New baby. Husband annoyed at in-laws

[LongingSoul]

Yes, I have. I also have to learn a huge list of foreign and unique names every fall, as I have students from every background. I care about them so I take the trouble to learn to say their names properly. If I get it wrong, I ask them to correct me until I get it right. It really isn’t that hard. We are talking about ONE name of a presumably cherished grandchild here.

It can be harder when some foreign languages don’t even have the vowel sounds at all. As I said in a previous post, my Italian in-laws could never say my daughter Johanna’s name properly with the hard h because Italians don’t have the hard h sound. Russians and Germans can’t pronounce w’s and many Asian languages can’t get a number of the vowel sounds out. My daughter learned Italian for years but when she was in Italy she would still make the Italians laugh with her attempts at times. My father in law wasn’t perturbed at all when we would laugh at his attempts to say Johanna. He’d make a big funny drama of it… but a lot of older people are proud and would not like to make a fool of themselves.

I don’t know if that is the case here, but it can be a very real factor.

 

[LongingSoul]

Oh I thought of another example! I knew a Vietnamese lady called Xuan and the way you were meant to pronounce it was as a soft fffsssoon. No one could actually make the ffss sound right so she was happy enough to be known a Soon with the big supersized western S.

 

[Bklynguy]

I would ask (tell) them not to use the name “Anne”. Ask them to please call her Felicity, or until they are more comfortable with her name, “the baby” would be OK. I would be worried that their use of the name Anne is a passive aggressive attempt to hijack the name and protest against the name you have chosen. Your husband probably feels this way and it underlies his anger.

Yes, yes, yes. I definitely agree with this. Even if that is not there intent, that is how it would be interpreted. I could imagine myself being furious if someone called my child by their middle name. (i.e, "Who are YOU to call the child that my wife and I named something different?)

 

[Bklynguy]

That’s uncalled for. If you read the post, you would see I am referring to HIS parents and therefore HIS culture as well.

I think it’s ultimately a communication problem with all of them. Even though he came to this country as a young adult with them, he refuses to speak their language anymore. They speak to him in Arabic and he answers back in English.

I will let him sort it out with his mom and dad and I will stay out of this one. I appreciate the (name removed by moderator)ut on that.

I told him tonight I would be happy to explain the history to his parents with him, but he wants to just handle it himself in his own way.

They’re really very good people, he is just very impatient with them. When they moved here together it was as if he put a baseball cap on and immediately became “Americanized”. Understandably, his parents did not and he has a hard time with this.

We do love the name, though!

Grow up??? So, if you had a difficult time pronouncing a baby’s name who had a different ethnic/national origin background than you, would you just take it upon yourself to call the baby something else? Though I do think he needs to try to control his temper, this is ultimately their problem, not his.

 

[mommy_k]

In reply to the OP:

If it is a pronunciation problem. It is different then if they just want to not use it.
If they are kind, loving people they will learn it in time.

If they have a sense of humor, your husband can call his parents by their middle names every time they do this to your baby.

 

[AvignonPapacy94]

In laws are, by definition, crazy.

If it’s strictly a pronunciation issue, then you should be charitable as they likely don’t have bad intent. Treat it with a sense of humor, and let them know that you appreciate their mumbled attempts at getting right. If you have the right skill set, you can turn it into a bonding experience that can make everyone’s relationship stronger.

On the other hand, if they are actively rejecting your daughter’s name, then you’ve got a bigger problem on your hands because the issue is one of intent that is leading to a power struggle. In this case, you simply correct them every time they refer to your daughter as “Anne.” You should gently say, “Felicity…” You don’t want to escalate this (the temptation to get petty could be very real), but you must not back down and let the in-laws win the power struggle.

 

[Bklynguy]

In laws are, by definition, crazy.

If it’s strictly a pronunciation issue, then you should be charitable as they likely don’t have bad intent. Treat it with a sense of humor, and let them know that you appreciate their mumbled attempts at getting right. If you have the right skill set, you can turn it into a bonding experience that can make everyone’s relationship stronger.

On the other hand, if they are actively rejecting your daughter’s name, then you’ve got a bigger problem on your hands because the issue is one of intent that is leading to a power struggle. In this case, you simply correct them every time they refer to your daughter as “Anne.” You should gently say, “Felicity…” You don’t want to escalate this (the temptation to get petty could be very real), but you must not back down and let the in-laws win the power struggle.

Good post.