NFP and Concerns for Married Couples

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I wanted to Know what all the Married Couples on here thought about my concern with NFP.

My fiance thinks that the Church’s View on Sex in Marriage is overstated. She doesn’t Understand why its Not ok to have Oral Sex In marriage and thinks NFP will lead to her having 10 kids which she feels overwhelmed by. She also thinks that if she doesnt want to have that many Kids, we will only be able to have sex 1 week out of the month. So my first list of questions to the MARRIED couples on here is some of her concerns justified? Does NFP in your experience Lead to 10 Kids? Can you only have sex once a week if you dont want a preganacy? Is Oral Sex strictly forbidden in Marriage? How does this help or hinder your marriage?

Also my next question is a concern I have. Do any of you ever feel your spouse might get needy or not feel like there desires are being met because of NFP And the Church’s Views on Sex and might be tempted to have sex outside of there marriage with someone else?

I really hope all the great Catholics can help me with these questions. Im about to be married and these questions are very important to me.

God bless
 
SoulRebel777 said:
Does NFP in your experience Lead to 10 Kids? Can you only have sex once a week if you dont want a preganacy? Is Oral Sex strictly forbidden in Marriage? How does this help or hinder your marriage?

Also my next question is a concern I have. Do any of you ever feel your spouse might get needy or not feel like there desires are being met because of NFP And the Church’s Views on Sex and might be tempted to have sex outside of there marriage with someone else?
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No, my experience is that couples who use NFP are able to effectively space their children/limit their family.

The number of days of abstainence is determined by the couple’s experience and how regular her cycles are. I’d highly encourage you and your fiancee to take a class in NFP and have her chart for several months prior to getting married.

Oral sex is allowed in marriage as foreplay–that is to say that the husband cannot complete the act through oral sex.

Our marriage is quite strong and we have been charting our entire marriage. 👍

No, I have never worried that my husband would cheat on me because of NFP. If anything, NFP fosters better communication between a husband and wife. 🙂
 
Kevins giirl

what does it mean when it says day 18 of 29day cycle and so many days until testing? this sounds very …I dont know…I cant imagine that catholics in the ancient past did all this charting. what is charting how does it work?
 
First, congratulations on your future marriage!

Second… oral sex is permitted as long as the act ends in the correct manner (husband completing inside wife).

Third… NFP is a wonderful tool to use to space children, to conceive or to limit the number of children you can have.

I have conceived 2 very planned and wanted children by using NFP (sadly they are not here on Earth, they were born in Heaven). NFP helps you determine when a woman is fertile. You only need to abstain about a wk if you know the system well enough and if her cycles aren’t strange because of health problems.

My husband isn’t Catholic and he doesn’t complain about the fact that we are using NFP. His family and some of mine think we’re crazy but we know the truths about NFP and how it helps you bond that we don’t care what others say or think.

If you want to avoid, you just avoid when your wife is fertile. There are 3 phases in a woman’s cycle, I, II & III. I is sub- fertile. Can be fertile but it depends on how close to ovulation the woman is. II is when the woman is fertile and III is infertile and it’s about 2 wks.

NFP has made our intimate life wonderful. It helps with communication and trust. The worst part is learning it, but she can learn it before you get married. It only took me a month to learn it and I was already married when we learned the 2 methods I know now (I’m only 27, been married for 2.5 yrs).

There are several methods you and your fiancee can learn. It all depends on what you’re comfortable with. I do STM (Sympto-thermal) and Creighton.

STM is taking her temperature every morning at the same time, checking cervical mucus (internally and externally) and checking her cervical position. The temperature, internal mucus ck and cervical position are to cross check, the mucus part is the most important, but using the other 2 symptoms help you identify the fertile phase (phase 2) with more confidence. www.ccli.org www.nfpandmore.com

Creighton is an external mucus only method. You can identify when ovulation is near and done and this method uses NaPro Technology to identify health concerns that can be fixed to help you with your fertility. popepaulvi.com/

There is also Billings and the Marquette Model… but I don’t know much about those.

Anyway… it’s not hard, and you won’t end up w/10 kids if you don’t want to, but you do have to exercise abstinence during a short time every month.

Oh, and have you read Christopher West’s “the Truth About Sex and Marriage”? It’s a wonderful book to read. It’s in question/answer format and it explains all about sex w/in marriage, what’s allowed and what’s not… it’s a wonderful book to read before or during marriage. I also read it after I was married. Oh, and this book is written by a Catholic writer, and he got his answers from JPII’s Theology of the Body.

ETA: I just wanted to add an example… my cycles can be from 32-35 days long. I usually ovulate on day 23 but have ovulated as early as day 18, so we don’t have to abstain until day 12 to 21 if we want to avoid. I had no idea my cycles were like that until STM. Now I know when I’m fertil and if we want to avoid for x reason, we do, if not, no need to worry. If trying to conceive, you know when the best days are to conceive and have a better chance at conceiving.
 
I had a similar view of natural family planning as well when I got married. I am protestant and I seriously thought it was some kooky catholic thing.

It’s not, and in my opinion it should be taught more to women by their OBGYN’s. I just went of the pill about two months ago and I cannot believe how much better I feel than when I was on it. One of the things no one ever tells you about the pill is the effect it has on your emotions, moods, and sex drive. My husband and I’s relationship all around is better now than when I was on the pill, mainly because I feel more like myself now than I did before.

We do the method described in the “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” book. Which is a great book. By looking at my charts my husband and I can tell exactly where I am in my cycle and we now have a much better understanding of how my body works. I actually found the entire process very empowering. 😃

I can’t tell you from personal expierence but a good family friend has been using NFP for 5 years and have not gotten pregnant.

As for the Oral Sex thing…can’t help you there it has never really been something my husband or I was into.🤷

Being protestant, I have always felt the Catholic Church is “overstated” on sex. My approach was and is, if God can make a virgin have a child…my Birth Control Pills aren’t going to stop him if he really wanted my to have a baby. However, I do think that maybe it’s less a statement on whether or not Artificial Birht Control is right ot wrong, and more on what is best for us…which is probably not tinkering with our hormonal balance. Honestly having done both, I prefer NFP, it is a better, more logical, and healthier system.

You and your fiance should take a class and get the “Taking Charge of your Fertility” book. It will open your mind to what NFP really is. I also recommend finding an OBGYN that is supportive of it as well.

Hope that helps.
 
First Off I want to say you all sound like really great Women of God. So God bless all of you.

Secondly your suggesstions have been very helpful. Im sorta relieved to know that by using NFP you can space out your Kids somewhat and your able to make love to your wife pretty reguarly. So alot of my concerns have certaintly been addressed here. I guess the Next thing is just learning about NFP and the different methods of it.

I glad to get a definate answer On Oral Sex as well.

Another Question is , how much does it cost to buy the things needed to practice NFP?

I also want to say God bless all the great Catholic Wives on this site , its a very beautiful thing and makes me happy to know there out there.
 
NFP is a way to learn about your body, so you can determine at which point you are most likely to be fertile. There are only a couple of days a month when a woman’s eggs are available for fertilization. A woman knows that she is in this time period because cervical mucus will change, and the position of the cervix changes. When you enter into this time period, you would abstain from having sex until the temp rises, at which ovulation is confirmed. So, you can have sex pretty much every day of the month but 4-5 days. If you want to have kids, you can try to have sex during that time, but you can also have sex whenever you want. So, tell your wife not to worry. It is very effective natural birth control and only takes a second or two a day to do, and then when she is ready to have kids, she will know her baby and the signs, and you will have a good chance to have babies. I know quite a bit about it if you have more questions… but to answer your questions, you will not only have sex one day a month and you will not have 10 kids, unless you want them.
 
SoulRebel777 said:
First Off I want to say you all sound like really great Women of God. So God bless all of you.

Secondly your suggesstions have been very helpful. Im sorta relieved to know that by using NFP you can space out your Kids somewhat and your able to make love to your wife pretty reguarly. So alot of my concerns have certaintly been addressed here. I guess the Next thing is just learning about NFP and the different methods of it.

I glad to get a definate answer On Oral Sex as well.

Another Question is , how much does it cost to buy the things needed to practice NFP?

I also want to say God bless all the great Catholic Wives on this site , its a very beautiful thing and makes me happy to know there out there.
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Depends on what route you want to go thru. Parishes usually offer this class and is often a requirement before the wedding. you can contact your diocese and they can help you there, or you can learn it on your own but having an instructor helps if you have questions.

If you go to the ccli or the popepaul websites, they tell you who teaches the classes. I paid $75 for the STM and it includes the book, the charts, the thermometer and the class. For Creighton, I paid $35 for each of the 2 mettings w/the instructor but they provide you with the book, the chart and you have access to a Catholic NaPro technology dr.
 
It’s a heck of a lot cheaper in the long run than $10-40.00 a month for BC pills, and $15.00 a bottle of vitamin B to combat the mood changes they bring.

My husband and I bought the Fertility book I mentioned above for about $16.00 on amazon.com and a basal body temp Themometer for about $10.00. I recommend the BD Basal Thermometer. It has a lighted display and beeps to let you know it’s working. Believe me when you are groggy and just waking up that helps a lot. 😉 Charting has become part of our morning routine, and takes only a couple minutes. It’s super easy.
 
NFP is great. I never thought I would say that. I fought these lovely women that you are speaking to you tooth and nail about it and they were right. It helped me to discover that I can ovulate normally, even though I was told that I couldn’t. I was ambivalent and so was my husband. Taking Charge of Your Fertility book is a great resource. (Ignore the part about barrier methods during the fertile phase advice). It is quite scientific. It helps a woman to become more aware of her reproductive health. It is fascinating
 
I started charting 5 months ago, and I have been married for about 3 and a half months, and I have to say that I hate NFP. I like the philosophy behind it, and I do think that it is positive for many couples…but for me, personally, I am extremely frustrated with it and probably will not use it forever. My cycle is one in which the middle phase (I don’t know all the #s you’re all using but I’m going to assume the “white baby” days are during cycle 3) is extremely long (2-3 weeks) and the amount of days that we CAN have sex in a given month is about 4. Now, my husband and I waited 2 and a half years to have sex, and now we are barely having it at all, and when we can, it’s planned and completely unspontaneous. I definitely think that it is negatively affecting our marriage, and whenever we discuss it, we get into a fight. He’s the only one in this marriage that wants to do it, and I don’t think it’s fair of him to push something on me that it doing such negative things to our marriage…
So, sorry to be a downer on here, but I wanted you to be able to see another side of NFP. I would definitely have your fiance start charting, and if her cycle is “normal,” I would say go for it…I just don’t think it’s right for me.
 
NY25E said:
I started charting 5 months ago, and I have been married for about 3 and a half months, and I have to say that I hate NFP. I like the philosophy behind it, and I do think that it is positive for many couples…but for me, personally, I am extremely frustrated with it and probably will not use it forever. My cycle is one in which the middle phase (I don’t know all the #s you’re all using but I’m going to assume the “white baby” days are during cycle 3) is extremely long (2-3 weeks) and the amount of days that we CAN have sex in a given month is about 4. Now, my husband and I waited 2 and a half years to have sex, and now we are barely having it at all, and when we can, it’s planned and completely unspontaneous. I definitely think that it is negatively affecting our marriage, and whenever we discuss it, we get into a fight. He’s the only one in this marriage that wants to do it, and I don’t think it’s fair of him to push something on me that it doing such negative things to our marriage…
So, sorry to be a downer on here, but I wanted you to be able to see another side of NFP. I would definitely have your fiance start charting, and if her cycle is “normal,” I would say go for it…I just don’t think it’s right for me.
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Are you using Creighton or Billings?

I found myself using too many white baby stickers when I started Creighton, but I had been using Symtpo-thermal for over a yr before Creighton. I would have to abstain a lot with Creighton, being why I like STM better. I know for sure when I ovulate with STM, creighton has too many what ifs. With STM I never had doubts of when I was in the fertile or infertile phase, but with creighton, I don’t like the fact that with the white baby stickers I don’t know if it’s pre peak or post peak… I haven’t started the yellow stickers, so I don’t know if it’d work better then for me.

So, all I’m saying is that maybe STM can be better for you to figure out your cycles. It sure has proved itself to me that way, being why I’m sticking to STM, the other one was just to find medical problems I had and to help me get pregnant. I’ve gotten pregnant once with STM and once with CrMs, both trying to conceive. And I avoided very well with STM, which would be really hard for me with CrMs.
 
I am using Creighton, and yeah, there does seem to be a lot of “what ifs.” I am REALLY not ready to have a baby yet (I’m still a full-time student in graduate school), so whenever I see some type of mucus, I chart it as a white baby day. I went to an NFP doctor on Monday, and I’m waiting to get my blood test results back. They think I may have low progesterone or something…

Today I’m even more frustrated than usual because it’s supposed to be my first green day after 3 weeks of white baby and green baby days, and when I checked a few hours ago, there was mucus there. It wasn’t clear or stretchy but it was kind of lubricative so I’m going to play it safe and not have sex tonight, even though we were really looking forward to it.

I have a question about this though - what is the “rule” about tomorrow night? Do I have to “chart it and count three” again now?
 
rick43235 said:
Since NFP can be used to space or limit your children, how is it not birth control?
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NFP is natural and you’re not using any chemicals or barriers to avoid. Birth control uses artificial methods to avoid a pregnancy and take God completely out of the marriage bed. NFP brings God into the marriage bed by saying that even if you get pregnant by avoiding, you accept the baby happily. With NFP you’re not closing the doors to a baby, even though NFP is even better than birth control when avoiding. Birth control can be abortifacient in nature, NFP is not.

I’m sure there are others who’d give you a better explanation than me, for example, kage_ar 😛
 
NY25E said:
I am using Creighton, and yeah, there does seem to be a lot of “what ifs.” I am REALLY not ready to have a baby yet (I’m still a full-time student in graduate school), so whenever I see some type of mucus, I chart it as a white baby day. I went to an NFP doctor on Monday, and I’m waiting to get my blood test results back. They think I may have low progesterone or something…

Today I’m even more frustrated than usual because it’s supposed to be my first green day after 3 weeks of white baby and green baby days, and when I checked a few hours ago, there was mucus there. It wasn’t clear or stretchy but it was kind of lubricative so I’m going to play it safe and not have sex tonight, even though we were really looking forward to it.

I have a question about this though - what is the “rule” about tomorrow night? Do I have to “chart it and count three” again now?
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This is why it’d be great if you learned another method. STM would have the temperature, internal check of mucus and cervical position. With those cross checking methods STM gives you, you wouldn’t be having these doubts.

I also have scattered mucus and mucus that begins well before I’m fertile, but it’s not fertile mucus. I was only able to figure this out with STM. You should give it a try. You can learn it by reading this site www.nfpandmore.com or you can learn it by buying the ccli book with their home study or by going to a class. I highly recommend it! www.ccli.org

Creighton is great because of the NaPro Tech, but it does have too many ifs if you have health issues that mess with your cervical mucus, like you and I do. Otherwise, it’s a great form of NFP.
 
NFP is indeed a form of birth control - insofar as by “control” you mean seeking to space children responsibly. Doing so is in no way condemned by the Church, and is, in fact, encouraged.

The Church condemns contraception, not “birth control.”
 
maendem said:
NFP is indeed a form of birth control - insofar as by “control” you mean seeking to space children responsibly. Doing so is in no way condemned by the Church, and is, in fact, encouraged.

The Church condemns contraception, not “birth control.”
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I’m not going to take the bait and change the subject of this discussion, if others want to discuss the ABC vs NFP, let’s start another thread. I don’t hink the OP came here to discuss this, he was asking for personal experiences from NFP users.
 
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