Need Your Thoughts: Im Catholic and My Girlfriend is Methodist

[TexCatholic4JMJ]

Mhelman34,
This is a very important part of discerning whether you take your
relationship to the “next step.” Please read the posts carefully and
do not “assume” that they are dispargeing (sp??) either you or your girlfriend. From some they are relating to you from like situations in a marriage or from their relationships that did or did
not result in marriage. Most have something to tell you and your
girlfriend and now is the time to do something about it. Why are
you a Catholic? Don’t take it for granted and find out if you are not
sure. Why does the Catholic church teach what it does? Find out and share with her.
Why is she a Methodist and What does she believe her church
teaches and Why does it teach that?
Maybe you both need to stay where you are and look at what it
would be like to be married. If you believes as the Catholic Church
teaches, your children would be raised Catholic. Would your girlfriend resent that? How about the other way around, you raise the
children Methodist, would you resent that?
Sooner or later, if you gave up what you REALLY believe, one or
the other will have some resentment. Believe it.
Right now is the time to learn to RESPECT each other’s beliefs.
Then maybe the resentment will be lessened because you know
where the other is coming from; maybe their won’t be any resent-
ment.
If neither one of you really believes what your church teaches,
then you need to pray and ask the Lord to lead you to help
your unbelief. If this is the case now, what happens when one
comes to a conversion later on?
Hope I am making some sense, I am in a rush and having a
hard time focusing, but if nothing else, I hope you give some
of these questions some thought.
Praying for you and your girlfriend.

 

[ljprevo]

I know this couple personally and have been on a business trip all weekend with the boyfriend. I have witnessed first had the struggles these two have been going through.
After ljprevo’s posting last night, this tread had pushed the issue farther apart for these two. I believe that there have been some great posts since them that have really saved this forum. Very informative and supporting.
My story is that I’m Lutheran. My Father was raised Catholic and My Mother was raised Lutheran. I have grown up close to the Catholic church my whole life and have learned and studied the teaching of the faith. My wife and I went through these very same issue before we were married and are still going through them now. I researched and talked with many different men of faith. What this did was give me great respect for other denominations. I could go a Catholic Mass or an Evangelical Church service and feel comfortable. What I have learned from my searching is that the Mission is the same, across all boards. We all believe Christ is our Savior, and our mission is to do God’s will on Earth. I know the actual structure is different and curtain believes are different. That is the argument here.
I suggest ljprevo doesn’t comment anymore, he’s obviously as uneducated about Prodestant Faith’s as the girlfriend is about the Catholic Faith. SHE NEEDS INFORMATION, not someone being pushy and telling her how wrong her faith is. All she has heard is uneducated Prodestant bias (which is very wide spread) from peers. I think I’m the only Prodestant in the world that stands up for the Catholic Faith. The REAL CATHOLICS on this forum need to show her the compasion, love, and understanding that this great church and it’s people can provide. Instruction on your teachings and beliefs. I think there have been some awesome posts since last night. Keep that up! I loved the post where they quoted versus out of the Bible. That was great! Awesome stuff! That’s what it will take. Not the “Because the Church say’s so”.
I’m not taking sides with either of these two. I have given them suggestions. I would never tell these two to give up one faith for the other. Give them information, and let God do the rest!

PS., sorry if my spelling is terrible, I’m kind of in a hurry.

If I pushed the issue farther apart, I apologize. After I had some time to stew about this, I had time to think this through.

1st this is a Catholic Forum, what advise did they think they would get "Oh sure goto all different faiths and “try” them all out until you find one that make “YOU” feel comfotable.

It is not about “feeling” comfortable at all. It is about being within the truth.

2nd, there is obviously an issue here or the “boyfriend” would not have came here for advise. It seems “HE” is having some deep thinking about this, which is good, he should be, but “SHE” came here saying basically “It does not matter where we goto church” She obviously is not deeply rooting in HER faith. I think it is VERY unfair of her to put her boyfriend in the posistion of basically choosing between her or his faith.

3rd, A Catholic that leaves the faith is committing a sin.

4th, Yes it is because the “Church said so”

5th What is the issue here really? Does she want her boyfriend to leave the Catholic Church and go on this “Church Shopping” Spree.

I apologize if I am not sounding Charitable, however I am a very loving and kind person, but I will not, WILL NOT go against the One True Faith, period.

I will not sugar coat anything and say “Sure, go where ever you want as long as you are happy”.

It is not what we want it is totally about what God wants. I am sorry I sound arrogant, however the Catholic Church is the true church started by Christ himself and the thinking of “I can goto any church as long as “I” feel good it does not matter”

Honestly I see the girlfriend pressuring the boyfriend into leaving church and honestly that does not seem fair.

If that is not the case and he is all for it, then way was this thread even started? She obviously is all for it and there is no issue.

 

[fbl9]

hi … is your girlfreind practising her faith? do you know the catholic faith to be the full truth?from the little i know of the methodist church there are some things which can be agreed on in terms of beliefs. use these as a starting ground to futher discuss this issue with each other.if need be,boyfriend bring your pastor into the discussion. especailly for some of the why questions.

 

[sterryfamily]

AM7870,

I completely understand your feelings and I sympathise with you. I think everyone else here would say the same.

You must realize that your (and my) current beliefs and “feelings” about religion come from your particular tradition - that which you have learned from your parents, pastors, friends, and personal study. Please, please, please - if you truly love Jesus - compare your beliefs with those of the early church fathers. These are the Christians who learned at the feet of the apostles what “religion” and “church” meant…and what our duties regarding these matters are. Check out what they had to say and then see if the things you have learned jive with what the apostles taught. It is likely that, where the things you have been taught do not correlate to what the apostles taught, many of these teachings are recent inventions of men.

Intellectual honesty requires us all to give a fair hearing to all religions - I applaud you in your effort in this regard. To get a start on what the Early Church Fathers had to say, you can view several articles here catholic.com/library/fathers_know_best.asp

Good luck and God bless!

 

[rinnie]

I need some clarification here… So what I gather is that as long as the Catholic spouse tries his or her best to raise their children Catholic, the other spouse can try their best to raise the children in another faith as long as they don’t seriously impede the Catholic spouse’s attempts???

No if you get married you agree to let the kids be Catholic. That is what happened to my husband and i anyway. When we got married it was clear that they would be catholic. I would never try to change him but he knew they would be Catholic at the get go.

 

[stbruno]

foryourmarriage.org/interior_template.asp?id=20398742

I absolute appreciate the insights on marriage on this wonderful new website. This article deals with mixed marriages …faith differences. These stats are eye opening.

Research conducted by the Center for Marriage and Family at Creighton University (1999) showed a higher incidence of divorce among interchurch couples (20.3%) than among same-church couples (14.1%). (Interchurch couples are Christians of different denominations, e.g., a Baptist and a Catholic or a Methodist and a Presbyterian). Religion can bring spouses together or push them apart. Couples may be of different religions, but that in itself does not predict marital instability. What’s important is whether couples engage in joint religious activities. For example, do they pray together or read the Bible together?

The important thing is that couples seriously discuss this issue before they make a life changing decision to become a family. It sounds like this couple at least are discussing it. That’s definitely in their favor. We just have to pray for their relationship to end up one day in heaven.

 

[Carson54]

If I pushed the issue farther apart, I apologize. After I had some time to stew about this, I had time to think this through.

1st this is a Catholic Forum, what advise did they think they would get "Oh sure goto all different faiths and “try” them all out until you find one that make “YOU” feel comfotable.

It is not about “feeling” comfortable at all. It is about being within the truth.

2nd, there is obviously an issue here or the “boyfriend” would not have came here for advise. It seems “HE” is having some deep thinking about this, which is good, he should be, but “SHE” came here saying basically “It does not matter where we goto church” She obviously is not deeply rooting in HER faith. I think it is VERY unfair of her to put her boyfriend in the posistion of basically choosing between her or his faith.

3rd, A Catholic that leaves the faith is committing a sin.

4th, Yes it is because the “Church said so”

5th What is the issue here really? Does she want her boyfriend to leave the Catholic Church and go on this “Church Shopping” Spree.

I apologize if I am not sounding Charitable, however I am a very loving and kind person, but I will not, WILL NOT go against the One True Faith, period.

I will not sugar coat anything and say “Sure, go where ever you want as long as you are happy”.

It is not what we want it is totally about what God wants. I am sorry I sound arrogant, however the Catholic Church is the true church started by Christ himself and the thinking of “I can goto any church as long as “I” feel good it does not matter”

Honestly I see the girlfriend pressuring the boyfriend into leaving church and honestly that does not seem fair.

If that is not the case and he is all for it, then way was this thread even started? She obviously is all for it and there is no issue.

The content of your message is not what I had a problem with, it was how you presented it. I know, first hand, that the delivery did more harm then good.

The issue here is that she is very misinformed about the Catholic Church, my guess is that she’s more intimated and afraid of it. Her brief experince has been a negative one.
Come on, you have to fell a least bit comfortable in a church. Especially if you are outside the faith. How do you expect anyone to join the faith if they are put off and uncomfortable. I know it is about truth, but there has to be something that gets them start. You don’t believe in Church shopping, but how do some people find the Catholic faith from the outside? I don’t think a whole lot of people roll over in the morning and deside to convert to the Catholic Church. If you don’t believe in “searching, shopping, whatever”, how do you expect this girl to convert?
2nd- The “boyfriend” is extremely strong in his faith. He loves her and he’s searching for answers on what to do. His faith in Christ in not in jeopordy. I will agree, it is unfair for either of them to tell each other to leave their faiths. Doesn’t this say something that she’s willing to look at other denominations besides the Catholic Church? Not a good start, don’t you think?
3 & 4 - Whatever you say. I’m more worried about their faith in Christ then their excommunication.

I don’t expect you to sugar coat anything, I expect you to have strong Catholic believes, just as I have a strong believe in the Lutheran Church. I would hope since this is a Catholic Forum, that everyone would be Pro-Catholic, I would be worried if it wasn’t. No one asked you to go against your faith.

I don’t know how many people you have converted to the faith by your presentation, but honestly it didn’t work for me, and I claim to know a lot of the Catholic Church (for a protestant). Image what it did for her.

If the Catholic Church is the “One True Faith”, then no one should be worried about him looking at other church’s. What are you afraid of, that he’ll find something better. Give your Church more credit then that, it’s a great faith. The kid went to Catholic school all his life. I’m predicting that by doing this (shopping, searching, whatever you want to call it), it’ll make him stronger in his faith.

I’ll give you credit, I love your passion, I can tell you love your faith in Christ. That’s awesome to see. This couple doesn’t need a no-nonsense salesman, they need someone with deep knowledge of church teachings, nothing sugar coated of course

 

[ljprevo]

…snip…

I’ll give you credit, I love your passion, I can tell you love your faith in Christ. That’s awesome to see. This couple doesn’t need a no-nonsense salesman, they need someone with deep knowledge of church teachings, nothing sugar coated of course

Thank you I appreciate that. I am sorry I came across uncharitable, honestly deep down I don’t mean it that way. The original post and the girl’s post came across like “Hey don’t tell us what to do” It lit a fire on this end as well.

I don’t want to see either of them doing anything they regret, just to “be” with each other. They should love each other for who the other is, not change just to “meet” on the same page.

I went through this and myself buried the axe and said when I married again I would find a spouse that shared my faith, “THAT” came first in my life, as it should with anyone else.

I truly and honestly did not mean to beat her up, but just the suggestion of “faith shopping” struck the cord. You are right I had to go to several Catholic churches until one fit for me. It told me that if either of them were up to this than neither of them were strong within their own faith’s to begin with.

A Catholic to leave the Catholic church is really not an option.

Yes honestly it sounded scary that the young man though of leaving the faith as an option to be with his girlfriend, that raised eyebrows. If he truely loves her they can still be together without him leaving, yes, the one true faith. She would however have to agree that children be raised Catholic.

I know Lutherans are very close to Catholics in Theology, however you do not have the real presence within the Eucharist. I can never support any Catholic contemplating leaving the one true faith.

When I suggested her reading about Martin Luther, I honestly wanted her to research where protestant religions came from and that how could they all be of the “Truth”. Seek the truth, not just because it feels good.

For you to mention I was uneducated in protestant religions was not far to me at all. You do not personally know me at all and trust me, I know a lot about protestant religions. It all started during the reformation. However you are right that is not a topic for discussion here.

I honestly have these two people in my prayers. I do wish them both the best life has to offer.

If they want to see a wonderful Catholic wedding have them click here

jamieandsonya.com/video/

 

[JPatton]

Stay Catholic. Do not compromise your faith or your conscience. Figure out if and how you can make this work with being from different traditions. If there is a true love then you can make it work. BUT know what your getting into. What about kids? Will she oppose raising them Catholic? Is she and/or her family respectfull, understanding and tolerent of Catholicism? Or does she/her family think it’s un-biblical and wrong? Will she support you in your faith? Will you support her in hers? The best would be if you both shared a common faith with the same doctrinal beliefs. If you both stay really focused on Christ and are respectfull of each others faith then you can surely make a marriage work. I will tell you that it can be VERY difficult to be in an inter-faith marriage. I’m still a Protestant but am Catholic in mind and heart. I’m married to a wonderfull evangelical and the reality of me becoming a Catholic Christian is taking it’s toll. My whole awakening to the CC happend after we were married and it’s been a struggle. I’m very confident that our situation can work but it’s not easy and takes dedication, selflessness, understanding, love and charity. Take it from me, figure all this out first before you take the next step and be firm and rooted deep in your faith. Trust God most of all, He can make anything work.

Jamie

 

[Sabda]

I will agree, it is unfair for either of them to tell each other to leave their faiths. Doesn’t this say something that she’s willing to look at other denominations besides the Catholic Church? Not a good start, don’t you think?

That is the whole point. She IS asking him to leave. How is that showing respect or even love for him? On top of that she is quite clearly closed-minded to the Catholic Church which is his faith. Not good, not good at all! She must at least be open and willing to learn or they won’t stand a chance. He at least is willing to learn and that is a good thing. She needs to get on board and be willing to learn in order for them to have a chance at a successful marriage.

For the record my dh is not Catholic or Christian. He was raised by non-practicing Baptist/Holiness Pentecostal parents. However, he was at least willing and open to learning about my faith. THAT is the whole key. He also has had no issue with the idea of possibly converting someday. If they are not willing to meet each other where they are at right now their marriage will have disastrous consequences for them and more importantly any children they have.

 

[Carson54]

For you to mention I was uneducated in protestant religions was not far to me at all. You do not personally know me at all and trust me, I know a lot about protestant religions. It all started during the reformation. However you are right that is not a topic for discussion here.

jamieandsonya.com/video/

You are right, that was unfair of me to judge. I got the wrong message, I apologize. I’m glad we got some things cleared up. I understand everyone of your points.

I understant the point of view that it isn’t an option for a Catholic to leave the faith. I have seen my Grandparents (on my fathers side) struggle with this as they watch their children leave the church and join other denominations. It has caused great termoil in our family’s past.

My wife and I are still struggle with our different faiths (she is part of the Evangelical Church). We have seen to put some of those differences away and have agreed to make Christ the center of our marriage.

Settling on a church is not an option. This is a long road for those two. They need all the prayers they can get!

 

[Carson54]

That is the whole point. She IS asking him to leave. How is that showing respect or even love for him? On top of that she is quite clearly closed-minded to the Catholic Church which is his faith. Not good, not good at all! She must at least be open and willing to learn or they won’t stand a chance. He at least is willing to learn and that is a good thing. She needs to get on board and be willing to learn in order for them to have a chance at a successful marriage.

For the record my dh is not Catholic or Christian. He was raised by non-practicing Baptist/Holiness Pentecostal parents. However, he was at least willing and open to learning about my faith. THAT is the whole key. He also has had no issue with the idea of possibly converting someday. If they are not willing to meet each other where they are at right now their marriage will have disastrous consequences for them and more importantly any children they have.

Your right. My point in saying that is that she can’t comprehend being Catholic, all she know is Protestant bias. Her thoughts are what a lot of Protestants actually believe! You can’t count how many times I have had to correct someone on the Catholic faith, and I’m not even Catholic. Some of the stuff people say, you would never say around a person of Catholic faith.

That’s my whole point, education, instruction. More knowledge about this faith, the better choice she can make. The more they learn about each others faith, the closer they will grow in Christ. They will be more respect and appreciative of each others believes. Like I have said, Christ will take care of the rest.

I’m taking a lot of this from my personal experience’s. The way my wife and I did it, may not work for them. My personal experience is, you want to know more about Catholicism, don’t ask a Lutheran and vise versa. I do know a lot about the Catholicism, but if a couple wanted to know more about it, I would direct them to a priest. I couldn’t give a fair interpretation.

 

[VARC]

I was in your situation. I made up my mind that I have to marry someone that is the same religion as me because the problems can be ENORMOUS later on. So I gave my girlfriend time and I converted her to catholicism from protestantism. She got me back though. After four years of marriage she converted me to Orthodoxy.

 

[VARC]

We are ready to take the next step in our relationship, but we want to figure out our religion. She will not become Catholic but wants to compromise and is open to find a mutual religion. She is very intrigued with the Luthern religion. I am in a tough situation and struggling trying to decide what I want. I dont know much about any religion besides Catholicism. I dont want this issue to break up our relationship and we are trying hard to figure this all out. Any advice?

I was in your situation. I made up my mind that I have to marry someone that is the same religion as me because the problems can be ENORMOUS later on. So I gave my girlfriend time and I converted her to catholicism from protestantism. She got me back though. After four years of marriage she converted me to Orthodoxy.

 

[wanner47]

When I started RCIA (and thus started attending Mass with my husband), I too felt VERY uncomfortable at Mass – because I didn’t understand the Mass. I think that a big part of it was anger at my husband because I couldn’t understand what he saw appealing about such a boring service where we couldn’t even go to Communion!

Then we went to the Easter Vigil service, and it was a life-changing experience for me – the sheer ***magnificence ***of the service just blew me away. After that I underwent an attitude change and *really *started reading and learning more about the Mass, and was confirmed into the Church the following Pentecost.

 

[holdencaulfield]

When I started RCIA (and thus started attending Mass with my husband), I too felt VERY uncomfortable at Mass – because I didn’t understand the Mass. I think that a big part of it was anger at my husband because I couldn’t understand what he saw appealing about such a boring service where we couldn’t even go to Communion!

Then we went to the Easter Vigil service, and it was a life-changing experience for me – the sheer ***magnificence ***of the service just blew me away. After that I underwent an attitude change and *really *started reading and learning more about the Mass, and was confirmed into the Church the following Pentecost.

Yes it is rather awkward at first.

 

[rinnie]

Quick correction to your post. The non-Catholic doesn’t sign that. They are aware of the promise that the Catholic makes to do their best to raise the kids Catholic.

You are correct. I asked my husband last night if he signed a paper, He said he cant remember… I told him if you dont remember then you didnt you would remember that. But i thank you for the correction and i agree with you above statement. I believe to the best of my knowledge that it is correct.

 

[SIA]

We are ready to take the next step in our relationship, but we want to figure out our religion. She will not become Catholic but wants to compromise and is open to find a mutual religion. She is very intrigued with the Luthern religion. I am in a tough situation and struggling trying to decide what I want. I dont know much about any religion besides Catholicism. I dont want this issue to break up our relationship and we are trying hard to figure this all out. Any advice?

She should probably break it off with you. Methodists are very open to compromise in things that are not salvation issues. You would certainly be much more suited to be with someone who shares your churches uncompromising ways and views.

 

[holdencaulfield]

She should probably break it off with you. Methodists are very open to compromise in things that are not salvation issues. You would certainly be much more suited to be with someone who shares your churches uncompromising ways and views.

I would try to work things out. If a relationship can’t handle this, then will it be able to handle the next issue that comes along?