NFP - how do you let spouse know it's a non fertile day

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Gliggle

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Hi,

My truly wonderful yet strangely sensitive husband doesn’t want to be involved in, or even discuss nfp charting to space our children, however, he’s happy for us to use it and just leave the responsibility to me. Do you have any ideas on how I can signal to him, maybe even romantically, what response he might expect each day should he desire to make advances… So to say 🙂 I was thinking maybe something like a tile with red and green side left on the table, and I could turn it to whatever side by a certain time each day. But then it occurred to me it could cause embarrassment if I forgot to turn it one day… I am quite forgetful. Anyone ever tried something like this? Or any other ideas you can suggest or have tried yourself?
 
I think a sign like that is fine, but you’re right that you have to remember. I’ve heard about flowers being moved to a certain place, too. (If you have children already, make sure they can’t get to it.)

I just keep the chart posted in the bathroom only we use. I would find it very difficult to do all the charting, all the interpreting, and be “the gatekeeper.” Since my husband can read it too, it gives us some more opportunity to discuss our family. After being with me for two labors and deliveries, he’s far from squicked out on chart details. 😉
 
I’ve heard of wearing a specific piece of jewelry to show it’s a non-fertile day. Only you and your husband would know what that piece of jewelry means so that makes it special.
 
I wait for him to make a suggestion. If it’s a non-fertile day, we roll with it. If it’s a fertile day, I say “we can do that if you’re ready for another kid”. 😃
 
pensmama87 said:
I just keep the chart posted in the bathroom only we use. I would find it very difficult to do all the charting, all the interpreting, and be “the gatekeeper.” Since my husband can read it too, it gives us some more opportunity to discuss our family. After being with me for two labors and deliveries, he’s far from squicked out on chart details. 😉
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When my wife and I taught NFP she would only half jokingly tell the class that I knew her chart better than she did. Neither of us play the “gatekeeper” role since we are generally talking about “avoid this month”, “try to get pregnant”, or “let the cards fall as they may” in the early part of her cycle each month. Since I’m aware of her cycles, sometimes “avoid” is renegotiated to “let the cards fall as they may”. Either of us may initiate the renegotiations. 😉

To the OP, I’ve thought of the same question multiple times in the past. We’ve talked about symbols and signs, but with 6 kids (and number 7 on the way) we’re both too tired to remember if a chocolate by the front door means something. :rolleyes: I’ve even drawn up plans for a couple electronic devices with a light that flips from red to green with a daily reset to the default (either ok or not okay). For my wife she didn’t like it because she wants us to discuss if we want a child and not leave it solely up to her. That really is how it should be.
 
Kit15 said:
I walk up to him and say “It’s a non-fertile day.”
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👍

I have never been married, but I don’t think I could be happy or even feel respected if I couldn’t even discuss my cycle with my husband. IMO there is something wonderfully romantic about sharing charting with a husband
 
Allegra said:
He usually asks and I tell him.
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That’s how it works for us, too. Though once, after a very painfully long period of abstinence (my first full cycle at 9 months post partum), I was able to pull off a “surprise” non-fertile day. He spent all day thinking it was another day of abstinence, and at the end of the day I surprised him by revealing that I’d had my ovulation day three days ago, and the three “good measure” days were over. It was very special. 🙂
 
Kit15 said:
I walk up to him and say “It’s a non-fertile day.”
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With a big smile, too 😃

I love the responses. Lordy, if I were married I’d totally make a big deal of those days, I’d practically throw confetti around.:D;)
 
GreyWings said:
With a big smile, too 😃

I love the responses. Lordy, if I were married I’d totally make a big deal of those days, I’d practically throw confetti around.:D;)
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Lol I know, but there’d be too much vacuuming 😉
 
kptrs said:
That’s how it works for us, too. Though once, after a very painfully long period of abstinence (my first full cycle at 9 months post partum), I was able to pull off a “surprise” non-fertile day. He spent all day thinking it was another day of abstinence, and at the end of the day I surprised him by revealing that I’d had my ovulation day three days ago, and the three “good measure” days were over. It was very special. 🙂
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I am postpartum and am finding it really tricky! I have always found it very simple in the past as my cycles are really regular. But I thought I’d still give it a go while breastfeeding. I’m using the billings method. :fingers crossed: :cool:
 
Anglewannabe said:
👍

I have never been married, but I don’t think I could be happy or even feel respected if I couldn’t even discuss my cycle with my husband. IMO there is something wonderfully romantic about sharing charting with a husband
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I was a bit disappointed, I’ll admit it 🙂 but he’s perfect in almost every other way, so can’t complain. 😃
 
Usige said:
When my wife and I taught NFP she would only half jokingly tell the class that I knew her chart better than she did. Neither of us play the “gatekeeper” role since we are generally talking about “avoid this month”, “try to get pregnant”, or “let the cards fall as they may” in the early part of her cycle each month. Since I’m aware of her cycles, sometimes “avoid” is renegotiated to “let the cards fall as they may”. Either of us may initiate the renegotiations. 😉

To the OP, I’ve thought of the same question multiple times in the past. We’ve talked about symbols and signs, but with 6 kids (and number 7 on the way) we’re both too tired to remember if a chocolate by the front door means something. :rolleyes: I’ve even drawn up plans for a couple electronic devices with a light that flips from red to green with a daily reset to the default (either ok or not okay). For my wife she didn’t like it because she wants us to discuss if we want a child and not leave it solely up to her. That really is how it should be.
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I love your idea, I’ve searched for an app that might do something similar so I update my phone and he only has to check his phone… But nothing out there that I could find.
 
jlc2k2 said:
I wait for him to make a suggestion. If it’s a non-fertile day, we roll with it. If it’s a fertile day, I say “we can do that if you’re ready for another kid”. 😃
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This has been our approach in the past! But it often felt awkward for us for some reason. So thought it was time for a change this time round.
 
kptrs said:
I’ve heard of wearing a specific piece of jewelry to show it’s a non-fertile day. Only you and your husband would know what that piece of jewelry means so that makes it special.
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That is a really good idea…

Thanks all, I have really enjoyed the feedback I received here and have some good ideas.
 
I know your hubby is the sensitive type but seriously, I’d just say to him "I know it’s squicky to talk about this, dear, but I just want to let you know that my chart is always in the top draw and on safe days I mark it with a green tick. Just sayin’ if you ever want to know the agenda and I’m not around "… If you look up and he’s got his fingers in is ears chanting la la la… perhaps you will have to be more creative. It’s only a small squeamy moment for him to look at the chart if he’s interested. Otherwise try putting a red lamp above your door and switch it on when ‘business is open’. No don’t do that.😊
 
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