against that, but you certainly need to work out your own feelings and if they are so serious then a professional counsellor or spiritual advisor might well help you. It might be your priest if you have a good ‘connection’ with him or it might be someone he can recommend.

Thanks for the advice. For a long time, I thought I needed therapy. I am very contemplative person, and a person with my temperament is prone to more confusion than what others may experience. I struggled with my sexuality for a long time, and the “sex play” I did as a kid didn’t do me any favors with that struggle. When I found the Church, though, a lot of that baggage was still there, but it didn’t burden me anymore. I just leaned on Christ, and things just got sunnier and better.

I am actually more concerned for their welfare than mine. I have Christ and the Sacraments, but what do they have? Many of them now live in broken homes (really broken), their parents are divorced, they have no prospects for the future, and they are getting in fights. Sometimes, I wonder if what we did somehow affected their development. Of course, it could be those aforementioned broken homes, but, in any case, I am concerned for them.

 

[Hiskid1973]

4 And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full.
5 This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.
6 If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth:
7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.
8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

Remember the enemy of our soul and the accuser of the brethren loves to “remind” us of
past mistakes…When the distractions come, remember the Lords forgiveness and turn it to prayer for them to experience Christ’s redemptive love…Always be ready in season and out
the share the hope of the gospel of Christ that lies within you…shalom

 

[onenow1]

saiah 1​

18 "Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.

God Bless

 

[CB_Catholic]

Thanks for the advice. For a long time, I thought I needed therapy. I am very contemplative person, and a person with my temperament is prone to more confusion than what others may experience. I struggled with my sexuality for a long time, and the “sex play” I did as a kid didn’t do me any favors with that struggle. When I found the Church, though, a lot of that baggage was still there, but it didn’t burden me anymore. I just leaned on Christ, and things just got sunnier and better.

I am actually more concerned for their welfare than mine. I have Christ and the Sacraments, but what do they have? Many of them now live in broken homes (really broken), their parents are divorced, they have no prospects for the future, and they are getting in fights. Sometimes, I wonder if what we did somehow affected their development. Of course, it could be those aforementioned broken homes, but, in any case, I am concerned for them.

I seriously doubt that any of your childhood exploits had anything to do with their current situations. Most likey they are due to the familial problems you indicated. Having experience the divorce of my parents when I was young, I know how extremely disturbing it is to the children involved. Not only the divorce itself, but the marital discord preceding the divorce. Children are very sensitive to what goes on between their parents, and even will blame themselves for the divorce. It is not unusual for them to become angry and rebellious (my brother reacted that way) or sad and withdrawn (the way I reacted).

Don’t try to assume guilt for something that you have not caused. That is a very bad habit and one that can become ingrained and difficult to break. Too much introspection about this can be damaging to your emotional, mental and spiritual health. The best thing you can do is pray for them and show your love and support for them. You are not to blame.

 

[TheMadBomber]

Thank you to all who have contributed! My mind is at ease, and I will pray for them!

 

[Dorothy]

Thanks for the advice. For a long time, I thought I needed therapy. I am very contemplative person, and a person with my temperament is prone to more confusion than what others may experience. I struggled with my sexuality for a long time, and the “sex play” I did as a kid didn’t do me any favors with that struggle. When I found the Church, though, a lot of that baggage was still there, but it didn’t burden me anymore. I just leaned on Christ, and things just got sunnier and better.

I am actually more concerned for their welfare than mine. I have Christ and the Sacraments, but what do they have? Many of them now live in broken homes (really broken), their parents are divorced, they have no prospects for the future, and they are getting in fights. Sometimes, I wonder if what we did somehow affected their development. Of course, it could be those aforementioned broken homes, but, in any case, I am concerned for them.

Every now and then you can offer up a Rosary for them. If you care to, you can picture yourself giving them to our Blessed Mother, and leave them to her with confidence. Repeat this as often as necessary.

 

[po18guy]

I struggled with my sexuality for a long time, and the “sex play” I did as a kid didn’t do me any favors with that struggle. When I found the Church, though, a lot of that baggage was still there, but it didn’t burden me anymore. I just leaned on Christ, and things just got sunnier and better.

What you are called to do now is to witness the redemption, forgiveness and peace of Christ to those who sinned along with you.

I am actually more concerned for their welfare than mine. I have Christ and the Sacraments, but what do they have? Many of them now live in broken homes (really broken), their parents are divorced, they have no prospects for the future, and they are getting in fights. Sometimes, I wonder if what we did somehow affected their development. Of course, it could be those aforementioned broken homes, but, in any case, I am concerned for them.

Or, it could be that the sense of guilt brought you to the only means of resolving that guilt, and strengthening you against such sin in the future. It is (or was) your burden only if you initiated the play, and coerced or forced them into it.

Do not make too much of their subsequent lives. God has forgiven you and you must now forgive yourself. To live constantly in the past, or to frequently dredge it up is to be a prisoner of it. Our Lord has set you free from your slavery to sin.

May Christ’s peace be always with you.

 

[TheMadBomber]

Do you guys think I should talk to them about it? Or is this better left forgotten? Maybe what I need, what we need, is closure. I can see this being a huge controversy that may tear our family apart, but if it’s the right thing to do, I’ll do it. Thoughts?

 

[po18guy]

Do you guys think I should talk to them about it? Or this better left forgotten? Maybe what I need, what we need, is closure. I can see this being a huge controversy that may tear our family apart, but if it’s the right thing to do, I’ll do it. Thoughts?

You might just be experiencing a taste of scruples, which are counterproductive. When you have opportunity to speak with them about life in general, you need not unearth any or every past sin. No, the Gospel message is about the future - eternity, actually. If your sex play with them had lead to the ruin of their lives, the whole world would know about it. Chances are that they may have only a vague recollection of it, as they are not as bothered in their consciences as you are.

I would not treat them differently from anyone else, as we are all sinners and all are in need of redemption. If their lives are not happy, and are obviously missing something, then the door may very well be open for you to reveal - slowly - how you came to find peace in your heart. But first, you must have that peace before you can reveal it to them. Mention this to your priest at your next confession. He is waiting to give you solid spiritual advice.

 

[TheMadBomber]

Chances are that they may have only a vague recollection of it, as they are not as bothered in their consciences as you are.

That’s the thing, you can never tell.

So there is no Catholic obligation for me to talk about this with them?

 

[Hiskid1973]

That’s the thing, you can never tell.

So there is no Catholic obligation for me to talk about this with them?

I wouldn’t stir anything up unless you feel the Holy Spirit prompting you too…As opposed to you feeling guilty and trying to fix the situation…Be at peace when you pray…As for witnessing, let God open the door…You never know how or who the Lord might use to work in their lives…What I am trying to say is be aware of opening a can of worms responding because of guilt…

 

[po18guy]

That’s the thing, you can never tell.

So there is no Catholic obligation for me to talk about this with them?

I see no binding reason. If they told you as much, or you had independent (outside of your own lingering feelings of guilt) reason to think that your actions with them caused their downfall, then you would be justified in speaking with them to express your contrition and sorrow over the situation.

As it is, your reason for speaking with them is to spread the Gospel of Christ and thereby give them hope.

Question yourself first. Your sin is gone - destroyed and forgotten by God. You are allowed to remember it only so that you avoid it at all cost in the future. God does not hold you to a higher standard than He does with Himself, and He has forgotten your sin. So, too must you forget it, and pray for the strength to just let this go.

An even better reason to ask a priest and discuss scrupulosity with him, IMO.

 

[po18guy]

I wouldn’t stir anything up unless you feel the Holy Spirit prompting you too…As opposed to you feeling guilty and trying to fix the situation…Be at peace when you pray…As for witnessing, let God open the door…You never know how or who the Lord might use to work in their lives…What I am trying to say is be aware of opening a can of worms responding because of guilt…

And, if a spirit moves you, test it to ensure that it truly is the Holy Spirit. The evil one emulates the Holy Spirit constantly, since he is a liar and the father of lies, but cannot produce the good fruits of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit always produces unity, while the demon always produces division.

 

[Hiskid1973]

And, if a spirit moves you, test it to ensure that it truly is the Holy Spirit. The evil one emulates the Holy Spirit constantly, since he is a liar and the father of lies, but cannot produce the good fruits of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit always produces unity, while the demon always produces division.

Yes ,Amen

 

[TheMadBomber]

Hey, guys. I am bumping this thread because this issue popped into my mind again when I began reading the Catechism - it says that while I’ve obtained forgiveness, the temporal affects of sin remain and that I should do whatever I can to make satisfaction. It is the latter part that concerns me. Does that mean my initial instincts were right after all - I should contact the parties offended or even the civil authorities? I am in distress.

 

[po18guy]

You are going to need spiritual direction in this area. THis is a good subject to bring up with your Priest, either at confession, or during a private conversation. If the sins are confessed, then penance can consist of many things. Since you cannot restore the others involved to the condition they were in before this happened, true penance probably lies elsewhere.

 

[Windfish]

Hey, guys. I am bumping this thread because this issue popped into my mind again when I began reading the Catechism - it says that while I’ve obtained forgiveness, the temporal affects of sin remain and that I should do whatever I can to make satisfaction. It is the latter part that concerns me. Does that mean my initial instincts were right after all - I should contact the parties offended or even the civil authorities? I am in distress.

I have just been talking about this. I am probably going to make a thread on it.