Needing help understanding why my marriage is not considered valid

[krissy343]

My husband and I were married in a chapel in Gatlinburg, TN almost 4 years ago by a minister who has been serving in the ministry since 1976 as Outreach Director, Worship Leader, Associate Pastor and Pastor in several churches. According to the Catholic Church, our marriage is not valid since my husband and I are both Catholic and were not married in the Catholic Church and by a Catholic priest. So therefore, according to the Catholic Church, we are living in mortal sin which unless our marriage is convalidated (sp?) and we confess this as a mortal sin to a Priest, we will undoubtebly go to hell.

My problem with this is, the minister who married us is a man of God and has dedicated his life to serving the Lord. The same God that we as Catholics worship. How and why would our God see this as a mortal sin and condemn us to hell if we don’t get our marriage blessed in the Catholic Church? It makes absolutely no sense to me.

 

[kangnamdragon]

My husband and I were married in a chapel in Gatlinburg, TN almost 4 years ago by a minister who has been serving in the ministry since 1976 as Outreach Director, Worship Leader, Associate Pastor and Pastor in several churches. According to the Catholic Church, our marriage is not valid since my husband and I are both Catholic and were not married in the Catholic Church and by a Catholic priest. So therefore, according to the Catholic Church, we are living in mortal sin which unless our marriage is convalidated (sp?) and we confess this as a mortal sin to a Priest, we will undoubtebly go to hell.

My problem with this is, the minister who married us is a man of God and has dedicated his life to serving the Lord. The same God that we as Catholics worship. How and why would our God see this as a mortal sin and condemn us to hell if we don’t get our marriage blessed in the Catholic Church? It makes absolutely no sense to me.

Matrimony is a sacrament of the Church. Would you go to another church for confession or the Eucharist.

I am wondering why you went to a minister in the first place. Do you no longer attend Mass? If not, then I am curious as to why you worry about that mortal sin first.

 

[krissy343]

Matrimony is a sacrament of the Church. Would you go to another church for confession or the Eucharist.

I am wondering why you went to a minister in the first place. Do you no longer attend Mass? If not, then I am curious as to why you worry about that mortal sin first.

No, I would not go to another Church for confession since Cathocism is the only religion that I know of that requires a formal confesssion for sins to be forgiven. As for Eucharist, no I wouldn’t go to another Church.
I completely understand that it is a Sacrament of the Church and yes, we have been away from The Church for quite some time until recently. We are getting our marriage blessed right after Easter but I still don’t understand how the same God that the minister that married us worships would condemn us.
I worry about other Mortal sins as well but this is the only one that I don’t understand.

 

[kangnamdragon]

No, I would not go to another Church for confession since Cathocism is the only religion that I know of that requires a formal confesssion for sins to be forgiven. As for Eucharist, no I wouldn’t go to another Church.
I completely understand that it is a Sacrament of the Church and yes, we have been away from The Church for quite some time until recently. We are getting our marriage blessed right after Easter but I still don’t understand how the same God that the minister that married us worships would condemn us.
I worry about other Mortal sins as well but is the only one that I don’t understand.

How about this…The Catholic Church is your spiritual family. The priest represents the Church at the wedding. You did not invite your spiritual family to your wedding and you need reconciliation to rectify that.

 

[krissy343]

How about this…The Catholic Church is your spiritual family. The priest represents the Church at the wedding. You did not invite your spiritual family to your wedding and you need reconciliation to rectify that.

I’m sorry if I sound argumentative but it still doesn’t make sense to me. God is the head of my spiritual family. There is only one God and several religions that believe in, worship and love Him. God is also the head of the Minister that married us’ spiritual family. I see God as the most important member of my Spiritual Family and he was undoubtedly present and to me, that is all that matters. Ughhhhh, so confused

 

[kangnamdragon]

I’m sorry if I sound argumentative but it still doesn’t make sense to me. God is the head of my spiritual family. There is only one God and several religions that believe in, worship and love Him. God is also the head of the Minister that married us’ spiritual family. I see God as the most important member of my Spiritual Family and he was undoubtedly present and to me, that is all that matters. Ughhhhh, so confused

Yes, but the priest is in the person of Christ at the wedding. Why do we confess to a priest and not directly to God. He is a witness for the Church as he is at the marriage ceremony. Saying a minister is ok is an implication that both religions are equal.

 

[Tonks40]

Since both of you are Catholics, you are bound by canonical form (by entering the Sacrament of Marriage in the Catholic Church) or be dispensed by this obligation by the Church. Otherwise, the Church does not recognize your marriage as valid.

The Sacrament of Marriage is liken to the formation of a new covenant - not only with husband and wife, but also with God. You vow to give to each other the same kind of love that Christ gives to His Church, both on Earth and Heaven. The grace you receive from this Sacrament helps you with sustaining the bonds you form with each other.

So, if you didn’t get a dispensation to marry outside of the Church, well, then, you know the answer…

Hope this helps - God Bless!

 

[krissy343]

Yes, but the priest is in the person of Christ at the wedding. Why do we confess to a priest and not directly to God. He is a witness for the Church as he is at the marriage ceremony. Saying a minister is ok is an implication that both religions are equal.

So, you’re saying that God doesn’t see the minister that performed the service as worthy enough? Do you honestly think that God thinks that Catholic Priests are better than Ministers, Pastors etc of other religions? They devote their lives to serving the Lord just as Catholic Priests do. lol I see this is going to be neverending. Like I said before, we are getting our marriage convalidated right after Easter so we will be “making things right in the eyes of the Catholic Church”. But it still doesn’t mean that I understand why. One God, several religions but yet everyone thinks theirs are the ultimate and the only “true” religion. I think I think too much lol

 

[Tonks40]

So, you’re saying that God doesn’t see the minister that performed the service as worthy enough? Do you honestly think that God thinks that Catholic Priests are better than Ministers, Pastors etc of other religions? They devote their lives to serving the Lord just as Catholic Priests do. lol I see this is going to be neverending. Like I said before, we are getting our marriage convalidated right after Easter so we will be “making things right in the eyes of the Catholic Church”. But it still doesn’t mean that I understand why. One God, several religions but yet everyone thinks theirs are the ultimate and the only “true” religion. I think I think too much lol

No, I don’t see God thinking that priests are better than non-Catholic ministers. But one thing you must try and understand - the Catholic priests, through Apostolic succession, and the commission from Christ himself - help bring the Sacraments to the faithful. What is a Sacrament? A Sacrament is a visible way of conferring sanctifying grace. This grace is vital in sustaining us in living a life in Christ, especially in the Eucharist.

I’m sure the minister who helped you with your wedding vows was someone who felt he was following God’s call. But without the laying of hands upon him by a bishop of the Catholic Church, I’m afraid that he would be unable to confer that sanctifying grace that is vital in a Christian marriage.

 

[krissy343]

Since both of you are Catholics, you are bound by canonical form (by entering the Sacrament of Marriage in the Catholic Church) or be dispensed by this obligation by the Church. Otherwise, the Church does not recognize your marriage as valid.

The Sacrament of Marriage is liken to the formation of a new covenant - not only with husband and wife, but also with God. You vow to give to each other the same kind of love that Christ gives to His Church, both on Earth and Heaven. The grace you receive from this Sacrament helps you with sustaining the bonds you form with each other.

So, if you didn’t get a dispensation to marry outside of the Church, well, then, you know the answer…

Hope this helps - God Bless!

Wow, that just brought up another question in my mind lol. I, myself don’t believe in a lot of things that the Catholic Church does such as mass being the same thing every Sunday, other than the readings and the Gospel of course. Having to confess my sins to a priest (which I do anyway) when I can confess directly to The Lord in the privacy of my own home or wherever I chose. There are many other things but I am already getting off topic. but I love God more than anything in this world and pray often and try my hardest to live the best life I can, for Him. I had no choice whether I wanted to be Catholic or not. I was baptized Catholic as a baby and I know it would break my parents’ hearts if I were to leave the Catholic Church so I choose not to. I have prayed on this on several occasions and I truly belive that God loves each of his children equally as long as they love and honor Him, pray to Him and confess their sins to Him no matter what branch of Christianity they “belong” to.
When my husband and I were married we did vow to give each other the same kind of love that Christ gives his CHILDREN. Again, as I said before, I don’t understand how God would say that a marriage that was pronounced valid by a man of God, was in fact not valid and consider this a mortal sin.

 

[krissy343]

No, I don’t see God thinking that priests are better than non-Catholic ministers. But one thing you must try and understand - the Catholic priests, through Apostolic succession, and the commission from Christ himself - help bring the Sacraments to the faithful. What is a Sacrament? A Sacrament is a visible way of conferring sanctifying grace. This grace is vital in sustaining us in living a life in Christ, especially in the Eucharist.

I’m sure the minister who helped you with your wedding vows was someone who felt he was following God’s call. But without the laying of hands upon him by a bishop of the Catholic Church, I’m afraid that he would be unable to confer that sanctifying grace that is vital in a Christian marriage.

I truly am trying to understand this in my heart. But you said it yourself that you don’t see God as thinking that Priests are better than non Catholic ministers so why would he say that my marriage isn’t valid if Catholic Priests aren’t better than non-Catholic ministers?
Also, so what you are saying is, since the minister didn’t have the laying of the hands put upon him by a bishop of the Catholic church then all the marriages that the minister and all other non-Catholic ministers have performed would be seen as non-valid in the eyes of God? That would mean that all non-Catholics are going to hell because they belong to a false religion. I really don’t believe that.

 

[onmywayagain]

I don’t think you will go to hell. That is a bit extreme. You stated that both of you are Catholic. I don’t understand why you would even go to another Church to get married. Did you recieve communion at your wedding in the other Church? If your answer is yes, then that is one of the mistakes that you made. Catholics should not partake in communion in other Churches. If you did not, then that is another mistake that you made. When married in a Catholic Church, you and your husband, as a couple recieve the Eucharist for the first time as a couple. That is the importance of the Sacrement of Holy Matrimony.

This is how I explained it to a couple who is in our RCIA program. You cannot have a gift certificate from one store and try to redeem it in another store. Do you know why? It is because it is from a different store. Plain and simple.

BTW. Does the Church that you were married in believe in everything that the Catholic Church believes? If your answer is no. Then you have your answer to why it (your marriage) is not valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church. I’m glad you are getting your marriage blessed.

 

[Atemi]

I am so sorry to hear this Krissy.

You have NOT committed any sin and God recognizes your marriage and blesses it.

 

[krissy343]

I don’t think you will go to hell. That is a bit extreme. You stated that both of you are Catholic. I don’t understand why you would even go to another Church to get married. Did you recieve communion at your wedding in the other Church? If your answer is yes, then that is one of the mistakes that you made. Catholics should not partake in communion in other Churches. If you did not, then that is another mistake that you made. When married in a Catholic Church, you and your husband, as a couple recieve the Eucharist for the first time as a couple. That is the importance of the Sacrement of Holy Matrimony.

This is how I explained it to a couple who is in our RCIA program. You cannot have a gift certificate from one store and try to redeem it in another store. Do you know why? It is because it is from a different store. Plain and simple.

BTW. Does the Church that you were married in believe in everything that the Catholic Church believes? If your answer is no. Then you have your answer to why it (your marriage) is not valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church. I’m glad you are getting your marriage blessed.

At the time that we got married, we honestly didn’t see anything wrong with it. We had both been away from the Catholic Church for quite some time and didn’t see any problem with it since a Minister, a man of God, was performing the cermony. We chose to marry there for the beauty, the quaintess, the seclusion of the chapel and because we wanted to have a very small, private wedding that only included God, ourselves the minister and our immediate family. No we did not recieve Communion and I do see your point there.
Honestly, I don’t know if the church we were married in believes everything that the Catholic Church does… I am seeing why it’s not considered valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church but I’m still having trouble understanding why it wouldn’t be valid in the eyes of God. Afterall, His approval is what I really want.
I know it’s a good thing to get our marriage blessed I just wish I could believe with all my heart that it is necessary.

 

[krissy343]

I am so sorry to hear this Krissy.

You have NOT committed any sin and God recognizes your marriage and blesses it.

That’s the way I feel but the Catholic Church does not see it that way, unfortunately.

 

[onmywayagain]

Wow, that just brought up another question in my mind lol. I, myself don’t believe in a lot of things that the Catholic Church does such as mass being the same thing every Sunday, other than the readings and the Gospel of course. Having to confess my sins to a priest (which I do anyway) when I can confess directly to The Lord in the privacy of my own home or wherever I chose. There are many other things but I am already getting off topic. but I love God more than anything in this world and pray often and try my hardest to live the best life I can, for Him. I had no choice whether I wanted to be Catholic or not. I was baptized Catholic as a baby and I know it would break my parents’ hearts if I were to leave the Catholic Church so I choose not to. I have prayed on this on several occasions and I truly belive that God loves each of his children equally as long as they love and honor Him, pray to Him and confess their sins to Him no matter what branch of Christianity they “belong” to.
When my husband and I were married we did vow to give each other the same kind of love that Christ gives his CHILDREN. Again, as I said before, I don’t understand how God would say that a marriage that was pronounced valid by a man of God, was in fact not valid and consider this a mortal sin.

I hate to say this to you, but if you don’t beleive in all the teachings of the Catholic Church then you are not a Catholic. To be a Catholic is to accept everything that the Cathloic Church teaches. It is not a buffet line where you can pick and choose what you want to believe in. If that is what you feel then you are already a protestant.

 

[Tonks40]

I truly am trying to understand this in my heart. But you said it yourself that you don’t see God as thinking that Priests are better than non Catholic ministers so why would he say that my marriage isn’t valid if Catholic Priests aren’t better than non-Catholic ministers?
Also, so what you are saying is, since the minister didn’t have the laying of the hands put upon him by a bishop of the Catholic church then all the marriages that the minister and all other non-Catholic ministers have performed would be seen as non-valid in the eyes of God? That would mean that all non-Catholics are going to hell because they belong to a false religion. I really don’t believe that.

Krissy -
When we talk about the valid priesthood, we’re not talking about if a priest is better than a non-Catholic minister. We’re talking about a particular commission that was instituted by Christ. When Christ said to Peter in Matt 16:18 - “You are Peter, and on this rock I will build my Church…” - He did something new here…he established a visible body of believers united by His teachings. This new authority had the permission (and ability) to ordain ministers that adhere to the correct teachings of Christ. (see Acts 6:1-6, letters to Timothy, 2 Cor 3:6, among others). With this commission and help from the Advocate (ie the Holy Spirit), they are able to confer the Sacraments to the faithful, in addition to passing on this commission to others. So basically, we’re talking about ABILITY - not superiority.

 

[Atemi]

That’s the way I feel but the Catholic Church does not see it that way, unfortunately.

They are wrong.

 

[Tonks40]

I hate to say this to you, but if you don’t beleive in all the teachings of the Catholic Church then you are not a Catholic. To be a Catholic is to accept everything that the Cathloic Church teaches. It is not a buffet line where you can pick and choose what you want to believe in. If that is what you feel then you are already a protestant.

I would have to agree with this. You don’t get your marriage convalidated in the Catholic Church if you don’t believe what the Church teaches. That’s kinda like lying, if you know what I mean, along with taking of the Eucharist if you don’t believe in all that the Church teaches.

I’m glad that you are here seeking answers to your questions about your heritage - your Catholic faith. If you’ve been away for a while, then of course you may find things a bit different that what you believe now. God wants us all to seek the Truth - and the Truth can be found with believing in His Son, Jesus Christ. Once you have that belief, though, don’t you think you owe yourself some clear reason as to why the Church teaches what she does? This maybe a time-consuming process for you, but you do owe it to yourself to research and rediscover your Catholicism to find out if it’s really true or not.

I was in the same boat you were…but before I jumped ship, I decided to research myself into the Teachings of the Church…and if it wasn’t for the Holy Spirit, then would not have been able to recognize the Truth when I saw it.

 

[krissy343]

I hate to say this to you, but if you don’t beleive in all the teachings of the Catholic Church then you are not a Catholic. To be a Catholic is to accept everything that the Cathloic Church teaches. It is not a buffet line where you can pick and choose what you want to believe in. If that is what you feel then you are already a protestant.

I was taught that when you are baptized into a religion, you are that religion for life. I had no choice in the religion I was baptized into and I can’t help what I believe in. I try my best to resist evil, love God and live my life for Him. Where is the wrong in that? What I believe is not my choice, I wish it was because it would make things a lot easier. Who are mere mortals to say that what I believe is wrong? That is up to God to decide and that’s the biggest problem I have with the Catholic Church I was baptized into. According to It, if you don’t or I should say can’t believe in everything that the Catholic Church teaches, you are a sinner. How am I to change what I believe in my heart to be ok and just in the eyes of God?