No, and it will be till next Easter most likely until I can be…

I really want to take Communion.
I came into the RCIA program right on the last Sunday before Lent.
I need the program, but I tend to wind up helping teach sometimes rather than learning. Although I still do learn in there, about more down to earth matters and such. Not going to say I’m above it: I have to get it in my heart, because lately I’ve been making the mistake of projecting an evangelical heart through a Catholic lens. I’ve never been a regular member of any church - I could count how many times I went to church as a Protestant on two hands - because I never felt it right to belong to a church whose beliefs I couldn’t consent to in full. So I’ve never been around Catholics like this before. No close relatives or friends are Catholic, and my closest relatives and friends are either Jehovah’s Witnesses or anti-catholic Protestants, or just have an aversion to religion in general even though they can respect it in some ways.
The closest I’ve ever come to Catholicism is through some of the traits and values and imagery of the Gothic subculture, ironically enough. But some of the other traits, values, and imagery of that culture can get in the way of hammering out my heart. A good Goth is supposed to live and let live, love intellect and art, and sometimes the supernatural/mystical (not always), and just enjoy creation while understanding sometimes painful and ugly things can be good. They’re supposed to be about substance against superficiality, and detest consumerism, manipulation, and lies. But the bad traits a lot of us fall into are stubbornness, pretentiousness, anger, self-pity, and an unhealthy level of morbidity. Strongly self-willed you could say. I used to be the former, life events turned me into the latter. I’m just trying by God’s grace to scrub myself clean again, but first I need to feel safe somehow. And also, I managed to somehow convince myself that since I wasn’t culturally like other Protestants that I was sinning.