Newlyweds...another reason to really, really work on your marriage

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This guy’s married himself a real prize! She’d literally give her money to dogs than help her step-children with their college expenses!
 
My husband and I included a line in our vows about loving and caring for each other’s family as our own. We were talking about parents and siblings, but the same should certainly go for children. Awful woman.:mad:
 
I can understand her frustration with her husband’s children, especially if she never had children of her own. However, I think the financial advisor gave her excellent advice and tried to encourage her to find a loving solution to the problem.
 
She shouldn’t have contacted the kids on her own (although it sounds like the father wanted it that way) but she does have a point.

The daughter quit her high paying job before she was done paying back $50,000 in loans. $50,000! Now she has more piled on top of that and is getting married? Yes, it is time for the father to have his name taken off the loan. She is an adult making adult decisions, time to become completely responsible for the loan, regardless of whether she is paying it off on time or not. I will say that if it is going to up her rate or cause some other penalty, she could have a frank discussion with her father about when he can expect this loan will be paid off.

I think the step mother is callous in her dealings with the step children but she’s right, time for the twenty something’s to be on their own.
 
“The rest of the money (if there is any leftover) would go towards my favorite dog charity. Or maybe I could create a foundation that is related to dogs.”

She’d rather her money go to dogs rather than her husband’s children. So sick.:mad:
 
HouseArrest said:
She shouldn’t have contacted the kids on her own (although it sounds like the father wanted it that way) but she does have a point.

The daughter quit her high paying job before she was done paying back $50,000 in loans. $50,000! Now she has more piled on top of that and is getting married? Yes, it is time for the father to have his name taken off the loan. She is an adult making adult decisions, time to become completely responsible for the loan, regardless of whether she is paying it off on time or not. I will say that if it is going to up her rate or cause some other penalty, she could have a frank discussion with her father about when he can expect this loan will be paid off.

I think the step mother is callous in her dealings with the step children but she’s right, time for the twenty something’s to be on their own.
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I would agree with you that it’s time for the 20somethings to be on their own. However, they’re not her children, and the daughter has not been engaging in behavior that would affect her father negatively. (Is it wise for her to go back to school? Perhaps not, but if she’s making her loan payments on time, then no reason to start imagining scenarios where she won’t. After all, her payments will be deferred while she goes back to school. If she’s smart, she’ll have a stipend or job during school and will continue to pay them off even when she’s not required to. But I’m not her family so it’s not my business. ;))

I am in my 20s and my parents cosigned most of my loans. It’s not to my advantage to mess with their structure - in fact, the interest rates would most likely go up. I’ve always made my payments on time and have paid off over half of them early. My parents have no reason to worry.

Now, I will say that when the time comes I don’t plan on my kids taking out any loans at all. Maybe the education bubble will burst by then, in addition to my hopefully saving well after my loans are paid off and teaching my children how to apply for scholarships, work hard and save their own, etc.

Bottom line is, stepmom has got a whacked out sense of priorities and doesn’t understand what is and isn’t her place.
 
I certainly can see where the woman has made some mistakes but I see this situation as absurd. A few 30-60 day late payments will destroy someone’s credit. This is a very serious situation.

I’m assuming, from her concern, that the husband cannot just pay off these loans from his savings. One son is paying late and the daughter is adding more debt for a career that will earn less money. These kids sound like a disaster. They resent being told to shape up (and some of you don’t like that either) so I wouldn’t leave them any money either.

Parenting, in my opinion, is teaching children to make their own way, not to destroy your parents way.

My son went to a state school. He worked a part time job for a couple of years and we payed the rest. He has been out of school for 3.5 years. He makes almost as much as I do. He is married, owns a home and his only debt is a mortgage. He won’t be destroying my credit and robbing my retirement.
 
St_Pancake said:
I certainly can see where the woman has made some mistakes but I see this situation as absurd. A few 30-60 day late payments will destroy someone’s credit. This is a very serious situation.

I’m assuming, from her concern, that the husband cannot just pay off these loans from his savings. One son is paying late and the daughter is adding more debt for a career that will earn less money. These kids sound like a disaster. They resent being told to shape up (and some of you don’t like that either) so I wouldn’t leave them any money either.

Parenting, in my opinion, is teaching children to make their own way, not to destroy your parents way.

My son went to a state school. He worked a part time job for a couple of years and we payed the rest. He has been out of school for 3.5 years. He makes almost as much as I do. He is married, owns a home and his only debt is a mortgage. He won’t be destroying my credit and robbing my retirement.
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I agree with you. I’m confused by the hostility towards the woman. Carrying adult children to the tune of $50,000 a piece is ridiculous. How do people with 4 or more children get on. Children sometimes need a little leg up while they are young but if parents have to support them this way for their entire lives it’s raising a new generation of entitled, big babyboo boo brats! The daughter has a fiance who is a teacher for heavens sake! Pay your own bill madam. Grow up.
 
LongingSoul said:
I agree with you. I’m confused by the hostility towards the woman. Carrying adult children to the tune of $50,000 a piece is ridiculous. How do people with 4 or more children get on. Children sometimes need a little leg up while they are young but if parents have to support them this way for their entire lives it’s raising a new generation of entitled, big babyboo boo brats! The daughter has a fiance who is a teacher for heavens sake! Pay your own bill madam. Grow up.
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The children are paying their own loans, the son is paying late on times.

The wife is concerned about the husband’s credit score (I’m not sure if that is something you have an equivalent to in Australia) A credit score is a number assigned by credit bureaus to estimate a person’s financial ability to repay loans.

These loans existed before the marriage. She should have addressed it before marrying. And perhaps Dad should have had a will put in place to protect the children’s inheritance.
 
LongingSoul said:
I agree with you. I’m confused by the hostility towards the woman. Carrying adult children to the tune of $50,000 a piece is ridiculous. How do people with 4 or more children get on. Children sometimes need a little leg up while they are young but if parents have to support them this way for their entire lives it’s raising a new generation of entitled, big babyboo boo brats! The daughter has a fiance who is a teacher for heavens sake! Pay your own bill madam. Grow up.
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Absolutely. As a professor, I can usually tell quite easily which of my students pay their own way; these students know how hard they had to work to be sitting in my class, so they tend to try A LOT harder. I paid my own way in both undergraduate and graduate school, and I’m glad I did. I certainly appreciate my degrees because I sure did work for them. My children will make their own way through college.

However, my dismay at this stepmom was really her animosity towards her husband and his children. Heck, she even asked whether she should find a lawyer to protect just her or her husband, too. If stepmom had voiced any concerns about the kids needing to learn not to be “baby boohoo brats,” 😃 she wouldn’t have appeared so self-centered and unloving.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
The children are paying their own loans, the son is paying late on times.

The wife is concerned about the husband’s credit score (I’m not sure if that is something you have an equivalent to in Australia) A credit score is a number assigned by credit bureaus to estimate a person’s financial ability to repay loans.

These loans existed before the marriage. She should have addressed it before marrying. And perhaps Dad should have had a will put in place to protect the children’s inheritance.
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Right.

I wonder if it’s possible to get notification system for late payments? That would take a lot of the pain out of the situation.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
The children are paying their own loans, the son is paying late on times.

The wife is concerned about the husband’s credit score (I’m not sure if that is something you have an equivalent to in Australia) A credit score is a number assigned by credit bureaus to estimate a person’s financial ability to repay loans.

These loans existed before the marriage. She should have addressed it before marrying. And perhaps Dad should have had a will put in place to protect the children’s inheritance.
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We do have a system of credit rating. We don’t co sign for student loans though. Most tertiary students are government supported and are required to pay back their fees on reaching a certain salary level. Parents are no where in the picture though. They are adults and responsible for their deferred fees payback themselves. It seems incredibly unreasonable to expect parents to guarantee tertiary fees for their adult children. What a huge burden over their heads for a lifetime it seems.
 
There is no way this is about student loan debt. This goes way deeper. Her kind of distain comes from hurt or insecurity and is manifesting itself over money. There is a much bigger problem here.
 
Xantippe said:
Right.

I wonder if it’s possible to get notification system for late payments? That would take a lot of the pain out of the situation.
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Yeah.

Every bill pay service I have has an option for that - notification 10 days prior or some such thing. And it’s pretty easy to change due dates online, too.

Even though I have several loans, all of mine are serviced by one company, so one payment. Though I had no private loans (those seem to have the harshest terms from what I know.)
 
Regina7 said:
A

However, my dismay at this stepmom was really her animosity towards her husband and his children. Heck, she even asked whether she should find a lawyer to protect just her or her husband, too. If stepmom had voiced any concerns about the kids needing to learn not to be “baby boohoo brats,” 😃 she wouldn’t have appeared so self-centered and unloving.
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There are some fairly reasonable issues when step parents or step anythings become involved in later life marriages/families. This women barely even knows her adult step children she says but is expected to be a parent to them. That doesn’t seem right. Decent lawyers will give good guidance on how to handle this situation. We have no fractures in our family but my parents were advised to include in their will that if we their children pre decease them that our share of inheritance passes straight to our children by passing the widowed spouse. They see too many situations where a widowed spouse goes and marries again and the inheritance is lost to the children over time.

I really think the woman deserves good legal advice that isn’t so critical of her in this situation.
 
LongingSoul said:
There are some fairly reasonable issues when step parents or step anythings become involved in later life marriages/families. This women barely even knows her adult step children she says but is expected to be a parent to them. That doesn’t seem right. Decent lawyers will give good guidance on how to handle this situation. We have no fractures in our family but my parents were advised to include in their will that if we their children pre decease them that our share of inheritance passes straight to our children by passing the widowed spouse. They see too many situations where a widowed spouse goes and marries again and the inheritance is lost to the children over time.

I really think the woman deserves good legal advice that isn’t so critical of her in this situation.
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I’m not critical of her situation; I’m critical of her attitude.
 
Regina7 said:
I’m not critical of her situation; I’m critical of her attitude.
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No, I understand. Though I think it was unprofessional of the reporter to comment on her attitude. It really doesn’t seem within his competency and it affects the quality of objective advice for the situation. As a step something, these issues are reasonable.
 
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