Newlyweds...another reason to really, really work on your marriage

[UbiCaritas]

Yeah.

Every bill pay service I have has an option for that - notification 10 days prior or some such thing. And it’s pretty easy to change due dates online, too.

Even though I have several loans, all of mine are serviced by one company, so one payment. Though I had no private loans (those seem to have the harshest terms from what I know.)

Exactly.

Also, in my experience, student loan providers are also pretty easy to deal with if you’ve demonstrated responsibility in the past. When DH and I left for our honeymoon, I forgot to sort out a couple of bill payments in advance, what with the marriage/bank account changes and everything associated with pulling off a move and a wedding on the same day. We were out of the country, so phone calls back weren’t really an option. Upon my returning to the US, I called them, apologized profusely for the lateness of the payment, explained briefly what had happened, and made arrangements for future payments from a different account. They didn’t even charge me a late fee or penalty for that late payment, though that may well have had a lot to do with the fact that I’d never so much as had a late payment before.

The one private loan I had was from a servicer who didn’t do due diligence in tracking me down to pay it. In their defense, I’d honestly forgotten I’d gotten it freshman year–it was for a rather small amount, and I’d had a lot of stuff going on, but I still should have kept better records. At the same time, though, I had updated my contact information appropriately every time I’d moved with the student loan database and credit agencies, so I don’t think I was entirely unreasonable in expecting them to send a notification to the correct address, plus my phone number had been the same for the past five years, so they could have called…

Once they finally got ahold of me, I refused to pay the penalties assigned on the grounds that they hadn’t done due diligence in their contact attempts, but offered to make a bulk payment to bring the account to date and set up an automatic withdrawal from my bank account for future payments. They agreed that that was fair.

While the woman in the OP sounds like a pretty nasty human being, I do agree that cosigning on loans is a grey area of parenting at best. Money can make a mess of relationships very easily indeed. Though the daughter’s decisions seem unwise, at least she’s demonstrating financial responsibility. The son, on the other hand–as others have pointed out, late payments can really mess with a credit score, and it’s not at all fair to hurt someone else’s credit score when they’ve cosigned on a loan; it speaks to a lack of personal responsibility, and to a good bit of self-centeredness.

(In the interests of disclosure, some friends cosigned on an auto loan for me my last year in college because I had no credit history and the car that’d gotten me through school until then needed about five times as much in repairs as it was worth. Believe you me, that loan payment got prioritized over every other bill each month, because I was not going to mess up the credit score of people who were so kind to me.)

 

[EasterJoy]

I’m not critical of her situation; I’m critical of her attitude.

It would hardly be unusual for a biological mother to have the same attitude: that is, we co-signed the loan but you promised to pay it. Grow up and quit treating us as if you’ve already inherited everything we own. We already raised you, and we may have other plans for who will benefit from our wealth when we die.

After all, why is the violation not the attitude of the adult children, who promised one thing and now want to have someone else pick up the tab so they can do something else?

What if she planned to give her money to a convent or a seminary instead of a foundation protecting God’s creatures? Is it not her money to give to whomever she pleases? Just because hers is not the charity we would choose, it is not as if she’s hoarding her wealth to spend on useless baubles for herself or other self-indulgences.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

The children are making their payments on time. This woman proves herself somewhat mean where she is concerned about her stepchildren dying and ruining Dad,‘s credit score.’ Who worries about a credit score while pondering the death of step children? She’s concerned about dying before her husband because he might leave her money to his children.

One thing I know is we can’t take it with us.

 

[pensmama87]

It would hardly be unusual for a biological mother to have the same attitude: that is, we co-signed the loan but you promised to pay it. Grow up and quit treating us as if you’ve already inherited everything we own. We already raised you, and we may have other plans for who will benefit from our wealth when we die.

After all, why is the violation not the attitude of the adult children, who promised one thing and now want to have someone else pick up the tab so they can do something else?

What if she planned to give her money to a convent or a seminary instead of a foundation protecting God’s creatures? Is it not her money to give to whomever she pleases? Just because hers is not the charity we would choose, it is not as if she’s hoarding her wealth to spend on useless baubles for herself or other self-indulgences.

Maybe I missed it in the link, but all I see is a step mom imagining how this could go badly. The kids are not asking for additional money. Her husband doesn’t seem to have paid a dime, though his credit could be affected by the son’s late payments. It’s easy enough to check.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Maybe I missed it in the link, but all I see is a step mom imagining how this could go badly. The kids are not asking for additional money. Her husband doesn’t seem to have paid a dime, though his credit could be affected by the son’s late payments. It’s easy enough to check.

And all this was something to have acted upon before marriage. If the way her husband deals financially with his children was problematic for her, she could have decided against marrying him. These loans were taken out with his ex wife as a co signer as well.

 

[pensmama87]

And all this was something to have acted upon before marriage. If the way her husband deals financially with his children was problematic for her, she could have decided against marrying him. These loans were taken out with his ex wife as a co signer as well.

Exactly.

 

[Regina7]

And all this was something to have acted upon before marriage. If the way her husband deals financially with his children was problematic for her, she could have decided against marrying him. These loans were taken out with his ex wife as a co signer as well.

Yep. It’s hard for me to feel sorry for her. She knew what she was getting into, and if she didn’t…she should have.

 

[LongingSoul]

Maybe I missed it in the link, but all I see is a step mom imagining how this could go badly. The kids are not asking for additional money. Her husband doesn’t seem to have paid a dime, though his credit could be affected by the son’s late payments. It’s easy enough to check.

That’s where I don’t see it as clearly. She doesn’t refer to herself as the adult kids stepmom. She says their mother is also involved… stuck with risk. She refers to the kids as her husbands son and daughter. The daughter has already had a 4 year loan, gone out and had a high powered job and then quit to study more which is finishing in June. She is engaged to a teacher who presumably earns a reasonable wage. After all those years she must be in at least her mid 20s. She says she doesn’t have any relationship with the children which is common when someone marries who has adult children with an involved mother of their own. She says she addressed getting the daughter to take over the loan herself as she is getting married soon, but the husband refuses to bring it up with the daughter. She’s not in a very safe position. She deserves some good unbiased, non judgemental legal advice IMO.

 

[Xantippe]

That’s where I don’t see it as clearly. She doesn’t refer to herself as the adult kids stepmom. She says their mother is also involved… stuck with risk. She refers to the kids as her husbands son and daughter. The daughter has already had a 4 year loan, gone out and had a high powered job and then quit to study more which is finishing in June. She is engaged to a teacher who presumably earns a reasonable wage. After all those years she must be in at least her mid 20s. She says she doesn’t have any relationship with the children which is common when someone marries who has adult children with an involved mother of their own. She says she addressed getting the daughter to take over the loan herself as she is getting married soon, but the husband refuses to bring it up with the daughter. She’s not in a very safe position. She deserves some good unbiased, non judgemental legal advice IMO.

I just found this:

“After graduation, the primary borrower may apply for co-signer release after making 12 consecutive monthly on-time principal and interest payments. Sallie Mae looks at the primary borrower’s demonstrated success with other credit obligations (e.g., car payments, apartment rent or credit card) and reviews whether your friend has sufficient income to manage the payments. If the primary borrower meets the credit criteria, the co-signer is released from the loan obligation.”

bankrate.com/finance/college-finance/escape-route-student-loan-co-signer.aspx

Ironically (but not surprisingly), it may be easier to get off the on-time daughter’s loan than to get off the late-pay son’s loan.

I’m actually surprised that it can be done at all without refinancing the student loan with a new (and probably much more expensive) loan.

As they say in that article, “When you co-sign a loan, you agree to share in a financial risk that the lender would not take on without you.” The lender insists on a co-signer because they believe the borrower is a bad risk.

 

[EasterJoy]

Maybe I missed it in the link, but all I see is a step mom imagining how this could go badly. The kids are not asking for additional money. Her husband doesn’t seem to have paid a dime, though his credit could be affected by the son’s late payments. It’s easy enough to check.

Don’t get me wrong; if I seemed to choose sides, that was not my point.

My point is that when a stepparent says what any biological parents might have said, it is a whole different bee’s nest. She is just as married to their father as their mother was and she has the same standing with regards to his finances as their mother had, and vice versa. If she doesn’t agree with his hands-off attitude towards a loan he co-signed, that may have nothing to do with whether or not she is also the biological parent of these adult children.

She has to be careful, though, because children who resent their parents’ standing to concern themselves with how they are handling their debt will usually not see it that way. The stepparent is an easy target to scapegoat. Children can’t squawk much when Dad puts what their mother says first, but they think they have standing to put themselves a rank ahead of the wife who is not their biological mother. (The truth is that they ought to give her all the standing and respect due to their father’s wife, whether they like her or not.)

 

[EasterJoy]

I just found this:

“After graduation, the primary borrower may apply for co-signer release after making 12 consecutive monthly on-time principal and interest payments. Sallie Mae looks at the primary borrower’s demonstrated success with other credit obligations (e.g., car payments, apartment rent or credit card) and reviews whether your friend has sufficient income to manage the payments. If the primary borrower meets the credit criteria, the co-signer is released from the loan obligation.”

bankrate.com/finance/college-finance/escape-route-student-loan-co-signer.aspx

Ironically (but not surprisingly), it may be easier to get off the on-time daughter’s loan than to get off the late-pay son’s loan.

I’m actually surprised that it can be done at all without refinancing the student loan with a new (and probably much more expensive) loan.

The question might be whether the primary borrower wants to apply for that release or not. If it were Dad pressing for this loan to be handled a certain way, I’d say ‘yes.’ Since it is not their biological dad who is sticking his nose into how his children are handling his credit score, maybe not so much.

 

[LongingSoul]

I just found this:

“After graduation, the primary borrower may apply for co-signer release after making 12 consecutive monthly on-time principal and interest payments. Sallie Mae looks at the primary borrower’s demonstrated success with other credit obligations (e.g., car payments, apartment rent or credit card) and reviews whether your friend has sufficient income to manage the payments. If the primary borrower meets the credit criteria, the co-signer is released from the loan obligation.”

bankrate.com/finance/college-finance/escape-route-student-loan-co-signer.aspx

Ironically (but not surprisingly), it may be easier to get off the on-time daughter’s loan than to get off the late-pay son’s loan.

I’m actually surprised that it can be done at all without refinancing the student loan with a new (and probably much more expensive) loan.

As they say in that article, “When you co-sign a loan, you agree to share in a financial risk that the lender would not take on without you.” The lender insists on a co-signer because they believe the borrower is a bad risk.

It really makes me appreciate the Australian system. My son is doing a full time IT and daughter starting a 3 year degree course next month. Their fees are deferred until they are working and earning a certain amount. Their living expenses are covered by government student allowance of $360 per fortnight and that is gratuitous. No need to repay. Mum and Dad aren’t involved in that stuff whatsoever.

 

[Xantippe]

It really makes me appreciate the Australian system. My son is doing a full time IT and daughter starting a 3 year degree course next month. Their fees are deferred until they are working and earning a certain amount. Their living expenses are covered by government student allowance of $360 per fortnight and that is gratuitous. No need to repay. Mum and Dad aren’t involved in that stuff whatsoever.

Parents have to be DEEPLY involved in the US or kids have a very hard time getting through college.

One of my major peeves is US parents who won’t fill out financial aid forms, so their children can’t get any need-based aid until they are well into their 20s. So selfish! So irresponsible!

 

[1990Domer]

My husband and I included a line in our vows about loving and caring for each other’s family as our own. We were talking about parents and siblings, but the same should certainly go for children. Awful woman.

That is beautiful. I wish more people were as loving!

 

[LongingSoul]

Parents have to be DEEPLY involved in the US or kids have a very hard time getting through college.

One of my major peeves is US parents who won’t fill out financial aid forms, so their children can’t get any need-based aid until they are well into their 20s. So selfish! So irresponsible!

Can the students not fill out their own forms? Do they require parent signatory?

 

[1990Domer]

There is no way this is about student loan debt. This goes way deeper. Her kind of distain comes from hurt or insecurity and is manifesting itself over money. There is a much bigger problem here.

That was my initial thought in posting. Big communication issue at the best and who knows what else at the worst.

I had a tax client whose parents were on the for co-signing a loan for her sister’s boyfriend. We’re talking about $50,000. My client emptied her 401k to bail out her parents because her dad is in poor health. She didn’t tell her DH either. I took a lot of pepto-bismol that year.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Can the students not fill out their own forms? Do they require parent signatory?

I’m not sure, but they do require the parents’ collaboration, the parents need to provide information on their income and assets.

If things haven’t changed, the financial aid form was also necessary to apply for a loan as well.

 

[PhiloMed]

Can the students not fill out their own forms? Do they require parent signatory?

It’s not about the physical act of filling out the form, but the parents need to provide detailed financial information (tax returns, pay stubs Etc). And yes, signature.

 

[LongingSoul]

I’m not sure, but they do require the parents’ collaboration, the parents need to provide information on their income and assets.

If things haven’t changed, the financial aid form was also necessary to apply for a loan as well.

Of course. I’m just remembering that student allowance here is parental income tested also. Both my son and daughter worked for 2 or 3 years after leaving school though and that meant they were considered independent of their parents and eligible for the allowance regardless of our income.

 

[Xantippe]

Can the students not fill out their own forms? Do they require parent signatory?

Well, the problem is that the forms require family financial information which the students aren’t necessarily privy to.

Also, financial aid is calculated according to family income.

Everything is set up on the assumption of parental help and involvement, so anybody whose parents aren’t actually helpful is up a creek.

“A child is considered a dependent student for federal student aid purposes until age 24, unless she is married, has dependents other than a spouse, is a veteran or active duty member of the Armed Forces, is a graduate student or satisfies a variety of less common criteria for independent student status.”

fastweb.com/financial-aid/articles/what-can-you-do-if-your-parents-won-t-file-the-fafsa-or-help-pay-for-college