New baby. Husband annoyed at in-laws

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Congratulations on the new baby. Felicity is a very lovely name. Concerning your husband, just ask him to be patient with his parents for your sake. They seem to be confused or controlling but if you give them some info about St. Felicity they will eventually
concede to your wishes. They have many years to figure this out. If you are kind but firm they will eventually start calling her Felicity. 🙂
 
The in-laws are probably mainly struggling with the pronunciation.

I like the idea of telling them about St. Felicity and maybe even encouraging them to figure out an Arabic equivalent–there has got to be one. Even calling her Anne is not so bad. It is one of her names, after all.

I often call my baby “Bunny” or “Snugglebunny” or “Snugglekins” (none of which are her name). Babies eventually figure it out.
 
Xantippe said:
The in-laws are probably mainly struggling with the pronunciation.

I like the idea of telling them about St. Felicity and maybe even encouraging them to figure out an Arabic equivalent–there has got to be one. Even calling her Anne is not so bad. It is one of her names, after all.

I often call my baby “Bunny” or “Snugglebunny” or “Snugglekins” (none of which are her name). Babies eventually figure it out.
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“Habibi” is a common term of endearment so I was going to tell my husband to have them stick with that until they are more comfortable with the name.

Coming from Egypt, a predominantly Muslim country, their faith has always been very important to them. One’s name is almost always indicative of what religion they are and at times can be a cross to bear.

We did tell them it is a Saint’s name, recognized by the RCC and that she was a martyr. That seemed to make them happy. Apparently there was some confusion on if it was a Christian name. Now that they know it is they can work on the pronunciation in due time.

On the other side of the spectrum, I have a cradle Catholic friend (fallen away a bit) who called me yesterday and said, “I thought you would’ve picked a more Catholicky name since you’re into that,” Someone needs to review their litany of saints again methinks!
 
I can understand your husband’s perspective. My relatives refused to use my niece’s first name and only acknowledge her in person or in conversation if people use her middle name. Even now, I will refer to her by her first name and they will either ignore or correct me. Her middle name is actually named after me, but her first name is the special one my sister picked out, so I insist on using my sister’s choice. It is rejected by so many family members because it is a name considered “too holy” for a human being, along the lines of Angel. I understand their concern, but it was not their decision to make and to continually reject the name has led to alienation between them and my niece.
Now, a pious objection is not the same thing as a pronunciation problem, but even so, it appears that it is already driving a wedge. I encourage you to continue to correct them, gently but firmly, sounding it out slowly if need be. And I think it would be good to let your husband moderate his own response, because he has a lifetime with his family and his perception that this is a slight may be an accurate one. If he can vent to you about it and knows you support him and are going to insist on her proper name, that in itself may be enough to help him stay calm about it.
Just my thoughts. I hope it helps. If not, please disregard all I have said. God bless you and congratulations on your new baby girl!
 
The problem here is probably that you’ve chosen a name that is completely foreign to them. Felicity is not a native Egyptian nor nativized Arabic name, to my knowledge – there are similar names in Arabic like Mabsoota (‘Happiness’), but then you’d be the one unable to pronounce the child’s name . There are some saints you would recognize that often end up as children’s names. We have an adorable two year old girl in our parish named Catherine, for instance, and many, many Marys. 🙂 Some kids get more Egyptian names like Abanoub, Demiana, or Bishoy (all of which are Egyptian saints; I think maybe St. Bishoy is venerated by the EO, but I’m not sure about the others…to my knowledge, none are venerated in the RCC). But there are more people with Western forms of saint’s names in my little church, possibly due to the somewhat mixed feelings Coptic people often have about Arabic the language (so we have two Georges, but no Gorgises). And plenty of people have not-recognizably-Christian-or-Muslim names, like Hoda (‘guidance’), Noora (‘light’), Nabil (‘noble’), etc.

Probably the name Felicity is as unfamiliar to them as Coptic names like Pigol, Amun, or Wissa might be to you. (Also, not to stereotype, but I have noticed that even the Egyptians I have known for years have trouble with short vowels…this is no doubt an inheritance from Arabic, which tends to put long vowels into most foreign words that are not nativized; consequently, I am “Jeer-ee-mee” to many people in my parish, or even better, “Jeer-ee-mai”, for people who have learned the word “my” as a separate lexical item. I just let it be. 🙂 I figure I probably mess up their names often enough, it all evens out in the end.)
 
Lets be honest here.

It is an unusual name. Yes, yes, it is a saint’s name. But not a common name today.

I have lived in multiple states and grew up in multiple countries. I have never met, face to face, a Felicity.

OP it sounds like your husband is having normal feelings when someone questions his parenting skills. Whether it is about name choice, cloth vs disposable, breast vs bottle; there will be ample opportunities of him to be questioned.

He needs to find a way to firm in his convictions without loosing his temper with those that question him.

How does he normally handle people questioning his choices? Maybe you could direct him to do the same thing.
 
maryjk said:
Lets be honest here.

It is an unusual name. Yes, yes, it is a saint’s name. But not a common name today.

I have lived in multiple states and grew up in multiple countries. I have never met, face to face, a Felicity.

OP it sounds like your husband is having normal feelings when someone questions his parenting skills. Whether it is about name choice, cloth vs disposable, breast vs bottle; there will be ample opportunities of him to be questioned.

He needs to find a way to firm in his convictions without loosing his temper with those that question him.

How does he normally handle people questioning his choices? Maybe you could direct him to do the same thing.
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Really? You think it is an uncommon name? That is funny to me, because it was not so uncommon in Gen X (my generation). I knew a Felicity, a Charity, and a Chastity, plus Mercy and Grace were common from previous generations. So, it never occurred to me that some Americans might find it to be out of the ordinary.
 
mommamaree said:
Really? You think it is an uncommon name? That is funny to me, because it was not so uncommon in Gen X (my generation). I knew a Felicity, a Charity, and a Chastity, plus Mercy and Grace were common from previous generations. So, it never occurred to me that some Americans might find it to be out of the ordinary.
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Well, lets see here.

In the US, where I currently live, it is number 653rd in popularity. So, no, I wouldn’t say it was popular.

Which is neither here nor there for the OP. The OP’s husband needs to figure out a way to handle his parents when they disagree with his parenting choices.
 
Litcrit said:
marysrosaries.com/collaboration/index.php?title=Category:Saint_Perpetua_and_Saint_Felicity

“Honored in: Roman Catholic Church, Eastern Orthodox Churches, Oriental Orthodox Churches, Anglican Communion, Lutheran Church
Canonized: Pre-Congregation”

Tell them to google it. Not a Catholic saint per se, but “pre-congregation.” All Christians share her. It may not be a traditional name used by Copts in Egypt, but definitely a saint in the OO tradition.
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This is true as far as I can tell, but does not really mean as much as it might seem (hence I didn’t mention it). In the Coptic Church there are so many saints that many of them are not commemorated liturgically. In our Church, we read from the synaxarium during every liturgy, so the saints written about in it tend to be the ones that everyone knows. As far as I know, Felicity is not mentioned there. So she is rather obscure relative to the saints that everyone knows (and therefore would name their children after).
 
I don’t understand the problem for the grandparents…how could you not do something as relatively simple as learning to pronounce your grandchild’s name? It sounds to me more like a power struggle because they don’t care for the name, and I can understand the Dad being upset with them, if that’s the case.

I would remind them of the correct name when they mispronounce or call her by a different name. If they refuse to cooperate after a time, I would then limit time with them, as that would tell me there would be definitely more to the story that would need resolution.
 
Pax2u wrote:

“how could you not do something as relatively simple as learning to pronounce your grandchild’s name?”

Easily, if the name is hard to pronounce.

Imagine if your grandkids wound up named Agnieszka, Boguslaw, Czeslaw, Eugeniusz, Franciszek, Wojciech, Wlodzimierz or Zbigniew–wouldn’t you have a bit of a learning curve on learning to say those names, let alone spell them?
 
Have you sent out birth announcements yet? You could design one with the baby’s name, pronunciation guide, and maybe some art with the saint’s story on it. That might help the family accept and learn to pronounce the name 🙂
 
I would let your husband deal with his own parents in his own way. Personally, I think he has a right to be annoyed. My grandmother had a passive-aggressive way of “renaming” children who she felt didn’t have a “real name”. Until she died, she insisted on calling my younger brother “CJ” instead of his bizarre, outlandish, rediculous name. (Cameron) And she never seemed to remember how to spell my younger sister’s complicated, unique name either. (Katy) It used to drive my mom crazy. It was as if they were saying that she was not competant to name her own children. I had to remind her of this when I had my little girl and she was wanting to “rename” her for me.

Assuming his parents are operating on even low-average intelligence, they understand the concept of learning to pronounce a person’s name, even if it isn’t one they are used to. If they are from another country, they probably know many ordinary names that Americans find unusual. How would they like it if American people pretended the names were too hard to pronounce or just ignored the name altogether?
 
Xantippe said:
Pax2u wrote:

“how could you not do something as relatively simple as learning to pronounce your grandchild’s name?”

Easily, if the name is hard to pronounce.

Imagine if your grandkids wound up named Agnieszka, Boguslaw, Czeslaw, Eugeniusz, Franciszek, Wojciech, Wlodzimierz or Zbigniew–wouldn’t you have a bit of a learning curve on learning to say those names, let alone spell them?
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It’s been five days, assuming that they didn’t know the name ahead of time. Time is up for “learning curve”. Now it’s just rudeness.
 
Allegra said:
It’s been five days, assuming that they didn’t know the name ahead of time. Time is up for “learning curve”. Now it’s just rudeness.
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This is kind of harsh. I never expect my family to be able to pronounce my kids’ names, and my inlaws can’t pronounce some of their names either. One of the 8 has a name everyone can pronounce without struggling, but my side of the family cannot spell it. It isn’t as if the husband’s parents have renamed her. They can’t pronounce Felicity, but can pronounce her middle name. No one outside of our family pronounces our last name correctly, and no one ever got my maiden name right either. I have never faulted anyone for that because usually it embarrasses them because they are struggling with it. They usually feel like it is disrespectful but I know it’s not intentional, so why let it bother me?

My oldest son has severe speech problems. There are many words and names he cannot pronounce. It took him until he was 7 before he could pronounce his OWN name, and his name is Noah. Very simple, but to him it was unpronounceable. My mother in law has tried for 13 yrs to pronounce Gino and can’t get it. She can’t say half of our kids names. It embarrasses her, but it isn’t her fault. Allowing her to call them by their middle name, nickname, or a Spanish version of their name does no harm to our children and makes her more comfortable. I find it more rude to disrespect his parents by making a huge deal out of nothing than the parents struggling with a name that is foreign to them.
 
Allegra said:

“It’s been five days, assuming that they didn’t know the name ahead of time. Time is up for “learning curve”. Now it’s just rudeness.”

Have you ever lived as a foreigner in a foreign country having to speak a foreign language? It’s hard, and not everybody has an ear for foreign languages, especially not if they emigrate in middle age. Some people have no ear at all for languages other than their own.

This is an excellent case for practicing the golden rule. The kid will be able to say, “My name is Felicity, grandma!” soon enough.
 
Xantippe said:
Allegra said:

“It’s been five days, assuming that they didn’t know the name ahead of time. Time is up for “learning curve”. Now it’s just rudeness.”

Have you ever lived as a foreigner in a foreign country having to speak a foreign language? It’s hard, and not everybody has an ear for foreign languages, especially not if they emigrate in middle age. Some people have no ear at all for languages other than their own.

This is an excellent case for practicing the golden rule. The kid will be able to say, “My name is Felicity, grandma!” soon enough.
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Yes, I have. I also have to learn a huge list of foreign and unique names every fall, as I have students from every background. I care about them so I take the trouble to learn to say their names properly. If I get it wrong, I ask them to correct me until I get it right. It really isn’t that hard. We are talking about ONE name of a presumably cherished grandchild here.
 
Allegra said:
Yes, I have. I also have to learn a huge list of foreign and unique names every fall, as I have students from every background. I care about them so I take the trouble to learn to say their names properly. If I get it wrong, I ask them to correct me until I get it right. It really isn’t that hard. We are talking about ONE name of a presumably cherished grandchild here.
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I’m glad you have a knack for names, but not everyone does. My inlaws and my mom love their grandkids too, but try as they might, they just can’t get it right. I feel especially bad for my inlaws because our kids are their only grandkids and they really do try. My mother in law especially. She loves hearing their names and has never expressed a dislike. As a matter of fact she finds their names quite lovely, but she sure can’t pronounce them!
 
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