Need objectivity

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Kathrin

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Yesterday at a family gathering for Easter apparently I had behaved badly 😦 , it was a minor issue and I felt attacked so I started defending myself, and was told later that I had raised my voice and when I raise my voice I can sound really bitchy, withiout wanting toā€¦šŸ˜¦ I also talked back to my Dad when he asked me if I could just shut up, I asked him in turn if he could please not talk to me like that…
Later we all talked about it (my parents, grandparents and me) and it seemed like I just hadn’t realized that nobody was really attacking me and hadn’t realized how I sounded…
So I think it’s forgiven…

Today at mass though I was really struggling, wondering if I could go to communion… finally I decided to go, telling myself it wasn’t a mortal sin.
I called my grandparents on the phone and apologized again in case I had hurt anybody unwillingly.
And when I got home I apologized to my Dad again and he said I didn’t have to apologize. So I think it’s ok…

Now, objectively speaking - so was it ok that I went to communion?

And the second thought I had was lighting a candle at the church close to here but then I didn’t (part of it also because I don’t want to light candles for scrupulous reasons! But I also didn’t want to get off the bus again because it was so cold…)

That is really difficult sometimes: I have lit many candles as acts of contrition, but then sometimes I wonder if it is compulsive.

So objectively speaking, was I right to just go home? I mean, if I went back now, would that be giving in to a compulsion, or would that be a genuine act of contrition that I should have done?

Kathrin
 
Kathrin, I think you are okay. Remember, it cannot be a mortal sin if you do not even realize what you are doing is a sin.

Certainly going to confession would not be bad, but I think you are fine.

As for lighting a candle, they are not just for the contrite. They represent our prayers, any of our prayers, ascending to Heaven. If you feel that you are want to light a candle because of some type of (psychologically) unhealthy reason, then you should resist the compulsion. On the other hand, if you want to light a candle to represent your prayers, then by all means do so.

May God grant you His peace.
 
Thanks for replying. I think… I THINK it is ok that I went to communion. It was probably not a mortal sin… the one time I do remember when I really felt angry was when I asked my Dad not to talk to me like that. He said it was ok though so I can’t have sounded too bad… and even though at that point I was aware it was still really on the spur of the moment. I am really not quite sure what happened 😦 just that apparently I started being defensive without needing to, and raised my voice more than I was aware of. My Dad later said I should have remembered that I sometimes get like that, that I tend to over-focus on things and then start obsessing… and make an elephant out of a little antā€¦šŸ˜Š 😊 I hope I didn’t break the commandment to honor my parents. I don’t think though though.
I just feel I should have done something more like ā€œturn the other cheekā€. I need to learn from this!

Kathrin
 
Thanks for replying. I think… I THINK it is ok that I went to communion. It was probably not a mortal sin… the one time I do remember when I really felt angry was when I asked my Dad not to talk to me like that. He said it was ok though so I can’t have sounded too bad… and even though at that point I was aware it was still really on the spur of the moment. I am really not quite sure what happened 😦 just that apparently I started being defensive without needing to, and raised my voice more than I was aware of. My Dad later said I should have remembered that I sometimes get like that, that I tend to over-focus on things and then start obsessing… and make an elephant out of a little antā€¦šŸ˜Š 😊 I hope I didn’t break the commandment to honor my parents. I don’t think though though.
I just feel I should have done something more like ā€œturn the other cheekā€. I need to learn from this!

Kathrin
Our family, especially our parents, have ways of pushing our buttons in ways that no other people in the world can.

Being at peace in these situations truly requires heroic patience for many people.
 
Our family, especially our parents, have ways of pushing our buttons in ways that no other people in the world can.

Being at peace in these situations truly requires heroic patience for many people.
I do want to try.
I do know that I have high standards and tend to be scrupulous, but this is really something I think I should work on.

Kathrin
 
Ah, thanks, maybe it’s time to have another look at them…
 
Kathrin,

Think for a moment. Your comments show that you care about your family - especially that you do not want to hurt them. Also consider this: At the last supper Jesus gave His Body and Blood to Peter - knowing full well that Peter was about to betray Him. Jesus gives of Himself because he loves us. Likewise, you love your family and your family loves you.

It is the nature of love to forgive. Jesus forgave Peter because He knew Peter’s heart and its what we have in our heart that matters. Pray and reflect on this for a moment.
 
Kathrin,

Think for a moment. Your comments show that you care about your family - especially that you do not want to hurt them. Also consider this: At the last supper Jesus gave His Body and Blood to Peter - knowing full well that Peter was about to betray Him. Jesus gives of Himself because he loves us. Likewise, you love your family and your family loves you.

It is the nature of love to forgive. Jesus forgave Peter because He knew Peter’s heart and its what we have in our heart that matters. Pray and reflect on this for a moment.
:love:
 
Matthew 5

23"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

and I Cor 11 apply to your case. If you already asked their forgiveness before Mass, and recieved it from them, then there is no problem at all.

You may want to examine the scriptures about ā€œguilt tripā€ or flase guilt
google.com/search?hl=en&q=Bible+false+guilt
 
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