NFP and adoption

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LaSainte

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So let’s say a couple has, for their own serious reasons, as many kids as they want and they do not ever want any more, period. If they use NFP to avoid pregnancy and still become pregnant, can they just give any future kids they have up for adoption, like dropping puppies off at the Humane Society?
 
If they really and truly can’t provide for their kids, and can’t find any of the many resources available to help them, and their baby is in danger due to them not being able to provide for him/her…yes, they can give them up for adoption… What they can’t do is abort them, according to the teachings of the Church.
 
LaSainte said:
So let’s say a couple has, for their own serious reasons, as many kids as they want and they do not ever want any more, period. If they use NFP to avoid pregnancy and still become pregnant, can they just give any future kids they have up for adoption, like dropping puppies off at the Humane Society?
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I guess they could place a child in adoption if they could not care for him themselves.

But comparing it to dropping off puppies is just a bit cruel. 😦

Moms who place their children in a adoptive situtation are doing so because they believe another couple could better care for their child. They do it for love, not for convenience.
 
LaSainte said:
So let’s say a couple has, for their own serious reasons, as many kids as they want and they do not ever want any more, period. If they use NFP to avoid pregnancy and still become pregnant, can they just give any future kids they have up for adoption, like dropping puppies off at the Humane Society?
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Adoption is always a moral option, in any situation, but you referring to it like dropping puppies off at the HS is insulting to all those parents who have chosen to give up their child for adoption and to those adopting children. These are serious choices.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
I guess they could place a child in adoption if they could not care for him themselves.

But comparing it to dropping off puppies is just a bit cruel. 😦

Moms who place their children in a adoptive situtation are doing so because they believe another couple could better care for their child. They do it for love, not for convenience.
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Unfortunately, that’s not always true. I knew a guy who had two children with his girlfriend and they chose to “sell” their baby. Those were his words. Don’t doubt, she got really depressed (and went to drinking her sorrows away) on the birtdates of the two kids, and he seemed ambivalent and insensitive to her ‘birthdate sorrows’…but they needed money, she got pregnant, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. And they did this TWICE that I know of. They were kinda trashy (sorry, I don’t mean to be mean). I haven’t seen them in a while. I thought it was gross, but honestly, it was better for the kids all the way around. Thankfully, I only know of one couple in real life that would do such a thing.

But I think, generally speaking Mary Gail, you are correct. It has to be heartbreaking for especially the mom, when she thinks she has no other choice but to give up the life she carried for nine months, and labored to deliver.
 
Jennifer_J said:
Adoption is always a moral option, in any situation, but you referring to it like dropping puppies off at the HS is insulting to all those parents who have chosen to give up their child for adoption and to those adopting children. These are serious choices.
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Um, I agree…a lot more serious than dropping them off at the steps of hospitals and Churches, and dumps…and barns. A perfectly healthy days-old baby was found by the Sherif in a barn, abanoned, last month. I think putting your baby in the capable hands of a social worker for adoption is a lot more seriously and selflessly thought out than leaving it in a barn for the coyotes to get. I don’t mean to be cruel myelf but even the animals do a better job than that. Have you ever seen an animal fight you off if their baby is in perceived danger???
 
Rence said:
Unfortunately, that’s not always true. I knew a guy who had two children with his girlfriend and they chose to “sell” their baby. Those were his words. Don’t doubt, she got really depressed (and went to drinking her sorrows away) on the birtdates of the two kids, and he seemed ambivalent and insensitive to her ‘birthdate sorrows’…but they needed money, she got pregnant, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. And they did this TWICE that I know of. They were kinda trashy (sorry, I don’t mean to be mean). I haven’t seen them in a while. I thought it was gross, but honestly, it was better for the kids all the way around. Thankfully, I only know of one couple in real life that would do such a thing.

But I think, generally speaking Mary Gail, you are correct. It has to be heartbreaking for especially the mom, when she thinks she has no other choice but to give up the life she carried for nine months, and labored to deliver.
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Sold? Like on the black market?
 
Jennifer_J said:
Adoption is always a moral option, in any situation, but you referring to it like dropping puppies off at the HS is insulting to all those parents who have chosen to give up their child for adoption and to those adopting children. These are serious choices.
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I agree 100%!
 
LaSainte said:
So let’s say a couple has, for their own serious reasons, as many kids as they want and they do not ever want any more, period. If they use NFP to avoid pregnancy and still become pregnant, can they just give any future kids they have up for adoption, like dropping puppies off at the Humane Society?
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I not so sure I would use the puppy analogy.🙂

But yes, if they can’t provide for the child, then it would be proper to put the child up for adoption.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
Sold? Like on the black market?
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I didn’t ask for that information. She was paid $20,000 for each kid…does that sound like the black market? Because she got free prenatal care and free delivery and such through the state…so it wasn’t medical expenses. She cleared that much.
 
Rence said:
I didn’t ask for that information. She was paid $20,000 for each kid…does that sound like the black market? Because she got free prenatal care and free delivery and such through the state…so it wasn’t medical expenses. She cleared that much.
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It could have been black market, but sometimes mothers are offered “additional compensation” as part of legal adoption. I’m not sure what regulations exist (and I would think it would be pretty easy to arrange even in a legal adoption if both parties were willing), but you could refer to this kind of adoption agreement as “selling” even if it’s more than a little crude. 😦
 
Rence said:
I didn’t ask for that information. She was paid $20,000 for each kid…does that sound like the black market? Because she got free prenatal care and free delivery and such through the state…so it wasn’t medical expenses. She cleared that much.
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I don’t know much about adoption and the fees involved. But I’m not sure the birth parents are supposed to get a profit.

Here I found this from Ohio (quick google search)

ohioadoptionlaw.com/adoption-of-child.html
Q.: I don’t have much money. How much would an adoption cost me?
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A.: An adoption does not cost you anything. This is true if you are a single birth mother or if you and the birth father are both involved in making a plan of adoption for your child. All the costs associated with the adoption, such as counseling fees, lawyers and agency expenses, hospital and doctor expenses, pre-natal vitamins and, in most cases, maternity clothes, are covered by the adoptive family.
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Q.: Might I actually get paid for placing my baby for adoption?
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A.: No. It is illegal for a birth mother to get paid for placing a baby for adoption. The birth mother’s adoption-related expenses are paid, however.
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Rence said:
I didn’t ask for that information. She was paid $20,000 for each kid…does that sound like the black market? Because she got free prenatal care and free delivery and such through the state…so it wasn’t medical expenses. She cleared that much.
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Yes, that sounds like human trafficking. It is very illegal to sell a baby. The people who adopt the child might be desperate parents but they may very well be criminals.
 
silicasandra said:
It could have been black market, but sometimes mothers are offered “additional compensation” as part of legal adoption. I’m not sure what regulations exist (and I would think it would be pretty easy to arrange even in a legal adoption if both parties were willing), but you could refer to this kind of adoption agreement as “selling” even if it’s more than a little crude. 😦
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Well, just so we’re all clear, the boyfriend specifically called it selling. So it’s not something I had an opinion or thought on from which to come to that conclusion. What happened was, apparently the girlfriend was sulking at a bar, and the boyfriend insensitively remarked on her ‘feeling sorry for herself’ because she decided to sell her baby, and that day was her child’s birthday. I don’t remember what my reply was at the time, but he further offered that she had done this twice, and that she cleared $20,000 each time. When I asked him how he felt about it as he was the father of those children, he just shrugged. I dunno…I think they’re both gross and disgusting.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
Rence, I totally got that you were quoting these people, and it isn’t your assesment of the situation.
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Me too! I’m sorry, Rence, if I gave you that impression!

I’m just pointing out that the adoption could have been legal, but if there was (legal) additional compensation (which I understand exists), they may have (crudely) called it “selling” even if it wasn’t, from a legal standpoint.

But unfortunately, yes, there are people who are out for monetary gain, rather than simply trying to make the best out of an unfortunate situation. 😦
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
Rence, I totally got that you were quoting these people, and it isn’t your assesment of the situation.
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I thought you did, but I wanted to make sure just in case 🙂 A lot of people are quick to jump to conclusions, and though I might sometimes (and in the case of my brother, many times 😃 ) , I didn’t in this case 😛
 
I’m sorry if some of you got the impression that I was referring to all people who give their children up as “dropping them off like puppies”. For most, giving a child up is a brave and heartbreaking choice. But I was more questioning the morality of just being “done” having kids and then deciding to give any subsequent ones up for adoption. Some women simply don’t want 6 or 9 kids, and if they follow Church teaching on the immorality of contraception, then would it be immoral for them to give some of their kids up for adoption? The Church says that you should only practice NFP for “serious” reasons, but personally, I think that not wanting any more kids is pretty darn serious. It could affect how the child is treated, raised and loved for their entire life. That sounds pretty darn serious to me. So would that couple be able to morally give any “extra” children up for adoption, or would it be better to either A.)contracept or B.)treat the unwanted child accordingly?
 
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