Newbie question

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milehighcelt

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I am new to these forums, so let me start off by saying how great it is to have them available to us.

My wife and I have three daughters and very much want a son. Our doctor has told us not to have more children for fear of my wives life. the last two children were extremely difficult on my wife, and he is afraid she will not survive another birthing. However, her desire to have a son is so great that she said if she was 100% of having a son, she would risk it.

My question is, it is a sin to go to a place that picks the gender by “spinning the sperm”? Being new converts to Catholicism, we are unfamiliar with how to determine if it is a sin or not.

Thanks for your help and suggestions.
MileHighCelt
 
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milehighcelt:
My question is, it is a sin to go to a place that picks the gender by “spinning the sperm”? Being new converts to Catholicism, we are unfamiliar with how to determine if it is a sin or not.

Thanks for your help and suggestions.
MileHighCelt
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Can you explain what exactly this entails? I have never heard of it before.
 
As I understand it, the take the sperm and spin it, which seperates the male from the female ( X & Y) so that whichever sex you want, that is the sperm that is used.
 
From your description, this sounds like a procedure that takes place outside of the marital act. If so, I don’t think it is keeping with Catholic teaching.

Scott
 
Hi,
I was wondering if you and your wife had delved into the real reason behind wanting a boy.
The way I see it is , God sends us our children , and there may be some reason as to why He hasnt blessed you with a son.
Could adoption be an option? I am sure there are many lost little boys waiting for great parents like yourself.
I don’t think the spinning of the sperm would be God’s will, as God wants us to create children through a Sacramental marriage and a loving relationship. To me , that doesnt seem to include sterile containers holding sperm. The sperm also has to somehow get into these containers, so wouldnt that be a sin, and I wont go into why.
Sorry if this isnt the answer you were looking for, it is just my opinion.
Hold your 3 daughters close tonight, enjoy them, and praise God that you are all well.
 
Our doctor has told us not to have more children for fear of my wives life. the last two children were extremely difficult on my wife, and he is afraid she will not survive another birthing.
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Also, exactly how much risk is involved in having another child? I ask because I once believed that when the woman hits 40 years of age, the risks increase dramatically when in fact it only increases by something like less than a tenth of a percent. Unfortunately many people (including doctors, and our non-Catholic parents) view pregnancy as a risk-filled malady and not a wonderful, God-ordained experience.

Scott
 
There is a great resource available for answering questions like these. I don’t know how busy they are but you might try the National Catholic Bioethics Center: www.ncbcenter.org

If I understand what the NCBC said at a seminar I attended, you have been given the correct answer: If the selection process is performed outside the marital act, it is illicit.
 
Generally, artificial insemination involves fertilizing numerous eggs outside the womb, selecting a “keeper” or two, and then destroying the rest. It’s easier than trying to fertilize one egg at a time and hoping it works. The problem is, we believe that each person has a soul ‘from the moment on conception.’ Therefore the lab is not simply disposing of unwanted material, but committing murder.

As others have pointed out, prayerfully question why you want a son when the Lord seems to have other plans.
 
Aside from all the wordy replies, the person above who gave you the best answer was the person who roughly said that if it is happening outside of the marriage act (sex with your wife) then it is probably a sin.
 
So hypothetically, if another child would likely kill the woman, is artificial contraception/sterlization permissible?
 
Only Natural Family Planning is allowed. Nothing artificial, no surgery, no contraception. Trust in God alone.

'thann
 
Rather than “Sperm Spinning” (sorry, but that strikes me as an extremely silly name for what sounds like snake oil!) I must wholeheartedly advocate for adoption. PLEASE consider it. There are a lot of resources available to people going through the adoption process- including federal and possibly state funding, and many employers will reimburse you for a portion of the expences.
 
_Christopher_:
So hypothetically, if another child would likely kill the woman, is artificial contraception/sterlization permissible?
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BTW: has everyone heard about the canonization of St. Gianna Molla? What a wonderfulrole model, especially for Italy with it’s suicidally low birth rate!
 
As an adoptive father of two boys, let me say I could not love them more if they were “flesh of my flesh”. One is from Honduras, one from here in the States. We are blessed to be their parents and I would wholeheartedly encourage someone in this situation to look into adoption. After all, we are all the adopted sons and daughters of God, are we not?

Doc
“Jesus, I trust in You.”
 
as the father of 3 girls and 1 son, the son being the youngest, my wife was asked by her doctor not to have anymore after the first birth… she wanted a son… the next was a daughter… the doctor pleaded with her to have surgery to eliminate future pregnancies, she had the 4th and it was a son…

i am not abdicating risky pregnancies, only your wife and you can make that decision… it has long been established the method you mention to aquire a son is NOT sanctioned by the church… at least that’s what i have read and been told by those smarter then me…

I can tell you that your odds of have a son are pretty good… i can tell you that the wonderful children you have now are a result of the love and blessings of Christ… You have trusted God all along, i see no reason to discontinuing that trust… pray about it (and i am sure you have)… please don’t see in the script above a recommendation to risk another pregnancy… we did, it worked out ok by the grace of God… but i cannot, nor can anyone else make that decision for you… good luck, and God Bless!

👍
 
Thank you everyone for your kind words and suggestions. I had suspected that since it felt like picking a babies gender was playing God, it was surely wrong. But I wanted to confirm that for sure.

For those of you who asked, the last two births were very difficult for my wife, requiring long hospital stays. I am too scared of losing her to try for another, but she felt that she could risk it for a son. My reason for wanting a son is that I grew up without brothers and want that bonding experience. I am also the last of my line, and would like my family to continue.

I would agree that adoption is an option, but neither of us feel like we are really comfortable with that. But who knows, we might change on that with more prayful reflection.

Again thank you for all the kind advice.

God bless.
 
space ghost:
. it has long been established the method you mention to aquire a son is NOT sanctioned by the church… at least that’s what i have read and been told by those smarter then me…
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That smart person is wrong. There can be no procreation outside the conjugal act.

I’m sensing that he has to masturbate so there would be sperm sample to “spin”. That is a mortal sin by itself. Not to mention putting the sperm inside the wife without conjugal act.
 
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milehighcelt:
My reason for wanting a son is that I grew up without brothers and want that bonding experience.
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Allow me to point out that in your longing for a son you would also be putting him in a situation where he had no brothers. I don’t think that is inherently a bad thing, but if it had such an impact on you, maybe you should take it into consideration.

God bless, either way.
 
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Doc:
As an adoptive father of two boys, let me say I could not love them more if they were “flesh of my flesh”. One is from Honduras, one from here in the States. We are blessed to be their parents and I would wholeheartedly encourage someone in this situation to look into adoption. After all, we are all the adopted sons and daughters of God, are we not?

Doc
“Jesus, I trust in You.”
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👍
And I have to agree with YOU, as adoptive mom of two girls, and a bmom of one son… there is no difference in my children re: my feelings toward them. They only came into the family in different ways. :yup:

However, the original question here is NOT included in the different ways the Church allows families to be made. To GET the sperm that will be ‘spun’ in the first place, then to use artificial insemination OR IVF to achieve a pregnancy are means that do not follow the unitative/procreative teaching of the Church on Marriage.
 
One other option is to go to www.omsoul.org and see if you can find a pro-life OB/GYN who might give you a second opinion. Another option that I’ve heard about, but haven’t looked into, is that it’s possible to increase one’s odds of having a boy or a child based on the foods that the mother eats. It has something to do with an acid vs an alkaline environment within her body. I don’t know anything more about that, and can’t really recommend it, but since it doesn’t eliminate the procreative act of marriage, I don’t believe the Church is against it. Please pray for guidance on this (I know you’ve probably already done that:) ), and for God’s will to be done.

God bless you both,
Fiona
 
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