Never had romance stage of Marriage

[Edmundus1581]

your situation hits very close to home. Difference is I’ve lasted 22 years. Don’t know what that says - don’t construe it necessarily as me cheering you on to stick it out for better or for worse. It might mean I am in denial and a fool.

Thanks for posting. I don’t know whether I would have lasted twenty-two years or not. Fortunately my wife took the decision out of my hands by running off with another man.

A husband suffering verbal abuse is every bit as broken as a woman suffering physical abuse - yet society only acknowledges about the abused wives. Asking a man to stand up to a woman verbally is like asking a woman to stand up to a man physically. If she’s utterly ruthless then she will win every time, and he’s even worse off than he was before stood up to her.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Looking at the 4 stages of marriage (1) Romance, (2) Disillusionment, (3) Misery, and (4) Awakening, I believe my marriage skip of the romance stage.

Little about me\us…I have been marriage to my wife for just over 6 years and we have no children. We did not co-habitat and after our wedding was the first time we slept together… We have had a rocky road for a long time, and I always hoped things would turn around. We tried marriage encounter years ago and only lead to more problems, we have done both marriage counseling and individual counseling, and I have talked to many priest over a several years. Recently we attended Retrouvialle and although it is a wonderful program it has been causing me stress. (I do believe anyone thinking of divorce should attend Retrouville). My wife has been abusive toward me both emotional\physical and she has been diagnosed with a severe personality a little over a year ago. We have been also most living as bother and sister for the past 2 years and in different bedrooms for the past 10 months.

So now for question… I have asked for a divorce but my wife refuses. I do not think the romance stage of our marriage ever happened… If it did not can a marriage like this me saved?

You have a lot going on there buddy. I don’t know what the best advice to give is but I will say this. I am not familiar with the “4 stages” of marriage. It sounds like some sort of pyschobable to me. And one of the problems of pigeonholing something as complicated as marital love into “4 stages”. Now, it seems that you are fixating on not getting one of the “nice” stages.

Is this some sort of Retrouville temonology?

As for the rest of it, I have no idea what to say and I have no idea what your situation entails or what pain may be involved on all sides. Hers and yours. I will pray for you both.

 

[Emily2014]

A husband suffering verbal abuse is every bit as broken as a woman suffering physical abuse - yet society only acknowledges about the abused wives. Asking a man to stand up to a woman verbally is like asking a woman to stand up to a man physically. If she’s utterly ruthless then she will win every time, and he’s even worse off than he was before stood up to her.

My brother is in this situation. His life is horrendous but he refuses to leave her. My heart goes out to all those suffering in this way and my prayers are with the OP.

May Our Blessed Lord protect you and guide you in whatever action you feel able to take.

 

[Edmundus1581]

My brother is in this situation. His life is horrendous but he refuses to leave her. My heart goes out to all those suffering in this way and my prayers are with the OP.

May Our Blessed Lord protect you and guide you in whatever action you feel able to take.

Thankyou for the follow up. It is very hard for men to acknowledge this situation.

I will say a prayer for your brother, and his marriage and (?) family.