Dr. Roetzer from Germany did a bunch of research back in the 50's which shows that women can calculate their pre-ovulation infertility based on their shortest cycle over the last year. It can be up to six days at the beginning of the cycle.
Also, when you consider that the average woman's luteal phase (post-ovulation) is about two weeks, and that only the first few days are fertile, you can have 6-10 days at the end of the cycle.
We use the Sympto-Thermal Method, and generally have 5 days (or more, if you use some of the more liberal rules) before the fertile phase, and 10 days after the fertile phase (out of a 30-31 day cycle).
For periodic abstinence, we try to keep in mind that God built this time into our life so that we can work on other parts of our relationship. I try to treat it like when we were dating, or to spend more family time with the kids. Some couples try to avoid each other during the time of abstinence, but that seems to tell your spouse that you're only interested in using them to satisfy an urge.Thanks - we only started NFP after I stopped breast feeding our third child, but I’m pretty cirtain that before that I have fallen pregnant twice through intercourse very soon after my period (I only know because my husband was then away until well after ovulation) . Since then my cycle has shortened, so it seems awfully risky !
I suppose we could risk getting together early in phase 1, but it just makes me so nervous.I know exactly how you feel my cycles are quicker but we are similarly careful so it’s only about one week in three and a half.I have about 7 days in phase 3. I have long cycles -up to 36 days - and since we use NFP conservatively (no phase 1 sex) we go about a month without sex each cycle.
The funny thing is, in RCIA they told us we’d only have to abstain 1 week out of every 4. The reality is the opposite! Or worse than the opposite, really, since for me it’s more like one safe week out of every 5.
Thank you - I have been researching this and it might help - not an expert yet though.
Same here. He’s always had significant problems with premature ejaculation, but after we started using NFP, more often than not it’s all over before it even starts! One time we only got as far as me putting my arm around him as I got into bed. I think it bothers him more than it bothers me. I feel kind of bad for him.
I can’t tell you what it means to know we are not alone with these problems… It was a bit of an issue when we first got married but was fine for ages - now it’s getting worse and worse…For most of the time the poor man tries despirately hard not to stray, he’s even affraid to wake up with an erection in case I think he may have been up to something and he’s affraid of me touching him in case he has an accident. Then when we can half the time we can only just make love because he’s either unable to achieve one or if he does he ejaculates imediately.
But the ‘time outs’ get easier the more you get used to it. We are discerning.I’m sure you don’t mean it this way, but your comment is insensitive. Obviously, the majority of us would love to just throw caution the wind… but the Church does teach that we need to be responsible in our reproductive life, and She gives us NFP as a tool for this purpose. That doesn’t mean it is easy, but it is right and good.
As someone in a very simian position I do really sympathise. With three young children you don’t expect it to be all unbridled passion anyway and to be honest I’m mostly too tired to be that concerned. But it is becoming increasingly difficult for my husband. Over the last few months on two occasions despite his best efforts he has ejaculated before he was able to enter me which he finds really upsetting and we have just given up for that cycle. We are considering just giving up for a few months so he can relax. So much for a monthly honeymoon !Prior to this pregnancy, I had 28 day cycles with a late ovulation- usually around day 20. This time around, we have very serious reasons to avoid, so we won’t be using phase 1 at all. I’m on my first pp cycle, but if things are the same this time around, that will only leave us about a week or less each cycle. Of course, I’m nursing twins, so my cycles are erratic, and we are abstaining a lot.
It is very difficult and my husband says it might just be better if we abstained completely for awhile. He says it hurts after a few days of not being together, but after awhile it doesn’t, and repeating that cycle for him is not pleasant.
We have been taking the time to work on our marriage and relationship with God in other ways. Smoothing out the wrinkles in our relationship really helps to make abstaining easier and more fruitful for us.
Tempting as it may sound inGods hands I will be pregnant within a month or two !
An alternative is using the fertile time to “desensitize”. It is really hard to suppress all sexual feelings during the fertile time and then all of a sudden flip the switch to allow arousal.
I really sympathis - I’m sure it’s well-meaning but I often think that all the talk about the wonders of NFP has more to do with stoping the drift to contraceptive use than real world experience ! The fact is for many of us it isn’t easy and maybe a bit more realism would be a good thing if only so couples know what to expect.We only have 1-2 safe days, I really hate NFP. I felt we were lied to by all the NFP and pre-marriage prep. I guess for them they had cycles that had more than 1-2 days that are safe. I hope someday to return to NFP when we can afford more kids. Until then I trust God understands
To be honest this might work for a few people but I think for most it would just lead to resentment and bitterness. To constantly tempt oneself like that but 95% of the time have to stop right before things go too far. I think for most people a few times of doing that would be fine but as a norm. Probably just make things worse.