Never had a boyfriend

[armyross]

I am also 19, and I’ve never had a girlfriend! I’ve never been out on a date in my life!
Really, all you can do is be confident in yourself, and in God.
Confidence is attractive. Guy will be drawn to that.
Besides, sometimes saying something stupid is good.

If I like a girl, it’ll just seem cute when she says something stupid on accident. I say stupid things all the time!
In fact, I look at my nerdy-ness as a “girl-filter”!
If a girl is worth my time, she’ll look past my geekiness.

Don’t worry, it’ll work out according to God’s plan one way or the other.

I agree. Just be yourself. You sound like you have alot going for you. someone else said date a Catholic. I could not agree more this will already give the two of you somthing in commmon. Maybe going to Mass together or somthing. Keep your chin up I know alot of people that was 19 and was in the same boat that your in. God Bless

 

[Belgarion]

There is a ‘one’ now? (Never mind. I don’t like the phrase though).

Hmm, is the OP still free? I’m 22 and never had a girlfriend. Perhaps we would be a good match.

(Yep it’s a lot easier to flirt over the internet and from a different country. Sorry I don’t have any constructive advice)

I would have done the same thing…except I’ve already got someone special in mind…

armyross:

I agree. Just be yourself. You sound like you have alot going for you. someone else said date a Catholic. I could not agree more this will already give the two of you somthing in commmon. Maybe going to Mass together or somthing. Keep your chin up I know alot of people that was 19 and was in the same boat that your in. God Bless

Wow…apparently her situation (and my own) is quite common…
But yes, dating another Catholic would be the best thing. Finding guys at your parish is probably your best bet. Colleges may often have less ideal guys than a single parish has!

 

[chevalier]

I never said that I *couldn’t *meet people, have friends, and go on job interviews, etc., I just said that it’s difficult because my shyness makes it hard. Just to further clarify myself, I have friends (although few real ones), I’ve been on job interviews, I am able to talk to people. It’s just hard. And actually, the issue is mostly shyness and self-consciousness. I was made fun of a lot in elementary school & middle school for no apparent reason (other than the fact that the kids were all stupid and immature, and I was quiet and Catholic and reserved, and they were all wild and the total opposite of myself), so I assume that’s when I first started getting self-conscious.

You just need a bit more confidence - if at all. Trying makes it better. Alternatively, you could try reading a bit on communication and try to understand people’s reactions better.

 

[chevalier]

I agree. Just be yourself. You sound like you have alot going for you. someone else said date a Catholic. I could not agree more this will already give the two of you somthing in commmon. Maybe going to Mass together or somthing. Keep your chin up I know alot of people that was 19 and was in the same boat that your in. God Bless

Agreed. I would also add: don’t date just to learn how to do it. If you can simply meet up with people and practise interacting, that’s fine. But getting romantic with strangers for the sake of training is never a good idea.

 

[kevinsgirl]

Don’t sweat it…I didn’t have my first date until I was 19 and ended up getting married (to a different guy) at 22.

I met my husband on Ave Maria Singles because I was having some of the same problems you are. In college I was pretty shy for the first couple of years as I’d been homeschooled and really wasn’t used to being around so many people my own age all th time. But I learned like some of the PP’s mentioned that it isn’t too hard to be outgoing. By the time I graduated, I had a lot of friends. I didn’t end up marrying someone at school, but the combination of working on being a friendlier, more outgoing person, along with joining a really good Catholic singles site helped me find the man of my dreams.

I hope you find your sweetheart soon too!

 

[DontStpBelievin]

Thanks for the advice, everyone

And Flopfoot, yes, I’m still single. It’s been less than a week since I started this thread, and unfortunately I haven’t met anyone yet, haha.

 

[Salonika]

Does anyone here but me simply not enjoy conversing? It seems there are so many people who talk just for the sake of talking that it drives me nuts. When I want to, I can converse with the best of them and employ great social skills. However, I don’t enjoy it when I’m doing it for the sake of doing it. Granted, if the topic of conversation is something that I’m really interested in and I feel I have adequate information to provide or want to request additional information, I have no problem with that, but that’s about as far as I want to go.

Bataar I can relate to this. To have a great conversation I need to be interested in the topic, interested in what the person is saying and how they are saying it (an open not a closed mind), have reasonable knowledge about the subject (or none so I don’t make faux pas) and the conversation has to be two way (I get frustrated when I have to push in to get a word in).

Don’t like group conversations because I find it difficult to butt in and as a result I’m sure after a while I can come over as being disinterested and maybe aloof.

QUOTE} I hate making small talk in social situations … if the answer is meaningless, I don’t see the point in asking the question.

That’s why I avoid certain social situations or only go for the minimum acceptable time.

I do enjoy going out for lunch or dinner with a compatible friend or two (maximum three).

 

[Salonika]

Does anyone here but me simply not enjoy conversing? It seems there are so many people who talk just for the sake of talking that it drives me nuts. When I want to, I can converse with the best of them and employ great social skills. However, I don’t enjoy it when I’m doing it for the sake of doing it. Granted, if the topic of conversation is something that I’m really interested in and I feel I have adequate information to provide or want to request additional information, I have no problem with that, but that’s about as far as I want to go.

Bataar I can relate to this. To have a great conversation I need to be interested in the topic, interested in what the person is saying and how they are saying it (an open not a closed mind), have reasonable knowledge about the subject (or none so I don’t make faux pas) and the conversation has to be two way (I get frustrated when I have to push in to get a word in).

Don’t like group conversations because I find it difficult to butt in and as a result I’m sure after a while I can come over as being disinterested and maybe aloof.

QUOTE} I hate making small talk in social situations … if the answer is meaningless, I don’t see the point in asking the question.

That’s why I avoid certain social situations or only go for the minimum acceptable time.

I do enjoy going out for lunch or dinner with a compatible friend or two (maximum three).

 

[Bataar]

Bataar;3782956:

Does anyone here but me simply not enjoy conversing? It seems there are so many people who talk just for the sake of talking that it drives me nuts. When I want to, I can converse with the best of them and employ great social skills. However, I don’t enjoy it when I’m doing it for the sake of doing it. Granted, if the topic of conversation is something that I’m really interested in and I feel I have adequate information to provide or want to request additional information, I have no problem with that, but that’s about as far as I want to go.

Bataar I can relate to this. To have a great conversation I need to be interested in the topic, interested in what the person is saying and how they are saying it (an open not a closed mind), have reasonable knowledge about the subject (or none so I don’t make faux pas) and the conversation has to be two way (I get frustrated when I have to push in to get a word in).

Don’t like group conversations because I find it difficult to butt in and as a result I’m sure after a while I can come over as being disinterested and maybe aloof.

That’s how I am too. I have a couple of close friends, but that’s it. I don’t see how some people can manage large groups of friends. And those I do have, I don’t really talk to, we just do stuff together. I would almost feel sorry for a woman who was dating me because she’d probably be bored to tears most of the time.

 

[Flopfoot]

To the OP
(Your private message box is full, so I can’t send you a reply till you delete a few private messages… it counts the ones you send as well as the ones you receive… you must be popular on these forums at least? Just lettin’ you know anyway so you don’t think I’m ignoring you)

 

[beckers]

Salonika;3790759:

That’s how I am too. I have a couple of close friends, but that’s it. I don’t see how some people can manage large groups of friends. And those I do have, I don’t really talk to, we just do stuff together. I would almost feel sorry for a woman who was dating me because she’d probably be bored to tears most of the time.

Let me tell you having lots of friends is sometimes a problem. You feel like your being pulled in different directions all the time because your like “I haven’t seen_____ in a while and i don’t want them to think i don’t like them…” Right now i hhave a close group of friends i hang out with and talk with ever week and everyone else i just invite to my young adult events that i plan or catch up with people by email. Thats why i like facebook. It allows me to know what is going on in peoples lives without having to spend huge time and money (have you seen gas prices !) getting around houston to see people.

 

[Joe_5859]

I haven’t read all the posts beyond the OP, but figured I didn’t need to to offer my own experiences.

I am a guy, and am now married, but I didn’t have my first date (or first girlfriend) until I was almost 21. Even though I spent all of high school and most of college longing for “the one”, in retrospect, I am extremely glad that I was so clueless with women as to not have dated until that time. If I had dated any sooner, I would have been in a lot of trouble. So I now can see that it was a great blessing that God gave to me, even though, at the time, it was extremely frustrating.

I will let you in on the secret to success that took me years to figure out (and I offer it to you completely free of charge ): Stop looking for it!

When I approached every girl I came across with the thought in the back of my mind “What if she’s ‘the one’?”, it made it really difficult for me to be comfortable around the opposite sex or to build friendships. As soon as I let go of my obsession, and put it into God’s hand, I found it much easier to make friends with women. Of course, it’s not that I completely stopped thinking about meeting “the one”, but through the grace of God, I was able to curb it enough to carry on a conversation with a woman without the ulterior motive of finding out if she was “the one”.

Getting involved with the Newman Center at my college was also key. I found a great community of like-minded Catholics and made many friends, both guys and girls. One of those friendships eventually became something more (after 4 years and 3 other girlfriends) and led to marriage.

It’s not always a fast process (though for some people it is). I know for me, God taught me a lot about patience by forcing me to go slowly through the process. When I was 19, the idea of waiting for more than a year to find “the one” was an agonizing thought. But looking back, it really wasn’t so bad. Even though I wanted to be married ASAP, the truth is, I wasn’t ready back then. God lets things happen in their own time, and it can be different for different people. The important thing is to be open to what He wants to teach you through it all, and to surrender to His plan for your life. God will take care of you far better than any boyfriend (or even husband) ever can. Don’t forget that.

You’re in my prayers!

 

[Joe_5859]

Aw, Renewed, thank you very much for sharing those things with me. That was really kind of you. I’ll be praying for you.

I’m almost in tears reading some of these responses, as silly as that may sound. I know God has a very special man in mind for me (well, at least I hope! lol) but I guess it’s just hard for me to remember that. Especially when I walk around campus (and just around, in general) and it seems like everyone has a boyfriend/girlfriend and I’m just by myself. Right now, I try to put on a happy face around my family and friends, and definitely try to focus a lot on school and God, but there’s always that underlying sadness/loneliness. I guess the only thing I can do is to keep doing that (focusing on God, school, etc.), and trying to reach out to people in general, not necessarily as potential boyfriends/husbands, but as human beings and possible friends.

Thank you all for your responses! They have all been very genuine and helpful. I really appreciate it! God Bless you all!

Okay, I went and read through more of the OP’s other posts. I really identify with everything you’ve been saying. When I was your age, I was exactly the same way. I was shy and had a difficult time talking with people (though, like you said, I wasn’t completely socially inept). I was constantly on the look out for that special someone that everyone else but me seemed to have in their life.

I can just let you know that, it does get better! Things won’t always be this way. For goodness sake, you’re still a teenager! I know that when I heard such advice, my thoughts were always “But you don’t understand! It’s so hard!” Yes it is, but you’ll come out stronger.

I think it’s important to use the time as a single person to really work on making yourself the best person you can be. It’s a great time to do missionary work (such as with groups like FOCUS). When you’re attached, such things become much more difficult.

Be sure to bookmark this thread! You can come back to it down the road when you do get married. I’m sure it will be a fun exercise to read through all the advice when your situation has changed!

 

[Joe_5859]

I will let you in on the secret to success that took me years to figure out (and I offer it to you completely free of charge ): Stop looking for it!

Okay, I know I’m being obnoxious and posting 3 times in a row (and now I’m even quoting my own post!), but I had a few more thoughts to flesh out the idea above.

Some things in life cannot be obtained when you seek after them directly. When you focus so much on that one thing, you’re often left frustrated as it constantly eludes your grasp. However, when you decide to not chase after it, and instead pursue other things, not only do you get those other things, but you get the original thing you were chasing in addition.

I believe that this applies with finding your future spouse. When you constantly look for it, you never find it. But when you focus more of your attention on other things (relationship with God, friendships, work in the Church, school, career), then you often find love when and where you least expect it. And once you get there, you’ll find you’re a much more mature and well-rounded person for your efforts.

Does that make sense? BTW, I’m not trying to accuse you of being immature or not well-rounded! Just making a point based on my own experience.