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poirot
Guest
33/female
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Luvz2travel
Guest
I’m resigned to it. My last few relationships convinced me I’ll only ever attract overly needy and abusive guys who wish to control or use someone. In that case it’s better to avoid the whole dating thing and accept that GOD intends for me to be single. I can’t say that’s it’s easy to accept but eventually when you think back over the alternative it’s much better. It’s still hard to see happy couples and not think it’s a shame that I can’t ever have that but the reality is what it is. Being a realist I must accept what I have no control over and let go of what I can’t have. Sounds sad but sometimes the truth is sad. We aren’t promised happiness in this life only the next.
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joshvanrad
Guest
I’ve watched far too many couples with codependency issues.
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Christmastwin
Guest
Sums it up for me. I enjoy my own company, too!I just stop and think about all the trouble that my married and ex-married friends have had to put up with and congratulate myself on my wisdom to not be married and a great big smile comes over my face…
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jesuspsr
Guest
I know exactly what you mean, I feel the same way. I’ll be 50 this November, and still single. Never married, no kids and I haven’t been in a relationship is sevral years.
Jesus g
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chevalier
Guest
I found more peace when, being a lawyer, I convinced myself that everybody had a right to his own preferences, a right to pursue happiness, that you couldn’t sue love out of anybody (or even have a valid claim) and that at any rate you should want the best for the other person (and the most happiness). And if people aren’t attracted or interested, then they have a right not to be.
There’s also a purpose in a single life. I generally make it a purpose to expose a woman to some things which are old-fashioned now, to show her how different it feels when one’s treated as a lady should be, after which I hope she should be less prone to accepting jerk treatment as normal. If she raises her standards of treatment she expects from men, then I’ve won a couple of battles in my own personal war. Besides, there’s something mildly amusing in dying in a war you’re winning. I once lost large litigation after seeing many people through it successfully with similar facts and using tracts of arguments I had written. I chuckle at the thought right now.
Besides, being an uncle can be very fulfilling.
Your life does not need to be subjectively fulfilling to you in order to please God. Especially not in serotonin-level-like terms, as if you can’t please God if you don’t drive your own subjective satisfaction to a certain level. Nope.
Gotta cope. Sometimes have quality time with myself. I can and will go to a café for a cup or to a pub for a beer alone after a long day of work or in the middle of it, during a break. Missing a gentler companionship can be painful but then pain is manageable. Even if your entire face is in pain from muscular tension, you can still work; in fact, you can even smile. Just do.
Also, if you have a really bad day, you can still come up with a way to make someone else’s day at least a little better. Help someone, tip a waiter, phone a person you haven’t talked to in a while (or who might need company), do a little charity work, pray for someone.
For the record, day-to-day is one thing. But you can achieve your dreams without a woman at your side. Don’t get hung up on not having her, pursue your dreams regardless. There is nothing but energy and resolve between you and your dreams, even things like travelling around the world. You can meet wonderful people, do wonderful things, make a ton of great memories. What’s a little pain going to do about it? Don’t let it hold you back.
In a certain sense, I’ve come to love being alone when achieving certain things, collecting on some achievements or successes such as I may have had.
By trying not to be desperate. Need a level head, you know. Keep doing your job.
Just like a married person, you aren’t married to that cute man or woman over there.
It can be hard but don’t get side-tracked!
That’s a way to put it, too. Nothing says you can’t go to a theatre or cinema or museum or park or any other place or thing you like on your own. You probably should, anyway.Sums it up for me. I enjoy my own company, too!
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RunnerUp
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Thank you, chevalier! I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts. They’re encouraging, full of truth and give me a lot of things to think about. God bless!
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Kalm
Guest
36 and not married.
Where are you my love!
Where are you my love!
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KC2844
Guest
I’m 34 (almost 34 1/2) and still single.
As I’ve gotten older it has been harder and harder to watch nearly everyone in my life get married, have children, and live the life that I always wanted. I began to struggle with feelings of being left behind/forgotten by God. (I’ve been praying to find my spouse for more than a decade.) And, unfortunately a tiny seed of doubt/fear/mistrust quickly turned to anger and bitterness, which I’ve been fighting (more unsuccessfully than not
) for 2+ years now. :
Long story short: It hasn’t been pretty.
But, deep down I am really, really trying to stay hopeful that God does have someone out there for me. Or, if not, a plan for my life that will somehow allow me to forget that that I have a broken heart.
As I’ve gotten older it has been harder and harder to watch nearly everyone in my life get married, have children, and live the life that I always wanted. I began to struggle with feelings of being left behind/forgotten by God. (I’ve been praying to find my spouse for more than a decade.) And, unfortunately a tiny seed of doubt/fear/mistrust quickly turned to anger and bitterness, which I’ve been fighting (more unsuccessfully than not
) for 2+ years now. :Long story short: It hasn’t been pretty.
But, deep down I am really, really trying to stay hopeful that God does have someone out there for me. Or, if not, a plan for my life that will somehow allow me to forget that that I have a broken heart.
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RunnerUp
Guest
Hey! I’m just shy of 34 1/2 too!
I posted here a year ago and I’m still single and have never been in a relationship. I’d like to share the direction my thoughts are going in. There have been words said to me and things I’ve read lately that emphasize the importance of a person’s relationship with God. I’m beginning to understand that every other relationship is secondary and is meant to aid us in accomplishing life’s purpose: a close union with Him.
I think the Holy Spirit gave me this thought: that the people in my life may not be the people I expected them to be (spouse and at least 7 children by now!), but they are there for the same reason - to be loved and cherished by me and to be the instruments of holiness for me.
At our young adults study group we read in Pope Francis’ *Lumen Fidei *, Article 27, second paragraph, “True love…unifies all the elements of our person and becomes a new light pointing the way to a great and fulfilled life.”
The priest leading our discussion pointed out that he doesn’t think the Pope is only referring to married love, when he says “true love”, because there is a huge majority of peoples who are unmarried - children, teens, young adults, widows and widowers, single men and women, priests and religious. We are meant to find true love as well; a love that “leads away from self-centeredness and towards another person”, quoting again from Lumen Fidei.
“Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be done to me according to Thy word.” with a little less of me and a little more of Him each day! Amen!
http://www.buddhachannel.tv/portail/local/cache-vignettes/L500xH330/Annunciation-ea8bc.jpg
Annunciation Fra Angelico - fresco from San Marco, Florence
I posted here a year ago and I’m still single and have never been in a relationship. I’d like to share the direction my thoughts are going in. There have been words said to me and things I’ve read lately that emphasize the importance of a person’s relationship with God. I’m beginning to understand that every other relationship is secondary and is meant to aid us in accomplishing life’s purpose: a close union with Him.
I think the Holy Spirit gave me this thought: that the people in my life may not be the people I expected them to be (spouse and at least 7 children by now!
), but they are there for the same reason - to be loved and cherished by me and to be the instruments of holiness for me.At our young adults study group we read in Pope Francis’ *Lumen Fidei *, Article 27, second paragraph, “True love…unifies all the elements of our person and becomes a new light pointing the way to a great and fulfilled life.”
The priest leading our discussion pointed out that he doesn’t think the Pope is only referring to married love, when he says “true love”, because there is a huge majority of peoples who are unmarried - children, teens, young adults, widows and widowers, single men and women, priests and religious. We are meant to find true love as well; a love that “leads away from self-centeredness and towards another person”, quoting again from Lumen Fidei.
“Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be done to me according to Thy word.” with a little less of me and a little more of Him each day! Amen!
http://www.buddhachannel.tv/portail/local/cache-vignettes/L500xH330/Annunciation-ea8bc.jpg
Annunciation Fra Angelico - fresco from San Marco, Florence
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Gullveig
Guest
25, so I’ve got a few years left before my socially mandated expiration date. I’m kind of worried about the curse of the female Ph.D., though. Statistically, if I’m not married by the time I finish my doc, I probably won’t ever be. Feels bad, man.
Maybe when my brother has kids, I’ll just be the eccentric maiden aunt and spoil them rotten. Everyone needs a crazy auntie.
I’m kind of worried about the curse of the female Ph.D., though. Statistically, if I’m not married by the time I finish my doc, I probably won’t ever be. Feels bad, man.Maybe when my brother has kids, I’ll just be the eccentric maiden aunt and spoil them rotten. Everyone needs a crazy auntie.
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CharityTraveler
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Oh no i didn’t know there was a curse on female Ph.D students25, so I’ve got a few years left before my socially mandated expiration date.
Maybe when my brother has kids, I’ll just be the eccentric maiden aunt and spoil them rotten. Everyone needs a crazy auntie.
I’m 23 right now, but i’m hoping i meet somone by my late twenties. Hopefully i’ll meet a nice catholic guy in college to sweep me off my feet.
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agapewolf
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Kinda wishing people would not only put their age, but gender. Perhaps some use could be made out of the thread. 38/f
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Gullveig
Guest
I think the trend is starting to get better for highly educated women, but it makes me nervous that I know a dozen women with Ph.Ds in my field and only one of them is married with kids.Oh no i didn’t know there was a curse on female Ph.D students
I think part of it is a class thing, successful and/or educated people want to marry other successful and/or educated people, and American women traditionally don’t like to “marry down”.Personally, that stuff isn’t very important to me as long as the guy makes me laugh, is a decent person, and can put up with me, so there’s hope.
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RunnerUp
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34.5/f
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CharityTraveler
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23 female
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Luvz2travel
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I’ve been in a few relationships since starting this thread “years ago”I think the trend is starting to get better for highly educated women, but it makes me nervous that I know a dozen women with Ph.Ds in my field and only one of them is married with kids.
Personally, that stuff isn’t very important to me as long as the guy makes me laugh, is a decent person, and can put up with me, so there’s hope.
Yes it’s been that long…
Still no closer to wedded bliss. Single isn’t really all that bad except for holidays it’s kind of drag (70s lingo) 
I was dating someone recently but then he revealed a wammie type of issue and I’m still not sure where that’s going to go. That’s life I guess. 
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cinderella2000
Guest
Hello,I never thought I was going to post something in here…but ultimately feel relieved that at least,I had the opportunity to know how “real love” feels like and how to genuinely care for others.Unfortunately nothing went as planned and learned the hard way,to keep on living a healthy life full of hope always based on Catholic foundations and values.Many plans had to be redesigned along my life ,but never lost the desire while using the right “tools” to function in God’s terms.
Due to living half of my life span as a single person,I wonder if there is still chance to “synchronize” interests,beliefs,tastes…with somebody else.I also guess many people in here has had some recurrent mixed feelings about the possibility of not following “the call” to a sort of vocation???
Due to living half of my life span as a single person,I wonder if there is still chance to “synchronize” interests,beliefs,tastes…with somebody else.I also guess many people in here has had some recurrent mixed feelings about the possibility of not following “the call” to a sort of vocation???
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CharityTraveler
Guest
Yeah i don’t mind if they don’t have a degree or not. I just want a good guy who loves me for me and is smart. Not in the sense of degrees, but in the sense of knowing whats going on in the world.I think the trend is starting to get better for highly educated women, but it makes me nervous that I know a dozen women with Ph.Ds in my field and only one of them is married with kids.
Personally, that stuff isn’t very important to me as long as the guy makes me laugh, is a decent person, and can put up with me, so there’s hope.
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Gullveig
Guest
Same here. Practical intelligence and a good sense of humor are my two big things.
Yeah, I feel you. There’s a guy I’ve got a sort of mutual interest going on with, but he’s quite a bit older than me, so I’m not sure how I feel about that yet. Hope your situation works out for the best either way. I think it’s better to be single than to be with the wrong person any day of the week.
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