Need translation from womanese ;)

[chevalier]

Well, I know quoting messages when asking for advice is not a great habit, but in this case I’m afraid I could do something wrong because I don’t quite get it. The reason I’m asking instead of seeing what happens is that I’d take a bullet for that girl and I’ve always had a soft spot for her, so I’d hate to hurt her and I’d rather not destroy memories either. I’ll try to keep it in check.

So basically I texted her today, which I’d been getting around to doing for two weeks. So I wrote, “Name dear, it’s mid December and I still have no information from you. How was the second grad exam? Has it already happened?” To which she replied, “I apologise, but when I finally started tidying up after the move it absorbed me so much I forgot to write. Exam and thesis A’s, so I became a happy double Master in November. As always, however, after such a marathon my condition drops and I’m ill, but overall I’m pleased I have it behind me. How goes combining work and PhD? I admire you have so much energy. How are you? It’s nice that you write. Thank you and cheers.”

After that I wrote (which came out way too long) something to the effect of, “Then we admire each other because I think double Master takes more effort than PhD. It’s my turn to apologise for the delay now - I’ve been walking home as I’m ill too and I’ve just taken leave from work. Move? Are you back in city? If that’s the case, I have cinema vouchers. It was nice to hear from you again.” And she replied, “Dr sounds more serious. I will gladly meet, with you, but maybe better for a coffee. Alas we’ll probably put off the meeting till healthier times for us both. I’m in city now, so it’ll probably finally work out. CHEERS and till txting.”

Before you ask, yeah, this is a translation, so not everything works and some things are different, e.g. CHEERS is a verb to the effect of, “I greet/salute you.” I also realise it was a poor move with the cinema and I was too eager plus perhaps a bit tacky. After all, I had those vouchers and I thought that would be an excuse to pull out an offer, while I’d better have mentioned theatre or opera instead for a bit loftier effect. We were more like coffee or exotic salad and a walk than a beer or cinema before and… and before was 6 years ago. I do suppose she had a crush on me but something prevented it and it’s likely she has some kind of block or grudge, whereas I’m pretty sure she has a soft spot for me that comes out at times. Her mother instantly associates my name, for instance, besides, two years ago I got her 25 pink roses and she was so happy instead of having me eat them, so I guess she can’t hate me. Anyway, my intuition is a bit blurry and I have a little problem analysing it on a rational level. Does it look like she’s politely and kindly telling me to drop it, or more like just keeping some distance or is it all just a coincidence I’m overanalysing?

As for some background info, she doesn’t drink coffee. She’d give me half her coffee when we were younger because she couldn’t take a whole one. And the last time she drank decaf. So I guess the coffee could have been a stylistic figure to put a message across. Got any conclusions? I particularly wonder about the final salutation in caps (she has never done that before) or the comma in, “I will gladly meet, with you, but maybe better for a coffee.” Yeah, the language was not English, which is why the grammar looks strange, but the comma looked equally as peculiar in the original version.

 

[whatevergirl]

It must be hard to be a man…(sometimes) lol To have to wonder if someone likes you, or is rejecting you…it’s tough work! That being said, I like the voucher comment–not tacky, really. You don’t need to spend a lot of money on someone you are not even sure at this stage, likes you. So, my woman-ese is translating no tackiness there.

Re: what does it mean if she is willing to meet for coffee? I wouldn’t think at this stage too much. It doesn’t indicate that she is romantically interested, or not. It indicates that she does like you–even if it is for friendship. I don’t know the situation enough, to sense that she is holding a grudge, which is why she turned down the movies. I like how you both speak to each other–very proper!

I would go for the coffee…enjoy conversation…enjoy catching up…and just reserve judgement until you get a sense of how your coffee get together goes. It is hard to not analyze these things, I know, but just enjoy yourself…be you…if she is smitten sooner or later, it will evolve naturally. I wish you good luck! Keep us posted.

 

[Kuryakyn]

Doesn’t sound like a complete brush-off. It almost sounds like something I’d say myself if I was interested but didn’t want to press the issue too fast. Also, if you’re both wiped out from Master’s, she might want some time to recover first.

 

[beckers]

so it is this part that has you confused? I’m in city now, so it’ll probably finally work out.

Now i don’t know the whole relationship but the exchange sounds like one between friends and the line above sounds like the coffee exchange might work out because she does live in the city and not something to read into about how deep and meaningful and her future hopes for the relationship.

 

[SeekerJen]

As for some background info, she doesn’t drink coffee. She’d give me half her coffee when we were younger because she couldn’t take a whole one. And the last time she drank decaf. So I guess the coffee could have been a stylistic figure to put a message across. Got any conclusions? I particularly wonder about the final salutation in caps (she has never done that before) or the comma in, “I will gladly meet, with you, but maybe better for a coffee.” Yeah, the language was not English, which is why the grammar looks strange, but the comma looked equally as peculiar in the original version.

She sounds friendly and happy to hear from you, and I think you’re worrying too much. Likely she suggested coffee because two people can sit at a table and chat in a coffee shop, whereas they can’t in a movie or theatre. If the two of you want to have any sort of conversation a cinema isn’t the best choice. And you can buy things other than coffee in a coffee shop.

Maybe try contacting her again after the Christmas and New Year holidays are out of the way. Then you’ll both be less busy and presumably healthier.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

You are overanalyzing. You just fired a shot across her bow. Now the ball is in her court, (to mix metaphors dreadfully here…)

Six years… a lot can happen. Maturity and retrospect can alter her image of you for good or for bad. Only she knows. You are both finishing some things that have distracted your from your personal lives. Maybe she is ready for more of a personal life.

Maybe the last six years have made her realize you are a prize. Or maybe not.

Maybe she sees you through more educated eyes, for good or bad.

The fact is, none of us knows. Her words are too brief for us to judge. Only her actions will let you know.

You did well to reinitiate contact.

I don’t think the voucher comment was tacky. You were letting her know you want to do something fun, but you aren’t giving her the idea it is so Ponderous and Serious that you are going to spend a lot of money to obligate her emotionally.

You won’t know till you are in the cozy coffee shop staring into each other’s eyes. Don’t read anything into anything except her eyes.

I would just send her a quick text back saying to the effect: “Let me know when you are feeling better, and if you want to reach me, here is my personal number…Please call. I’d love to hear from you.”

Then let it go. If she wants to call, she has been given the permission, she is responding to your invitation. So she won’t feel like she is doing something improper. And it removes the feeling from you that you are somehow inflicting unwanted attention on her.

As a woman, I’d say curiosity alone would make me call, just to see if there is something there…

If not, then you haven’t wasted your vouchers.

Just sit back and wait.

 

[chevalier]

Sorry for the length, but I’d like to reply to everyone.

@Whatevergirl: Yeah, it’s hard sometimes. I can read people better when I’m not emotionally involved or rather when I’m not involved in some particular way. If I care, it’s more difficult. Thanks for reassurement about the vouchers.

As for the vouchers, maybe she didn’t like the dating associations or maybe she doesn’t like cinema. Come to think of it, absent vouchers, I’d have come up with theatre or opera and use the excuse for dressing up.

And yeah, I’ll just have to catch up since believe me or not, as much as it’s always looked like a friendship with a bit of a crush, it has never come to the subject of boyfriends or girlfriends or anything, except some hints she made about her friends marrying (I couldn’t figure her out), two years ago.

As for proper, yes, I think she’s always been kind to me and I miss the days when it was livelier and more flirtatious. Maybe what becomes a pre-university girl doesn’t become a double Master, but men don’t grow up. She uses proper and elevated literary syntax and back in the time, she’d sometimes write in French or Spanish too.

@Kuryakyn: Thanks.

@Beckers: “Work out” is the best translation I can come up with without butchering English grammar. Literally, it was more like it will finally happen, it will finally be achieved, it will finally work, and I wasn’t confused about that. More about comma in “meet, with you,” because “with you” looked like a clause in commas, which changes the meaning of the whole sentence. And she never misplaces commas, so it must have been her train of thought or she was thinking in a foreign language or something (she knows at least three).

@Seeker Jen: Thank you. You are right and I agree… It would have to be immediately before Christmas and at least she would most likely decline in that case. And yeah, she doesn’t get out of her way to meet me, meaning she’s calm about it which I sort of envy, hehe.

@Liberanos: She has changed. I don’t really know the full extent. I’ve changed too. But I think once turbulent university years are over, I think people get back to how they were before then somewhat.

As for the vouchers, that was the plan. I wanted something that wouldn’t oblige her. I’ll probably end up giving them all to my sister now because I’m ill and they expire soon.

She knows my number… I’ve always known hers by heart, which is how I realised something was going on - hers was the only number I remembered even when I didn’t remember my own and that told me something. At some point she had me deleted, I think, because she asked who the Christmas message was from, but I think she quickly fixed that. I fear if I ask her to let me know when she’s better, she might forget the way it was with the grad exam. Then again, if that happens, I will know I shouldn’t count on more than acquaintance level.

 

[SMHW]

Are you texting via cell phone?

It’s hard to know sometimes whether the choice of words/grammar/abreviations has been carefully thought out or if some of it depends on the type of device and the skill and the person sending the text. It also matters what else she may be doing while trying to text you.

To me it sounds as if this girl likes you. It’s not so clear if she has romantic thoughts for you or not.

So I guess that begs the question as to whether or not you wish to pursue a relationship with her if she only wants to be friends. If that’s OK with you then just keep trying to get together in whatever way works for the two of you. If you are only interested if there is something more possible then I’d say you still need to meet with her to figure things out.

 

[Consecrated]

Is anyone else dying to know what language C. was translating from?

 

[chevalier]

@SMHW: Yup, it’s text messages on the phone. Don’t know what she’s trying to do while replying, but she replies so fast I wonder how one could even type like that, let alone come up with responses. Sometimes it feels almost as if a message arrives just as I put the phone away. And I’m sure the fact it’s been translated isn’t helping, either.

@Consecrated: Polish. I tried to keep it literal to preserve the vibes and shades, but not everything can be rendered in a precise way. Some vibes aren’t perhaps caught. For instance, “to go for a coffee,” is a fixed expression. Sometimes it’s used to differentiate a friendly meeting from a date, although you don’t go for a coffee with just about anyone, either. “I will gladly meet, with you, but perhaps better for a coffee,” is a very direct translation and as close to proper English as it can get. I preserved the comma because it doesn’t belong there in Polish, either. It gives me the impression it was thought in a particular way or maybe in no particular way, but as a result of a particular train of thought. She speaks several languages, so you can’t always tell how she thinks.

 

[Consecrated]

@Consecrated: Polish. I tried to keep it literal to preserve the vibes and shades, but not everything can be rendered in a precise way.

Thanks for satisfying my curiosity. So you’re fluent in English, Polish, and (maybe) French and Spanish, but you can’t understand a little “womanese”??

I agree with the other posters… it sounds as if she is glad to hear from you, and would like to see you again. No tackiness on your part detected by my radars!

 

[chevalier]

I can’t speak Spanish, but I understand most of what I read in Romance languages because I know Latin, French and some Italian. I’m way below fluent in French these days, though, and my Italian is at a beginning level. She speaks fluent Spanish, English and who knows what French, but probably better than mine. Thank you for your kind words.

By the way, she definitely likes me and for some reason I’m rooted in her memory (she remembers me saying things I don’t remember saying, for example), it’s obvious I’m special to her, but the exact nature of this is unknown. Time will show what happens - seeing a friend after years always brings euphoria about and if the friend is a nice girl, it’s probably easy to mistake some things. Besides, I think there was a platonic crush going on for a long time between us. However, I’m past the stage where I would compromise too much for a crush, so my deal-breaker alerts are still fast in place, and I no longer have the energy and ardour I once had.

 

[chevalier]

Since you were asking for updates. I wrote something to the effect of, “Let’s hijack a whole tanker. Text me when you’re back to health - which doesn’t mean you can’t when you’re ill. Regards and keep warm.*” She wrote back, “ hmm. You recover too. Good night.”

(* Direct translation: “I salute you and [you] hold yourself warm”)

I’m at a loss, but I’m not going to spend time analysing it pointlessly. I’m just going to see what happens, I guess.

 

[KCtheMommy]

Personally: when I was dating someone I was actually interested in, I would usually opt for coffee or beer because I would rather speak to them face-to-face. Give them all of my attention, and give them my energy and conversation.

So IF she’s like me (who knows?) she wants to catch up with YOU. Not sit next to you giving attention to an entirely different thing!

 

[chevalier]

You may be right. Personally, I’ve always preferred coffee for such meetings because it doesn’t create any form of pressure, you can talk, you don’t just sit there and so on. I sensed the vibe that perhaps she didn’t want the typical dating association of cinema and I remember her dodging the offer to go dancing with me, while I’ve known from her about her dancing exploits at parties, or dodging similar manoeuvres on my part in the past, but without clearly telling me to cut it, so this all led me to the conclusion perhaps she wants to limit it to friends. That’s not bad actually, at least for a beginning, and it’s certainly not like I want to push her (or myself for that matter) into another relationship, but it didn’t really feel right. Thank you… perhaps it was my vanity or maybe I wanted to bite more than I could chew. If I’m not the kind of guy she’d be interested in, then she’s probably not my type either.

 

[BeeSweet]

Does it look like she’s politely and kindly telling me to drop it, or more like just keeping some distance or is it all just a coincidence I’m overanalysing?

I think you’re over analyzing. Especially considering you’ve now enlisted more than half a dozen people from across the globe to help you analyze a few text messages.

Don’t fret so much, you’ll sabotage your meeting by over thinking it. Be persistent, but laid back at the same time.

Disclaimer: I’ve not been in the dating game since my early twenties when there were no text messages or ubiquitous e-mails… I actually hand wrote love letters!

 

[chevalier]

I think you’re over analyzing. Especially considering you’ve now enlisted more than half a dozen people from across the globe to help you analyze a few text messages.

Yeah, it did feel weird and I hesitated to do that, but I needed a second (and third and so on) eye to avoid misconstruction.

Don’t fret so much, you’ll sabotage your meeting by over thinking it. Be persistent, but laid back at the same time.

Yeah. That’s what’s always worked the best. I just didn’t want to mess up anything. Don’t want to make the girl feel bad or anything - I like her a lot for sentimental reasons and it would be bad to have an embarrassing situation pop up. I’ve always been very careful with her.

Disclaimer: I’ve not been in the dating game since my early twenties when there were no text messages or ubiquitous e-mails… I actually hand wrote love letters!

I use hand-writing when possible. It has more firepower. Even in job situations.

 

[chevalier]

Hope this doesn’t look like whining or fishing for attention, but 1) someone asked for updates, 2) I could probably use some perspective once again.

In essence, the lady in question is still being somewhat evasive, somewhat short at times, which even appears coarse. However, we’re talking about text messages here. I’m comparing hers with mine and with her own from earlier times, or going by the general vibe.

However, some time after Christmas, we spent over 40 minutes on the phone and she was very happy to hear me, in addition to hearing from me, and well, the conversation went on and on and it took a long while to say the goodbyes, plus we agreed we’d set up a meeting at a later call. Then we talked at New Year’s Eve. I made a joke about her being so popular that I managed to drink one for courage before talking to her while waiting to get through. She said yeah, same, though it’d be extremely unlikely, you know, that she’d be having one for courage before talking to me, so I guess it meant she just had a drink or two in the meantime. What’s sort of worrying is that when she said she was in the other room and found like 10 messages on coming back, I chuckled and asked if it was like 5 unpicked calls from me, she said no, not only those, there were a bit more and even some private ones. So yeah, those private ones are a bit worrying. If she meant it as good friends messaging, then obviously my own standing would be acquaintance, even after quite a bit of history between her and me, and if she meant that as a boyfriend or something, she would simply have named him if only to give me a hint. So whatever she meant I don’t know, but it’s worrying. The conversation was still very nice and it stands that we’ll be having a coffee soon. I thought things looked good and surprisingly so, until two things happened.

First, I found her profile on Facebook while searching for friends’ names to add. She had some pictures, including one dated at the time when she said she didn’t like having pictures of herself taken. Now there are more pictures and they suggest she likes posing. That’s a good thing, not bad, but fact stands that’s not what she told me one day. I’m giving her the benefit of doubt, but I can’t remove this association from my mind. The other thing is that I took a gamble today and texted her just to ask how Sunday was passing, while calling her a pretty lady at it (the opening was in French and in French it goes in polite conversation), and the reply was like “ok, thanks, you?”, plus while she did open up later and talk about other things too when I just asked about her health, the ending was like, “have a nice week, regards,” which sounded a bit like, “we’re done for this week, bye,” which is the vibe I’ve got a good couple of times already.

You know, asking like this makes me feel a bit like I’m once again a teenager asking step-by-step directions, but I’m used to being able to read people better and things just don’t work like that with this one and perspective is what I need. It’s giving me headaches also partly because some of her lines can’t escape being interpreted as a bit rude, well, at least not very courteous, and I’m admittedly not too good at taking that. Whatever I’m getting from this girl now, however, is probably my fault for being so insecure and blind six years ago when she most likely had a crush on me and I was, well, blind and insecure.

Anyway, got any vicodin, I mean, any comments? Sincere apologies for the length of this all.

 

[Cindy1]

wow…I kinda know exactly how you must be feeling…It’s awful when you can’t work out what the messages mean!

I don’t want to put a dampener on anything, but as a girl myself, I have tried to brush someone off gently in pretty much the same way she seems to be doing with you. I couldn’t outrightly say ‘no im not interested’ so I just tried to be short and sweet in conversations either by text or else. I know its not fair on the guy but I just couldn’t say ‘no sorry’.

However, there is a quick way to find out what she is really thinking, and that is for you to bite the bullet and ask her outright, cos if she’s like me then she’ll gently let you know the truth. You could do it by text like: 'hey listen, I’m really sorry if I’ve been a bit pushy lately. However, even though I really enjoy your company and our conversations, I get the feeling that you may not feel the same way? So because I respect our friendship I’m going to take a back seat. Don’t worry tho, I’ll alway be here for you if you need a good friend."

Now the thing is, as a girl I would read that and if I ‘liked’ you, I’d reply and say ’ no you haven’t been pushy…lets get for a coffee tomorrow…’ and i’d set up something cos i wouldn’t want you to get the wrong idea about my interest in you. If instead I didn’t want the friendship to progress beyond friendship for whatever reason, I’d reply with a much shorter msg like ‘hey thanks ‘name’ you’re a good friend…’. Beware seeing the word ‘thanks’ - it means she is thanking you for not making her outrightly say ‘no im not interested’.

Anway let us know how you go, take care, Jacinta

 

[chevalier]

Thank you. And yes, it looks that way. I remember how it was before. She would spend long times with me on the phone, I’d get her a bunch of flowers, things would drift in the obvious direction, be it on her or my own accord, but at some point she’d take a step back or react in some not very consistent way. Always happy to meet me, saying my name to her mother meaningfully (and her mother insta-catching what it’s about), remembering some things I told her X years ago that I didn’t myself remember saying, trying to look nice and making allusions in that direction… but then at some point dodging the talk about a next meeting (always to be set later, never on a previous meeting, a flirtatious, “next meetings have to be deserved and I haven’t deserved one yet…”), sliding away from under my arm after a while, while it didn’t seem to bother her at all before… You know, confusing signals. Perhaps she has spent some time getting me out of her system and she’s been getting better at it. Don’t know. Part of the reason I’d like all this to clear up is that I’m no longer able to live in such situations and they eat at me. We’ve never mentioned anything like boyfriend or girlfriend in our conversations, although I remember her making some allusions about her friends marrying, about her mother saying she was dressed too flirtatiously when meeting up with me, etc, or my telling her compliments, but it never crossed that line. The most overt thing was getting her 25 pink roses two summers ago, which she took very well - it was obvious and then the mood got romantic and in the even even her mother was smiling meaningfully, but nothing really ensued since while she did send me a card from holidays, she found no time to meet me next time in the city and we had tentatively arranged to go to a dance. So all in all, I generally can’t figure her out. Does this give you any new clues?