Never had a boyfriend

[bilop]

My wife never had a real boyfriend until we me.

She was 28.

Don’t sweat it at all

God Bless

 

[DontStpBelievin]

Aw, Renewed, thank you very much for sharing those things with me. That was really kind of you. I’ll be praying for you.

I’m almost in tears reading some of these responses, as silly as that may sound. I know God has a very special man in mind for me (well, at least I hope! lol) but I guess it’s just hard for me to remember that. Especially when I walk around campus (and just around, in general) and it seems like everyone has a boyfriend/girlfriend and I’m just by myself. Right now, I try to put on a happy face around my family and friends, and definitely try to focus a lot on school and God, but there’s always that underlying sadness/loneliness. I guess the only thing I can do is to keep doing that (focusing on God, school, etc.), and trying to reach out to people in general, not necessarily as potential boyfriends/husbands, but as human beings and possible friends.

Thank you all for your responses! They have all been very genuine and helpful. I really appreciate it! God Bless you all!

 

[hasikelee]

Don’t worry about dating or getting a boyfriend.

Have you considered the impact your social behaviour is having on your life…

Not being able to comfortably talk to others, to meet others or interact with others, puts quite a stunt on things. How do you expect to succeed in a job interview? Have a satisfying job? Interact with employees? Be a team player?

What about your parish? Do you ever talk to fellow parishioners? How are going to be active in an organization or charity without networking and building relationships?

At least at college, I have to agree with you there. IMO, I’m better off not talking to anyone there, and the professors as little as possible.

Also, have you thought about the way your behavior puts you at risk? Wait until a really nice, patient guy steals your heart, but all along chose you because you are shy and alienated, the perfect and classic choice for a predator.

I would advise not to date until you feel confident in strange/new situations and until you have a strong network of support.

 

[DontStpBelievin]

Don’t worry about dating or getting a boyfriend.

Have you considered the impact your social behaviour is having on your life…

Not being able to comfortably talk to others, to meet others or interact with others, puts quite a stunt on things. How do you expect to succeed in a job interview? Have a satisfying job? Interact with employees? Be a team player?

What about your parish? Do you ever talk to fellow parishioners? How are going to be active in an organization or charity without networking and building relationships?

At least at college, I have to agree with you there. IMO, I’m better off not talking to anyone there, and the professors as little as possible.

Also, have you thought about the way your behavior puts you at risk? Wait until a really nice, patient guy steals your heart, but all along chose you because you are shy and alienated, the perfect and classic choice for a predator.

I would advise not to date until you feel confident in strange/new situations and until you have a strong network of support.

I’m not completely alienated. I have friends, I’ve gone on job interviews, I talk to people at church. Just because I’m shy doesn’t mean that I have no life. I guess I just feel slightly offended that you replied in such a presumptuous manner, insinuating that I’m completely socially inept. :ehh:

 

[hasikelee]

I’m not completely alienated. I have friends, I’ve gone on job interviews, I talk to people at church. Just because I’m shy doesn’t mean that I have no life. I guess I just feel slightly offended that you replied in such a presumptuous manner, insinuating that I’m completely socially inept. :ehh:

So now you’re saying that you can successfully interact with a stranger and build a relationship.

But your original post says you’re too shy.

Is there a disconnect here?

I’m a pretty shy girl and I have trouble meeting new people. I go to college, but I don’t know how to strike up conversations with guys I might be interested in. I’m also really self-conscious and get pretty nervous when I try talking to people I don’t really know, for fear of saying something stupid. I guess I’m asking for some advice as to where I can try to meet new people, and more importantly, how to strike up a conversation with someone without seeming awkward.

I’m not trying to be presumptuous of you. I’m responding to your original post. If you feel you’re too shy to meet someone, why then are you saying you are fine w/ friends, job interviews, etc? Is the issue not one of shyness, but of something else (e.g. sexual issue, past bad experience)?

I still feel some worry for you, having spent my fair share of time around immoral, plain jerks at college/work. Guys practically salivate when they spot someone who acts as you described.

 

[Belgarion]

Aw, Renewed, thank you very much for sharing those things with me. That was really kind of you. I’ll be praying for you.

I’m almost in tears reading some of these responses, as silly as that may sound. I know God has a very special man in mind for me (well, at least I hope! lol) but I guess it’s just hard for me to remember that. Especially when I walk around campus (and just around, in general) and it seems like everyone has a boyfriend/girlfriend and I’m just by myself. Right now, I try to put on a happy face around my family and friends, and definitely try to focus a lot on school and God, but there’s always that underlying sadness/loneliness. I guess the only thing I can do is to keep doing that (focusing on God, school, etc.), and trying to reach out to people in general, not necessarily as potential boyfriends/husbands, but as human beings and possible friends.

Thank you all for your responses! They have all been very genuine and helpful. I really appreciate it! God Bless you all!

Let me start by saying I know exactly what your feeling.
Switch everything you said to a guy’s perspective and you’ve got how I feel!

It doesn’t really help to have everyone tell you “Don’t worry about it” Or “You’ve got plenty of time”
In fact it just makes it worse because “Now” is the problem.

Unfortunately, not even I have found the answer to this problem. Considering the fact I’m still having the problem! lol

I can only say that prayer helps.
Sometimes…
But try your best to avoid negative moments.
Pray for God’s guidance and try your best to please Him. Go to Mass, go to confession often and try to say the rosary every day.
Do whatever you can.
He’ll bring you the guy you are waiting for.

 

[Caesar517]

I’m pretty new here, so I don’t know if this is in the right forum. Anyway, I have a dating question. I’m 19 years-old and I’ve never had a boyfriend, let alone gone on a date. I feel rather embarrassed about this, since it seems most people my age are pretty experienced when it comes to dating. The thing is, I’m a pretty shy girl and I have trouble meeting new people. I go to college, but I don’t know how to strike up conversations with guys I might be interested in. I’m also really self-conscious and get pretty nervous when I try talking to people I don’t really know, for fear of saying something stupid. I guess I’m asking for some advice as to where I can try to meet new people, and more importantly, how to strike up a conversation with someone without seeming awkward. I’m just afraid I’ll never find someone . Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Don’t feel embarassed about never having gone on a date. I’m a 19 year old guy who is in the exact same situation. I figure I’ll find someone who shares my interests once I get into the more advanced computer engineering classes. Finding someone Catholic may be the real challenge for me.

 

[mizznicole]

Hi there!

My first piece of advice is not to worry about dating at all. Instead, do everything you can to improve YOURSELF. That means nurturing your talents, present friendships, and of course your spiritual life. Working on friendships, male and female, is a great foundation for having a dating relationship.

My first thought when I was reading your message was Thank God! So many people by your age have already damaged their souls through unholy, casual dating. I really frown on dating before you are able to marry. Someone once described it as serial heartbreak. It doesn’t prepare you for marriage, but divorce. I speak as someone who made HORRIBLE mistakes with men through my teens and twenties. I felt like if I wasn’t dating someone I was a social reject. I was very self-conscious and afraid of being alone. It was a long, hard, tear-stained road to get to where I could be in a positive relationship with a man, and that man is my beautiful husband. We married at 28/29.

Like someone else said, “experience” isn’t really important. Virtue and character is VITAL. Enjoy your time as a young single person. I know that’s easier said than done. But pursuing who YOU are, finding out your strengths, being with Jesus–these things will last you forever.

It was when I really surrendered everything to Jesus that he brought my husband into my life. Mother Theresa said something similar about simply following Jesus wherever he went–just loving him led her to India. I know it’s so hard when the culture and you feel like you need validation by having dates and boyfriends. But you can really make your life something beautiful no matter what stage of life you are at.

God bless you!

 

[BamaRider]

I’m thinking some of the ladies here need to PM this young lass and give her some tips on how to* flirt.*, which is a fine art in itself.

I’m sure she has contact with lots of young men (c’mon she’s in college* yeeeha!*) Sometimes we Catholics take things soooooo seriously. I’ve been married a long time, but I knew when I was being flirted with! Hehehehehe!

 

[rpp]

Don’t worry about being shy. As I grow older, I am becomming more and more shy and more and more socially inept.

(Funny, I always thought it was supposed to be the other way around. Oh well.)

I do not see being shy as being a problem. It probably makes you a bit more thoughtful. Just be comfortable with yourself, yet be willing to look objectively at yourself, not overly critical and not overlooking faults, and try to fix your own weaknesses.

Now if only I could follow my own suggestion…

 

[DontStpBelievin]

So now you’re saying that you can successfully interact with a stranger and build a relationship.

But your original post says you’re too shy.

Is there a disconnect here?

I’m not trying to be presumptuous of you. I’m responding to your original post. If you feel you’re too shy to meet someone, why then are you saying you are fine w/ friends, job interviews, etc? Is the issue not one of shyness, but of something else (e.g. sexual issue, past bad experience)?

I still feel some worry for you, having spent my fair share of time around immoral, plain jerks at college/work. Guys practically salivate when they spot someone who acts as you described.

I never said that I *couldn’t * meet people, have friends, and go on job interviews, etc., I just said that it’s difficult because my shyness makes it hard. Just to further clarify myself, I have friends (although few real ones), I’ve been on job interviews, I am able to talk to people. It’s just hard. And actually, the issue is mostly shyness and self-consciousness. I was made fun of a lot in elementary school & middle school for no apparent reason (other than the fact that the kids were all stupid and immature, and I was quiet and Catholic and reserved, and they were all wild and the total opposite of myself), so I assume that’s when I first started getting self-conscious.

 

[AlexaD]

I’m pretty shy too in new situations. I’m a quiet person by nature, but when I am with friends that I am really comfortable with, I can open up quite a bit. My advice would be to check out some groups around campus, things that can get you more involved with the Church and/or community service groups. You’ll meet more people and feel better about yourself that you’re making an effort. You may be uncomfortable at first but that’s natural and don’t try to change yourself. The right guy will come. You may feel like you are the only one without a guy right now, but that’s not true, as people on this forum have said. Focus on school and focus on meeting new people…the rest will come in God’s time. Good luck, God Bless.

 

[sydney28]

Everyone has offered some good advice…but I’ll just add my two cents

When I was 19 I had never dated…never had a boyfriend all through high school and really didn’t date until my second year of college. I was desperate to find a boyfriend, and as a result I settled for dating some guys who were NOT good for me, and I made some decisions that I would give ANYTHING to take back.

Bottom line - don’t rush into dating and definitely don’t waste your time dating guys who don’t share your values 100%.

That being said…I agree with the suggestions to try out Ave Maria singles or Catholic Match. Get involved with Young Adult groups at church or Newman clubs at college. Surround yourself with Catholic friends, and just focus on nurturing these friendships. The more Catholic friends you make, the more likely that someone will realize what a great catch you are and suggest that you meet their “brother/cousin/friend/etc…”

 

[GraceDK]

I’m pretty new here, so I don’t know if this is in the right forum. Anyway, I have a dating question. I’m 19 years-old and I’ve never had a boyfriend, let alone gone on a date. I feel rather embarrassed about this, since it seems most people my age are pretty experienced when it comes to dating. The thing is, I’m a pretty shy girl and I have trouble meeting new people. I go to college, but I don’t know how to strike up conversations with guys I might be interested in. I’m also really self-conscious and get pretty nervous when I try talking to people I don’t really know, for fear of saying something stupid. I guess I’m asking for some advice as to where I can try to meet new people, and more importantly, how to strike up a conversation with someone without seeming awkward. I’m just afraid I’ll never find someone . Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Dear DSB.
Don’t be afraid. You are young and normal. Many young people are shy and it often puts them in a vicious circle in the role of “the quiet girl”. Breaking free of that is difficult. But we all know that no one per definition is quiet. Many simply dont fare well with superficial conversation and they end up sitting quiet in a corner … but it does not change their quality as persons or that they can talk for hours when they are comfortable or when they forget themseles in a topic of great interest… they may be deep thinkers who will do very well with other deep thinkers.

Sometimes you need a bit of social experience in order to step out of your shyness and get the confidence you need. Have you experienced something bad in the past like kids teasing you? How is your relationship with other young women? Do you have friends and do you only become shy around guys?

I know of the fear of not wanting to make a fool of oneself… this is mostly felt in situations where one doesnt feel at home or safe and often has to do with some kind of bad experience in the past.

Maybe you should try to get into some kind of Christian group on campus… there you may be swept into a social life where you have much in common with people and have something to talk about… its a safe environment where people are helped to open up… that is my experience at least.
Or… when you are in class you can talk to the others about your common area which is the subject you have, the teacher, something you found difficult or interesting during studying etc.
Only few of us are gifted in striking up conversations with total strangers.

I think also that the more friends you have among your own gender the more you will have the opportunity to meet men and get some skills and confidence when you interact.
When I was a teenager I felt rather estranged from everything and everyone in the culture. I was shy because I was afraid something was wrong with me. When I became a Christian I had confidence and found myself at home… and people respect me because I dare to be who I am.
I look for people that have the same world view and then I ask them questions pertaining to what I already know about them… however, there has to be an interest to actually know… I dont just ask to socialise.
this is also what I think: you are 19. You are probably not ready to marry… you might be saving a lot of trouble by not being experienced with dating. You only need the one.****
I too have little experience but I am happy with that very much…

Try to work with the underlying problem: what and how you think about your self and where that started.

 

[dconklin]

Take your time. Early on (my teens) I was very shy and beginning to worry about dating. My mom told me God has someone or something (religious life) for everyone. It all worked out.

You should actually consider yourself lucky. I did not have a serious relationship until I was out of undergrad school. I did date, but nothing close to serious. I was able to but my studies (and intramural sports) first - oh, and God too.

Live your life. SO many people get serious too soon and fail to be themselves - before they have figured who they really are. Many ‘early’ relationships fail because maturation had not compleeted.

I actually met my wife on the first day of some temp work not long after finishing my grad work. No bells went off, but God put us together enough times for the bond to be created. We dated for a couple of years and 13 years ago next Tuesday we got married.

 

[Nickkname]

I’m pretty new here, so I don’t know if this is in the right forum. Anyway, I have a dating question. I’m 19 years-old and I’ve never had a boyfriend, let alone gone on a date. I feel rather embarrassed about this, since it seems most people my age are pretty experienced when it comes to dating. The thing is, I’m a pretty shy girl and I have trouble meeting new people. I go to college, but I don’t know how to strike up conversations with guys I might be interested in. I’m also really self-conscious and get pretty nervous when I try talking to people I don’t really know, for fear of saying something stupid. I guess I’m asking for some advice as to where I can try to meet new people, and more importantly, how to strike up a conversation with someone without seeming awkward. I’m just afraid I’ll never find someone . Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Speaking as a shy guy, I know the dilemma you’re in. But fear not!

Firstly, entrust yourself to Joseph and Mary, that they may pray for you. Ask Mary, the Queen of Families, to show you the way, and ask her spouse Joseph to protect you from harm and evil.

Secondly, a good place to meet guys is at Church events: a fish fry, charity, even school and traveling abroad. This will increase your chances of meeting Mr. Right, and decrease your chances of meeting Mr. Right Now.

Thirdly, speak up, even if you’re afraid. You don’t have to start a conversation - you could be a part of a conversation. Just go with the flow, and if you stutter or stumble with words, don’t worry about it - we ALL make mistakes.

Fourthly, don’t worry about how other people already got dates or mates. Your time will come, Godwilling. Accept whatever God lets happen to you and accept whatever he keeps away from you. The Father knows your needs even before you pray, and he knows what is best for you. Trust in him completely!

Fifthly, when it comes to chatting it up, get to know a few guys. Find out what their interests are, views on religon and marriage, etc. Watch out for warning flags too: polyamorous guys, guys who drink a lot, guys who smoke or use drugs, guys who play way too many video games, and guys who are living in sin. You don’t want these guys - they’ll only give you trouble later on in life.

Sixthly, don’t be afraid to open up. Be honest. Share your interests and views with the guys, just as you expect them to do the same. Honesty is always good, and a relationship built on trust and truth is a strong relationship indeed.

Seventhly, when you hook up with a guy, do God’s will together. Go to Mass together, pray together, help the poor together, etc. Don’t do this as if you’re on a date, but do it as if you’re already a couple - it will help you figure out what your relationship with the guy will be like after marriage. Remember: Guys don’t suddenly change into Prince Charming after matrimony.

Lastly, let God take care of everything. Throw all your cares and worries on him, trust in him, and whatever comes your way, accept it. I know I said this already, but it bears repeating. A relationship without God is a relationship without love and truth!

 

[Bataar]

Does anyone here but me simply not enjoy conversing? It seems there are so many people who talk just for the sake of talking that it drives me nuts. When I want to, I can converse with the best of them and employ great social skills. However, I don’t enjoy it when I’m doing it for the sake of doing it. Granted, if the topic of conversation is something that I’m really interested in and I feel I have adequate information to provide or want to request additional information, I have no problem with that, but that’s about as far as I want to go.

I hate making small talk in social situations and find it stupid to ask meaningless questions. At a wedding last year, a friend of mine was trying to encourage me to start a conversation with a woman he was trying to set me up with. We were kind of standing off listening to her and some other women chatting about something that didn’t interest me so I didn’t pay attention. He suggested I go up to her and ask who she knew, the bride or the groom. Seems pretty straight forward, but the way my mind/personality works made that seem like a stupid idea. Why? Because I didn’t care about the answer. I’m not shy and I’m self confidant, but in my mind, if the answer is meaningless, I don’t see the point in asking the question.

Needless to say, I don’t date

 

[Sam_777]

this is also what I think: you are 19. You are probably not ready to marry… you might be saving a lot of trouble by not being experienced with dating. You only need the one.****

 

[Flopfoot]

There is a ‘one’ now? (Never mind. I don’t like the phrase though).

Hmm, is the OP still free? I’m 22 and never had a girlfriend. Perhaps we would be a good match.

(Yep it’s a lot easier to flirt over the internet and from a different country. Sorry I don’t have any constructive advice)

 

[jman507]

I never said that I *couldn’t *meet people, have friends, and go on job interviews, etc., I just said that it’s difficult because my shyness makes it hard. Just to further clarify myself, I have friends (although few real ones), I’ve been on job interviews, I am able to talk to people. It’s just hard. And actually, the issue is mostly shyness and self-consciousness. I was made fun of a lot in elementary school & middle school for no apparent reason (other than the fact that the kids were all stupid and immature, and I was quiet and Catholic and reserved, and they were all wild and the total opposite of myself), so I assume that’s when I first started getting self-conscious.

I guess part of the problem is your more introverted and a bit unsure of yourself with regrade to social standing with others. I take from what you said about how you were treated in elementary school, that there were a lot of stupid and immature people, and that you may have also misjudged some people – be it directly or indirectly. Also when you feel self-conscious what can happen is that when you have others interacting with you they start to feel that way too.

That can really hurt your ability to make strong, and not just superficial relationships. Chances are you really do place a large value on deep relationships rather than lots of superficial ones. Maybe I’m wrong.

Use your Catholicism as a rock, and not as something that alienates you from others. That’s what it is there for. Don’t look at it is a sour thing that keeps you from fun, chances are you miss the regret of sin of those who choose not to call a sin a sin.

I’d say you might just really have to try to take the focus off of how you feel. Everyone else has those anxieties too about opening up, what differs is the ability to quiet them down. Don’t worry about a boyfriend, just look for good friend – chances are you’ll stumble upon the good boyfriend that way. If you open yourself up, and someone isn’t reticent, just wish them peace and move on. Usually popular people will be rejected just like the unpopular, the popular just doesn’t worry about it and moves on to the next person.

Maybe that helps, maybe it doesn’t, and maybe it’s just way off-base.