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katybird
Guest
Tell him if it’s no big deal, then he can just let it go, right? I mean, if it’s ONLY a pretty picture, he should have no problem getting rid of it.
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lovesfall
Guest
Alan,
Thank you for your reply…it has made me take a step back and focus on the positive aspects of my marriage. He really is a good man and has told me numerous times how much he admires my faith and my moral convictions. He also said that he is trying to be a good husband and wants to be able to be as strong in his faith as I am in mine.
I do feel that if I would continue focusing on the negative that I would go into counselling with the wrong attitude and it would be counter productive.
Thanks again
L
lovesfall
Guest
Thanks so much for the replies…I can’t begin to tell you how much your (name removed by moderator)ut and support means to me!
**Well I had my first counselling session yesterday. It was the initial first session and it lasted two hours. I was uneasy at first opening up to him and would have preferred a female (no…I am not a man hater!
) due to the subject matter but it turned out to be fine. He was very understanding and made me feel very good about myself. I was always labeled a “prude” because of viewpoints but he told me that he admires how strong my faith is and that there is nothing wrong in how I feel about porn…and that I should not change for anyone. He told me that sexual/porn addiction has really increased due to the internet which didn’t surprise me. He did say that if my husband really and truly wants to make our marriage work, and is willing to admit that he is addicted and needs help, then he feels we have a good chance. It is going to be difficult for my husband to fight this due to his job. He is a telecommunications engineer that manages the communication systems in 5 colleges…and has to make sure the college kids aren’t downloading porn from the college pc’s. So almost on a daily basis my husbnd has to view these disgusting porn sites to block them from coming into the college. **
** If it’s okay, I will post an update on our progress in counselling. Thanks for the prayers…we do need them!**
Sandy
PS. Our priest recommended that we try the Retrouvaille weekend. Any thoughts on that?
**Well I had my first counselling session yesterday. It was the initial first session and it lasted two hours. I was uneasy at first opening up to him and would have preferred a female (no…I am not a man hater!
) due to the subject matter but it turned out to be fine. He was very understanding and made me feel very good about myself. I was always labeled a “prude” because of viewpoints but he told me that he admires how strong my faith is and that there is nothing wrong in how I feel about porn…and that I should not change for anyone. He told me that sexual/porn addiction has really increased due to the internet which didn’t surprise me. He did say that if my husband really and truly wants to make our marriage work, and is willing to admit that he is addicted and needs help, then he feels we have a good chance. It is going to be difficult for my husband to fight this due to his job. He is a telecommunications engineer that manages the communication systems in 5 colleges…and has to make sure the college kids aren’t downloading porn from the college pc’s. So almost on a daily basis my husbnd has to view these disgusting porn sites to block them from coming into the college. **** If it’s okay, I will post an update on our progress in counselling. Thanks for the prayers…we do need them!**
Sandy
PS. Our priest recommended that we try the Retrouvaille weekend. Any thoughts on that?
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lovesfall
Guest
**That’s what the counselor told me…that if it wasn’t a big deal, my husband would have thrown them out. Being as he threw out the first box of pictures I found last year but bought some more a month before our wedding (which I didn’t find out until a month after we were married), then this more than likely is an addiction. The counselor said that my husband shows the classic signs of an addictive…ie; becoming defensive when talking about the pictures, buying them and hiding them…not letting anyone know about them, and trying to justify having them by not admitting that they are pornographic…sort of like an alcoholic saying they only drink socially. **
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Veronica_Anne
Guest
Oh, I see you have a broken leg. Here’s a band-aid… catch!!
(gimme a break!)
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Veronica_Anne
Guest
Counseling is NOT focusing on the negative. It’s recognizing that the negative is there, as is the positive.
It’s getting tools to deal with the negative things so that they can be healed.
Your attitude is only that of someone who is recognizing the source of the pain in her life caused by the sin of another.
Love your husband… and get both you and him into counseling.
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juanh
Guest
lovesfall…I can understand the position your in and it seems that you and your husband are on your way to working this issue out…however in my opinion your counseling sessions and things discussed there should be kept private and between the three of you…if you wanted to say how things are going good or bad, that’s one thing but to discuss the sessions is a bit to private, again in my opinion…I just know that I would feel betrayed if my wife and I were in counseling and she decided to post about it on a website…please dont take this as an attack, I know it helps to discuss things with others but I think we need to be careful about some of things we discuss.
God Bless.
God Bless.
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felra
Guest
To each his own…I would think that if her counseling sessions are going well, to her satisfaction, the need to seek support, validation, advice, etc, on this forum will diminish proportionately.
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rayne89
Guest
It’s not like we know who she is or her husband for that matter
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Ana
Guest
He has stated why he does NOT look at these pictures. Ask him to state why he DOES?
If it is not to be aroused, or to remember fondly a person or event, perhaps he considers it art? If he says that he thinks it’s art, then (if he still has them) do him a favor and tell him as your wife you want to support him in his hobbies. Take the pictures and frame them, then display them prominantly around your home. If there is nothing wrong with them, he shouldn’t be embarrassed. Everytime you find some … do this.
“But Honey … I just don’t understand why your so upset? You said yourself there’s nothing wrong with it them.”
Exposure works wonders … so does a little reverse psychology.
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Ana
Guest
Thank you Alan, for reminding us that we are to hate the sin while we LOVE the sinner. This man is your husband, he is in bondage. Remember this war is against, not the flesh, but the powers and principalities of darkness. Pray for him and love him … Christ does.
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lovesfall
Guest
**I understand what you are saying and I am a private person and wouldn’t reveal anything that I feel is too personal. I was just going to come in here every once in awhile to let anyone that is interested know how things are going. **
**I did not take your reply as an attack.
**
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lovesfall
Guest
That certainly would get his attention!He has stated why he does NOT look at these pictures. Ask him to state why he DOES?
If it is not to be aroused, or to remember fondly a person or event, perhaps he considers it art? If he says that he thinks it’s art, then (if he still has them) do him a favor and tell him as your wife you want to support him in his hobbies. Take the pictures and frame them, then display them prominantly around your home. If there is nothing wrong with them, he shouldn’t be embarrassed. Everytime you find some … do this.
“But Honey … I just don’t understand why your so upset? You said yourself there’s nothing wrong with it them.”
Exposure works wonders … so does a little reverse psychology.
Thanks for making me laugh! It has been awhile.**As far as I know, there are no more pictures…but the counselor did say that the pictures I had found may just be the tip of the iceberg…that most addictives have a way of hiding things. He (the counselor) asked if I am strong enough to deal with any discoveries we may come across during counselling. I told him I had no choice…that if I want this marriage to work I have to be strong. I have put my marriage in God’s capable hands and am praying for strength…and I have the prayers of you wonderful people so I have faith that my marriage will be saved.
**
Sandy
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lovesfall
Guest
**Thanks ferla…To each his own…I would think that if her counseling sessions are going well, to her satisfaction, the need to seek support, validation, advice, etc, on this forum will diminish proportionately.
****I know that the longer my husband and I are in counselling, I won’t feel the need to come on this forum as frequently. At least not on this thread…
**I hope I haven’t caused a problem by posting my original thread. If I have upset or angered anyone that wasn’t my intention. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this issue in “real” life and since my Catholic faith is so very important to me, I thought this would be a good place to ask for advice and/or opinions.
Thanks again everyone for your replies and support…they are greatly appreciated!
Sandy
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Ana
Guest
lovesfall said:**That certainly would get his attention!
**I was serious!
**He (the counselor) asked if I am strong enough to deal with any discoveries we may come across during counselling. I told him I had no choice…that if I want this marriage to work I have to be strong. I have put my marriage in God’s capable hands and am praying for strength…and I have the prayers of you wonderful people so I have faith that my marriage will be saved.
**Sounds like you have got the right attitude. Continue to pray and trust the Holy Spirit to guide you in the way that will best serve God.
God bless!
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lovesfall
Guest
Just wanted to give an update to anyone that is interested.
My husband and I had our first counselling session together and it went quite well. Much to my surprise, the counselor was very sympathetic and understanding with regards to my feelings (I was a bit apprehensive as I did want a woman therapist…for several reasons). He was very straightfoward with my husband and told him that what he did was wrong and painful to me, especially in light of the fact that he (my husband) knew of my past and also that he lied to me about sharing the same morals and values.
I do feel that counselling is going to help our marriage, and I have already started to see a change in my husband. I know it’s going to take a long time not only until I am able to trust him, but also for him to make progress with overcoming his addiction. We are also going to attend a Retrouvaille weekend the end of next month…I have heard nothing but positive feedback regarding this program.
Hope everyone had a very Merry and Blessed Christmas!
God Bless
Sandy
My husband and I had our first counselling session together and it went quite well. Much to my surprise, the counselor was very sympathetic and understanding with regards to my feelings (I was a bit apprehensive as I did want a woman therapist…for several reasons). He was very straightfoward with my husband and told him that what he did was wrong and painful to me, especially in light of the fact that he (my husband) knew of my past and also that he lied to me about sharing the same morals and values.
I do feel that counselling is going to help our marriage, and I have already started to see a change in my husband. I know it’s going to take a long time not only until I am able to trust him, but also for him to make progress with overcoming his addiction. We are also going to attend a Retrouvaille weekend the end of next month…I have heard nothing but positive feedback regarding this program.
Hope everyone had a very Merry and Blessed Christmas!
God Bless
Sandy
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JMJ_Pinoy
Guest
Glad things are going well! Have a blessed Christmas season!Just wanted to give an update to anyone that is interested.
My husband and I had our first counselling session together and it went quite well. Much to my surprise, the counselor was very sympathetic and understanding with regards to my feelings (I was a bit apprehensive as I did want a woman therapist…for several reasons). He was very straightfoward with my husband and told him that what he did was wrong and painful to me, especially in light of the fact that he (my husband) knew of my past and also that he lied to me about sharing the same morals and values.
I do feel that counselling is going to help our marriage, and I have already started to see a change in my husband. I know it’s going to take a long time not only until I am able to trust him, but also for him to make progress with overcoming his addiction. We are also going to attend a Retrouvaille weekend the end of next month…I have heard nothing but positive feedback regarding this program.
Hope everyone had a very Merry and Blessed Christmas!
God Bless
Sandy
Blessings,
JMJ_Pinoy
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felra
Guest
Thanks for the update. God bless you and your marriage. I will keep your marriage in my prayers.
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Lilyofthevalley
Guest
Pornograpy addiction? 
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wisdom_3_5
Guest
My husband and I went to Retrouvaille. It was really good for both of us, but I have to say the time was right for us to go. We didn’t go right away, my husband and I were both in counseling (separate) and then I stopped going because I felt my therapist didn’t take marriage seriously enough (she had me actually planning my divorce!). He continued going because of his porn addiction.
During our weekend my husband did something to his back (lifting suitcases we think) anyway, throughout the next six weeks (there are 6 post sessions that you should attend as well as the weekend) he was in terrible pain! We had to drive 2 1/2 hours both ways, with our two kids both under 4! He ended up having back surgery a week after our last session. This is an example of what a Godsend Retrouvaille was to us. The devil had my husband for so long, he wasn’t about to let him go without a fight. When we went on the weekend we both felt like if this doesn’t work its over. It gave us hope for our marriage. Things don’t always go great, but, hey, that’s life.
Glad to hear you have a counselor that recommends Retrouvaille!
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