Need Your Thoughts: Im Catholic and My Girlfriend is Methodist

[whatevergirl]

We are ready to take the next step in our relationship, but we want to figure out our religion. She will not become Catholic but wants to compromise and is open to find a mutual religion. She is very intrigued with the Luthern religion. I am in a tough situation and struggling trying to decide what I want. I dont know much about any religion besides Catholicism. I dont want this issue to break up our relationship and we are trying hard to figure this all out. Any advice?

I learned a long time ago, that love will not ask you to compromise your real values…your core values. Not that she is asking this of you, but if you leave Catholicism for a woman, you will be very empty from doing it, especially if you love your faith. I would also offer to you, to not let anyone come between you and the Eucharist. Once you compromise on that, you will forever be compromising. (I personally don’t believe there is any greater compromise than that!) Just my 2 cents worth tonight–I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[mjg7500]

Just an observation but did you not say there is no chance of you converting and becoming Catholic? Isn’t that a bit close minded? You told us to be open and learn about all religions. One point and it’s a big one… only God can form a religion. Man can’t form a religion. Jesus, the God man, formed the One Holy, Catholic and Apolstolic Church. As to your question about the Catholic Church being the only true religion… the answer is YES. I don’t mean to sound harsh but the Catholic Church is the direct result of Jesus Christ. I ask that you just do your homework and read books about the Catholic Church to learn and get answers. And please if you do read books about The Church make sure they are written by Catholics and not someone of a different faith trying to explain their view. I wish the two of the best in your relationship.

 

[lizaanne]

IBesides looking at churches and educating ourselves, we have discussed remaining in separate religions. This may work for a while, but then what happens when we have children. How do we decide which religion they will be?

There IS no option if he is Catholic and you marry in the Catholic Church (which he MUST do unless he has a dispensation from his Bishop to do otherwise). The children will be required to be raised in the Catholic Faith. You will be asked to sign a document stating your acceptance of this.

You speak of doing your “research” and how do we know that our Faith is The One True Faith. Well - apparently you are the one who has not done her homework. Don’t read any contemporary garbage about religion - any religion. Go back and read the writings of the church fathers and see what they have to say. The men who learned from Christ’s Apostles, who lived with them, and carried on the teachings that Christ left with the men who followed Him. You will find that everything they did, believed, and taught was CATHOLIC. I’m not making this up - I’m not twisting their writings. I’m serious - if you want to know the real deal - read the writings of those who were THERE. You will find that many of the things you were raised to believe are in fact error. And that YOU have been the one who is closed minded and misled.

Click on the link in my sig - there are a ton of podcasts there to listen to that should help you understand all this better.

I wish you the best. Because from what I see in these limited comments from both of you, you certainly have a very very long way to go before you even consider marriage.

~Liza

 

[holdencaulfield]

I am the girlfriend and quite frankly I am shocked by some of the responses.

Let me try to help. Unlike some of the people here I have no problem with Protestants. I myself was raised Protestant and I am a convert. I started to look more into my faith, read the Bible and realized that the Catholic Church was the only church for me. I’m not trying to convert you, but I would like to clear up some of your questions about the Catholic faith. Here I go:

Many people have expressed their faith that only faith will allow you to gain salvation. Catholics (and Eastern Orthodox) believe that good works are necessary to. Honestly I don’t think that this is a very big difference. Good faith will bring good works.

“What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but no deeds? Can such a faith save him?” (James 2:14)

You don’t have to confess to a priest to be in good standing. However the Church believes that one must confess their sins. We know that the priest is not really forgiving their sins, only God can do this. However by confessing your sins you are showing a verbal commitment to God about how you are sorry for your sins.

“If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” (John 20:23)

I at first had a problem with the issue of Communion. I still do have issues with non-Catholics not being able to take Communion. However St. Paul makes it very clear that one must be in a state of grace before they can receive Communion. And since Protestants don’t really believe in Transubstantiation, Catholics are really doing them a favor by allowing them to not take Communion.

“Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup.” (1 Corinthians 11:27-28)

St. Paul also goes on to say how it is a sin to partake in Communion without acknowledging Transubstantiation.

“For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself.” (1 Corinthians 11:29)

So even if you don’t believe in this Catholics believe that they are helping keep non-Catholics from sin.

No to answer you original question. I don’t think that there is any problem with raising children in a household with two religions. You are both Christians so this really shouldn’t be a giant division. You basically believe in the same things. I would say that you let your children decide on their own. Not only will that save you the trouble of picking a faith for your children they will feel like they are not being forced into a particular faith.

I hope I have been of some help. I hope that you can see through your problems and make the relationship work.

 

[lizaanne]

You don’t have to confess to a priest to be in good standing.

Um - I know you are trying to help here, but this is flatly not true. If you are in a state of mortal sin you MUST confess to a priest before you are allowed to receive Jesus in the Eucharist. Unless and until you confess, you remain in a state of mortal sin and will go to hell if you perish.

Sorry - don’t want to derail this, but it is essential that they receive correct information.

~Liza

 

[Uncle_Norbert]

.

Sorry - don’t want to derail this, but it is essential that they receive correct information.

~Liza

From the looks of it, both boyfriend and girlfriend have bailed on this thread…either we drove them closer together…or apart.

 

[holdencaulfield]

Um - I know you are trying to help here, but this is flatly not true. If you are in a state of mortal sin you MUST confess to a priest before you are allowed to receive Jesus in the Eucharist. Unless and until you confess, you remain in a state of mortal sin and will go to hell if you perish.

Sorry - don’t want to derail this, but it is essential that they receive correct information.

~Liza

Yea, you are right I could have worded that better. Although I think that a Protestant who truly wants forgiveness can obtain it without confession.

“All mortal sins of which penitents after a diligent self-examination are conscious must be recounted by them in confession” (CCC 1456)

I was trying really not to let them think that a priest can actually forgive sins like what many Protestants think is a Catholic belief, which it isn’t.

“Only God forgives sins.” (CCC 1441)

 

[Sabda]

No to answer you original question. I don’t think that there is any problem with raising children in a household with two religions. You are both Christians so this really shouldn’t be a giant division. You basically believe in the same things. I would say that you let your children decide on their own. Not only will that save you the trouble of picking a faith for your children they will feel like they are not being forced into a particular faith.

I hope I have been of some help. I hope that you can see through your problems and make the relationship work.

As a Catholic the boyfriend has no choice but to raise his children Catholic. They will be asked this question during the interview with the priest before the wedding. Yes, they can teach the children about other faiths but the children must be raised Catholic.

Letting the children decide on their own is something that people did not do until recently. As I pointed out in my above post even the pagans of old and the Israelites raised their children up in their beliefs. We are charged with the care of our children’s immortal souls. We must do everything in our power to raise them as good Catholic Christians. The care of their immortal souls is just as important if not more so, I would say more so, than the care of their bodies. To neglect that is to neglect a very important part of who our children are. It is no different than an American raising his child up to be a good American. He is not going to neglect this just so his child can choose which nationality he wants to be when he grows up. If the child decides to change, than that will be the child’s choice when he grows up.

 

[WyomingBob]

for what it is worth here is my 2 cents,
I am catholic and my wife is methodist. We were married 23 years ago. I have never regretted it on any grounds but since this is about religion on religious grounds.
It is true that the non-catholic partner has to agree to any children being raised Catholic. My wife agreed. After discussions with both my Priest and her Minister we were married in a mixed ceremony, both clergymen presided.
After a few years I fell away from the Church and allowed my children to be babtised Methodist. Once I realized my error I returned to the Church. By then it was to late for the children. But the Church in her mercy forgave me that failure. And to be perfectly frank it is an error/mistake that I regret everyday of my life. I do not dwell on it and my wife knows and understands my regret.
The only other rule we have had is that we do not try to convert the other. That is another saddness but it is not that bad.
The only other advice I can give is that for neither of you to drop your current religion. The end result will be in the long run anomosity toward your partner for “forcing” you to change.
Hope this is helpful:thumbsup:

 

[rinnie]

I have read alot and heard alot. Now what i want to do is hear from the Boy who we should be talking to. This post said i am catholic and my Girlfriend is Methodist. or did the girlfriend write this all along. To the girlfriend im sorry we didnt give you the answers you wanted. But i must say from what i have read, they did give you the truth in the Catholic Faith. And is someone did give a false statement about the faith i believe it was corrected. IT just seems the more you ask and the more you dont hear what you want you get so angry. Thats not what this faith is about, it about love, peace and compassion. But it wont bend, It wont be what you want it to be just to welcome you in it. There are rules like everything else. But if you want a faith that will let you do what you want, believe what you want, this is not the one you . Its is not easy being a Catholic believe me i know. But the rewards are unbelievable. when you are the search is over. But if its meant to be for you it will be. But it will be on the Lords grounds not yours. Im sorry. Its as simple as that if he wants to remain in the church he has no choice. you do. Why cant you see this. You are asking Me or GOD. Im sorry you are going to loose. Sooner or later… God Wins. If you ask him to abandon God and his faith it will be such a struggle for you both.

 

[Carson54]

I know this couple personally and have been on a business trip all weekend with the boyfriend. I have witnessed first had the struggles these two have been going through.
After ljprevo’s posting last night, this tread had pushed the issue farther apart for these two. I believe that there have been some great posts since them that have really saved this forum. Very informative and supporting.
My story is that I’m Lutheran. My Father was raised Catholic and My Mother was raised Lutheran. I have grown up close to the Catholic church my whole life and have learned and studied the teaching of the faith. My wife and I went through these very same issue before we were married and are still going through them now. I researched and talked with many different men of faith. What this did was give me great respect for other denominations. I could go a Catholic Mass or an Evangelical Church service and feel comfortable. What I have learned from my searching is that the Mission is the same, across all boards. We all believe Christ is our Savior, and our mission is to do God’s will on Earth. I know the actual structure is different and curtain believes are different. That is the argument here.
I suggest ljprevo doesn’t comment anymore, he’s obviously as uneducated about Prodestant Faith’s as the girlfriend is about the Catholic Faith. SHE NEEDS INFORMATION, not someone being pushy and telling her how wrong her faith is. All she has heard is uneducated Prodestant bias (which is very wide spread) from peers. I think I’m the only Prodestant in the world that stands up for the Catholic Faith. The REAL CATHOLICS on this forum need to show her the compasion, love, and understanding that this great church and it’s people can provide. Instruction on your teachings and beliefs. I think there have been some awesome posts since last night. Keep that up! I loved the post where they quoted versus out of the Bible. That was great! Awesome stuff! That’s what it will take. Not the “Because the Church say’s so”.
I’m not taking sides with either of these two. I have given them suggestions. I would never tell these two to give up one faith for the other. Give them information, and let God do the rest!

PS., sorry if my spelling is terrible, I’m kind of in a hurry.

 

[psyche23]

I know this couple personally and have been on a business trip all weekend with the boyfriend. I have witnessed first had the struggles these two have been going through.
After ljprevo’s posting last night, this tread had pushed the issue farther apart for these two. I believe that there have been some great posts since them that have really saved this forum. Very informative and supporting.
My story is that I’m Lutheran. My Father was raised Catholic and My Mother was raised Lutheran. I have grown up close to the Catholic church my whole life and have learned and studied the teaching of the faith. My wife and I went through these very same issue before we were married and are still going through them now. I researched and talked with many different men of faith. What this did was give me great respect for other denominations. I could go a Catholic Mass or an Evangelical Church service and feel comfortable. What I have learned from my searching is that the Mission is the same, across all boards. We all believe Christ is our Savior, and our mission is to do God’s will on Earth. I know the actual structure is different and curtain believes are different. That is the argument here.
I suggest ljprevo doesn’t comment anymore, he’s obviously as uneducated about Prodestant Faith’s as the girlfriend is about the Catholic Faith. SHE NEEDS INFORMATION, not someone being pushy and telling her how wrong her faith is. All she has heard is uneducated Prodestant bias (which is very wide spread) from peers. I think I’m the only Prodestant in the world that stands up for the Catholic Faith. The REAL CATHOLICS on this forum need to show her the compasion, love, and understanding that this great church and it’s people can provide. Instruction on your teachings and beliefs. I think there have been some awesome posts since last night. Keep that up! I loved the post where they quoted versus out of the Bible. That was great! Awesome stuff! That’s what it will take. Not the “Because the Church say’s so”.
I’m not taking sides with either of these two. I have given them suggestions. I would never tell these two to give up one faith for the other. Give them information, and let God do the rest!

PS., sorry if my spelling is terrible, I’m kind of in a hurry.

Thank you for your insight.

 

[Jabronie]

Okay here is something very important. Unless things have changed you do not have to become catholic. But and this is a big big but in order for your boyfriend to be married in the catholic church you have to sign a paper to let your kids become baptised in the faith. Now if you are unwilling to do this well then there is no way he can get married in the church. Thats the big issue here. If you are saying i am willing to let him keep his faith but i am unwilling to sign the paper deals off. There is nothing he can do. thats it. He gives up his faith. If you love him and want to marry him and let him keep his faith you sign. end of story. See the thing you dont realize once you are catholic and i mean a true catholic there is no going back. People accuse us of being brain washed, whatever, the truth is no one can tell us our faith is a lie. No one. And as long as the bible is the bible and someone changes it, its will never happen, its impossible. Every single thing in the Catholic religion is in the bible. when people say where does it say that in the bible we show them. Then they say thats just the way you see it. But see thats the answer we see it. Thats why the faith wont be changed its there. black and white. no matter how much this boy loves you he cant help what he believes, and cant change it because you cant change the truth. Even if he marries outside his faith, if he is a true catholic he will be living a lie. thats it. i wish we could tell you what you want to hear. BUt see thats the whole problem with the catholic religion it wont tell you what you want to hear it only tells the truth. thats why people hate the religion and leave because it will change to suit others. a lie is a lie the truth is the truth. thats it

Quick correction to your post. The non-Catholic doesn’t sign that. They are aware of the promise that the Catholic makes to do their best to raise the kids Catholic.

 

[psyche23]

I need some clarification here… So what I gather is that as long as the Catholic spouse tries his or her best to raise their children Catholic, the other spouse can try their best to raise the children in another faith as long as they don’t seriously impede the Catholic spouse’s attempts???

 

[psyche23]

QUOTE]

And I do hope you might be able to help explain to them our intentions as it seems they might have left this post and so may not have heard our reactions to the girlfriend’s follow-up. Or possibly, you might be able to direct them to reading the rest of the posts??? I don’t know. It’s just a thought. You are acquainted with them and I’d hate for them to leave angry but without getting any of our responses back. Of course they don’t have to, but it would be a shame, because I think we’re all truly interested in helping them out…

 

[EmergencyOps]

I am the girlfriend and quite frankly I am shocked by some of the responses. You all make me out to be this horrible person when you know nothing about me or my beliefs. I have grown up methodist and my boyfriend has grown up catholic. We have a very serious relationship with marriage and children in our future. However, we feel that before we take that next step in our lives that we need to discuss our differences in religion.

I am in the same boat is you. She’s Catholic and I’m Baptist. I am learning volumes about her denomination right now, and whenever she gets the time, she says she will learn about mine. This is a serious issue and will need to be resolved. Either he converts, you convert, you meet in the middle, or you both keep your denominations and attend both types of services each week. It’s hard to do, but there are many who have done it. If and when kids come around, they will be a little confused…but that’s further down the road. Keep learning about your own faith and his, and see where the Holy Spirit leads you.

-Mark

 

[Carson54]

Carson54;3249590:

QUOTE]

And I do hope you might be able to help explain to them our intentions as it seems they might have left this post and so may not have heard our reactions to the girlfriend’s follow-up. Or possibly, you might be able to direct them to reading the rest of the posts??? I don’t know. It’s just a thought. You are acquainted with them and I’d hate for them to leave angry but without getting any of our responses back. Of course they don’t have to, but it would be a shame, because I think we’re all truly interested in helping them out…

Believe me, I will. I fully understand everyones intentions on this board and I know everyone is trying to help. This can be such a heated topic, that it’s easy to offend without meaning to. I’ll get them back to reading some of these posts. There are some great one’s that they need to look at. I’ll try to get them to respond as well.

Thanks to all of you that have been supporting, informative, and understanding. Keep it up!

 

[psyche23]

psyche23;3249823:

Believe me, I will. I fully understand everyones intentions on this board and I know everyone is trying to help. This can be such a heated topic, that it’s easy to offend without meaning to. I’ll get them back to reading some of these posts. There are some great one’s that they need to look at. I’ll try to get them to respond as well.

Thanks to all of you that have been supporting, informative, and understanding. Keep it up!

Exactly. Plus the fact that this is all online makes it even easier to misunderstand or get defensiv (on both sides). Thanks for being the go-between!

 

[rinnie]

If i was harsh I do appologize. I just tried to explain it the best I could. I guess what my biggest point that i wanted to get across was this religion is what it is. I guess i didnt want to put on airs and then have her get a shock. It wont change for anyone. And as far as bringing your kids up catholic that i could be wrong on… Remember its been 26 years for me and things could have changed. But I do know my husband was well aware that these kids were to be brought up in the faith. I do believe good or bad whatever was said was to help her not help her. We just may have come on a little strong at times but just wanted her to know how important this is. And how important our faith is to us. God Bless you all.

 

[Subrosa]

We are ready to take the next step in our relationship, but we want to figure out our religion. She will not become Catholic but wants to compromise and is open to find a mutual religion. She is very intrigued with the Luthern religion. I am in a tough situation and struggling trying to decide what I want. I dont know much about any religion besides Catholicism. I dont want this issue to break up our relationship and we are trying hard to figure this all out. Any advice?

Have her compromise into Catholicism! Don’t you DARE go anywhere else!

Sub