Needing to vent exhusband contacted me

[iluvmybabies]

Good day to everyone! So this morning after 4 months of no insulting, degrading, manipulating, rude communication, my exhusabnd sends me an email to my job email when he knows he’s not allowed to send me an email to this is what he wrote:

“How are you and the kids doing? I miss them like crazy as always. Anyway how are they doing so far this year in school and in general? I hate not having a phone number to call them at. Has **** been doing well in school so far this year? We want to send her a cell phone for Christmas. That way we can communicate more often. Now that she’s 11 years old I feel she is ready to have a cell phone for emergencies as well as us being able to talk to me more often. Is this okay with you? However I do have some concerns and request. My wife is adding this phone to her current service plan with Sprint. We will all be sharing minutes and need to be careful not to exceed them. We will all have 500 to use each month with unlimited mobile to mobile, text, pics, video, internet, GPS and Long Distance. Nights and weekends free after 9pm. Keep in mind that this phone is for her and the boys only! Although mostly her. Do not down load games, music, or anything else that cost money. As a result if this should be taken advantage of the phone will be disconnected immediately. We can see every number coming in and out and for how long each conversation is, with the click of a button.”

After all this time, all these years he and his wife finally want to do something for the kids and all of a sudden now they want to give her a phone when he knew we had no phone for 1 year all ready and all of a sudden all this ****…And then to try and tell me she will be monitored???

I don’t know what to think or say…I could use some advise…Remember this is the man that has always gotten his way with everything…I am soon due to go back to court for his child support reduction because he can’t afford to pay for it…Because like he told me 4 months ago “I have a life I have a wife and other kids to take care of!” (Non-bioligical) And this is the man whom can’t even go to the dollar tree store buy 2 cards for 1 dollar and send a card to his kids not even on their bdays or Christmas, he did it for 1 year hasn’t done it 2 years since…

I emailed him reminding him not to email me at work because of his harassments, I don’t know what to do…I asked my daughter she says “sure I want another phone!” Well my fiance got her one because of emergencies since we can’t have the school or her call his parents any more, we needed a way to communicate to make sure she and her brothers were ok… She too is very similar to her father-with the whole manipulation thing…This morning made me 15 minutes late to work because she wouldn’t wake up on time and missed the bus-because she felt like it, has been doing this kind of stuff for years, and this that she’s given pretty much whatever she wants-to what I can afford- where her brothers, younger than her btw, got up, got dressed and made it on the bus… I don’t think it’s fair that I have been trying to provide for my kids for her to want to switch that fast to her father… But I guess that’s just me being a moron about the situation… Your help and advise is greatly appreciated…She’s the only girl I have…and the eldest… I just don’t want to lose her to her father, I don’t think it’s fair that he tries to take everything from them for her to get manipulated into believing over there is better for her and her leave me for him… So many thoughts going through my head right now, not feeling well…

Thanks again, sorry for rambling! Take care…

 

[1ke]

Delete the email, and do not respond. Next time, don’t even read the email. Delete it upon arrival. After all, he’s not supposed to email you at work. D-E-L-E-T-E.

If a phone arrives in the mail, send it back or just put it in your closet unopened. After all, if it’s for emergencies, it can sit in the closet until there IS an emergency.

Don’t communicate with him at all.

I think it was a mistake to send him a reply “reminding” him not to email you at work.

Just ignore him.

Do only what the court requires you to do. It does not require you to allow your 11 year old to have a cell phone. I also think it was a mistake to ask your daughter what she wants. Your the parent, you decide what is best for her.

 

[whatevergirl]

*My dd is 13…she does not have a cell phone yet, and I’m pretty ‘up’ on the gadgets that kids like, I just don’t think that she needs her own phone yet. On the one hand, it sounds like a nice gesture…but what I have read about your ex, this could be another form of control over you. He is already lacing the ‘nice gesture’ with rules, and stipulations…as if you’re a child, and need scolding or something.

I would say, thanks but not thanks. That’s just me. He can call the house, and talk to his daughter. I didn’t know he was married, iluvmybabies…when did that happen? I must have missed that in one of your threads.

Just my two cents, you ultimately need to make the decision, but I would not have him controlling me through my daughter. Had this been anyone else, or if your ex wasn’t so controlling and manipulative…I’d say, it would be ok. People can change, but the fact that he is placing all these restrictions on it, shows he just wants another means of control.

I wouldn’t be mean about it…just say, no thanks, she is too young for a cell phone. You can call her at the house. Well, you do what you need to, but that is what I’d do.

Good luck! :hug1: *

 

[iluvmybabies]

Delete the email, and do not respond.

If a phone arrives in the mail, send it back.

Don’t communicate with him at all.

I think it was a mistake to send him a reply “reminding” him not to email you at work.

Just ignore him.

Do only what the court requires you to do. It does not require you to allow your 11 year old to have a cell phone.

I am sorry I responded it’s just that I have to let him know to stop sending me at work, it’s frustrating receiving emails at work when all he does is harass me! AT WORK!!!

Uhm what else do I do? What does the court require me to do when I am supposed to make sure he knows where we live and phones available etc?! I don’t know what I am supposed to do Ike, I am really confused… And lost!

Thank you for your help and support!

 

[whatevergirl]

Delete the email, and do not respond. Next time, don’t even read the email. Delete it upon arrival. After all, he’s not supposed to email you at work. D-E-L-E-T-E.

If a phone arrives in the mail, send it back or just put it in your closet unopened. After all, if it’s for emergencies, it can sit in the closet until there IS an emergency.

Don’t communicate with him at all.

I think it was a mistake to send him a reply “reminding” him not to email you at work.

Just ignore him.

Do only what the court requires you to do. It does not require you to allow your 11 year old to have a cell phone. I also think it was a mistake to ask your daughter what she wants. Your the parent, you decide what is best for her.

*Yep…I echo this.

I agree too about not getting your dd involved, iluvmybabies. Any kid will say…SURE, I WANT A PHONE. LOL Now granted, you say no, he will manipulate your dd when he sees her next…saying, I wanted to get you a phone, but your mommy didn’t want me to. Just be ready for that. *

 

[kage_ar]

He IS their father. Unless he has had his rights taken away by the courts, he does have rights to see and contact his children.

 

[whatevergirl]

I am sorry I responded it’s just that I have to let him know to stop sending me at work, it’s frustrating receiving emails at work when all he does is harass me! AT WORK!!!

Uhm what else do I do? What does the court require me to do when I am supposed to make sure he knows where we live and phones available etc?! I don’t know what I am supposed to do Ike, I am really confused… And lost!

Thank you for your help and support!

*Do you have a working phone? He can call her on that.

iluvmybabies…above all, DO NOT SHOW your emotions to your ex. Appear together…appear that you are not rattled by him. He wants to rattle you, for whatever his weird reasons are, he does. Be firm. Be strong. *

 

[1ke]

I am sorry I responded it’s just that I have to let him know to stop sending me at work, it’s frustrating receiving emails at work when all he does is harass me! AT WORK!!!

You already told him not to email you at work. You don’t need to tell him again. You simply need to keep the email you sent directing him not to email you at work-- then print and store all the emails he sent you after that and put them in a file for future court appearances and/or police reports. You don’t have to read them, you don’t have to respond to them. Just put them in your file and then delete them and go about your day.

DON’T READ THEM.

Uhm what else do I do?

Ignore him.

What does the court require me to do when I am supposed to make sure he knows where we live and phones available etc?

If you have given him your mailing address and home phone number, that is all you must do. He does not need your email address, cell phone number, etc. Whatever the custody papers say and not one thing more.

! I don’t know what I am supposed to do Ike, I am really confused… And lost!

Thank you for your help and support!

I edited my post above. If he sends a phone, simply put it in a drawer. If it’s for emergencies, then leave it in the drawer or locked in a closet until there is an actual emergency. You can decide what an emergency is-- a hurricane, an earthquake, aliens invading. Anything short of that is not an emergency.

 

[whatevergirl]

He IS their father. Unless he has had his rights taken away by the courts, he does have rights to see and contact his children.

What does this have to do with a cell phone? He can call her at the OP’s house.

 

[whatevergirl]

You already told him not to email you at work. You don’t need to tell him again. You simply need to keep the email you sent directing him not to email you at work-- then print and store all the emails he sent you after that and put them in a file for future court appearances and/or police reports. You don’t have to read them, you don’t have to respond to them. Just put them in your file and then delete them and go about your day.

DON’T READ THEM.

Ignore him.

If you have given him your mailing address and home phone number, that is all you must do. He does not need your email address, cell phone number, etc. Whatever the custody papers say and not one thing more.

I edited my post above. If he sends a phone, simply put it in a drawer. If it’s for emergencies, then leave it in the drawer or locked in a closet until there is an actual emergency. You can decide what an emergency is-- a hurricane, an earthquake, aliens invading. Anything short of that is not an emergency.

Agreed.

 

[1ke]

He IS their father. Unless he has had his rights taken away by the courts, he does have rights to see and contact his children.

Certainly he does. And he has a method for doing so. The “cellphone for emergencies” does not have to be the method of contact. He can call her from his cell phone to her home phone.

I don’t see where the OP is denying access.

 

[iluvmybabies]

*My dd is 13…she does not have a cell phone yet, and I’m pretty ‘up’ on the gadgets that kids like, I just don’t think that she needs her own phone yet. On the one hand, it sounds like a nice gesture…but what I have read about your ex, this could be another form of control over you. He is already lacing the ‘nice gesture’ with rules, and stipulations…as if you’re a child, and need scolding or something.

I would say, thanks but not thanks. That’s just me. He can call the house, and talk to his daughter. I didn’t know he was married, iluvmybabies…when did that happen? I must have missed that in one of your threads.

Just my two cents, you ultimately need to make the decision, but I would not have him controlling me through my daughter. Had this been anyone else, or if your ex wasn’t so controlling and manipulative…I’d say, it would be ok. People can change, but the fact that he is placing all these restrictions on it, shows he just wants another means of control.

I wouldn’t be mean about it…just say, no thanks, she is too young for a cell phone. You can call her at the house. Well, you do what you need to, but that is what I’d do.

Good luck! :hug1: *

Thanks for the advise whatevergirl! That’s what I felt from the email as well…He always does that since he knows I will not tolerate insults any longer, that’s his way of insulting me, like always trying to find a way of manipulation all the time…AND I know once he gets on that phone with her that it will all go to hades, I know he will sugar coat everything like he did before telling them about going to Disney World and stuff when he was lying to them and taking his new wife and new kids there…It traumatized her so much…but now she’s forgiven and forgotten and as she gets older her character is coming out like him, very similar it’s a hard battle that I am up against…

Today she made me so late to work just because, and then she didn’t text me when her brother’s got there just out of spite, maybe she did forget to text me but even though, she knows why my fiance got her the phone for emergencies only and to verify they are ok together in school and after school you know?! I am just so heartbroken about this…I know making such a big deal out of nothing but still…This man will never stop nor end his stuff with me…Never…It’s ever growing never ending…

We don’t have a house phone I can’t afford that, but my fiance added us up in his plan, so he’s paying for 2 extra phones on a family plan that’s why she has the cell phone, like I said for emergencies only…We share the minutes and yes we monitor because neither we can spend so much I can’t have him pay that much for cell phones! And like I said they are not mine just for any emergency we use them…less than what the minutes he has are…It’s only fair he’s helping me I keep tabs on my daughter and myself, you know?!

On a good note that has nothing to do with this-my fiance finally has a job!!! Sorry just wanted to share!

More on my ex and daughter, I just don’t know what else to think or do…Seriously!

 

[Catholic90]

He can get her the phone, but that in NO WAY means she has to have it on and available 24/7! So he buys her the phone, and it sits on your dresser top, maybe turning it on once a week to check for messages or something.

Eleven is too young for a phone. My kids did not get phones until they were 13/14 and at school and activities 10 miles away. Even then, they could only use it for emergencies. Only once they were in high school could they use it for contacting and texting their friends.

Do NOT ask your daughter if she wants a phone. What kid would say no?!? You are the parent, so you have the right to say she cannot have unlimited access.

I know a single parent whose dad gave her son a cell phone. He is 12. He has been caught “sexting”, went way over his texting one month, sending nearly 5000 texts, and has had his grades drop, because he is spending nearly every waking moment on his PHONE! She is afraid to enforce usage rules because she is afraid the dad will get mad (I do not know if he was violent before or not, but this failure to enforce rules is ruining her relationship with her son).
I agree about deleting his emails to you at work. Just do not respond. If he contacts you some other way and asks why you aren’t responding, just tell them your “work” must have filtered them out. You do not need to tell them that YOU are the one doing the filtering.

 

[tweetymom]

Why don’t you just block him from your email? I can do that with anyone I choose. God Bless

 

[kage_ar]

There is no house phone, these kids need to talk to dad, and he needs to talk to them.

What alternative are you offering the man? You choose to make babies with this man, the mature thing to do is to be civil for the sake of those kids.

 

[whatevergirl]

*I dated a type like him before my dh. Perhaps, I’m hardened to the type of guy that your ex is…but I see through his nonsense. He is manipulative. Leopards don’t change their spots. But, you cannot change the man. You CAN change how you react or don’t react to him. Do not play his games. Be cordial, do what the court requires…and don’t show your anger to your daughter, over her dad. He will always be her dad. And their relationship is their relationship. (sad about Disney though, he is mean to his own dd like that? Ugh)

It’s a tough deal, but I would be strong…and don’t let him have anymore control over your life.

You don’t need his cell phone, with a thousand different rules and restrictions…so he can use your dd again as a yo yo…and possibly you. Be strong. :hug1:*

 

[whatevergirl]

*AND, finally…there is a way to set your work email up so his message bounce back…return to sender. Try to figure that out, if you can. You told him not to email you at work, and he does. *

 

[iluvmybabies]

He can get her the phone, but that in NO WAY means she has to have it on and available 24/7! So he buys her the phone, and it sits on your dresser top, maybe turning it on once a week to check for messages or something.

Eleven is too young for a phone. My kids did not get phones until they were 13/14 and at school and activities 10 miles away. Even then, they could only use it for emergencies. Only once they were in high school could they use it for contacting and texting their friends.

Do NOT ask your daughter if she wants a phone. What kid would say no?!? You are the parent, so you have the right to say she cannot have unlimited access.

I know a single parent whose dad gave her son a cell phone. He is 12. He has been caught “sexting”, went way over his texting one month, sending nearly 5000 texts, and has had his grades drop, because he is spending nearly every waking moment on his PHONE! She is afraid to enforce usage rules because she is afraid the dad will get mad (I do not know if he was violent before or not, but this failure to enforce rules is ruining her relationship with her son).
I agree about deleting his emails to you at work. Just do not respond. If he contacts you some other way and asks why you aren’t responding, just tell them your “work” must have filtered them out. You do not need to tell them that YOU are the one doing the filtering.

I don’t have any family here and the only ones we did have no longer want part of me and my kids anymore so I had no other choice but to get the cell phone, we have no other contact here in illinois and the friends whom I have never want to help me with the kids, there is an excuse most of the time… So that’s our emergency contact the cell phones…

I understand will definitely do that next time…

Ok that’s something to think about, the whole have it on the dresser and stuff thanks for the advise…

 

[iluvmybabies]

*Yep…I echo this.

I agree too about not getting your dd involved, iluvmybabies. Any kid will say…SURE, I WANT A PHONE. LOL Now granted, you say no, he will manipulate your dd when he sees her next…saying, I wanted to get you a phone, but your mommy didn’t want me to. Just be ready for that. *

I actually told her the truth, that he said she can only talk to him and no one else…Whereas the phone she has she’s allowed to make 2 15 minute calls during 7 pm to her 2 closest friends, and so far it’s been working out well…The reason, I explained what the doctor’s say about the effect of cell phone radiation and of course the minutes, because the phone is technically for emergencies only so 2 calls a day for a few minutes isn’t a bad deal esp since she’s trying to get into the girl scouts, trying to communicate with them has been a little easier for her and for me with the cell phones…

Well until she’s in her teens I am not sending them to florida by themselves…So it’s a long time from now!!

thanks…

 

[iluvmybabies]

He IS their father. Unless he has had his rights taken away by the courts, he does have rights to see and contact his children.

I haven’t denied his rights Kage, never have I denied them… HE CHOOSES NOT TO CONTACT THEM!! Maybe you don’t know the whole story but let me make it short:

He forced me to get house phone, cell phones, and email and myspacepage accounts for my daughter… I was stuck paying 50 dollars for house phone, 75 dollars for her cell phone, and keeping the security watch over all the email and myspacepage account keeping them up with new pictures every week etc…ALL for him to stop writing to her, not calling her and me stuck with countless bills I couldn’t pay!

He called her 2 times in 1 year after I got the cell phone, 6 times in the house phone, and wrote to her 4 times in the myspacepage the last time he wrote was like 8 months ago telling her this “I miss you and love you and don’t think it’s fair that you hate me for the wrong things! Take care love you always and don’t forget I am always thinking about you!”

This is what he wrote to his daughter the beginning of this year…

Then I moved from the house I was living in to another one and the rent went up a bit because it was in a better neighborhood had to cancel the cell phones and house phones…Still kept her emails and the myspacepage for him to comminucate with her…

He hasn’t written to her at all or tried to make contact since that email up there that I just mentioned…

She wrote back to him saying this “what are the wrong reasons?” HE never answered back…

Then my hours got cut and I could no longer pay for anything extra and haven’t gotten a house phone nor can afford a cell phone…My fiance is supplying the phones for us under his account…I am not doing that…

And I am not taking his rights at all…He hasn’t sent them a single bday card for going on 3 years, not even a hello card or email nothing at all in over 8 months…Why does everyone keep assuming it’s me denying him? I did everything I could to make sure he was able to contact the children, he chooses not to…I even offered to pay his airplane ticket countless times to visit the kids the last time he wrote to me which was the last time I allowed him to write to me because he kept insulting me was about 4 months ago, and he said this “Ok yeah let me drop everything and run over there right now!” He was telling me when to buy his tickets when he felt like it not when I had the money and the opportunity, they were just going out on vacation for summer and I was willing to use whatever money I had to get him to visit his kids since I “DENY” him everything, this is like the 30th time I offer it to him, and every time he comes up with a different excuse to not see them…

I am not doing this…I am not causing him the grief…And I am not the one telling my daughter stuff that will depress her…Like he has done countless times…Esp when he was telling them 3 years ago he was going to take them to disney world and then she looks at her myspacepage and sees him with his stepkids and wife having a great time…So I am not the one who’s denying him anything nor trying to keep my kids away from him…