Need Help - how do I deal w/ a vindictive Pastor?

[EasterJoy]

I’m still kind of puzzled as to the title of this thread…

The daughter supposedly takes a knife away from her 4 year old brother either at school or at home and then brings it to school…And this connects to a “vindictive” pastor how???

It is as though the OP has turned this into a problem with the pastor when the base problem is with his children.

The parents were not granted an audience with school officials to get an explanation of the expulsion and the decision-making process behind it–highly unusual, and something that most pastors would not allow–and two children who presumably had nothing to do with the knife were expelled from altar serving, also with no explanation, which is also very unusual. It would also be unusual (although not unheard of) for the pastor to not be given knowledge of an expulsion. If he doesn’t know the younger child was expelled, then that parish really has communication problems!

It is, however, not at all clear that the pastor is guilty of any vindictiveness at all. If we are getting the facts correctly, all we know is that the parents are not getting the amount of communication that they deserve, certainly with regards to the expulsion. Until they know what the situation is, however, it should hardly surprise the pastor that the appearance of possible vindictiveness exists. He may not be at all vindictive, but unless some important facts are being left out, this situation is being handled very badly by someone so far.

 

[hwinston]

OK. Sorry to have taken so long to provide any updates or answers, however, we have been trying to work this through the diocesan superintendent of schools office and wanted to try and let it run its course without getting too worked up - or worked up again.

Let me answer some questions:
1- wrote a formal letter to the principal, assistant principal, school counselor and pastor (all were part of the decision to expel my daughter), asking that they meet with my wife and I and that they reconsider their decision to expel her. Did not get a response.
2- have requested to meet with any of the four on two subsequent visits to the school office and asked the pastor’s secretary for a meeting - have not gotten any response. This was Monday, Tuesday and Thursday of this last week.
3- the assistant superintendent of schools told my wife to put her questions into an email and she would try to get answers. All she did was forward my wife’s email to the pastor who provided the following:

Father has answered your questions.

DAUGHTER’S NAME has been withdrawn, is this inclusive of the next school year? – Yes
Are they expecting us to withdraw all of our children from the school? – Not yet, that will depend upon their attitude
Are they expecting us to leave the parish? – No

I guess we got some answers, but didn’t get any information.

4- we camp a lot as a family and my boys are all scouts (at least the three oldest ones) so we have many pocket knives. It is not unusual that they can be left laying around at times. I do believe my daughter that she found my youngest with it, put it in her pencil bag and just forgot about it.

5- as for my oldest two being kicked off the serving schedule, I still don’t have any explanation from the pastor, only the coincidence that it was within one hour of me being told that the school principal would not meet me as she had agreed to earlier.

6- right now, I just want this to die down - for me, for my wife and for my kids. It is far too much drama and isn’t helping my temperament or my pride. After a few weeks, I will approach the pastor again and see if he’s willing to meet with us and perhaps consider allowing my daughter to return to the school.

I appreciate all of the kind thoughts, prayers and advice. The forum has helped me quite a bit, so thank you.

HW

 

[Rete]

Simple yes-no answers with no explanations or offers to tell you what even happened is not acceptable. Nor is it acceptable to punish those boys for something that has nothing to do with them.

While we don’t know all the particulars, it sounds to me like you got caught up in the ridiculous zero-tolerance school policies sweeping our country.

As you have seen from some posters here, a lot of people really don’t have any clue about knives. To them, a knife is always a deadly weapon. Not just a tool. The fact that families exist which are heavily connected to the outdoors (especially hunting and fishing) doesn’t help because they don’t share in those things. To them, it is inconceivable that a child should have a knife. Many of us had scout knifes when we are as young as your daughter which we carried around all the time. That said, the actual type of knife I think makes a big difference, as well as the information regarding the alleged threat.

I am not sure how you can get past that with respect to your daughter. The rest of the actions targeting your other children were extremely petty and harmful. I find that aspect of the story rather surprising. The part about your children being allowed to stay at school depending upon your attitude I find the most disturbing.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Simple yes-no answers with no explanations or offers to tell you what even happened is not acceptable. Nor is it acceptable to punish those boys for something that has nothing to do with them.

While we don’t know all the particulars, it sounds to me like you got caught up in the ridiculous zero-tolerance school policies sweeping our country.

As you have seen from some posters here, a lot of people really don’t have any clue about knives. To them, a knife is always a deadly weapon. Not just a tool. The fact that families exist which are heavily connected to the outdoors (especially hunting and fishing) doesn’t help because they don’t share in those things. To them, it is inconceivable that a child should have a knife. Many of us had scout knifes when we are as young as your daughter which we carried around all the time. That said, the actual type of knife I think makes a big difference, as well as the information regarding the alleged threat.

I am not sure how you can get past that with respect to your daughter. The rest of the actions targeting your other children were extremely petty and harmful. I find that aspect of the story rather surprising. The part about your children being allowed to stay at school depending upon your attitude I find the most disturbing.

I’ll thank you not to assume that I am afraid of all knives. I am a parent of 2 children and I know how schools are these days. I also know that a 4 year old should not have a knife without supervision. Supervision is the key word. And, the daughter should not have put the knife into her pencil bag but given it to her parents for safekeeping.

Something about the story just doesn’t sound right to me. And it’s not about whether or not any of had or still have knives.

 

[Edmundus1581]

Simple yes-no answers with no explanations or offers to tell you what even happened is not acceptable. Nor is it acceptable to punish those boys for something that has nothing to do with them.

While we don’t know all the particulars, it sounds to me like you got caught up in the ridiculous zero-tolerance school policies sweeping our country.

As you have seen from some posters here, a lot of people really don’t have any clue about knives. To them, a knife is always a deadly weapon. Not just a tool. The fact that families exist which are heavily connected to the outdoors (especially hunting and fishing) doesn’t help because they don’t share in those things. To them, it is inconceivable that a child should have a knife. Many of us had scout knifes when we are as young as your daughter which we carried around all the time. That said, the actual type of knife I think makes a big difference, as well as the information regarding the alleged threat.

I am not sure how you can get past that with respect to your daughter. The rest of the actions targeting your other children were extremely petty and harmful. I find that aspect of the story rather surprising. The part about your children being allowed to stay at school depending upon your attitude I find the most disturbing.

I agree, completely.

I believe that HW should appeal against the daughter’s expulsion as well as he can, through the various channels. If this business has reached the point where the daughter or family no longer wish to go to the school and want to move on, then they should still pursue an apology and monetary damages from the school. Such would undo some of the injustice that has been done to the daughter.

I also believe that while the removal of the boys from the roster is serious, hurtful, and apparently vindictive, that the biggest issue, and the one on which there is possibility of legal redress, is the daughter’s expulsion, and that it would be best to focus on this.