Never dated in my High school career

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Dear Forum

I’m in grade 12, in High School, and I do not have a girl-friend. I did not have one for the past 3 years either. Im still a bachelor and I dont know why. Its odd, I like girls, like any other guy, but not to date :confused::confused: . I was also asked (its a public high school), for the past few days in sarcastic tones “You wheeling any girls recently” “are you saving yourself for marriage” or the more graphic ones “Any kills yet?” etc. I said nope. Thats the weird thing though, I feel like a “queer” for saying these things. I’m not attracted to dating girls and marriage? whats wrong with me? I enjoy being a virgin and proud of that pure white robe that I try to mantain via Confession. Like friends will ask me about getting married and having kids, But I’m not excited in the least. I feel weird, can someone explain to me??

Anyone else like this??
 
I didn’t date at all in High School and now I am happily married. Your post is a little unclear, but I hope this will help. Not everyone dates in High School. Did you want to date? Are you attracted to females, males, neither or both? If you are attracted to females, you are straight, you just didn’t start dating in High school, nothing wrong with that. If you are attracted to males you are homosexual and will have many issues to deal with. If you aren’t attracted to either there is a possibility of you being asexual. People who are asexual are that way for many reasons and you may want to look it up if this was you. If you attracted to both you are bisexual and this will come with many issues.

Did you just not date because you just didn’t want to? There is nothing wrong with that, you are NOT defective. I find that many teens are generally not ready to or mature enough to date anyways. There is no one size fits all when it comes to dating. Everyone starts at different times and have their own unique reasons for dating or not and different experiences. Don’t be so concerned about being like everyone else. Like I said before I didn’t date at all in High School and didn’t start dating until college. Now I am very happily married.
 
As a fellow senior in higschool (though I’m a girl) I also not dated. I also have gotten the usual comments, ranging from understanding to downright rude. Yet other’s opinions have not shaken my standards in waiting for marriage for physical relationships and waiting until I am physically, mentally, and academically ready for marriage to look into relationships with the opposite gender.

Your calling and vocation right now isn’t to be a husband and father - it’s to be the present student. So while we do look forward very eagerly to our vocations in the not-so-distant future, (exciting times for sure!) we also must not allow them to take presedence over our present vocations.

The struggle we are going through right now (between marriage, religoius life, and consecrated singlehood) is very usual - and realize that God isn’t going to call you to a lifestyle without making it clear what I need to do to follow his will - it’s not like God is tossing us into the world to fend for myself, He’ll make it clear what we need to be doing if we listen to His will and not our own.

Your vocation right now can be increased by giving love away, the more you give away, the more it multiplies, and that this could be accomplished through Christian interaction with family members and friends.

Very hard, I know from experience. And when friends start dating or getting asked out, you do feel like the loner - stay strong! Your future wife (whether that be the Church herself or another special young woman) will thank you! 🙂
 
I mean I dont want to be married. I feel a possible vocation to Priesthood. However, I’v enever had a girlfriend to actual “try the call” and see if this is what I’m actually called to do. I want to be a Priest and I dont really want a date, and Im not really attracted. Can a Catholic be an asexual? Because, dating wise, Im not really attracted to either of them, I’m fine on my own kind of thing.

I feel a vocation to Priesthood, maybe thats why I dont feel an attraction for dating? :confused:
 
Dare to be happy with what you’ve chosen. You’re doing fine.

Nothing is wrong with you. I have friends with lots of kids who were certain even half through college that they weren’t going to marry at all. A few other high school classmates are happily married to the person they dated in high school, but far more married someone else entirely. If I hadn’t dated in high school, I think I would have been happier. Certainly I know people who didn’t date at all, and they’re perfectly normal. In some ways, they’re better than those who were too anxious to “find somebody”. Most of the time, the ones who didn’t want to marry met someone who changed their minds entirely, but sometimes they didn’t. That’s OK, too. Married people have trials in this life, as St. Paul used to say. If you’re not on fire to get married, that is OK.

By the way, “Any kills yet?” is just as offensive as you think it is, just as is asking whether you are saving yourself, when the tone is anything but entirely respectful. You will still be a gentleman if you look at your questioner with some disdain and say, “I beg your pardon?” If the fellow is foolish enough to describe what he means in any vulgar detail, you might say, “I’d not talk that way around their fathers, if you get my meaning. If you talked that way about my daughter, at least, I wouldn’t take too kindly to it, or you. I’ll tell you this, too: When I ever do start dating, you’d better not let me hear you talk like that about the woman I’d make my wife. I’ll take your head off.” (Well, maybe the last threat isn’t polite, but it is better than actually taking his head off later, without warning, when he incorrectly assumes you aren’t bothered by that kind of talk. Just sayin’.)

IOW, defend your respect for women and marriage with all the assurance that being on the side of right deserves. If they don’t like it, they can skitter back into the gutter they’re speaking out of. They’re the ones with reason to feel embarrassed, not you, and don’t let them convince you of anything different, no matter what the majority seems to be saying.
 
mymamamary said:
I mean I dont want to be married. I feel a possible vocation to Priesthood. However, I’v enever had a girlfriend to actual “try the call” and see if this is what I’m actually called to do. I want to be a Priest and I dont really want a date, and Im not really attracted. Can a Catholic be an asexual? Because, dating wise, Im not really attracted to either of them, I’m fine on my own kind of thing.
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There is nothing wrong with lacking a sex drive, but having self-mastery does not make you asexual. Failing to see women as objects to desire for your own self-gratification does not make you asexual. Not having a burning desire to marry does not make you asexual. If you find the idea of marriage as something that is not distasteful but also not something you just have to have, that is OK, too.

Not every priest who chooses celibacy would have married if he could both be a priest and have a wife, you know. Some, like St. Paul, would choose to be celibate. That was what St. Paul meant when he said, “Indeed, I wish everyone to be as I am, but each has a particular gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” (1 Cor 7:7) Some, while not asexual, have the gift of continence, too.

You might want to talk to your pastor about this. I think he could clear this up better than we can. Generally speaking, though, it will be a few more years before it becomes clear that you are less likely than most to ever develop a desire to marry. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t, but it is too early to know. Time will tell. In the meantime, there is nothing at all wrong with being as you are, whether you’re asexual or just haven’t found a woman who grabs your attention. You’ll have to wait and see, which is OK.
 
Oppie was born of wealthy Jewish New York parents. They sent him to a private Jewish high school. He had no girlfriends and only a couple of male friends. To relieve his loneliness his father gave him a sailboat. Oppie called the boat Trimethy after a chemical called trimethylethylene. Pretty weird, hunh? http://forum.catholic.org/images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif

Oppie was a brilliant student and went to Harvard. While there he had little contact with girls. He had bouts of depression. He was interested in many things, and wrote poetry, but he graduated with a degree in chemistry, something he never used. http://forum.catholic.org/images/smilies/icon_sad.gif

He got into an experimental physics course in Cambridge University in England, but found he was a clutz at setting up laboratory equipment. He began acting crazy. He did insane things like leaving a poison apple for his teacher. He was told to consult a psychiatrist, and he did see three of them but didn’t like them. http://forum.catholic.org/images/smilies/icon_arrrgh.gif

After a year in Cambridge he went to Gottingen, Germany where the theoretical physicists were making a revolution in science. On a side trip to Italy he lost his virginity. In Gottingen he got to know all the scientific geniuses of the day: Niels Bohr, Max Planck and all the others. They were developing the new science of quantum mechanics. Oppie was a genius at this. He published a bewildering array of scientific papers in quantum mechanics in just a few months. At last, he’d found what his purpose was.

Back in the U.S. he became professor of theoretical physics at Berkeley. Now he was popular with the girls. Women loved him. He couldn’t keep them away. He was very witty and popular. People invited him to their homes and he invited them. His doubts and depression of the earlier years were forgotten.

He married.

When World War II broke out the United States started the Manhattan Project, a secret research program to develop the atomic bomb before the Germans did. Everybody knew there was only one man who could lead this project, one man with the charm, skills, and leadership to get a large group of independently minded scientists to work together as a team: J. Robert Oppenheimer, “Oppie”.
After the War he became director of the Princeton Institute of Advanced Studies and was Albert Einstein’s boss. This was a successful man.

Why was he so awkward as a teenager and young adult? It was not his time. He hadn’t found himself. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He didn’t luck out and find a “soul mate”. He wasn’t ready to get socially settled. His destiny was in greater things.

By age thirty his early problems were ancient history. He got over them and left them behind.
 
mymamamary said:
Dear Forum

I’m in grade 12, in High School, and I do not have a girl-friend. I did not have one for the past 3 years either. Im still a bachelor and I dont know why. Its odd, I like girls, like any other guy, but not to date :confused::confused: . I was also asked (its a public high school), for the past few days in sarcastic tones “You wheeling any girls recently” “are you saving yourself for marriage” or the more graphic ones “Any kills yet?” etc. I said nope. Thats the weird thing though, I feel like a “queer” for saying these things. I’m not attracted to dating girls and marriage? whats wrong with me? I enjoy being a virgin and proud of that pure white robe that I try to mantain via Confession. Like friends will ask me about getting married and having kids, But I’m not excited in the least. I feel weird, can someone explain to me??

Anyone else like this??
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Yes, many many young men, and women, are like this. It’s normal as rain in the spring. Look, people are not all the same and get to different stages of life at different times.

Teens are compelled by the ad-driven, profit-motivated media, by soap operas and movies, to begin dating early and be sexualized early and all of that. Are you okay with you? Then don’t worry about it.

I can think of several well-known men who had almost no experience with women until their 30s. Charles Darwin springs to mind. Ultimately, he married and had 6 or 7 children. It was quite a successful marriage, too.

So, you get to be who you are and you’ll have to put up with some junk from the infantile “I-gotta-prove-I’m-a-man” types.
 
empther said:
Oppie was born of wealthy Jewish New York parents. They sent him to a private Jewish high school. He had no girlfriends and only a couple of male friends. To relieve his loneliness his father gave him a sailboat. Oppie called the boat Trimethy after a chemical called trimethylethylene. Pretty weird, hunh? http://forum.catholic.org/images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif

Oppie was a brilliant student and went to Harvard. While there he had little contact with girls. He had bouts of depression. He was interested in many things, and wrote poetry, but he graduated with a degree in chemistry, something he never used. http://forum.catholic.org/images/smilies/icon_sad.gif

He got into an experimental physics course in Cambridge University in England, but found he was a clutz at setting up laboratory equipment. He began acting crazy. He did insane things like leaving a poison apple for his teacher. He was told to consult a psychiatrist, and he did see three of them but didn’t like them. http://forum.catholic.org/images/smilies/icon_arrrgh.gif

After a year in Cambridge he went to Gottingen, Germany where the theoretical physicists were making a revolution in science. On a side trip to Italy he lost his virginity. In Gottingen he got to know all the scientific geniuses of the day: Niels Bohr, Max Planck and all the others. They were developing the new science of quantum mechanics. Oppie was a genius at this. He published a bewildering array of scientific papers in quantum mechanics in just a few months. At last, he’d found what his purpose was.

Back in the U.S. he became professor of theoretical physics at Berkeley. Now he was popular with the girls. Women loved him. He couldn’t keep them away. He was very witty and popular. People invited him to their homes and he invited them. His doubts and depression of the earlier years were forgotten.

He married.

When World War II broke out the United States started the Manhattan Project, a secret research program to develop the atomic bomb before the Germans did. Everybody knew there was only one man who could lead this project, one man with the charm, skills, and leadership to get a large group of independently minded scientists to work together as a team: J. Robert Oppenheimer, “Oppie”.
After the War he became director of the Princeton Institute of Advanced Studies and was Albert Einstein’s boss. This was a successful man.

Why was he so awkward as a teenager and young adult? It was not his time. He hadn’t found himself. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He didn’t luck out and find a “soul mate”. He wasn’t ready to get socially settled. His destiny was in greater things.

By age thirty his early problems were ancient history. He got over them and left them behind.
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As Paul Harvey would say…Now you know, the REST of the story! 😃

Good day
 
I know a guy that never went on a date until he was 26. He dated only one woman. They dated for two years, then they married. He and his wife have been married for almost 21 years now.

(That guy is my husband.)
 
I strongly think you DO have a calling to the priesthood. If you dont feel like dating and marriage is for you, that is totally cool. Don’t let your peers make you feel any less of yourself because of it.

Saint Damien never dated either. Ever. And he became the greatest missionary priest in the world. I think if you want to bad enough, you will be a great priest too.

You are young yet…you will know soon enough what you are meant to do with your life. Take your time, don’t rush anything. I wish more than anything I had followed my own advice when I was in high school. 🙂
 
Don’t sweat it kid 😃

I never dated in highschool (not for a lack of trying 😊). I had a girlfriend in college and then when that was over I didn’t have a girlfriend for 2 years, then had one for a short time, then never really had a girlfriend for 5-6 years before I met my now wife of 6 years.
 
There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just that rare breed of man who is sensible enough to know what love is, and what true dating is, and that respecting women is foremost in this regard.

I hate, hate, hate the terms “wheeling” and “kill”, oh how I so dislike it when I hear other boys and men use these to refer to ladies. It is so malevolent and disrespectful. Whenever someone says that to you, you say to them “How would you feel if you heard someone say that to a man about your mother?” or “What if everyone treated you like the commodity that you treat other women like?”.

You’re fine, you’re okay. Maybe you are called to the priesthood, that’s not for us to decide but rather the Church. Prayers for you!

God Bless :signofcross::byzsoc:
 
It’s not time for that yet. Concentrate on your studies, your future, and becoming a rightious man. Lose the “friends” who encourage and expect you to engage in meaningless sex and refer to sexual exploits as “kills”. They have no respect for women or themselves.
 
Allegra said:
…Lose the “friends” who encourage and expect you to engage in meaningless sex and refer to sexual exploits as “kills”. They have no respect for women or themselves.
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They could certainly use some peer pressure in the other direction, at any rate, someone who is willing to note that while even stray dogs and cats are capable of “getting around”, self-control takes an adult human being.
 
mymamamary said:
I mean I dont want to be married. I feel a possible vocation to Priesthood. However, I’v enever had a girlfriend to actual “try the call” and see if this is what I’m actually called to do. I want to be a Priest and I dont really want a date, and Im not really attracted. Can a Catholic be an asexual? Because, dating wise, Im not really attracted to either of them, I’m fine on my own kind of thing.

I feel a vocation to Priesthood, maybe thats why I dont feel an attraction for dating? :confused:
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Asexuality really has nothing to do with your religion. Some people are just asexual. For whatever reason they have no wanting for a sexual relationship or have no sex drive. I have never been a fan of dating while trying to discern priesthood. You usually end up getting emotionally attached, leading someone on, stringing them along with them not sure if it will go anywhere or even can go anywhere. You might not feel an attraction to dating due to your feeling called to the Priesthood.
 
mymamamary said:
Dear Forum

I’m in grade 12, in High School, and I do not have a girl-friend. I did not have one for the past 3 years either. Im still a bachelor and I dont know why. Its odd, I like girls, like any other guy, but not to date :confused::confused: . I was also asked (its a public high school), for the past few days in sarcastic tones “You wheeling any girls recently” “are you saving yourself for marriage” or the more graphic ones “Any kills yet?” etc. I said nope. Thats the weird thing though, I feel like a “queer” for saying these things. I’m not attracted to dating girls and marriage? whats wrong with me? I enjoy being a virgin and proud of that pure white robe that I try to mantain via Confession. Like friends will ask me about getting married and having kids, But I’m not excited in the least. I feel weird, can someone explain to me??

Anyone else like this??
Click to expand...
I didn’t date in high school. The only thing I really did with any girls was take one to the junior prom and senior ball (the G-rated versions). I was a virgin all through high school (still am). Even though I didn’t have the strongest religious upbringing (wasn’t Catholic, didn’t really go to church until late in my senior year), I liked girls, loved hanging out with them, and was attracted to quite a few of them. While many of my friends were out partying and drinking, I was doing other stuff because the whole party/drunk/sex environment made me uneasy. I didn’t like the idea of possibly getting thrown in jail, in a car accident, not knowing where I was when I woke up, and wondering if I caught some STD. The whole party-thing just seemed ridiculous to me. Even though my household wasn’t very christian (barely even CEOs), I just couldn’t bring myself to have premarital sex. The idea of it felt wrong, and I never understood why all the guys I hung out with were always talking about having sex with someone. At first I was a little ashamed that I was still a virgin, but has time went by, I became much more proud.

Some people have made fun, but I’m very proud that I didn’t date in high school, didn’t have sex, didn’t get drunk, didn’t do drugs, didn’t get arrested. Some people have said “so what DID you do?” I say “I had a great time hanging out with friends, having a job, playing sports, coaching a kids basketball team, not being on a first name basis with the police or principle, graduated with a decent gpa, all the while I was sober, in control of myself, and was never worried about some girl’s pregnancy test or an STD test.” I had a great time!
 
dje101 said:
I didn’t date in high school. The only thing I really did with any girls was take one to the junior prom and senior ball (the G-rated versions). I was a virgin all through high school (still am). Even though I didn’t have the strongest religious upbringing (wasn’t Catholic, didn’t really go to church until late in my senior year), I liked girls, loved hanging out with them, and was attracted to quite a few of them. While many of my friends were out partying and drinking, I was doing other stuff because the whole party/drunk/sex environment made me uneasy. I didn’t like the idea of possibly getting thrown in jail, in a car accident, not knowing where I was when I woke up, and wondering if I caught some STD. The whole party-thing just seemed ridiculous to me. Even though my household wasn’t very christian (barely even CEOs), I just couldn’t bring myself to have premarital sex. The idea of it felt wrong, and I never understood why all the guys I hung out with were always talking about having sex with someone. At first I was a little ashamed that I was still a virgin, but has time went by, I became much more proud.

Some people have made fun, but I’m very proud that I didn’t date in high school, didn’t have sex, didn’t get drunk, didn’t do drugs, didn’t get arrested. Some people have said “so what DID you do?” I say “I had a great time hanging out with friends, having a job, playing sports, coaching a kids basketball team, not being on a first name basis with the police or principle, graduated with a decent gpa, all the while I was sober, in control of myself, and was never worried about some girl’s pregnancy test or an STD test.” I had a great time!
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Awesome post! 👍👍👍
 
So am I, I am proud that I am a virgin, and I want to keep being one, for the sake of the Kingdom of HEAVEN. I want to pursue Our LORD more deeply. After praying A LOT about it, and asking Our LORD about it, I feel confident to pursue Holy Priesthood. Church is the only place I actually feel “happy”. My Faith is the only thing that gives me lasting “Joy”, the only thing that even in the midst of a tough day at school,that gives me the strength smile at folks, say hi, and just be there for them, as a Son of the KING.

I want others to know CHRIST through me. Its why I’m starting to teach catechesis, because I found the Pearl of great Price, and I want everyone to have that with me as well! I want the children to know, that even in the midst of this hellish world, there is still a place where Peace and harmony thrive. Inside the Catholic Church!
 
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