Neighbors 'got married' over the weekend

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Dandelion_Wine

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I went out to my car last night and my neighbor was coming up the drive from getting her mail. I asked her how she was doing - she said she was wiped out after all the festivities this weekend.

Not only was it pride-fest weekend, but due to the federal judge striking down Wisconsin’s same-sex “marriage” ban, her and her girlfriend got hitched.

All I could say was ‘oh’.

Did I handle that badly? My thought process was to say congratulations but then I wasn’t sure what I was congratulating them on, so what came out was ‘oh’.

I’m not sure how to handle the whole situation actually. They’ve had us over twice now for parties (both times one of there older kids was going into the service). But we haven’t had them over. On one-hand I don’t want their life-style influencing my kids. On another, my brother’s on his third marriage. I can talked intellectually to my oldest who is a teen but what do I say to my youngest in early grade school.

In all cases, I treat them with respect. I chat with them, joke with them.

Hoping I wasn’t in this situation doesn’t help. I need an action plan, I’m just not sure what it is.
 
I’m of two thoughts on this … One is what you may have been taught in the past is that same sex unions are not to be accepted etc etc However the Holy Father is opening up a more open and all inclusive world view for us to have … As he himself pointed out while he himself may not be a believer that members of the same sex should be allowed to marry there is something to be said for monogamous same sex couples in loving relationships and, who are we to judge ?

Keeping in mind that this isn’t the same as the Pope saying “Yeah sure do whatever” I believe there is real value in what is being said … So do you need to dance a jig on their lawn that they got “Hitched” No, however a polite congratulations wouldn’t be hurtful either and so you’re not expressing your joy over the wedding just being a polite neighbor

time.com/13161/pope-francis-willing-to-evaluate-civil-unions-but-no-embrace-of-gay-marriage/
 
Saying “oh” in response to someone’s good news is rude. You probably hurt your neighbor’s feelings.

Granted, you don’t think making their relationship “official” is good news, because you disagree with gay marriage. I get that. But they don’t see it that way - they see it as a marriage. I don’t think you have to go too deep on this one. A simple, “I’m sure it was a lovely day!” or “I’m praying for all the very best for you both” would have sufficed and been a little less cold, without offering overt congratulations.

A parent in my son’s class is unmarried and pregnant. She has no plans to wed. To me, this is a seriously unholy situation. Still, she is happy about the baby so I did manage to come up with, “Babies are so wonderful! Do you have a name yet?”
 
Dandelion_Wine said:
I went out to my car last night and my neighbor was coming up the drive from getting her mail. I asked her how she was doing - she said she was wiped out after all the festivities this weekend.

Not only was it pride-fest weekend, but due to the federal judge striking down Wisconsin’s same-sex “marriage” ban, her and her girlfriend got hitched.

All I could say was ‘oh’.
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You did not handle it badly. You will be appreciated if you just be yourself. If you feel comfortable in congratulating them its not too late. Tell them truthfully, that you were a little taken back but you wish the best for their happiness. We often do not express sympathetic joy.
 
Avocadomom said:
Saying “oh” in response to someone’s good news is rude. You probably hurt your neighbor’s feelings.

Granted, you don’t think making their relationship “official” is good news, because you disagree with gay marriage. I get that. But they don’t see it that way - they see it as a marriage. I don’t think you have to go too deep on this one. A simple, “I’m sure it was a lovely day!” or “I’m praying for all the very best for you both” would have sufficed and been a little less cold, without offering overt congratulations.

A parent in my son’s class is unmarried and pregnant. She has no plans to wed. To me, this is a seriously unholy situation. Still, she is happy about the baby so I did manage to come up with, “Babies are so wonderful! Do you have a name yet?”
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👍

I like this. We don’t have to agree with or be happy about the choices that everyone in our lives makes-I know I’m certainly not. But what it comes down to is that you will always be surrounded by people who make life choices that are completely opposed to your values and beliefs. With that in mind, do you want to live in a world where we are all rude and insulting to each other over differences in beliefs and choices, or one in which we can all get through our days and enjoy polite company when we bump into each other at the mailbox?
 
The previous posters have great points.

If you don’t want to bring them over to your place for whatever reason, that’s your prerogative, even though I don’t think it’ll make a difference. Your older child is probably exposed to this enough and your younger child will be soon. As long as you communicate openly with your kids, they’ll be fine. However, it is your home and if you don’t want them over, so be it. I would recommend giving them some thing as a way to correct your unintentionally rude response (it was a bit rude). You don’t have to go and buy them something per say, but maybe it would be nice if you made them something or gave them a cake or a dessert, stuff like that.
 
“Oh,” isn’t such a bad response, particularly if it’s to an unexpected announcement. It could be, “Oh! I didn’t know you were planning on getting married.” Or “Oh! I wondered what had been going on.”

As for not inviting them over, do you invite other people over?

Reminds me of a distant relative’s ex-husband, who said, “I make it a point to not meet my neighbors. That makes it easier when I have to go yell at them.”
 
Avocadomom said:
A parent in my son’s class is unmarried and pregnant. She has no plans to wed. To me, this is a seriously unholy situation. Still, she is happy about the baby so I did manage to come up with, “Babies are so wonderful! Do you have a name yet?”
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Hmmmm, I disagree with this attitude, that gay marriage is comparable to a baby born out of wedlock. The baby situation was (hopefully just) one sin, that actually turned into something wonderful. “Gay marriage” is fully living in and embracing one’s sin.

OP, I probably would have said the same thing. If you were celebrating because the supreme court magically changed their mind and outlawed “gay marriage” everywhere, “Oh” is the best that you could hope for from your neighbors. You can’t be expected to act excited about something so wrong. You didn’t verbally abuse your neighbors; you did the right thing.

As to how to address it with your younger child, what grade/age exactly is he/she?
 
I don’t think you handled it badly. It’s hard to come up on the spot with a polite, tactful response that doesn’t condone their actions. Some people are good at thinking on their feet in these types of situations; others (including myself) are not.

I would just continue to do what you have been doing–continue being a good neighbor, chatting with them, being kind, etc. I disagree with those that say that you ought to congratulate them or otherwise acknowledge the so-called marriage.
 
I don’t think you were rude, just caught off guard.

My feeling is that regardless of the other person’s choices, we are called to treat everyone with respect because they are precious children of God with great dignity. Since your neighbors have invited you to their home for family celebrations, it would be simple courtesy to invite them to yours. Something informal with other friends and relatives might be best for the first time, like a summer BBQ, graduation party, etc.

I like what the poster above said to the unmarried pregnant lady she encountered - she choose life!

None of this, particularly our Holy Father’s recent comments, changes the Church’s long teaching about homosexuality, homosexual unions, or fornication leading to unwed motherhood for that matter. I think our charge is to be kind and loving to all while holding to what is true in Christ.

Christum esse medium!
 
My mother’s favorite word when she did not want to get into a controversy was “Oh.” She didn’t use a lot of inflection, and it was impossible to argue with someone who’s response is “Oh.”. It took me a few years to figure that one out.

I figure that whoever is living next to me when I buy was already there, so not my responsibility: and whoever moves in later is also not my choice. I pick my friends; neighbors come and neighbors go (I have lived in the same house for 34+ years).

It is your choice as to if, when, and how much you socialize with your neighbors. They may be living in sin; but there is a reason I go to Reconciliation, and I suspect you do too. It is highly unlikely you will ever change their minds or their behavior; if you are like me, you will have enough time dealing with your own. Having a barbecue does not mean that you approve of their life style or choices; nor does their life style or choices mean you must shun them. The call is yours. “Love one another as I have loved you” does not mean approve of sin; neither does it mean that sinners are to be avoided.
 
phantom1976 said:
I’m of two thoughts on this … One is what you may have been taught in the past is that same sex unions are not to be accepted etc etc However the Holy Father is opening up a more open and all inclusive world view for us to have … As he himself pointed out while he himself may not be a believer that members of the same sex should be allowed to marry there is something to be said for monogamous same sex couples in loving relationships and, who are we to judge ?
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So, it’s obvious you didn’t actually read what the Holy Father said, and are only listening to what the media -said- that he said. He did not say this, he did not say anything even remotely close to this. He said that homosexuals who are living a good life and seeking God should not be judged (the same rule Jesus gives, about us not engaging in the judgment that is reserved solely from God). By engaging in this farce, it is painfully obvious that these women are not seeking God, but are instead seeking after their desires. We are perfectly within our right to judge their actions, as their actions are sinful and bring scandal.
Keeping in mind that this isn’t the same as the Pope saying “Yeah sure do whatever” I believe there is real value in what is being said … So do you need to dance a jig on their lawn that they got “Hitched” No, however a polite congratulations wouldn’t be hurtful either and so you’re not expressing your joy over the wedding just being a polite neighbor
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You don’t congratulate someone for their sins, to do so would give the inappropriate impression that you approve, even if only slightly.
time.com/13161/pope-francis-willing-to-evaluate-civil-unions-but-no-embrace-of-gay-marriage/
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Time magazine is not where I would go to get a fair and balanced view over what Pope Francis said, evidenced by the fact that this is not a fair and balanced article, and that it misconstrues what the Pope said.

Here are a couple articles on the subject from sources not interested n misconstruing what Pope Francis said.
ncregister.com/blog/jimmy-akin/pope-francis-on-homosexual-unions

ncregister.com/blog/jimmy-akin/7-things-you-need-to-know-about-what-pope-francis-said-about-gays

To the OP, you were about a charitable as could be expected in that situation, and far more so than I think I would have been capable of being.
 
Don’t loose your perspective. “Oh,” is an acceptable answer. You weren’t a part of their world prior to their “wedding” and you aren’t now. Nothing has really changed other then they got emboldened by the current cultural tide sweeping the gays along like the foam at the beach. You aren’t required to be any different towards them then you always were. Keeping your distance as it is is perfectly fine. Trust me on this one, the ladies next door know you and your family are the “straights” and if they’d wanted you in their lives, they’d have invited you into their lives long ago. Talking to your children about them in a Christian way is as simple as using your common sense and trusting your children will understand. * You aren’t required to accept them any more today then three weeks ago before they tied the knot. *
On the other hand, if they push, you can gently say you’re Christian and that your God loves sinners but not their sins. And let it go at that. They’ll get the message.

God bless.

Glenda
 
glendab said:
Don’t loose your perspective. “Oh,” is an acceptable answer. You weren’t a part of their world prior to their “wedding” and you aren’t now. Nothing has really changed other then they got emboldened by the current cultural tide sweeping the gays along like the foam at the beach. You aren’t required to be any different towards them then you always were. Keeping your distance as it is is perfectly fine. Trust me on this one, the ladies next door know you and your family are the “straights” and if they’d wanted you in their lives, they’d have invited you into their lives long ago. Talking to your children about them in a Christian way is as simple as using your common sense and trusting your children will understand. * You aren’t required to accept them any more today then three weeks ago before they tied the knot. *
On the other hand, if they push, you can gently say you’re Christian and that your God loves sinners but not their sins. And let it go at that. They’ll get the message.

God bless.

Glenda
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They were “emboldened”? It doesn’t seem like it. She knew they were gay a long time ago, and they just got married because it just became legal.

And they did try to invite her into their lives. They’ve had her over several times, and she has yet to return the favor. Hence, the dilemma.
 
Bell(name removed by moderator) said:
What would your response have been?
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Honestly, nothing, just a very deliberate and tense silence until they got uncomfortable enough to go back inside; maybe an “uh-huh” at the start. I wouldn’t say what I think because I wouldn’t want to risk it becoming troublesome or awkward every time I see them in the future.
 
If you want to be friendly without offering congratulations, you can say “I’m sure you’re both very happy” or “I’m sure you’ve all had a lovely celebration”. You are then reflecting how they feel, not how you feel.
 
ProdglArchitect said:
Honestly, nothing, just a very deliberate and tense silence until they got uncomfortable enough to go back inside; maybe an “uh-huh” at the start. I wouldn’t say what I think because I wouldn’t want to risk it becoming troublesome or awkward every time I see them in the future.
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I suspect that a “deliberate and tense silence” calculated to cause discomfort would, in itself, tip them off to what you think.
 
I had a similiar situation at our Church-believe it or not not all Episcopal congregations agree with same sex Weddings-A older couple commetned at our coffee hour that they got married in New England-my response was the same = “oh”

It was a civil ceremony -not a Church one -the Rector did not comment on it -I however found myself quite uncomfortable and realized it was about my feelings not theirs-whether I sanction this wedding is of zero importance to them or others-I went back to them later and congratulated them-said I was a bit stunned-“yes we get that a lot” they said" -Love the sinner not the sin

I do feel in the next 10 years the Catholic and MOrmon Churches will be the only major Churches not sanctioning same sex nuptials-, forgot the Orthodox surely they will not sanction it as well
 
BettyBoop416 said:
I suspect that a “deliberate and tense silence” calculated to cause discomfort would, in itself, tip them off to what you think.
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It’s not a matter of them knowing what I think, it’s a matter of it having been officially vocalized. They can assume what I think all they like, but until I say something, they can’t… or shouldn’t…
cmodrmac said:
forgot the Orthodox surely they will not sanction it as well
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I don’t think anyone thought they’d change their stance on divorce, but here we are… 🤷
 
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