NFP and Traditional Catholicism

[Robert_Burns]

An honest question;

My wife is projectile vomiting thanks to the pregnancy (like four feet worth of distance) several times a day, has consistent headaches, and an upset stomach. Having sex would not be pleasant for her, and could result in her throwing up as we’re doing it.

If I’m going to sin, should she still accept my request for sexual intercourse?

Or should I suck it up, respect her, and exercise some self-control like before we were married?

I think you answered your own question when you said " If I’m going to sin" Would she be obligated to participate if the action by your admission is sinful?

 

[IntegraCatholic]

I disagree. No surpirse, huh?
Both spouses NEEDS are equal.

They aren’t because you are obliged by vow to render the debt but not to consider the other’s inconveniences, etc.

BTW. I’m very glad that you have dropped the use of the word “demand”

I haven’t; it is one of several appropriate words to refer to the marriage debt, though not the only one, and, in fact, is the most appropriate theologically speaking.

Melchior,

The exception proves the rule, and any moral act requires that the man who makes it use prudence, which is the mother of virtue. More light could be shed on this by considering the specific dicta of moral theologians, who address many more particulars than merely the principles already put forth. That doesn’t change the nature of the principles.

 

[Julianna]

It goes without saying, of course (we’re getting a refill on that tomorrow hopefully)

An extreme case, it is. But at what point is “within reason”?

• Say she isn’t pregnant, but still has vomiting and migraines. Is this within reason?If I was in this situation and my DH wanted some…(not that he would in this condition), I’d flat out tell him…you’ve got to be kidding me!
• Say it’s just migraines. Is this within reason?Migranes are real…may mother had them and would pass out at the drop of a hat. If I had one, too bad, so sad.
• Say it’s severe cramps. Is this within reason?I haven’t had severe cramps for the last 21 yrs. Amazing what a hysterectomy can do to alleviate that. However, when I did have severe cramps, the answer would be, no.

I suppose what I’m getting at is as men we’ve had to exercise self-control and respect towards women throughout our lives being single. I don’t think it’s appropriate to change that once you get married by demanding the “debt” be paid unless it is through mutual consent.Mutual consent is the best sex, period.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying if a woman isn’t receptive that a husband can’t try to ply the romance (apparently women like romance) to…scratch the itch. But there are times when a women says no, she means no and as men we should suck it up, exercise some self-control and fight our issues. A married couple made vows forsaking all others…that still holds true. My advice, it’s gets better after a woman turns 40…45 better and after 50…well…wow. Romance doesn’t hurt…my DH and I would take mini vacations alone when the kids were school-age and up through high school.

And under no circumstances should a man physically force himself upon a woman, wife or no, who says no and with no consent from her. I’m assuming everyone can be agreed on that one.

Totally agree with the last part. Women no longer have to lie back and think of England, or rearrange the furniture in her mind. Participation, (mutual) is better.

 

[Vico]

An honest question;

My wife is projectile vomiting thanks to the pregnancy (like four feet worth of distance) several times a day, has consistent headaches, and an upset stomach. Having sex would not be pleasant for her, and could result in her throwing up as we’re doing it.

If I’m going to sin, should she still accept my request for sexual intercourse?

Or should I suck it up, respect her, and exercise some self-control like before we were married?

Some things I learned over the years, some from monks and some from reading Gandhi, which help to control the sex drive. I have used all these methods.

1. Do not seek solitude.
2. Avoid anything that is sexually suggestive, through any sense modality.
3. Get exercise.
4. Do something creative, like writing, or playing a musical instrument.
5. Fast from animal products especially beef, pork, and milk.
6. Wear a loin cloth (thong).