Newborn and spousal physical intimacy

[QuasiCatholic]

You forgot neither parent can be overweight or a restless sleeper, it can’t be a pillow-top mattress, a waterbed or any kind of egg-shell or memory foam topper, and if you do co-sleep you’re supposed to give it up at about 6 mos. old anyway (when the baby learns to roll).

Since all that together eliminates probably 90% of the population, yes, we can let it go.

 

[UbiCaritas]

Once again…there are plenty of ways to co-sleep successfully and safely. There are no ways to drink or smoke successfully and safely during pregnancy or when you are nursing.

For a lot of moms…it helps to co-sleep because it gives them time to actually sleep if their baby can latch at night, on their own.

There is no single argument that states that co-sleeping is completely unsafe and not recommended.
There are reasons not to co-sleep but they can be safely mitigated down the line…including sleeping without covers and putting the mattress on the floor.

I did it with both of my kids and had no issues what-so-ever…but we don’t drink, smoke, take sleeping pills or any other medications, our bed is close to the floor and I kept the covers away and the baby slept in between us. We also have a king sized bed…so there was plenty of room for everyone.

The OP has stated that the baby is most comfortable sleeping with them. It works for her. It probably helps her and her husband to sleep better themselves.

**Can we just let the co-sleeping argument go before this turns into a huge argument? **

See, I kind of tend towards the theory that cosleeping isn’t safe, though it can be made safer by using the precautions you describe. That having been said, we agree 100% on the bolded. No one’s mind will be changed by having this thread evolve into 5 pages of insults and eventually shut down.

Quasi, in more conservative Catholic circles it doesn’t help that a lot of NFP teachers rather heavily emphasize that you ought to cosleep with your baby, to the point of threatening moms that if they don’t they may end up with unwanted/dangerous pregnancies that are All Your Fault For Not Sleeping With Baby Every Time He Sleeps. Which is one of the many symptoms of dogmatic parenthood*, but I digress.

*Dogmatic parenthood: “What works for me will always and without exception work perfectly for you, and if it doesn’t, it means that you aren’t trying hard enough/there’s something wrong with you/you’re just making excuses in order to avoid parenting The Right Way.”

 

[Kelfa28]

You forgot neither parent can be overweight or a restless sleeper, it can’t be a pillow-top mattress, a waterbed or any kind of egg-shell or memory foam topper, and if you do co-sleep you’re supposed to give it up at about 6 mos. old anyway (when the baby learns to roll).

Since all that together eliminates probably 90% of the population, yes, we can let it go.

The thing is…just about every mitigating factor that has been listed can be handled with the exception of two or three

Stop drinking, stop smoking, stop taking the sleeping pills, move the mattress to the floor, remove the memory foam/egg carton topper, move the covers, put the baby in the middle of the bed and so on.
Most of these things can be done in one night.
The drinking and smoking can be done before the baby is born…as it should anyway because it is not healthy for a women to be smoking or drinking and it’s also not healthy for her spouse to do those things either.
Stop taking OTC sleeping pills.

It brings the numbers down substantially. The only ones I can see that are factors are obesity, prescription sleeping pills that must be taken according to the doctor, and an inability to change an expensive mattress due to budget restraints (not that anyone should be on a waterbed anyway as they are horrible for your back).

Plus, I moved the babies at 6 months for other reasons…I couldn’t sleep because they wanted me as their pacifier.

 

[PhiloMed]

Does your baby sleep in the car?

My son wouldn’t sleep anywhere but in our arms or in our bed and we had one heck of a time breaking this habit before his sister arrived. Ironically, she has no interest in sleeping in arms or in a bed except her own.

That being said, our son slept wonderfully in his car seat when he was a newborn. DH and I would drive around the block a few times until our son fell asleep. We would go out to dinner and just put the car seat under the table or on a chair. It was very easy to take him out when he was little!

 

[pensmama87]

Does your baby sleep in the car?

My son wouldn’t sleep anywhere but in our arms or in our bed and we had one heck of a time breaking this habit before his sister arrived. Ironically, she has no interest in sleeping in arms or in a bed except her own.

That being said, our son slept wonderfully in his car seat when he was a newborn. DH and I would drive around the block a few times until our son fell asleep. We would go out to dinner and just put the car seat under the table or on a chair. It was very easy to take him out when he was little!

You reminded me that my mom used to do this when I was little, apparently a few trips around the block was the ONLY way I would fall asleep.

And to stay asleep, she used to run a hairdryer constantly, which of course isn’t very safe…until she realized a box fan worked just as well.

 

[OraLabora]

You reminded me that my mom used to do this when I was little, apparently a few trips around the block was the ONLY way I would fall asleep.

And to stay asleep, she used to run a hairdryer constantly, which of course isn’t very safe…until she realized a box fan worked just as well.

Reminds me of the time our no. 2 son, when he was about 2 or 3 years old, threw a tantrum (for reasons I can’t recall). Nothing worked to calm him down. There’s a railway line nearby that has a freight train that comes by a couple of times a day and I’m a bit of a railfan. I heard the train’s horn blowing. It’s a slow freight line so I had lots of time: I loaded my son into his car seat, and we drove a mile down the road to the railway crossing and waited for the train to pass. I took my son out, held him in my arms as the train passed, and told him to wave to the engineer. Well gosh darn the engineer waved back!!! My son was so thrilled the tantrum was soon forgotten and when we got home he couldn’t wait to tell his mom that the engineer waved at him.

Oh gosh now I’m getting all teary-eyed. My son lives in British Columbia now, and I haven’t seen him in over a year. We’re going to visit him in May. I really, really miss him (and for that matter my other sons; my oldest is on vacation in Argentina and has been away for two and a half months but he lives nearby in Montreal; my youngest is at university in Ontario).

 

[E_7]

Yes, baby sleeps in the car unless he is hungry.

Regarding the lubricants, I didn’t know water based is recommended because of condoms. In that case, oil based wont be a problem to use for us. So tell me, do these lubricants come with instructions ? Or do we just use the imagination? Wont it get greasy all over? Do we have to interrupt to wash the oil off hands?

 

[pensmama87]

That’s one reason I like coconut oil - coconut stays solid until pretty high temps, so it won’t melt until it touches skin. If you’re very concerned about mess, you can put a towel down. After applying, just rub the rest into your hands or… wherever. It’s a great massage oil, too.

I used to use it as lotion after a shower in the winter time. Just had to wait a few minutes before getting dressed.

 

[E_7]

That’s one reason I like coconut oil - coconut stays solid until pretty high temps, so it won’t melt until it touches skin. If you’re very concerned about mess, you can put a towel down. After applying, just rub the rest into your hands or… wherever. It’s a great massage oil, too.

I used to use it as lotion after a shower in the winter time. Just had to wait a few minutes before getting dressed.

Perfect, will try coconut oil as lub.(if husband agrees).

 

[E_7]

Just wanted to say that after sleeping the baby in my arms, we put him inside the bassinet with the top I was wearing and he slept for enough time for hubby and I to be intimate. It worked!