Never marrieds sign in here

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This thread has been resurrected a couple times now.

39 year old male. Never married and no kids. Not certain what to think about my age and marriage status. I do not have much understanding of my own desires with regard to relationships nor do I clearly understand what God wants of me. I know we have to be open to God’s will and patient enough to allow His plan to unfold on His timetable. I question regularly though if I am on the right path; if I am cooperating with His will. Faith, Hope, and Charity: I ponder these often. The intellect tells me I should not be pursuing marriage now. At least, I think that message comes from the intellect. I do understand the loneliness people describe. I am extremely conscientious about keeping loneliness not only out of the driver’s seat, but out of the passenger compartment. I acknowledge it, but painful experience has shown me some of the damage that can be done when loneliness is the primary factor in decision-making. For now, I try to be patient; work on my relationships (with God, family, and “neighbor”); learn about myself; and deal with mundane requirements (bills, taxes, vehicle maintenance; home upkeep and repairs; etc).

Acknowledging what I have already said, I have desire for a female “friend” who would be an occasional “fitness” partner. Running, strength training, sports, etc. I have toyed with the idea of pursuing this, maybe using Catholic Match or Fitness Singles. I very much question the wisdom in this, though. So tough to understand the motivators within me and God’s will.
 
bsf said:
This thread has been resurrected a couple times now.

39 year old male. Never married and no kids. Not certain what to think about my age and marriage status. I do not have much understanding of my own desires with regard to relationships nor do I clearly understand what God wants of me. I know we have to be open to God’s will and patient enough to allow His plan to unfold on His timetable. I question regularly though if I am on the right path; if I am cooperating with His will. Faith, Hope, and Charity: I ponder these often. The intellect tells me I should not be pursuing marriage now. At least, I think that message comes from the intellect. I do understand the loneliness people describe. I am extremely conscientious about keeping loneliness not only out of the driver’s seat, but out of the passenger compartment. I acknowledge it, but painful experience has shown me some of the damage that can be done when loneliness is the primary factor in decision-making. For now, I try to be patient; work on my relationships (with God, family, and “neighbor”); learn about myself; and deal with mundane requirements (bills, taxes, vehicle maintenance; home upkeep and repairs; etc).

Acknowledging what I have already said, I have desire for a female “friend” who would be an occasional “fitness” partner. Running, strength training, sports, etc. I have toyed with the idea of pursuing this, maybe using Catholic Match or Fitness Singles. I very much question the wisdom in this, though. So tough to understand the motivators within me and God’s will.
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Have you thought about starting a catholic singles walking or hiking group. If I had the time I would do this but with 2 jobs and a house it’s impossible for me. You could check out meetup.com it’s a site full of clubs they may have a fitness group there where you could meet people. Just a suggestion.
 
Luvz2travel said:
Have you thought about starting a catholic singles walking or hiking group. If I had the time I would do this but with 2 jobs and a house it’s impossible for me. You could check out meetup.com it’s a site full of clubs they may have a fitness group there where you could meet people. Just a suggestion.
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Thats a great idea!
 
I will pray to St. Anne for those wishing for a good future spouse. PM me your name and a little about you if you want on my list. I pray daily.
 
Never married here at 42. I had (and still have)plenty of men interested in me but for some reason none were the one to me. It’s not like I am super picky, but I refuse to settle on things that repulse me (like men who have kids and an ex wife or baby mama)and it seems more of them than more like me.
 
Luvz2travel said:
I gave up even looking. The men I liked didn’t like me and the ones I didn’t care for were the ones interested. It seemed best just to let it go.
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This. When I did online dating I would get hundreds of responses but very few were men I was interested in. Offline I attract lots of men but rarely the men I truly want. I couldn’t begin to mention all the times I thought a guy liked me (or hoped he did)only to find out there was no interest in me. Meanwhile I would see some of the guys interested in me and would cry because quite a few were bottom of the barrel, like men with multiple baby mamas or 500 pound men.
 
I’ve never been married. I wouldn’t mind getting married someday. If I do, it will be close to menopause or after. 😃
 
34/m never been married. Never had a girlfriend or even female friends. Hard to meet women when my hobbies are pretty much 100% male centric. Stupid Aspergers.
 
Bataar said:
34/m never been married. Never had a girlfriend or even female friends. Hard to meet women when my hobbies are pretty much 100% male centric. Stupid Aspergers.
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What are you into?
 
I have a lot of “male” activities and so do a lot of women. I prefer playing sports and video games over shopping and cooking or most female activities.

I have to wonder though when I read about older men who want to be married if it was because of bad luck or because of unrealistic expectations. Now I’m sure women are just as bad and not all men are but when I did online dating many of the older men were still single either because they were very unrealistic, like these men seeking women young enough to be their daughters or expecting a woman to be a housewife and devote her life to him. I saw this a lot when I did online.
 
Bataar said:
Playing Magic, the Gathering, strategy board games, and fishing is about all I’m doing right now.
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Substitute fishing for SCA fighter practice, and that sounds very much like my weekends.
 
I had a membership to Catholic Match for a year and it was a waste of money. I met some great guys who became friends (mostly because they lived too far to be anything more or were too young)but no relationships. At least the men there were far more decent than what I saw on the other sites.
 
RunnerUp said:
Hey! I’m just shy of 34 1/2 too!

I posted here a year ago and I’m still single and have never been in a relationship. I’d like to share the direction my thoughts are going in. There have been words said to me and things I’ve read lately that emphasize the importance of a person’s relationship with God. I’m beginning to understand that every other relationship is secondary and is meant to aid us in accomplishing life’s purpose: a close union with Him.

I think the Holy Spirit gave me this thought: that the people in my life may not be the people I expected them to be (spouse and at least 7 children by now! :)), but they are there for the same reason - to be loved and cherished by me and to be the instruments of holiness for me.

At our young adults study group we read in Pope Francis’ *Lumen Fidei *, Article 27, second paragraph, “True love…unifies all the elements of our person and becomes a new light pointing the way to a great and fulfilled life.”

The priest leading our discussion pointed out that he doesn’t think the Pope is only referring to married love, when he says “true love”, because there is a huge majority of peoples who are unmarried - children, teens, young adults, widows and widowers, single men and women, priests and religious. We are meant to find true love as well; a love that “leads away from self-centeredness and towards another person”, quoting again from Lumen Fidei.

“Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be done to me according to Thy word.” with a little less of me and a little more of Him each day! Amen!
Annunciation Fra Angelico - fresco from San Marco, Florence
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Hi RunnerUp 🙂

Thank you so much for your comment.

(And for the record: I’m glad I’m not the only one who still uses the “0.5”! lol)

We have a lot in common! That helps (though I wouldn’t wish the loneliness and fear I feel on anyone) because I know that you do know what this feels like. I’ll admit I am a bit in awe of what you wrote. I’m so glad that to know that finding that peace (even if the struggle is still there sometimes) is actually possible. And, I know (in my rational mind) that every thing you said is absolutely true…

But, still I struggle. I feel so far away from any kind of peace. I’m just so tired of waiting and wondering and watching the lives of others (now many who’ve been waiting far less than me) move forward (with His hand obviously blessing the movement), while I wait…and wait.

Even deeper than that is the feeling of being forgotten and passed over by God. I can’t help but look around and wonder “Why them, God? Why not me? When it is MY turn?”. This is especially true when I think about the people in my life who have lapped me a few times (married AND more than 1 kid). “Really, God? They need another blessing like I need a heart attack…”

It hurts.

Sometimes I feel like He must love me less. I know that is a horrible thing to say…but, I’m just being very honest.

But, I now you are right. My relationship with Him is what is most important. I just wish I could work on that and have someone to come home to, and talk to (who talks back…audibly lol), and hold my hand, and…

Sigh.

Sorry this is a rambling, cry baby mess. :(😦
 
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