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Mayita30
Guest
She deserves someone who can accept her for who she is.
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Mayita30
Guest
I may get in trouble for my opinion, but will present it anyway.
A young single, childless man seeking marriage should stay away from single mothers, in my experience.
Oh really ?
The single mother may be divorced, (a bad sign) or she may have had her child out of wedlock (which more than hints at poor judgment).
If the single mom has been divorced, she likely will divorce her next husband.
Judgemental
The out of wedlock mom has not adhered to Catholic teachings about sexual morality.
Judgemental
The young man choosing a dating partner should ask himself if his ambition is to raise another man’s child.
***Not compassionate…very unlike St. Joseph…very Uncatholic ***
There are many fine young Catholic women who are not single moms.
Offcourse there are other catholic women who are not single moms but with different kinds of sins as well.
That is how I see it.
Thank God that Jesus does not see sinners that way and thank God, the Catholic Church is a hospital for sinners where it offers the sacrament of Confession.
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Snowwhite16
Guest
Please do remember we are required to question AND judge a persons actions. The term Judging is so misused and over used.
A single mom is women who decided to have a child without a man involved and decided NOT to inform the father of the child therefore she decided to go it 'alone" without support or influence from the bio father.
A unwed mother needs not explanation but that does not make her a single mom.
A divorced woman needs not explanation but that does not make her a single Mom.
We should call things for what they really are.
As a former divorced mother, I would always inform a date that I had children but most importantly I only introduced my future husband when I knew we agreed to marry. I shielded my children 100percent from that and ONLY went on a date if they were not in my care ie visiting Grandparents or with my ex husband. Our children needed my full attention.
Something is telling you to question this relationship for a good reason. LISTEN to your tiny voice.
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Xantippe
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DaveBj
Guest
First of all, I agree with those who say that if you’re not ready to be a father, then you’re not ready to be married, and if, as you say, the reason why you’re dating is to get married some day, then you shouldn’t be dating at all.
Second, stop what you’re doing, and listen to this song:
youtube.com/watch?v=BjO1F6oCab8
If you’re not ready to be the kind of man that Brad Paisley was singing about, then let this young woman go so she can find someone better.
Second, stop what you’re doing, and listen to this song:
youtube.com/watch?v=BjO1F6oCab8
If you’re not ready to be the kind of man that Brad Paisley was singing about, then let this young woman go so she can find someone better.
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Snowwhite16
Guest
I respectfully tell you my information came from more than one psychologist.
The term “single Mom” is used by many as a means to seek favor and play out a victim role. Trust me I don’t want to appear to argue or upset anyone. It’s called playing the system.
There is more truth behind biological fathers wanting to be with their children than many would want John Q public to believe.
Most of us are compassionate—now add a story about a single Mom trying to make the light bill and feed her kids and there you have it, a young 20something male being sucked into this because she is a “single Mommmmmmmmmm” similar to the young adult who made this post.
We should be compassionate and show grace and charity when we can. I see this all the time and the term really works --it has worked on this poor man who like many wonderful men feel the need to ride on their strong white horses to save the damsel…“single mom’s”
Please seek out your Priest as well as your parents for their (name removed by moderator)ut.
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Xantippe
Guest
Really?
Here’s what he wrote initially:
“I’m a young male in my twenties. I’m dating this girl who revealed to me on the second date that she has a young child. I’ve never dated a single mom before so this is kind of a big deal for me. It just doesn’t feel right for me to be dating her. After all, she formed a bond with another man and produced a child. She belongs to him. I feel like an intruder. Btw, I am in no way fit to be a father yet. So what should I do? Should I keep dating her or find someone else? The primary reason I’m dating is to get married someday. Perhaps I’m being ridiculous. What does the Catholic church have to say about marrying a single parent? Any advice is much appreciated. Thanks”
That doesn’t really sound like he’s got the white horse saddled up.
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Edmundus1581
Guest
Fun little argument, Snowwhite and Xantippe!
This issue is so complex, with so many different “real world” scenarios, that there can be truth in apparently contrary viewpoints.
This issue is so complex, with so many different “real world” scenarios, that there can be truth in apparently contrary viewpoints.
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KendraDZ1902
Guest
What the heck do you call a mother who is single, then?
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Xantippe
Guest
Oh, we’d have to have her fill out a 10-page questionnaire first, and then we’d know what to call her.What the heck do you call a mother who is single, then?
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Boatswain2PA
Guest
To the OP: I hope someday you find a wife who will overlook your past sins, mistakes, and imperfections.
Other advice…don’t buy a glass house.
Other advice…don’t buy a glass house.
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KendraDZ1902
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Snowwhite16
Guest
It depends…What the heck do you call a mother who is single, then?
Divorced Mom if in fact that is true.
Widow if in fact that is true
Unwed Mother would be if Mom never married the bio father
Single Mother if in fact she made the adult decision to have child without (name removed by moderator)ut ever from bio father. Single means singular or 1 hence only 1 parent. and father is NOT informed or will ever be a part of the childs life. Sad set of circumstances but some women want to raise a child without a father. Most parents are not Single Parents since they both are involved on some level with the child. Even if a parent only pays child support—doesn’t mean their a single parent.
Complicated I know but uncomplicated when you think about it.
Trust me I was shocked the first time it was laid out to me. But it does make sense.
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KendraDZ1902
Guest
My mom was a divorced, single mom. My psychologist even says that I have a sense of abandonment since my crack head father was in and out of my life. It is quite complicated, unless you want to be judgmental.
A couple hundred dollars a month doesn’t raise a child, either. IF the loser does pay.
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hwriggles4
Guest
Here’s my two cents to John:
First, you have only had two dates. If you think things are going well, and are taking things slowly, follow your heart. You are not rushing into anything, and your dates might have been just dinner dates or movie dates. You are just getting to know one another.
Second, you seem like you are only around 25. I would say at your age, there are quite a few ladies in your demographic who are available for a sacramental marriage. John, the lady you have had two dates with may be available for a sacramental marriage based on her situation - and there’s nothing wrong with keeping that private on this board - I’m sure she appreciates that. John, I say this because if you were older (i.e. over 35, and definitely over 40 and wanting to pursue marriage), a large demographic would be previously married. Personally, I did date a nice single mother a few years back, but I was about 15 years older than you, and she was at least 10 years older than you. She actually decided to remain single, which was one reason we parted ways.
Third, as you get to know her (not an interrogation), get her to share with you on how she feels about certain “non-negotiables” like premarital relations, religious beliefs, etc. If your relationship does progress, she may need to file for an annulment (if she was married outside the Church, she will have to go through the annulment process, but the process of “lack of form” is not as detailed). If she did not marry the child’s father, she might not even need an annulment. The single mother I dated had received an annulment years before I met her, and her little boy was 7 years old.
Fourth, be patient with a single mother. Kids have their trials and tribulations, and a single mom will often work outside the home. It’s really hard if she doesn’t have support from family and friends. There may also be times where you have a Friday night evening planned, and the former spouse who is supposed to take the kids for the weekend doesn’t show up, so be prepared for unexpected circumstances.
Fifth, there are some good single mothers out there - don’t judge them because they are single mothers.
Hope this helps a little, and good luck - one day at a time.
First, you have only had two dates. If you think things are going well, and are taking things slowly, follow your heart. You are not rushing into anything, and your dates might have been just dinner dates or movie dates. You are just getting to know one another.
Second, you seem like you are only around 25. I would say at your age, there are quite a few ladies in your demographic who are available for a sacramental marriage. John, the lady you have had two dates with may be available for a sacramental marriage based on her situation - and there’s nothing wrong with keeping that private on this board - I’m sure she appreciates that. John, I say this because if you were older (i.e. over 35, and definitely over 40 and wanting to pursue marriage), a large demographic would be previously married. Personally, I did date a nice single mother a few years back, but I was about 15 years older than you, and she was at least 10 years older than you. She actually decided to remain single, which was one reason we parted ways.
Third, as you get to know her (not an interrogation), get her to share with you on how she feels about certain “non-negotiables” like premarital relations, religious beliefs, etc. If your relationship does progress, she may need to file for an annulment (if she was married outside the Church, she will have to go through the annulment process, but the process of “lack of form” is not as detailed). If she did not marry the child’s father, she might not even need an annulment. The single mother I dated had received an annulment years before I met her, and her little boy was 7 years old.
Fourth, be patient with a single mother. Kids have their trials and tribulations, and a single mom will often work outside the home. It’s really hard if she doesn’t have support from family and friends. There may also be times where you have a Friday night evening planned, and the former spouse who is supposed to take the kids for the weekend doesn’t show up, so be prepared for unexpected circumstances.
Fifth, there are some good single mothers out there - don’t judge them because they are single mothers.
Hope this helps a little, and good luck - one day at a time.
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Mayita30
Guest
wow!! It amazes me how much you have categorized women… may be as now that Lent is approaching, we should avoid putting people in a certain catergories though our own judgement and recognize them as children of God, our own brothers and sisters in Christ.
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Mayita30
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sorry to hear that Kendra. There is no perfect life on this Earth. That is reserved only in Heaven. My grandma’s mom died when she was just 5 yrs, old and then her dad died when she was 10 yrs old so she really became an orphan at very early age. I could not imagine how hard life must have been for her but when you see her, you would not know of the struggles and the hard life she has been through because she is always smiling…My mom was a divorced, single mom. My psychologist even says that I have a sense of abandonment since my crack head father was in and out of my life. It is quite complicated, unless you want to be judgmental.
A couple hundred dollars a month doesn’t raise a child, either. IF the loser does pay.
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HouseArrest
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The young man came to the forum to ask advice because he is discerning a relationship, which is what we all do when dating.
Better? That was rude.
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Electricaleng
Guest
The whole problem I see here is with the op being Catholic you have notions that since she was with someone else before she is somehow not as good as you said she formed a bond with someone else. That is a very sad way to live imho as she could be a lovely person with alot to offer.
If my lovely wife would of had those frankly horrible veiws she would have never dated me as I had 4 children when I met her and our lovely family wouldn’t exist right now.
To the other posters talking about relationships not working due to porn or masterbation problems, those or only issues in relationships where one of the people in the relationship are bothered by those things, or has unnecessary religious guilt over those things, or is just insecure. Whether you believe it or not some women don’t mind that stuff at all.
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marymary1975
Guest
^^this is excellent! I was at some point a single mother and I got married to a man who had no children and who had never been married before and I don’t think dating a single parent is for everyone. It requires a lot of discernment and thinking. You need to consider many facts, from how did she get to single motherhood, circumstances surrounding it, how long ago it happened, how has she lives her life after she became a single mother etc. Also if you are catholic and looking for a catholic marriage you need to see whether she once made a mistake and returned to the faith and is now able to marry in the church. Is she a faithful person, practicing catholic? Also have you ask her what are her intentions in dating you? Is she also looking for a serious stable relationship or does she just want a non committed relationship? You need to see how is she living her life now, how did she get there and what circumstances surrounded the single parenthood. Based on her responses to that you can make a much better assessment.
Dating a single parent requires patience, lots of understanding and it must go slower than a normal relationship. You need to ask yourself all these questions, ask her questions about it and be very sincere and upfront with her. If you feel that you may not be able to deal with it, I don’t think you should tell her let’s be friends. A single parent needs to know things clear and with no round about a. A single mother doesn’t have time to let’s be friends. So you need to tell her the truth: that you thought about it and you don’t feel you can handle the situation. Also don’t give her any false expectations! At this point what you need to tell her isthat you are not ssure about the relationship, that you have yo think about it because you want x y and z, you are not sure if you are ready to deal with a child, that being a stepparent is not easy and you are not sure if you fit the role and you need to discern about the whole thing. Ask her all the questions and explanations and then tell her you will give her an answer. After you have discerned if you can do it, then give her a final answer.
As to her belonging to someone else, unless she is still married/still has feelings for the other guy and vice versa or she married in the church got divorced and doesn’t have an annulment, no she doesn’t belong to the other guy. How long ago she broke up with the other guy? If it was recent I would be concerned but if a good amount if time has passed she doesn’t belong to him. Also would you consider too that a single woman who have had other sexual partners or one that had an abortion to belong to the previous partners or to belong to the father of the aborted baby? Make sure you don’t fall into double morals. With a mother is easy to know she has had a relationship with another man before because of the kid but if youare doubting a single mmother only over that but you don’t have a problem with someone that had an abortion or is not a virgin you are having a double moral and you need to correct your view.
Finally, the one who will be getting married is you and you have the right to find whoever you think that fits what you can handle or no. However don’t assume that just because a woman has no kids she will be automatically a perfect catholic match to you and that someone with a kid is plainly a bad option. You have to look at circumstances and discern a little deeper than that.
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