Need help...dating a single mom

[marymary1975]

Nope! Nope! Nope!

If she’s got any sense at all and is a competent mom, she isn’t introducing her child to every man she sees for a date or two.

I read some secular advice columns, and standard advice for single parents is to wait for at least 6+ months before introducing a child to a new boyfriend or girlfriend, and to try hard not to introduce people that aren’t going to be around long term.

And, of course, the presence of a young child on the scene calls for a much slower marriage timeline than in situations where there isn’t a child.

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Yes yes to what Xantippe says! I waited one entire year before I introduced my current husband to my daughter and when we did we were both 100% that marriage was in our future plans and when we did it we introduced him first as a friend within a group of other friends and from there we moved very slowly. It took us almost four years since we started dating until we got married. We moved at a turtle pace but I think that turtle pace was key in our success building a family.

 

[Electricaleng]

Yes yes to what Xantippe says! I waited one entire year before I introduced my current husband to my daughter and when we did we were both 100% that marriage was in our future plans and when we did it we introduced him first as a friend within a group of other friends and from there we moved very slowly. It took us almost four years since we started dating until we got married. We moved at a turtle pace but I think that turtle pace was key in our success building a family.

You will think I am nuts but my situation was exact opposite. I was a single dad (with 4 children) I met a lovely woman that I just “knew” imediately was the one. I spent every night with her since our first date. She officially moved in (brought her cat over) within 2 weeks. Started caring fo the kids with me. We married within 4 months and have been happily married for almost 10 years. We did it our way and am happy everyday to be with such a lovely wonderful person.

 

[Xantippe]

Yes yes to what Xantippe says! I waited one entire year before I introduced my current husband to my daughter and when we did we were both 100% that marriage was in our future plans and when we did it we introduced him first as a friend within a group of other friends and from there we moved very slowly. It took us almost four years since we started dating until we got married. We moved at a turtle pace but I think that turtle pace was key in our success building a family.

Wow–that’s patience!

 

[Xantippe]

You will think I am nuts but my situation was exact opposite. I was a single dad (with 4 children) I met a lovely woman that I just “knew” imediately was the one. I spent every night with her since our first date. She officially moved in (brought her cat over) within 2 weeks. Started caring fo the kids with me. We married within 4 months and have been happily married for almost 10 years. We did it our way and am happy everyday to be with such a lovely wonderful person.

I read a lot of secular advice columns and you’re a really lucky guy. A lot of single fathers that do things on that schedule (or even a somewhat slower one) wind up inflicting a wicked stepmother on their kids (or wind up inflicting wicked stepchildren on a lovely stepmom). Happens all the time.

 

[Electricaleng]

I read a lot of secular advice columns and you’re a really lucky guy. A lot of single fathers that do things on that schedule (or even a somewhat slower one) wind up inflicting a wicked stepmother on their kids (or wind up inflicting wicked stepchildren on a lovely stepmom). Happens all the time.

I don’t beleive it was luck. I had been praying everyday for God to put someone in my life as I could barely function on my own with so many kids, then she came along. She said she had been praying someone would come along and love her and give her a baby (She got a whole lot more than a baby, 2 with me and 4 stepkids) I beleive God brought our paths together.

 

[Adamski]

I’m a young male in my twenties. I’m dating this girl who revealed to me on the second date that she has a young child. I’ve never dated a single mom before so this is kind of a big deal for me. It just doesn’t feel right for me to be dating her. After all, she formed a bond with another man and produced a child. She belongs to him. I feel like an intruder. Btw, I am in no way fit to be a father yet. So what should I do? Should I keep dating her or find someone else? The primary reason I’m dating is to get married someday. Perhaps I’m being ridiculous. What does the Catholic church have to say about marrying a single parent? Any advice is much appreciated. Thanks

I think the most important question is she catholic and practicing her faith

 

[SMHW]

I’ve read through a few of the replies and I’m going to “second” a few of them.

• If you aren’t ready to be a father then perhaps you should put off dating. Marriage suggests readiness for fatherhood.
• There is nothing wrong with deciding you don’t want the problems that go with raising another man’s child, particularly if that man is still in the picture.
• On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with taking up the challenge of (validly) marrying a woman with a child provided you are willing to accept (as cheerfully as possible) the responsibilities and limited authority that come with the child.

 

[CommonWeal]

I’m a young male in my twenties. I’m dating this girl who revealed to me on the second date that she has a young child. I’ve never dated a single mom before so this is kind of a big deal for me. It just doesn’t feel right for me to be dating her. After all, she formed a bond with another man and produced a child. She belongs to him. I feel like an intruder. Btw, I am in no way fit to be a father yet. So what should I do? Should I keep dating her or find someone else? The primary reason I’m dating is to get married someday. Perhaps I’m being ridiculous. What does the Catholic church have to say about marrying a single parent? Any advice is much appreciated. Thanks

Take it from me, as I have done this. RUN. I’m totally serious. It sounds like your conscience is telling you the same thing. If she is still married in the eyes of God then it would be impossible to have a relationship with her.

Please listen to your conscience. You are young. If you want a family, then find a chaste and virtuous woman to marry and start a family. You will not regret it. God bless you.

 

[Kataryna25]

I think, if you don’t ready yet, you shouldn’t waste her time and yours! But it depends on your real feelings. Do you love her? or it’s just attraction? You should understand the difference!