Need help with club soccer

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Note, i qualified the word minorities with “from the US”. Lots of Latinos in the majors, almost all of them are foriegners. Why? Because baseball is not a rich kid’s game in Central America.
 
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And nearly all of them Dominican.

Here’s the mind-blowing statistic: A Samoan male is 56 times more likely to play in the NFL than a non-Samoan American male.
 
Wait…Axsenex is pretty similar to Arsenal. . . .
 
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Pattylt said:
I think I’d start by talking to my daughter. Was this emotional reaction just a release of her disappointment or has it lingered past the next few days.
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When we decided that my daughter was done with club soccer (she was entering 7th grade) my wife offered her $1,000 (less than half of the annual club dues) to leave soccer for the middle school cross country team.

I know two or three other girls from her club team whose parents paid $thousands, had private coaches, etc. and they all quit club soccer by the time they were freshmen or sophomores in high school.

By the way, my daughter accepted the $1000 offer and cried for a week because she hated cross country. Three years later and her high school cross country team finished second in the state championship, and she was an integral part of it. (this year she was pretty much out of it because of injuries).
 
In my opinion, all of this sounds ridiculous for a game kicking around a ball. Spending thousands of dollars for one tournament? How many tournaments does this league have a year? Soccer requires a ball and maybe some shoes. Children play it barefoot in Africa. Let the girl try out for her school’s team, actually get to play, learn sportsmanship, have fun, and build up lifelong memories.
 
There are teams that exist to win, and there are teams that exist to win but for which winning isn’t a priority. Before I sunk any money into a team sport (or any more money, in your case) I would look into things and find out what kind of a team it is. Clearly, it seems the team your daughter is on has winning as a priority. As she isn’t one of the stronger players, it makes sense that she doesn’t get to play in the games. The point for the team is winning, so the coach is going to play the strongest players he has at any minute.

I would not spend money on a team for which the priority is winning unless my child was star quality and I was hoping he or she would get a scholarship out of it. Even then I probably wouldn’t do that, because I don’t appreciate the attitude that is promoted on most of these teams… I would rather spend that money on another organization. I think it is time for you to have a conversation with the coach and with your daughter. Explain the differences between teams, and team philosophy. Ask her what she hopes to get out of it.
 
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For that much money, I’d expect a lot more opportunities to play.
But my perpective is: I’m a rather frugal person.
Plus, your daughters not having any fun.
If it were free or low cost, it would be different, but I want more bang for my buck.
 
SoccerMum said:
There is AYSO, but honestly, she’s too good for AYSO and that’s why we left last year. She was consistently best on her team, and unless my husband coached every year, she often got “coaches” who had NO idea how to even play soccer, or even properly strike a ball. I talked to the director of AYSO and he said there is “no guarantee that any coach has soccer experience or knowledge aside from one 90-minute training.” Um, no!
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What is your daughter looking to get out of soccer at age 12? Why is she involved? She is too good for AYSO, and not good enough for playing time on the club team. So what is she looking for? To get on her school team in high school with hopes of playing pro soccer? Or does she just want to have fun? Was she unhappy being the best on her team? Because right now, she is unhappy not being the best on her team. And on top of that, it is costing you a lot of money. Club teams sound like they exist to make money and win games. Is there any actual learning that takes place in the club or is it all about winning?
 
Obviously I’m not the OP but I can answer somewhat.
Our daughter was so much better than her teammates and the teams she faced that it got embarrassing. We felt people might start to hold a grudge. She was scoring double-digit goals in most of the games she played. And she never played to beat an opponent. She played because she loved to play.

So we had her try out for the rec depaetment’s travel team, and she got picked by a local elite club team. She loved it, we loved it. We liked the other girls and their parents. For a couple years.

Then it got increasingly competitive, the girls had an “edge,” the parents started being more exclusive and elitist, and it became clear that we were paying into the business model. So we pulled the plug.
 
Different perspective here. I’m Irish and was a weaker player on both my high school team and on my town’s team.

To be fair, both teams were free to join and we never had to travel far for matches. I’m fairly sure my parents never came to a game or training… nobody’s did, unless they volunteered to drive us (this was 14 years ago).

Also I preferred training to playing matches, so take this advice with a pinch of salt.

Your daughter has a choice. If she really wants to play matches, she should play for a less high level team. Even pro soccer players do this sometimes.

If your daughter wants to play for this high level team, she needs to accept that she’s not going to get playing time but that training with these girls will really up her. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer; she should do what makes her happiest.

I don’t think anyone should speak to the coach. Being on a team does not guarantee match time. The team comes first. The daughter could speak to the coach about what he thinks she needs to work on to improve but I personally would go no further than that.

I hope your daughter keeps it up and finds a way to enjoy it again. Competitive sports are harsh for kids.
 
Dacinom said:
Have your HUSBAND talk to the coach. Lay it out simple. “It’s killing me financially for this sport and my kid never plays, should she quit? What are her chances of playing more?”
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This is an excellent idea.
Any sort of emo mama bear stuff will cause coach to roll his eyes and not lead to a productive conversation.
The above is more likely to get a frank answer.

If coach doesn’t think she is likely to get more playing time in the future, then you can talk to your daughter about her options such as switching to a different league, different sport etc.
 
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My brother coached club soccer for a number of years. He always had players who were stellar, and those who were great, and not too many who were good.

Club soccer is not rec soccer. Rec soccer will work to include all of the players as it is not tournament oriented. Club soccer is tournament oriented, and the players with lower skills are not going to see much playing time. Yes, it is there to increase skills, but that is far more oriented to taking the better players and making them best.

The third alternative is soccer on a middle school team, or sticking with rec soccer or a lower level club until she gets into high school and can get on the high school team.

My brother coached both boys and girls; and some of his players eventually went to college teams; this is the level of the players. I by no means intend to speak down about your daughter; but is sounds like she is on a team that is essentially above her skill level. That certainly does not mean she cannot be a contributor, but it may mean looking for a different fit.

I disagree with the comment that club soccer is there to make money; it is a training ground for kids who are likely to be competitively able to play in high school and eventually college and beyond.

How to break that down to your daughter is tough. She certainly shows willingness to step up; and there is both a self-esteem issue at play as well as any friendships she may have formed. I don’t suspect there are a lot of parents who ever want to hear that their child is not up to the level of others they may be in contact with, but it sounds like she is in the wrong group.
 
SoccerMum said:
There is AYSO, but honestly, she’s too good for AYSO and that’s why we left last year. She was consistently best on her team, and unless my husband coached every year, she often got “coaches” who had NO idea how to even play soccer, or even properly strike a ball. I talked to the director of AYSO and he said there is “no guarantee that any coach has soccer experience or knowledge aside from one 90-minute training.” Um, no!

We COULD travel about half an hour to another club that is a bit less prestigious that has a silver team at her age.

There are currently 17 on the roster and unlimited subs for league games and most tournaments.
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Imo, the best coaches are usually the ones that have no kids on the team, lol. ☺️

I would let go of the prestige thing and make your dd happy, which sounds like she is not.
 
I would finish out the season then I would find another sport or activity. It doesn’t sound like it is fun and the cost is huge for a family with multiple children.

I have five kids and getting out of competitive sports was the very best thing we did as parents. One year we had four kids in competitive soccer, two in competitive gymnastics, high school track and dance. We almost lost our mind. Years later two kids are out of college and two are still in, all them are well developed kids who enjoy rec games but also have many other interests than just sports. Remember you want to raise well rounded kids…not sports stars.

Prayers for your daughter for the wisdom to understand that life just isn’t fair.
 
SoccerMum said:
We COULD travel about half an hour to another club that is a bit less prestigious that has a silver team at her age.
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Honestly…that may be best. If your daughter really loves playing, but just doesn’t enjoy this (because she doesn’t play), a team at the proper level for her may be the best avenue…even if it means travel. I drive my son to the town 20min over so he can play in a better hockey team that fits his skill level.
SoccerMum said:
There are currently 17 on the roster and unlimited subs for league games and most tournaments.
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There’s zero reason for a 12 year old to not be playing decent minutes then …especially if you’re playing a full 90 min.

I honestly would talk to the coach about her playing time, see if there’s another side to the story and just say: If she’s not going to play we need to start looking at other options.
tafan2 said:
We wonder why we don’t qualify for the world cup, when 20 years ago soccer was going gangbusters as a youth sports. It’s easy, we are the only country in the world that has turned youth soccer into a rich man’s game.
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Nah…I don’t buy that…then the US would be terrible at everything…every sport is a “rich man’s” sport as the competition level increases. Soccer is still going gangbusters at the youth level…the NDP and ODP did plenty to hose up the current national team and subsequent development of the younger groups.
 
I’ve been playing, coaching, and refereeing for 60+ years. Agree with approaching the coach without mention of your daughter’s hard work, sadness, etc. At a competitive level club soccer is a business. The club may have a target number for each roster, incentives for wins, etc. And, it is most important to know that coaches talk - approaching a coach in a confrontational manner will get your daughter nowhere. Because she is not a superstar today, categorization as a “problem parent” may get her a bad rap even if she progress to being a superstar. Also, leave the money situation out of the conversation with the coach; $400 is a lot of money to pay each month and the coach may be getting a small portion of it. Further, the amount may subsidize players who can’t afford to pay and the coach should not discuss who does not pay.

Ask the coach for a blunt assessment of your daughter’s skills and potential. He owes it to you and your daughter. Be prepared to hear things you may not want to hear. I’m currently coaching and have told high school players and their parents that they are not “college material” and suggested finding a college they like that has a club program.

Talk to your daughter about what her goals are. Does she want to play a lot of time on a rec team, or what she currently does.

I’d be happy to reply with any direct questions, etc.
 
I certainly wouldn’t come to him as an emotional mess. I’m pretty capable of having a fact-based conversation without tears and outbursts.
 
Yes, our club is nonprofit. Although the coaches are paid for their work, the board isn’t, and even with the coaches, it’s not full-time money. I don’t think they are trying to get rich off of us - but I DO think that they have reason to keep players whose families pay on-time around, even if those kids don’t get playing time.

This club does send many players on to college teams, not necessarily always div. 1 schools, but there are lots of smaller universities with teams. I do think my daughter has potential - she is a late bloomer, and at U13 - there is a HUGE difference as far as development goes. My daughter is only 80 lbs and under five feet - simply hasn’t bloomed yet. Some of these girls are full women at this age, over 120 lbs and nearly 5’8"! I think this age just has a huge spectrum of size and maturity, with my daughter on the side of being still very childlike. I really want to give her a year or two.

Unfortunately, middle schools don’t have soccer teams around here. High school is still three years off, but I do think that could be a great option at that time. Most of the “star” club players do not play high school because it’s just considered an opportunity to acquire bad habits and get injured for nothing. So, a lot of the lower 80% get to be high school stars.

I talked to my husband last night, and he suggested we ask my daughter if she’d want to do private training twice a week, and use that as a guide as to how motivated she is to improve and stay on the team.
 
That sounds like a very viable alternative. Having raised daughters (who couldn’t play soccer for squat, but were in International Baccalaureate - their skills were clearly elsewhere), my additional concern is for how important may be any emotional ties to other team members.

Obviously, the internet doesn’t give any responders the ability to assess skills; it simply gives a story. Hopefully your approach will accomplish getting her out of the bench warmer category, and over time, she may grow into a more competitive player.
 
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